


I'll Stay, and I'll Stay, and I'll Stay

by beanbeanbean (sociallyawkardbean), exquisitefrogprince, sociallyawkardbean



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Catatonia, Gen, Healing, Healing from trauma, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Slow Burn, Vague Masturbation, and they were ROOMMATES, brown eyed terra, eraqus was a good dad, idiots to lovers, terra curses out scrooge mcduck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2020-11-27 20:50:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 124,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20954717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sociallyawkardbean/pseuds/beanbeanbean, https://archiveofourown.org/users/exquisitefrogprince/pseuds/exquisitefrogprince, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sociallyawkardbean/pseuds/sociallyawkardbean
Summary: And they were roommates...Terra and Isa attempt to start new lives away from past traumas...together.





	1. And They Were Roommates...

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally an roleplay thread between myself (sociallyawakwardteen as Terra) and a friend (@boiwiththegfreebread on tumblr as Isa). We hope you enjoy!

It had been a spur of the moment decision. While everyone had been having their victory hangout at the beach, Terra and Isa had started talking. Just small talk at first, but then Isa mentioned not having a place to go next. It had been a quiet, probably not meant to be heard, comment, but Terra had heard it. He had taken the chance to offer them getting a place together. Yes, they were basically strangers, but he was sure they could get along and figure something out. Plus...going back to the Land of Departure felt wrong. After all the damage he'd caused... He didn't think he could walk through the courtyard past where Master Eraqus fell everyday.

Surprisingly, Isa had said yes to the offer, and through very short texts, both of them were new to these "gummiphones", they had managed to find and agree on a place. It was inexpensive, which had been the priority since neither of them had any form of money yet. Unfortunately, inexpensive also meant small and simple. They could manage.

Terra entered the apartment, carrying a bag with his personal belongings, which was mostly clothing. As expected, it had a small common room with a kitchenette. The furniture was plain but looked sturdy enough. Good, Terra liked simple. He saw another door to what he assumed was the bedroom. Wait, was there only one bedroom? It'd be fine. There was probably two smaller beds in there. It wouldn't be a problem. He sat on a chair and set his bag down beside him. He'd wait for Isa before putting his stuff away.

While this had been the most logical decision, and one Isa had agreed to long ago, he was already regretting it. Terra wasn't the easiest person for him to talk to in the _ first _ place and, while he'd been pleasantly surprised at how well they'd gotten along, how he'd expected himself to share a living space with the man was beyond his current emotional capability. Said capability was unstable, at best -- nowadays, anyway -- and he seemed to exist in a near permanent state of discomfort. The lingering threat of small talk, as well as actually moving in and discussing his life with his new roommate, had put him into a foul state.

Hence, his already bad mood when he arrived at their shared apartment, shoulders tense and squared, expression frozen into a faint scowl. Fortunately, there wasn't much to move in, since Isa didn't own much. He had a single bag, thrown over his shoulder, containing a few items of clothing and a laptop he'd managed to steal from Ienzo shortly after his recompletion. He looked haggard, hair thrown into a messy bun, and hadn't had the energy to deal with his contacts that morning, which left him in his half-rimmed wire glasses.

And… of course he wasn't the first to arrive. No, Isa wouldn't be that lucky, would he? So he could only let out a heavy breath before nodding an awkward greeting to Terra, adjusting his bag on his shoulder just a bit self consciously. "Hello," he muttered, not sure why exactly he felt so on guard, "I... trust everything is well with the place so far?"

Terra had heard the door open and instantly stood, an old habit from when he was younger and getting lessons from Master Eraqus. It was respectful to stand when someone entered the room. He blinked in surprise at Isa's appearance. It seemed Isa wasn't always as neat as he had been when they'd first met. That didn't matter anyways. It was likely that Terra would see Isa in more disheveled states since they were living together. He could instantly tell how tense Isa was. He supposed moving in with a virtual stranger would do that.

"I only just got here a few minutes ago," he said while smiling a little, "but it looks like so far so good to me. I haven't looked in the other room yet, though. I figured I'd wait for you since you're living here too."

"How... considerate," Isa replied, a bit gruff, pausing to look around the space a bit. He didn't miss how Terra had glanced over him when he'd entered and found himself shifting self-consciously. _ What the hell was wrong with him? _ Had his dignity fled entirely with the return of his heart? The more days went by, the more that seemed to be the case.

"Well... " He adjusted his bag and nodded towards the door, having not once met Terra's eyes or returned his polite smile. "Shall we, then?"

Terra could tell Isa was uncomfortable. Had he done something wrong already? He hoped not. Maybe Isa didn’t like being stared at? He looked towards the closed door to the bedroom. “Yeah,” he said, trying to sound more carefree than he felt. No use getting worried and tense just because Isa was tense. Two tense people together just made everything tense. He grabbed his bag, stepped to the door, and opened it. 

Isa's self-consciousness diminished just a bit, replaced by curiosity, as he moved forward and craned his neck to look into the bedroom. They were lucky to have found a place that was fully furnished, and relatively cheap, which was important since Isa's income was... significantly less than he'd like it to be. That said, he wasn't _ thrilled _ about the possibility of sharing a bedroom with someone else...

...And he became significantly less thrilled when he saw the glaring problem in the center of their new bedroom. "There's... only one bed," he growled, hand tightening on the strap of his bag in irritation. Of _ course _ there was only one bed -- things simply couldn't be easy, could they? "That's.... fuck. Less than _ ideal. _"

Truthfully, Terra liked the room. It may have been smaller than what he'd lived in in the past, but it was nice. During various training exercises, most of which were outdoors, he had gotten used to living with other people in a small space, including sleeping in the same bed. Though, he could understand why Isa felt tense about it. They weren't exactly friends yet. He smiled sheepishly at Isa. 

"We probably should have checked that specifically," he said while scratching the back of his head, "if you'd like, I'll sleep on the couch until we find a way to get another bed or something."

Isa's quarters in the Castle That Never Was had actually been quite nice -- not that he _ missed _ living there by any stretch of the imagination, but he was used to living in pristine conditions that he was able to tailor fit to his nature. This situation was decidedly not so.

At the suggestion that he take the bed, however, he bristled. Somehow the idea of accepting generosity while Terra slept on the couch was worse to him than sharing the space in the first place. "Don't be foolish," he retorted. "I don't require your charity -- and you're bigger, even if only a bit. I insist that you take the bed."

Of course, there was also the fact that Isa didn't... well, sleep. Not really, and not consistently. It would be foolish to claim an entire room for it.

Terra glanced at Isa. He should have expected that response or something similar. He would have countered had Isa offered him the room first. However, he was decidedly going to do whatever he could to make Isa comfortable, and the bed would almost certainly be more comfortable than the couch. Isa did have a point, though. The bed would be easier to sleep in. But that didn't matter. Terra had always been a generous and considerate person, or at least, he hoped he was.

"I wasn't trying to 'give you my charity'. I'm used to sleeping just about anywhere, so I figured I'd let you have the bed in case you weren't," he said. He kept back the fact that he sometimes had nightmares during which he'd summoned his keyblade and broken things. It'd be better if there weren't several items around him to break. But he didn't feel like he and Isa were close enough to say anything.

There was a brief thought of them sharing that Terra quickly dismissed. Isa looked uncomfortable enough already without having to sleep with someone he didn't know well.

The fact that Isa very much _ wasn't _ used to sleeping anywhere was not something that he felt the need to discuss. "It's quite alright," he muttered stiffly. "I don't mind. Please, I insist." Isa was the best person in the world at managing to sound both mildly angry _ and _ stuffily polite, a skill he put to use right at this very moment.

For some reason, Terra's genuine kindness was becoming incessantly annoying. He was too _ nice _ \-- Isa could hardly stand it. Especially when Isa wasn't being nice himself. What did that say about Isa as a person, exactly?

Terra knew that tone. The "I'm not going to do what you say but I'm not going to be rude about it" tone. He took a deep breath. He didn't want to argue over something so unimportant. Maybe now was the time to offer a compromise?

"We could always share," he said, "it seems like a big enough bed for two people." He scratched the back of his head nervously. Maybe he shouldn't have offered that since he was a sleep-summoner, but it was too late now.

Truthfully, Terra wasn't _ wrong, _ even if the proposition made Isa stiffen further. Hell, when was the last time he'd shared a bed...? A few flings during his organization days, when he hadn't quite managed to slip out on account of his own remnants of conscience...?

Still, it _ did _ make logical sense... and he didn't want to sound any more rigid or insufferable than he already had. "Very well," he agreed with more than a little reluctance that he tried very hard to keep from reaching his voice. "If... you don't mind, then neither do I."

A lie, of course. But he tried his best to pretend it wasn't.

Terra hadn't expected Isa to agree. At all. Whelp, he was in too deep now, time to commit to it. Though, he hoped it wouldn't become complicated. He remembered some things Aqua had told him he'd do in his sleep. Hopefully he'd outgrown them. He nodded. 

"I don't mind," he said while turning on the lights, "looks like only one dresser too. We can split it, especially since it doesn't look like either of us have a whole lot." He ended the sentence with a light chuckle. It was a smallish bedroom, with only a bed, dresser, and nightstand. There was a small closet space and a door to the bathroom. Other than that, it was empty. That was fine with Terra. Empty things were easier to fill with things you liked.

Well... at least the room was _ clean. _ Isa supposed there could be worse.

It wasn't like he much needed a _ home, _ anyway. Isa had never stayed anywhere in his life that had felt like "home." All he needed was a place to exist, and he'd be fine.

Or at least, that's what he told himself. "That's alright," he murmured, setting his bag down on the bed and tugging it open. "I don't require many material comforts..." He'd long since learned that sort of thing didn't bring any real comfort.

Terra put his bag on the bed and opened it. He had five pairs of the exact same outfit as he was wearing, a set of pajama pants, and not much else. Once he got a job, he was going to need new clothes. He didn’t exactly need clothing ideal for training or fights anymore… he hoped. He stared at a pair of his pants for a moment, remembering whose they had been originally until he’d gotten big enough to wear them himself. He pushed the thought aside. Now wasn’t the time for that. 

“I can understand that,” he said, starting to organize things loosely in his half of the set of drawers, “I never had a lot of my own. Spent too much time training.” 

Isa was neatly arranging little stacks of immaculately folded clothing, most of them borrowed from others who’d donated to him after he recompleted. Only a few of his belongings were actually _ his _, bought with the munny he’d gained from a few odd jobs and more gifts than he’d care to admit. 

In addition to his clothing and purloined computer, there were his soaps. The one luxury Isa afforded himself, and had, even when he was a Nobody. Calming scents did him good, after all, and this was one of the few things in his life Isa was actually able to consistently _ control _. So, in his opinion, he was allowed this one indulgence. 

“I have... in my life... had more than my share,” Isa murmured quietly in response, unsure why exactly he was sharing. “Believe me when I tell you that they’re not worth much, in the scheme of things. You’ve missed little.” 

Terra glanced at Isa. Something about how he said that seemed a little concerning, but he wouldn't pry too deep. "I don't know, it feels like I missed a lot. What felt like a short time, ended up being ten years. Suddenly, the two young boys I had run into by chance were the ones rescuing _ me _," he said while turning back to unpacking. He pulled out his small wood carving set. It'd been so long since he'd just taken the time to make something. He could use the stress relief the task provided.

"What sort of training did you have? I don't think I've ever seen you fight," he said, hoping to use the chance to learn more about Isa. It seemed like there was a lot to learn about it.

That was quite the loaded question, to say the least. Isa froze for a moment, clutching a shirt a bit too tightly in his hands, before managing to convince himself that Terra meant no harm. "Not... much," he answered honestly as he set the shirt to the side. "And all informal, I must confess. I was... shown how to do battle primarily by Xemnas, who wasn't exactly the easiest partner. I must admit, however, that a good deal of my own style was inspired by Ventus... though I don't move nearly as quick. I'm sure what I have is nothing compared to an actual keyblade wielder."

Terra looked at Isa as he spoke. He had a brief flash of some memory that wasn't very clear. It had what vaguely looked like Isa in it, eyes yellow. He was confused at first but pushed the thought aside. 

"Informal training can still go a long way, ya know. Plus, people without a keyblade can be stronger than a keyblade wielder if they work at it," he said before pausing, "wait, you saw Ventus fight? When? I didn't know you'd met Ventus before we all saw each other at the beach.

Isa let out a little hum as he stacked his short pile of clothes together and carried them to the dresser, politely claiming a few of the lowest drawers for himself. "Yes, only once, and briefly, though he made quite an impact... We were teenagers, in Radiant Garden. Lea challenged the boy to a fight and was subsequently humiliated. It was rather amusing, if I'm honest," Isa actually _ laughed, _ the smallest of chuckles, with a faint smile on his lips. "I'd never seen anyone fight like he did... I must say I was inspired."

Terra smiled himself and chuckled. "Ven's a good fighter, I trained with him for a few years. I feel bad for Lea. He probably didn't stand much of a chance. Ven has always had a bit of a unique style. I can see why it could have caught your attention," he said while folding a few totally not thrown in at the last minute items, "maybe you and I could spar once. I might be a little out of practice, though. It's been a while since I've done much training."

“Hmm... I...” Isa hesitated. He’d never sparred for fun. Every battle had either been intense training or a battle for his life. He wasn’t honestly certain if he _ could _ handle fighting without panicking, wondering if he was going to lose control...

He was unable to repress a small shudder before nodding. “Yes, um... certainly. Thought, I’ve had difficulty summoning my weapon since I’ve recompleted... It doesn’t much like to obey me any longer. But I _ have _ gotten a bit out of practice lately... and should something _ happen _ I should be ready...”

Terra noticed the sudden tenseness in Isa's body and the resulting shudder. He didn't understand why the suggestion of training had warranted that reaction. Training was relaxing to Terra, like stress relief. He'd grown up training to get strong or just to bond with his friends. It seemed like such a casual, calm thing to him. Something told him it had something to do with that Xemnas person Isa mentioned.

"We can wait until we're more settled. Not to mention we'd have to find an area we could actually spar without accidentally breaking something," he said, trying to keep his tone light, "I don't know about your weapon, but keyblades change with the heart. Maybe your weapon just hasn't caught up with you yet." 

He kept back any comments about all those what ifs. What if there was more fighting? What if the war wasn't over? What if something even bigger than Xehanort was coming? He tried not to think about it.

"Perhaps..." Isa murmured, shaking his head to pull his mind out of the dark place towards which it had been headed. That darkness didn't have any place with him, anymore -- he'd decided that long ago. His life was mundane, now -- if anything, it was _ boring. _ Exactly as Isa had always wanted it to be... right?

"Have you, ehm... seen much of the area?" He asked after a moment, trying to clumsily change the thread of the conversation away from things that hurt his newborn heart. "All things considered, we could have chosen a worse location... especially for the price." _ Yes, small talk -- a surefire way to make any conversation less awkward. _

Terra glanced out the window at the sunset city. It really was a beautiful place, but he hardly knew it. He hadn’t known this world existed until Isa had mentioned it while they had been looking for a place. It was a quiet, peaceful world, which was exactly what Terra wanted and probably needed. He’d only seen some of the city while trying to find the apartment. “No, I’ve never been to this world before now,” he said before glancing at Isa, “what about you? Maybe we could explore it together. After all, we need to know where things are, since we’ll be living here.” 

"That sounds reasonable," Isa agreed with a nod. "I've been here before, but only in passing... and I've never had time to enjoy it."

As he spoke, he was in the process of moving towards the closet to hang up his now empty messenger bag. As he did, however, he paused, and found himself murmuring something almost against his consent. "...Then again, I've never really had much time to enjoy anything. I'm not certain I even know how."

Terra had fairly good hearing, so no muttering went unnoticed around him. He had already been trying to remember what he had seen to make for an enjoyable time exploring the town, but once he heard Isa’s muttering, he became more determined. Those words were not going to leave Isa’s mouth again if Terra could help it. Which, now he could, since they lived in the same space. 

"Well, there is one place I recall seeing while looking for this place," he started, "there was a restaurant and ice cream stand down in what looked like a busy area. Perhaps we could get something to eat. I have some munny." He closed his now empty bag and dropped it on the floor beside the dresser.

“Well...” Isa hesitated, again, hand frozen on closing the closet door. He couldn’t think of any logical reason to refuse, however, and that led to a reluctant nod. There was also the case of his stomach, which had been empty since the day before, as well as the potential for _ ice cream _ \-- one of Isa’s few weaknesses. So, as much as the antisocial part of him wanted to refuse, he simply couldn’t. “...Alright. That sounds reasonable.” 

Yes, they should go out and scout the town if they were planning on living here... and it only made _ sense _ to get dinner together since they were sharing a place... and, for the moment, had limited funds. It all made sense, in theory at least... 

That’s all this outing was, right?

Terra turned to look at Isa with a smile. He was glad his idea had been well received. “We can leave in a few minutes if you need to do anything before we leave,” he said, trying to subtly give Isa a chance to put himself together. It was a bit obvious that he wasn’t fully himself at the moment. Not that he looked bad at the moment, but he figured Isa probably had a preference. Terra should probably also fix his own hair. It had gotten in a bit of a mess while he’d been looking for the apartment. Maybe he ought to change into something fresher too..

Isa honestly appreciated the offer, and paused before slowly nodding. He raised a hand self-consciously to his tied-back hair. “Yes, um... would it be alright with you if I took a shower first? I haven’t exactly... well, _ had _ a shower to use in more time than I’d like.” 

“Not at all,” Terra said, “I’ll try to figure this thing out, since, supposedly, it has a map.” He held up his gummiphone in a way that it was clearly not meant to be held. “Feel free to take all the time you need,” he said while stepping back into the living room. He’d wait till Isa was in the bathroom with the door closed before changing, to lessen the chance of either of them walking in on the other. 

"Thank you," Isa replied with a curt nod, moving to gather a change of clothes and the single towel he'd brought as well as his assortment of toiletries.

When he was in the small but thankfully clean bathroom, door carefully locked behind him, he set the objects down on the counter and began his usual routine of undressing and getting ready to bathe without looking in the mirror. He hadn't yet managed to do that -- not without shattering the mirror -- and he was a bit afraid to start _ now. _

He made it, though, even took his tangled hair down from its bun and stepped into the shower to cleanse himself. Honestly, it felt nice, the familiar scent of his shampoo as calming as always. Before he knew it, he'd lost himself beneath the spray of water.

Terra waited in the living room for a few minutes and tried to figure out his phone. It seemed to respond to any touch, so he needed to be careful not to hit the wrong thing. He did eventually find something on there called 'maps', and he tried to explore the area. There was a restaurant in the downtown area of the town, as well as a popular local ice cream shop. It didn't seem too far away from where they were either. So it would be a good walk, but not insanely long through unfamiliar streets. There also seemed to be many things in this downtown area, so maybe they'd just explore there for now.

After a few minutes had passed, Terra stood and walked into their room and went to his things. He, truthfully, didn't have a whole lot. He hadn't wanted to take anything that Aqua or Ventus might need. So, he was left with mostly the bare minimum and the things that were certainly his. So he decided he should at least change, which was the most he could do with Isa currently occupying the shower. He pulled his clothes off and dumped them in a corner of the room to be dealt with later, and he quickly got redressed in a fresh set of the same outfit.

Isa emerged some time later feeling much more like himself. It had been hard to comb his hair while avoiding the mirror, but he’d managed. It now hung freely down his back. It was wet, of course, but neatly combed and smelling nice. 

His clothes were clean as well -- that was good. And his contacts were _ in _. He’d also managed to put on a slightly more presentable outfit while allowing himself to be comfortable -- a loose tank and nicer leggings. 

He emerged from the bathroom with a contented sigh, ruffing a hand through his hair, and briefly cleaned up his belongings before addressing Terra. “Sorry if I took a while,” he said, voice more relaxed than it had been -- bless hot water and shampoo -- “I found myself relaxing a bit too much.” 

Terra had somewhat managed to fix his hair without seeing what he was doing, which he was not used to doing. Hopefully it didn't look like the mess he was afraid it did. He'd gone outside of the room to wait as to not risk Isa having forgotten something and then have an awkward altercation. It was his first day as a roommate, and he was _ not _ going to screw it up.

When Isa walked out, he stood from the couch and smiled. "You didn't. Don't worry. I think I figured out a good place to go since this is our first outing. It seems like the main area for local shops and attractions," he said. Isa looked a lot more relaxed. That was really good to see. Terra didn't know how to de-stress someone to save his life sometimes.

"Yes, that sounds alright..." Isa nodded and shook his hair out a bit more before he actually noticed Terra and blinked in slight surprise. "What... _ have _ you done to yourself?" He asked, tone slightly scolding. "You look as if you've run through a tornado. Here, if we're going to go out, you have to at least look presentable..."

He didn't even think as he moved over, still holding his own hair brush, and started to fix Terra's hair. After a moment, however, he caught himself and pulled back." Oh -- sorry, I should have... is this alright?"

Terra was a little startled by the sudden proximity and Isa fixing his hair. He stood still, actually used to someone claiming that his hair was a mess that it needed immediate fixing. It had usually been Aqua that fussed over his hair. He blinked in confusion when Isa backed away, then the words registered. 

"It's ok," he said quickly and chuckled, "my hair is usually a mess. I tried to fix it, but I guess I failed if you noticed. I don't mind a little help since I can't really see how it looks." He flashed Isa a friendly and reassuring smile.

Isa paused for a moment, looking up at the other, then hesitantly returned the smile with a faint one of his own. “Yes. Understood, and I can’t suppose I blame you.” He didn’t say that he was quite used to fixing his hair without being able to see it. “I’ll fix it, shortly... here...”

In a matter of moments, he’d managed to comb Terra’s hair back into its typical position. After he’d set his brush down, he’d realized there was a bit of hair still hanging down in front of his face, and instinctively brushed it behind his ear with his fingers before catching himself. “I... sorry,” he said quickly, “It’s... better now.” 

Terra had stayed still, and maybe subconsciously leaned down slightly, as Isa fixed his hair. It had been a long time since someone had really done this for him. He'd almost forgotten how relaxing it could feel. When Isa had stopped, he stood up straight and was about to thank Isa before he felt a gentle hand fixing the last rebellious hair. He was a little shocked but actually being touched, but he tried not to show it. Instead, he smiled.

"Thanks," he said, "ready to go then? There's a lot of town to explore before it gets dark." He had his munny in his pocket, which would hopefully be enough for this little escapade. If it wasn't enough for both of them, he'd do without. He wanted to have a good start with his new roommate.

"Yes, I suppose," Isa replied with a nod, tucking his hands into his pockets.

His… _ empty _ pockets. Part of him felt guilty, like he was taking advantage of the other man. Then again, Isa didn't exactly have any choice. He'd find a way to pay it back somehow, eventually.

"Lead the way, then," he said, backing up to let the other go ahead of him. "No time like the present.”


	2. Sigil

Terra lead the two of them out of the apartment and into the streets of Twilight Town. Already, he loved this place. Everywhere looked warm and inviting. The sunlight was warm but not harsh or hot. He remembered the way to the downtown area, it was just down the main street that they lived near. He walked alongside Isa, looking around contently. 

"This world really is nice," he said, "I'm glad you knew about it."

"Yes, it's rather quaint, isn't it?" Isa replied, glancing around their immediate area. "I've only seen it briefly, but I can see why so many people are drawn to it. It's... peaceful." Isa hadn't really  _ known _ peace... ever, not even before he lost his heart. Not of this sort.

It had him on edge. It felt, constantly, as if something was lying in wait to tear them apart. This kind of peace, it was simply too good to be true, and Isa was realizing more and more with every passing moment how his body was always tensed as if braced for an attack from behind.

Terra nodded and smiled. This town was truly peaceful. Calm weather, no major problems, heartless stayed in the woods. It was as if the world itself wanted you to relax along with it in an endless summer, regardless of what the actual season was. Relaxing hadn't been Terra's strong suit after everything that had happened, but he was willing to try. At the very least, he wasn't going to let shadows torment his mind now, when he was out enjoying an afternoon with hopefully a new friend.

He clapped his hand on Isa's shoulder. "Well, we could use a little peace, huh?" he said with a chuckle, looking at Isa.

Having  _ not at all _ been expecting to be touched, Isa jerked dramatically when Terra's hand found his shoulder and he let out a shout, instinctively pulling away from the touch. Wide-eyed, he stared back at Terra for a moment before his shocked, guarded expression turned into a glare instead, and he visibly bristled.

It was, of course, because he was embarrassed. But Terra didn't need to know that, and Isa wasn't going to tell him. "You should warn someone before you touch them," he growled, shoulders tensing somehow more than they already had been.

Terra was startled by Isa's reaction. Maybe he'd expected Isa to flinch or something but not jumping away and yelling like he'd burned him. He saw just how startled, if not scared, Isa had been by the touch. Guilt quickly settled in. He hadn't been trying to freak Isa out, it was meant to be a friendly touch. Guess Isa wasn't as used to that. The following glare didn't help the guilt.

"Sorry," he said, looking away from Isa's glare, "I didn't mean to startle you." Great, now Isa was both more tense and angry. It was just the first day. He should be more patient and try to understand Isa first before doing anything!

Terra's reaction caused Isa to feel  _ guilty, _ which caused him to become even more frustrated. Fuck, couldn't he do anything right? Was it too much to ask that he be able to act like a normal person for a few minutes of his life? No, he had to react to a friendly touch as if he'd been physically assaulted.

"No, I --" he muttered gruffly, trying to relax as much as he could. "It was an overreaction. Apologies. You... meant no harm."

Terra still felt bad, but he tried not to show it too much. This was just one little slip up that wouldn't be repeated. They could still have a good time together. 

"It's ok. I should have made sure you were ok with it first," he said sheepishly, "we're almost to the restaurant." He quickly tried to change topics. "It seems to be a pretty popular local place. I hope we can get in without having to wait long. Then again, there are only two of us," he said, because this was definitely a smooth transition in conversation.

Excellent.

Crowds.

It was hard to miss the crowd gathered outside of the restaurant, and, although in reality it was moderate, the sight nearly had Isa turning and running back to the apartment to happily starve in blissful solitude. He did, however, manage to restrain himself, all while wondering why it was exactly that he was so difficult to have fun with.

"Yes, I... I hope not," he grumbled. "And I truly hope this place is worth it..."

Terra wasn't particularly fond of crowds either, at least, not as much anymore. There was a time that he got excited every time there was a large group coming to visit the Land of Departure. But after all the fighting and hordes of enemies that could pop out of nowhere, crowds weren't as appealing. Hopefully it wouldn't be a problem.

"If so many people want to come, then it has to be good food," he reasoned while offering a hand towards Isa, "come on. Maybe if we do have to wait, we can explore a little bit nearby."

"That seems logical," Isa replied as he tucked his hands back into his pockets. It was unclear whether he didn't see Terra's offered hand or was simply ignoring it. "I suppose waiting isn't the end of the world... I've waited far longer for more important things."

He paused for a moment, and glanced inside, then looked towards Terra a bit nervously. "Would... you mind," he asked a bit hesitantly. "Speaking to the hostess for me? I've been told that I'm too 'mean' to strangers and I don't want to start a bad reputation in this town already."

There was also the fact he didn't mention. The fact that he was. . . well, a bit  _ heard of _ occasionally, and recognized by his scar. There was always the fear it would happen again.

Terra "subtly" made it look like he was just reaching back to fix his hair. Ok, so apparently offering had been a bad idea too. Got it. He glanced away from Isa for a moment. This was going to be an awkward time getting used to each other, wasn't it?

When Isa started speaking, Terra looked back at him. It was obvious that Isa was nervous, maybe crowds bothered him too. 

"Of course," he said, "I don't think you're mean though. Maybe just not used to it yet. I wouldn't worry about people here seeing you in a bad light." He tried to sound kind. He had been planning on talking to the hostess anyways, since Isa had already seemed so tense about being outside in general.

He led them both into the restaurant and put their names in for a seat. It sounded like it wasn't going to take long, thankfully

Isa bit his tongue, holding back a sharp retort he knew he'd regret. "Yes, well... you don't know me as well as I do," was the oh so clever response he managed to force out instead. He moved to stand stiffly beside the door, definitely  _ not _ using Terra's body as a shield against the crowd.

He was quiet, staring off into the distance, trying to pretend he wasn't actually  _ hyper aware _ of everything that was going on around him. "Thanks," he said suddenly, bluntly after a moment. "For... saying so. I'm aware I'm not always easy to get along with. That you're making such an effort is... impressive, to say the least."

Terra had moved back to where Isa was by the door once he'd finished talking to the hostess. He really hadn't expected Isa to say anything to him, much less thank him. He glanced at Isa and smiled slightly. 

"I'm not doing anything abnormal. You're friends with Ven, and we're gonna be living together. I hope to become your friend as well. So why wouldn't I make a so-called effort?" he said while casually leaning against the wall by the door.

Meanwhile, a young child, clearly too young to know better than to stare, had locked onto Isa as the most interesting thing in the room. His curious gaze lingered for a moment before he tugged on his mother's hand, which he was holding. 

It couldn't be heard over the noise of the restaurant, but he said something to his mother, pointing at Isa as he did. Then, at the end of what seemed to be a question, he let go of his mother's hand and made an 'X' with his fingers across his face. His mother looked confused for a moment before glancing at Isa. She looked away as quickly as she had looked towards him. Immediately, she grabbed her son's hands away from his face and started whispering in his ear, almost looking fearful.

Terra didn't notice.

It was hard for Isa  _ not _ to notice the boy's reaction to his presence. After all, this wasn't even close to his first experience with such a thing. He was occasionally recognized for his appearance, word and rumor having spread throughout the worlds of the seekers of darkness. And, even if someone wasn't privy to the rumor mill, there was always the possibility they'd stare at him simply for his scar. It was clearly... well,  _ intentional, _ after all, and a bit difficult to mistake.

It was difficult for Isa to hide -- his appearance, or the things he'd done. He knew very well how he was seen.

That didn't make it any easier, however, when the child and his mother looked to him with visible  _ fear _ in their eyes. He shifted, and ducked his head, trying to let his hair fall like a curtain past his face to at least  _ try _ to hide the awful sigil. He'd gone tense, and was unable to resist shooting a slight glare in the family's direction, despite knowing it to be entirely counterproductive. He hadn't even processed the last thing that Terra said, and very suddenly simply wanted to  _ leave. _

The mother grabbed her child to her closely as Isa glared at her. The action seemed to get a few other people's attention, turned to either the woman and child or Isa. Suddenly, the atmosphere of the waiting area seemed more tense.

Terra, oblivious to this particular thing, was confused that Isa hadn't replied. Had he said something wrong? He glanced at Isa, only to see him  _ far _ more tense than he was a second ago. Isa's hair was covering his face more, which probably wasn't a good sign. Was the crowd getting to him, and he wanted to hide from it? Somehow, that reminded Terra of Ventus timidly hiding from his first party with him and Aqua. Yet, he got the feeling that there was more to it than just nerves.

"You ok, Isa?" he asked, trying to subtly watch what Isa did.

Isa had started to hug himself, arms clenched tightly around his waist and nails digging into his palms almost hard enough to bleed. He'd started to get lost already in frustration and self-hatred, and jumped at the sound of Terra's voice. This had been the first time he wasn't, well, alone in this situation.

"Perfectly fine," he growled through gritted teeth, not particularly convincing. He was aware that his behavior wasn't exactly keeping him from looking threatening, but he was hurting. And the only emotion Isa knew how to display when he was hurt was anger. Anger was easy -- it was all he knew, really, in a way. "Don't -- think anything of it." The last thing he wanted was for Terra to actually  _ notice _ what was going on. That was a whole other situation he didn't yet have the patience or mental fortitude to delve into, and likely never would.

Terra faced Isa more, looking concerned. Everything about his body screamed that he was hurting. Not physically, but in his heart. What was going on that was upsetting him so much? He tried to read Isa's face for an indication of the source of the issue, but Isa was staring at the ground. So, he was avoiding looking at something. He saw something that had bothered him. That had to be it. Whether it was Terra himself or something else in the room was yet to be determined. He quickly scanned the room, trying to find something obvious. An old enemy, or someone that looked similar. Especially loud noises, things that sounded like fighting. Anything that would stand out as upsetting. But he found none.

What he did notice was several sets of eyes staring in their direction. It took him a moment to realize just how many people were looking at them… no, looking at Isa. Many of the expressions were tense, nervous, or entirely fearful, but a few of them looked irritated and on edge. Never a good sign.

Terra seemed to have locked eyes with the wrong person, because one particularly self-righteous looking person came towards them. Said man stopped in front of Isa, trying to stand tall and look intimidating, which he in no way accomplished. The guy seemed to completely ignore Terra's presence, which was a little irritating in its own way, but unimportant. What was this guy doing?

"What's wrong with you, freak," he said, clearly not one for self-preservation or manners, "what's wrong with your face?"

Though full of shame and ultimately  _ agreeing _ with the hurtful stranger's opinion, Isa simply wasn't one to shy away and take verbal accosting. The shame, sadness, and unbridled  _ guilt _ that the words provoked within him were simply far too much for Isa to process, and before he knew it they were manifesting as the one thing he  _ could. _

Thus, he visibly bristled at the man's words, that word running rampant through his head.  **Freak. Freak.** The recusant's sigil on his face seemed to burn, on fire as if it was the same day it had first been carved into his skin.

The faintest of angry growls bubbled up from his throat as he looked up at the stranger from beneath the curtain of hair he'd made for himself, and then he was standing to his full height -- easily over that of the person who'd approached him. 

"None of your concern," he snarled, in single angry breath, eyes narrowed and piercing. "But if you don't remove yourself from my presence immediately, I'd be happy to show you how very much  _ is _ wrong with me."

Clearly, this guy hadn't been expecting much resistance. He looked thoroughly intimidated by Isa's glare and blatant threat, but he seemed emboldened by the crowd, probably out of a sense that others would back him up. So he decided the best way to show how intimidated he was, was to turn the fear into anger. "Don't talk to me like that, freak!" he said while suddenly shoving Isa back by the shoulders.

Terra, up until that point, had been at a loss of what to do. He didn't know why this stranger seemed intent on insulting Isa, but he could tell it wasn't going to end well. Especially when the scar was mentioned. Something about that...seemed like a sensitive topic. 

But then the stranger pushed Isa. Suddenly, Terra found his mindset switching to that of the one he had had when he saw Master Eraqus raising his keyblade towards Ventus. Not quite as strong, but he felt protective and angry nonetheless. He instantly got himself between Isa and the stranger.

"Quit it," he said, clearly angry, "we were doing nothing to you. Leave us alone." He stared hard and cold at the guy.

The man was somehow even more freaked out. Who wouldn't be when you had two tall, strong looking men glaring at you? "You've got to be joking!" the guy said angrily, "Why are you defending that....that...monster!" With that he swung his fist. It wasn't clear if he was aiming for Terra or going to try to get around Terra and hit Isa. Either way, Terra grabbed his wrist tightly, glare only intensifying.

"You have no right to say that," he said darkly.

Isa's first instinct when the man had grown physical with him was to freeze. There was, perhaps, some part of him that was ashamed. But since Isa had recompleted, he hadn't been able to fight, both as a result of a disconnect from his powers as well as a deep, dark fear that he'd never admitted aloud. Simply put, he was afraid he'd hurt someone, afraid of losing control

So, even though he could have torn this pathetic creature to ribbons without much effort at all, he bit his tongue and resolved himself to take whatever the idiot threw at him without dignifying the bullying with a response. That was all he was  _ able _ to do, after all.

But... it hadn't been necessary. Terra had  _ intervened. _ Had defended him. Isa... couldn't remember the last time that someone had defended him. The expression on his face, behind Terra's back, was abnormally wide-eyed and open, soft in a way that it never usually was. There was an odd lurch in his chest, something warm, sentimental, and, to Isa, entirely terrifying. He was stunned, briefly, and didn't know how to react, except to look towards the other with more than a little awe, respect, and admiration.

Then he'd heard that word.  _ Monster.  _ And Terra had defended him again. All of a sudden, those new, confusing feelings were gone, replaced by an affronted and confused, boiling anger that was far easier for Isa to deal with. 

"He has a perfect right," he growled bitterly, reaching out to grab the other man's shoulder. "Don't pretend you actually  _ know _ me. Now let the idiot go, he isn't worth the effort -- and I  _ don't _ need your protection."

Terra almost shrugged Isa's hand away, feeling more and more angry with every second he looked at this jerk's face, but he didn't. Instead, he tightened his grip for a moment. "He doesn't get to say that to  _ anybody _ ," he seethed for a moment in the guy's face before releasing him. The guy took this as his opening to get the hell out of there, which was probably the best for his health.

After glaring the guy off, Terra turned back to Isa. "I wasn't going to let that guy get away with treating you like that. I'm sure you could have handled it yourself, or whatever excuse you want to throw out. But I was  _ not _ going to just stand and watch," he said firmly, trying not to glare at Isa, but he was too angry for his look to come across any other way.

"Such a knight in shining armor," Isa retorted sarcastically, expression frozen in a scowl. "Do you consider yourself that much of a  _ hero _ ? Or do you think you've got something to prove? Damn keyblade wielders -- you're all like. Forcing yourselves into situations in which you simply just don't belong. Well, I hope you dressed warmly for your trip to the moral high-ground."

Deep inside, Isa's heart was aching, and he knew he was being unfair. He shouldn't be taking his anger out on Terra... in fact, a large part of him wanted to thank the man. But that part was simply too immature, distant and small to be able to compete with the much larger part of him that was hurt, insulted, and wanted nothing more than to  _ leave. _

In fact...

With a snort, shoulders tensed and hunched, he moved to push past Terra while pointedly ignoring the staring crowd. "I've tired of attracting attention, and dealing with your incessant meddling. Enjoy your dinner." He started to walk away, back towards the apartment, and didn't look back, trying to ignore the wrenching feeling in his chest.

Isa had always been a monster -- always been alone. Why had thought, for just a moment, that he deserved anything different?

There were many things Terra wanted to say back to Isa.  _ What's your problem? _ for starters, followed closely by  _ I was trying to help, but I'll remember not to next time. _ He didn't like getting angry, but it was impossible not to at this. Not only was Isa angry at him, Isa was angry at him for  _ doing the right thing _ and  _ helping him _ . Like any decent person should do. In the back of his mind, he made a note of how adamantly Isa seemed to reject help as a concern. But the rest of his mind was far too angry to even attempt to calm down and be concerned.

Once Isa left, Terra became aware of all the eyes turning onto  _ him _ . He hadn't noticed all the stares before, but now that he was tense and angry, every set of eyes seemed to bore into him. He scowled to himself. It wouldn't be a pleasant dinner if he stayed, with all these eyes on him and after what had happened. He didn't feel that hungry anymore anyways.

He left the restaurant and hopefully would be free from further embarrassment and anger. Terra needed time to clear his head before he could even risk running into Isa again. Based on how uncomfortable Isa had looked in public in general, he guessed Isa had gone back to the apartment. Meaning Terra was going to go just about anywhere else he could on this world and calm down. Even if it took hours.

And it did.


	3. The Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit longer. Hope you enjoy!

Isa was extremely thankful that he'd managed to hold the tears off until he was quite some distance from the restaurant. ** **   
** **

He was walking so fast it was almost a jog, gaze fixed intently on the ground, vision blurred with wetness that he wasn't sure came from pain, sadness, or anger. Perhaps all three. Either way, it was far too much, and Isa wanted nothing more than to escape it. ** **   
** **

But he should have learned long ago that there was no way to escape himself. ** **   
** **

His hands were shaking, and he'd nearly entered a bout of catatonia he hadn't had since the days after he recompleted. Forcefully, the thoughts that were causing his trouble had been shoved from his mind, leaving him feeling hollow and somehow  _ worse. _ He didn't realize when he'd started wandering with no meaning and gotten himself completely lost. ** **   
** **

Eventually, he did notice, when his temper finally wound down, and had to find his way back to the apartment. This, of course, took a great deal of time and pain, and when he finally managed to get inside and slam the door behind him he  _ screamed, _ and slammed a hand into the wooden doorframe. Had he been using his full strength, the thing would have shattered -- as it was, it let out a protesting creak, and splintered enough to gash a cut in Isa's hand which, while small, started to bleed profusely. ** **   
** **

Eventually, he stumbled into the bathroom to wrap the grizzly wound, coherent enough that he knew he couldn't leave a trail of red, and made the mistake of looking in the mirror. ** **   
** **

HIs eyes were swollen and red with tears, expression frozen in a snarl, yet somehow  _ pitiful. _ Then there was that hideous mark -- always there, taunting him, marking him as a  _ tool. _ ** **   
** **

A freak. A monster. As the man had said. ** **   
** **

Forgetting to bandage his wound and splattering a trail across the pristine counter, Isa nearly shattered the mirror, barely managing to catch himself right before his fist hit the glass. Hand shaking, he let out an anguished sob and squeezed his eyes closed. ** **   
** **

_ Why? Why can't I just get away? Why do I have to keep proving them right? _ ** **   
** **

Once he'd nearly hyperventilated, he finally managed to calm down enough for one clear thought to make its way through his mind.  _ I can't do this. I'm not strong enough. I never will be, I never should have tried. _ ** **   
** **

Then he was swiftly wrapping a washcloth around his hand as a poor bandage, throwing open the closet door with a crash, and starting to repack his meager belongings. ** **   
** **

It had taken a long time for Terra to calm down. When he had been training at the Land of Departure, he'd often take his frustrations out through training. Beating up dummies with his wooden sword. But there was no real way to do that here. Somehow, he found his way to the forest just outside the town. It was quiet, away from people, and a few heartless roamed about.  ** **   
** **

It was perfect. He spent time defeating heartless and soon had the forest more to himself. Fighting tired him out enough that he didn't have enough energy to remain furious, so it settled into a low annoyance. ** **   
** **

Now with his mind a little more clear, Terra tried to think over what had happened. Every way he looked at it, he hadn't done anything wrong. He had just been trying to defend Isa from some jerk that had no idea what he was talking about! Through this, he thought about what Isa had said.  _ Don't act like you know me. _ He supposed he didn't know Isa that well, but that didn't mean Isa deserved to be called such horrible things! Maybe Terra had messed with his ego. That still didn't warrant such an angry and cruel response! ** **   
** **

Maybe Terra was a hero type and messed in things he shouldn't. But he had only ever met one person he'd consider a monster, and he had helped kill him. ** **   
** **

It was a long time before Terra came back to the apartment. Part of him hoped Isa wasn't there, just so they didn't either argue or awkwardly stare at each other. But the other part wished Isa  _ was _ here so they could sort this out. Great first day this was shaping up to be. He entered the apartment and didn't see Isa in the main area, not noticing the slight crack in the doorframe. He walked into their bedroom only to find… Isa, clearly emotional, with a rag over his hand, and packing his things. ** **   
** **

"What are you doing?" he asked, completely dumbfounded. ** **   
** **

Having been lost in thought and focusing on trying not to get blood all over the few articles of clothing he owned, Isa hadn't heard Terra enter the apartment. At the sound of his voice, he stilled, hands shaking and tightening on the objects in his hands, threatening to tear them to ribbons. It wouldn't have been the first time -- there was more than one reason why Isa didn't own much, after all. ** **   
** **

He had to resist the urge to turn around and glare, unwilling to reveal the tears still streaming down his cheeks. Instead, he turned his head further away, and tried to fill his voice with as much venom as possible so as not to betray his emotion. The last thing he wanted was for Terra to know how much he'd actually been affected. ** **   
** **

"I'm leaving," he hissed. "I should have known better than to try to take up residence in such a simple town, with such a simple person. This has never been my place in life, and never will. I was foolish to believe for even a moment that I would be able to actually --" He was unable to keep from choking just the slightest on his words, and had to cut himself off to hold back a sob.  _ To actually find a home. _ ** **   
** **

Terra was by no means a professional when it came to comforting others. But he was empathic enough to tell when someone was hurting. Not to mention it was obvious. The facing away. The harsh deflecting tone. The need to stop a sentence before it finished. ** **   
** **

He remained in the doorway, both to give Isa space and because of that word. Leaving. The last time he'd left something resembling a home… he'd ended up destroying it and himself. Even if it had only been the first day, he had wanted to stay here. He had wanted to try and find somewhere he could feel safe without the lingering shadows of his past. He thought this new world, void of unpleasant memories, would have been perfect. More than perfect. And even if he hadn't known Isa well, he didn't want to be alone. He'd never lived alone. Whether he just had Eraqus which grew to Aqua and then to Ven. He always had someone around. He wasn't used to being alone. He couldn’t be alone.  ** **   
** **

However, lingering shadows of anger stirred at Isa's response. "Really?" he said a little sarcastically, "a bad first day, and you're ready to bail. You do realize it takes more than a few hours to actually be used to a place, right? How do you know if you should have 'known better' unless you take an actual amount of time to find out." ** **   
** **

"And what, pray tell, do you think would happen should I take this time of which you speak?" Isa growled back, tossing the item he'd been holding into his bag with little consideration for the state in which it ended up. The tears were starting to come harder, and it was only a matter of time until the other man noticed exactly how broken he was -- Isa had no clue that Terra already had an idea of what he was doing. ** **   
** **

Isa didn't want Terra pestering him, throwing logic in his face or calling out feelings he already knew to be foolish. He'd never wanted someone else involved in the messy disaster that was his own mind, and so he would now do whatever it took to keep Terra from becoming so. Including, of course, lashing out, which was easy already for Isa to do. ** **   
** **

"I will tell you. If I take time and attempt to settle, I will only succeed in drawing further attention to myself and, subsequently, you. I will be forced to either act as a hermit, or put this face of mine daily towards townsfolk who will react exactly as those today have done. They will hate me, and I will hate them. And, eventually, I will break -- I will hurt someone, and prove that I am in fact the  _ monster _ they accuse me of being." ** **   
** **

Isa hadn't noticed he'd started rambling, words starting to spill from his lips against his will. "It is far worse to exist within a society while aware that one can never belong than to simply never attempt to integrate to begin with. I may be able to 'get used to this place,' but I doubt it will ever get used to me. I refuse to disrupt the peace of this world, or of your life with my presence -- exactly as I refuse to accept the help of an idiotic wanna-be hero who has  _ no idea _ what he's talking about." ** **   
** **

"Or," Terra started, shutting his eyes to try and maintain control of his emotions. He didn't miss the insult. He wasn't just some guy with a hero complex to "save" Isa. It was obvious that Isa was hurting. That he needed  _ help _ . He could hear the cracks in Isa's voice, the subtle shaking of his hands. Terra was by no means an expert, but someone needed to stay. Isa shouldn't be alone like he described. ** **   
** **

"By staying, you'll gain attention for a time, just like I will, for being new and unfamiliar. It will take time, but people will recognize you as part of the community. Sure, there will still be jerks like the guy today, but there won't be many. People here are peaceful and calm. Two new, tough looking guys will make them nervous at first until they realize we aren't going to cause any harm," he said calmly but with an edge of irritability. ** **   
** **

"But, if you do leave and choose to live completely alone, then you will always stay that way. You will always be silent and alone with nothing and no one. Is that what you want? To never hear another voice? Just because you're scared of lashing out? No one is going to hate you for having emotions and not always having perfect control of them. You are human. You deserve your own peaceful life wherever you wish to have it." ** **   
** **

Maybe it was hypocritical. Terra couldn't relax and find peace here either. Not because he felt he'd destroy it himself, not completely at least, but because he feared someone else would come and take it from him again. All it took was one person to destroy his life. He wanted a chance to have one again, more than anything. He wasn't going to let one foul start deter him. ** **   
** **

"One day bad and you already want to leave," he muttered, "do you not want to have a home? Some place you belong? Even if you have to work for it?" ** **   
** **

The words hurt more than Isa could, or ever would, express. Terra was right, of course, about most everything he said -- except, of course, for perhaps the statement that Isa actually deserved peace. How could someone who'd caused such chaos  _ possibly _ deserve peace? Isa didn't think he was even capable of it. The closest he'd come in his entire life was a sort of numb detachment that left him feeling hollow and worse than the pain and anger ever had. ** **   
** **

He'd long since stopped his attempts to pack, hands clenched tightly and blood starting to seep through the washcloth around his wound. If no one was going to hate Isa for having emotions he wasn't able to control . . . then why did he harbor so much hatred for  _ himself? _ ** **   
** **

"No," he growled back, voice low and incredibly dangerous. He turned finally to glare at Terra, eyes cold, narrowed and piercing -- but still dripping tears he forgot about trying to hide. "No. Maybe I don't. Maybe I don't  _ want _ to ever hear another voice -- not if it's as grating and insufferable as those I've been exposed to recently. Maybe I don't want a home -- or to belong. Those people don't hate me because I'm  _ tough looking, _ Terra -- they hate me because they see what I am. It's time you did the same, and leave me alone before I inevitably fuck up and show you." ** **   
** **

Terra had known Isa was emotional. It has been obvious. But seeing tears pouring down his face made it much more real and potent. Something in the back of his mind told him this was distinctly  _ wrong _ , that Isa  _ never _ behaved like this. Much less cried. ** **   
** **

He grit his teeth and clenched a fist for a moment before meeting Isa's stare with equal intensity. But he wasn't angry. He had made a decision and was about to stubbornly stick to it. Regardless of what the other thought on the matter. ** **   
** **

"No," he said sternly while taking a step forward, "I'm not going anywhere, and, frankly, I don't think you are either. Just because one dick hurts you doesn't mean everyone in a place hates you. And you can't just run away from any pain or rejection. Because eventually you're gonna run out of places to go and no one to help you. So you're going to stick it out and  _ try _ for once." Maybe it was a bit demanding. Maybe it wasn't his place. But he wasn't going to let this happen. It was inevitable that Isa would destroy himself if he maintained this course. And that  _ wasn't _ going to happen. Not if Terra had any say. ** **   
** **

"Now," he said while finally getting close enough to grab the wrist that the bloody rag was on, "you're going to let me take care of this." ** **   
** **

Despite the words gathering easily on Isa's tongue, insisting that he didn't care if he ran out of people to help him because he didn't want help in the first place, he was simply too stunned for a moment to say anything. He'd wanted Terra to back off -- he'd  _ expected _ Terra to back off -- he'd scared people away from him by saying  _ less, _ after all. Instead, Terra had come after him, slapping him with knowledge of what he'd already know to be true, and refused to let him stay in his self-created world of darkness and pain. ** **   
** **

So why was he insisting on helping, invading Isa's little world and refusing to let him wallow in his infamous self-loathing? ** **   
** **

"No, I can take care of it myself --" he bit out, pulling his hand away with a bit of a startled jerk. His words, however, lacked quite the same fire from before, as he cradled his hand to his chest. "Why -- why are you doing this?" He asked through gritted teeth. "And what gives you the right to think you can tell me what to do?" ** **   
** **

Terra did not look impressed by Isa's insistence that he could care for himself. So far, evidence pointed elsewhere. He'd seen self destructive behaviors before. Either in himself or others. He knew it when he saw it. And he was sick of seeing it. ** **   
** **

"Maybe I don't have a right," he said while looking Isa square in the eyes, "but I'm not going to let someone else destroy themselves through sheer stubbornness. So, I'm going to help. I don't care if that makes me annoying, or a hero type, or any other negative word you want to put on it. I am  _ going _ to help." ** **   
** **

He stepped back slightly but was clearly between Isa and the door, instead leaving enough room for Isa to go towards the bathroom. "Starting with fixing whatever the hell you did to your hand," he said. ** **   
** **

It was probably a good thing that Terra had moved away from Isa on his own, or else Isa would have made him. As it was, he'd willingly given space when Isa had asked for it. . . yet, he was still making an effort to help. ** **   
** **

And. . . well. . . that had shaken him so much -- it was a luxury he was  _ never _ afforded -- that his anger seemed to drain from his body quite rapidly, leaving Isa feeling hollow and exhausted. ** **   
** **

He stood for a minute, shoulders suddenly dropping, and looked incredibly defeated, face tear-stained and suddenly looking far older than he was. He grit his teeth, and avoided Terra's gaze. . . ** **   
** **

But he made his way to the bathroom. ** **   
** **

When two stubborn wills clash, inevitably, one will have to bend to the other, even if by a small amount, lest they break each other. This time, Terra's stubborn determination won. He was still irritated and tense, but he was also a small bit satisfied. At least this didn't have to get more complicated and strained than it already was. Because he wasn't going to back down. Not until he helped Isa at least the minimum amount of checking his bleeding hand. ** **   
** **

He waited till Isa had entered the bathroom before following, quickly grabbing a small first aid kit from his things. Woodworking could cause all sorts of injuries, so he kept the two items together usually. He tried not to corner Isa in the room, but that was hard to do in the somewhat small bathroom. ** **   
** **

He set the first aid kit on the counter and held out his hand for Isa's. "Come on, lets see it," he said, stern but not harsh. ** **   
** **

Isa had actually cornered  _ himself, _ huddling like a threatened animal in the corner farthest from the mirror as possible. He was already so raw and on edge that catching a glimpse of his scar might just break him. . . and he knew that. ** **   
** **

"It's only a scratch, you don't have to act like a scared mother," he grumbled, removing the blood-stained rag to reveal the gash running along the side of his hand under the pinky. It wasn't deep, but hand wounds bled a great deal, and it certainly wasn't  _ small. _ "You should be more concerned about the wall." ** **   
** **

Terra noticed a few blood drops on the counter. He'd clean it later. He grabbed the necessary supplies to help Isa and set to work. He ignored the "scared mother" comment. ** **   
** **

"What? Did you punch the wall or something?" he paused, realizing that must have been the case, "You do realize that there's a whole forest full of heartless to fight to your heart’s content, right? And you don't need to resort to property damage in a place we're renting?" It was more than a little sarcastic, but he didn't really care. He had Isa rooted still while he cleaned and bandaged the cut, and so he was going to say whatever he wanted for a second. ** **   
** **

He shook his head briefly. "Why didn't you take care of your hand yourself?" he asked, glancing at Isa before keeping his eyes on what he was doing. ** **   
** **

"Specifically, I punched the door frame and cut my hand on a nail," Isa grumbled in response while glaring intently at a hand towel as if it had done him a personal offense. "Whatever damage was done, I'll fix it -- or pay for it. It isn't a big deal, I've done worse. . . " He was thankful now he'd caught himself before he'd smashed the mirror. ** **   
** **

At the question, he hesitated, and licked his lips while actively avoiding the other man's gaze. ". . . I . . . didn't have time. I wanted to be gone before you got here, to avoid this very situation." ** **   
** **

Terra made a mental note to check the doorframe later, fixing it if necessary. ** **   
** **

Oh yes, a convincing response to his second question. He finished wrapping the cut and locked eyes with Isa. ** **   
** **

"I was gone for at  _ least _ two hours. Try again," he said, "since we're going to be living together, it'd be nice if we could be honest with each other. And forthcoming, if it doesn't inconvenience you." ** **   
** **

"I . . . didn't come home immediately," Isa muttered in response, immediately cutting his eyes away. He was shocked, actually, that it had been that long. How long exactly had he remained lost in the fog of his mind? ** **   
** **

"And I wasn't. . .  _ present _ . . . for some time . . . " He refused to go into detail. Isa's catatonia had only ever been discussed with one other person, and he hadn't had a choice in that matter. He wasn't about to spread the information to another. "Then I came in here and. . . I tried, for a moment. . . but I couldn't focus. . . and I . . . had to leave." ** **   
** **

That wording struck Terra as odd and...carefully chosen. There was obviously more to it, but he got the impression that pressing would likely only end poorly. He wasn't looking to make the current situation any worse. So he made a note of it but didn't say anything about it. ** **   
** **

He sighed and looked away from Isa, scratching the back of his head. "I don't see why you think the only solution is going somewhere else. I thought you wanted to come live here. I just don't get it. Don't you  _ want _ someplace to return to even if you don't feel like you deserve it?" he asked, sounding sad by the end. ** **   
** **

The question honestly caught Isa a bit off guard, and he shuffled for a moment, arms crossed across his chest. ** **   
** **

"I don't know," he murmured eventually, voice abnormally soft and distant. "I really do not know. I think . . . I do, to be perfectly honest. But I don't know if I'm  _ capable _ of it, all talk of deserving it aside." ** **   
** **

He paused for a moment, then let out a bitter laugh. ". . . You're right. As much as I hate to admit that, you are. I don't even know where I would have gone. . . I've always just wandered, without direction or purpose. The opposite of everything I want to be. But it's ever so hard to find purpose or place when you're not even supposed to be alive." ** **   
** **

Terra looked at Isa with a mix of emotions. There was concern, obviously, but also a bit of curiosity. This was his chance to learn a little more about Isa. But he had to be careful. He didn't want to press too far too quickly and get shut out completely. He sighed. ** **   
** **

"How do you know if you're 'capable' of it if you keep leaving before learning about where you are?" he asked before shaking his head, "nevermind that stuff. Why not try to find something here? Something you want. Something you find meaning in." ** **   
** **

He held off commenting about the "not supposed to be alive" bit. It concerned him, but he knew asking instantly wouldn't end well. Though, he could almost understand. ** **   
** **

"That's . . . easier said than done," Isa replied with an awkward shuffle of his feet. "But I've nowhere to go, and it doesn't appear that you're giving me much of a choice." ** **   
** **

He was tired, sad, and still a bit angry, but there was now a new emotion there as well. Some sort of odd, almost pleasant feeling he wasn't sure he liked. Terra's concern for his well being was incredibly unusual, and Isa simply didn't know how to process it. ** **   
** **

So, overcome with curiosity, he licked his lips and raised hollow eyes to finally meet Terra's own before asking "Why are you doing this?” ** **   
** **

Terra should have expected the question. It was inevitable for Isa to ask it genuinely. Part of him didn't want to admit his own haunting loneliness and lack of place for him to return to. He looked away from Isa's stare. ** **   
** **

"Probably for selfish reasons," he said, "I can't stand the quiet of not having anyone around. Too many… endless and upsetting memories." ** **   
** **

He was too tired and maybe too self conscious to go in further detail for now. But if he was going to expect sharing from Isa… he was going to have to say it all eventually. ** **   
** **

Isa blinked and looked up in slight surprise, finally starting to relax from his breakdown  _ just _ a bit. He didn't know the details of Terra's past, of course, beyond those that had affected him directly and what he'd heard vague tell of. ** **   
** **

The other man seemed so much more well adjusted than Isa, it was difficult to believe that he dealt with the same problems. ** **   
** **

"That, at least, I can understand," he replied quietly. "Though why I both loathe isolation and run to it is beyond my understanding." he let out a heavy sigh and allowed his eyes to drift shut, leaning back on the wall. A moment later he surprised himself by letting out a sudden, barking laugh. What he said next also surprised him. "We're interesting, aren't we? Perhaps. . . Perhaps it's better if we're not alone.” ** **   
** **

Terra had tensed after speaking, suddenly worried about the response he would get. The shock made sense. Normally, he forced all thoughts about what bothered him out of his mind and pretended everything was ok, even if it wasn't. He'd mostly figured out how to appear completely unbothered by the living hell he'd endured. But he was going to be honest with Isa, even if it meant admitting things he may not have told Aqua or Ven. ** **   
** **

He relaxed as Isa did, glad that something had worked to defuse the situation. He nodded at the statement. Terra was running from Aqua and Ven after all, but he hadn't wanted to be  _ alone _ . ** **   
** **

The laugh jolted his attention. He stared at Isa for a moment, surprised. "Probably is, I'd prefer it anyways, to not be alone," he admitted after a moment. ** **   
** **

He thought for a second. He'd successfully convinced Isa to stay and hopefully set them up to become friends. Something told him this would be a long process, but he was willing. There needed to be something to sort of finish the night better. ** **   
** **

"Hey, you hungry? I can go grab something and bring it back here," he said, as if they had not tried to get food earlier. ** **   
** **

Isa wasn't sure, honestly, whether he preferred to be alone or not. That was honestly a question that was going to plague him until he figured out the answer. He felt better, sometimes, when he wasn't around others. People were overwhelming, and loud, and far too  _ much. _ Then again. . . that same isolation oftentimes played on his deepest fears and left him trapped in his own personal nightmare. Being alone would be far easier if he wasn't alone with  _ himself. _ ** **   
** **

He shook himself out of his thoughts at Terra's question and paused for a moment before slowly nodding. He strongly considered refusing -- saying that he would be alright -- but his stomach betrayed him by letting out an angry growl, and Isa was forced to acknowledge that he wasn't sure when the last time he'd eaten was. "That. . . sounds like a decent idea," he gave in. "Though I'd hate to make you go off on your own, and I doubt my own ability to face the public this soon after a breakdown. . . perhaps we could order in?" ** **   
** **

He wasn't sure why he'd said that. Perhaps Isa  _ didn't _ prefer being alone. ** **   
** **

Terra had initially offered to get the food himself as to not force Isa into public again, since the first attempt didn't end very well. But Isa's suggestion was not one he had considered. It almost made him smile. At least he was pleasant enough company that Isa wanted him around. ** **   
** **

"That's a good idea," he said, not commenting on the growl he heard, "since we're so close to that downtown area, it probably won't take long either. So we'll have dinner in no time." ** **   
** **

With that, he pulled out his gummiphone, having figured it out  _ some _ , and started looking for where they could eat and what. It took a little bit, but they decided on something and placed their orders. Ignore the fact they had to look up their own address to tell where the food needed to be delivered. ** **   
** **

After that, Terra fell back onto the couch, tired from sheer mental strain of having to do all that. ** **   
** **

Isa was thankful that Terra had taken lead with placing the order, since he didn't actually know how to do it. He wasn't typically a man fond of take out -- at all. The place they'd ordered from seemed alright, however, so he wasn't going to protest. Not when he was already this hungry and drained. ** **   
** **

He sat down carefully on the edge of the couch, in stark contrast to how his roommate had collapsed, and crossed his legs in front of him at the knee. "This could have all been avoided if we'd had food here," he murmured, almost absentmindedly. "We should try another attempt at an outing. . . tomorrow, perhaps. . . to an actual market. . .then perhaps we could actually  _ cook _ something." There was actually the faintest tinge of something that might have been  _ happiness _ in his voice. ** **   
** **

Terra had looked up at Isa when he'd started speaking. It was easy to miss that small change in expression, but he noticed. So Isa liked cooking? It seemed like that might be the case. ** **   
** **

"Yeah, making food here would be cheaper. Shopping tomorrow sounds like a good plan. Do you know how to cook? I'm decent at it but could be better," he said, running a hand through his hair. By decent, he meant he could cook edible food. Maybe it didn't always taste the best, when it even had a taste, but it worked. Eraqus had done most of the cooking after Terra almost set the castle on fire when he broke the oven at age six. ** **   
** **

"I do, actually," Isa answered easily. "I've been cooking for most of my life, in fact. I'd. . . " he shot the other a glance before returning to staring at the wall. "If you're interested, I'd be happy to show you a few things. It . . . only makes sense, really, that both of us should be able to feed ourselves the best we can." Isa hadn't had much of a choice, really, when it came to learning how to cook. ** **   
** **

"I quite enjoy it, actually," he said honestly, unsure why he was opening up so much. Perhaps part of him felt he owed it to Terra to at least  _ try _ not to be an asshole. For now, at least. "Though it's been some time since I've actually gotten the chance to do so." ** **   
** **

Terra chuckled and scratched the back of his head. "Yeah, knowing how to feed myself would be nice. Certainly seems like something a man of my age should know how to do," he said with a joking tone.  ** **   
** **

Eraqus had tried  _ so hard _ to teach him and Aqua how to cook when they were young. Terra had heard many times that cooking was an important skill, especially if a keyblade master travelled to other worlds. There was no way to know for certain what food would be in a world, or if it could be easily obtained. So cooking also doubled as a survival skill in Eraqus's mind, that he had tried to impress on Terra as well. Unfortunately, Terra had never seen much of the point when he was younger, and once he was old enough to train, all his time was focused on that. ** **   
** **

"What's your favorite thing to make then?" he asked, seeing a potential opportunity to learn more about his roommate, "maybe we can make that first." ** **   
** **

The question gave Isa pause. Why, it didn't usually matter what he was cooking. . . did it? ** **   
** **

No, he simply enjoyed the process. . . and the satisfaction he gained from people eating his food and enjoying it. It was . . . a rare way that Isa actually brought  _ good _ things into the world, however inconsequential they are. ** **   
** **

The names of several fancy, complicated dishes rose to his mind. . . favorites of his parents, and a show of his skill. . . then the name of  _ Lea's _ favorite thing he'd cooked (French toast) -- but none of that was the truth, exactly, was it? ** **   
** **

". . . What's your favorite thing to eat?" he asked instead of actually answering. "That's. . . what I want to cook. Allow me to pay you back for tonight's dinner." ** **   
** **

Terra looked at Isa before turning to think. He liked a lot of different things, mostly out of necessity. The rule had always been "eat what was made" by Eraqus. So he could eat just about anything. ** **   
** **

"Hmm, maybe something with mushrooms? But don't feel like you owe me. We're living together. We don't need to owe each other stuff, least of all meals," he said, looking at Isa with a sincere smile, "gotta work together after all." ** **   
** **

"You're insufferably nice," Isa retorted quickly, and it might have actually been a compliment. "I can work with that. . . I'll start looking for recipes. And. . . I'll try to hold it together better on our next outing." He still wasn't meeting Terra's eyes, but his tone was softer than it had been all day. ** **   
** **

"For now. . . " he let out a heavy sigh. "I think I might turn in. It's been quite the day already and I'm rather tired." ** **   
** **

Terra laughed at the "compliment". He looked at Isa with a relaxed smile. The day had been a bit of a rollercoaster, but it had ended well. So that was something. A knock at the door kept him from replying. Finally.  _ Food _ . ** **   
** **

"At least eat a little before turning it," he said, holding out Isa's towards him, "plus I need to shower. I'll try to be quick and not disturb you. Also… don't worry about today, ok? Everyone has good days and not so good days." ** **   
** **

Isa was about to protest -- but again, his stomach had other ideas and he found himself accepting the box with a nod. He honestly didn't know what to say, so chose to keep quiet concerning Terra's statement. That was true, he supposed. . . though the good days seemed infrequent. ** **   
** **

"Glorious, styrofoam," he grumbled instead. He wrinkled his nose a bit distastefully. . . eating take-out out of a styrofoam box with a plastic fork. What on earth would his parents think? ** **   
** **

Hm. Perhaps it was that thought in addition to the grumbling in his stomach that prompted him to devour the meal with vigor, despite his attempts to remain poised. ** **   
** **

And Terra thought  _ he _ had been hungry. Apparently not as much as he had thought. He started eating, definitely not even attempting the manners that Isa was. He knew damn well Eraqus had taught him manners, but those weren't important right now. ** **   
** **

"Certainly a wonderful invention, if only for convenience," he joked. Take out was always decent and filling, which is precisely what Terra wanted at the moment. It was gone fairly quickly. ** **   
** **

Isa had barely stopped to breath the entire time he'd been practically inhaling the likely high-sodium meal. When  _ was _ the last time he'd actually eaten a hot meal . . ? He wasn't even sure. Before long, the abhorred styrofoam was empty, and Isa's stomach was unusually full and warm. ** **   
** **

It was no secret that he'd lost a bit of bulk since he'd recompleted -- hospital time did that to anyone, after all, and he hadn't been the best at self care. It was a good thing Terra had convinced him to stay. . . and to actually eat. "You're correct there, I suppose," replied, actually relaxing back into the cushions a bit. "That was . . not as awful as I expected." ** **   
** **

Terra stood and stretched once he'd finished. He held out a hand for Isa's trash. "That's a good thing, isn't it?" he said while yawning slightly, "then it works till we get stuff to actually cook with. I'm gonna go shower." ** **   
** **

He tossed the trash before going into their room and grabbing what he needed. He didn't really have anything other than a change of clothes. He should probably. . . fix that . . . But he didn't have a ton of money left. Guess he'd skip washing his hair this time. ** **   
** **

Isa had remained on the couch for a moment, happily full, before rising and making his way to the bedroom. He was hesitant to change, knowing that Terra could emerge at any moment, but had satisfied himself with the knowledge that as long as the water was running he was likely safe. ** **   
** **

He did, however, change quite quickly -- just in case, before tying back his hair. He then cursed when he realized he'd left his glasses in the bathroom, and would thus have to remain in his contacts until the other man emerged. At least the bed was soft. . . and Isa had a book. ** **   
** **

Terra knew how to take a quick shower. And despite not exactly wanting to take something without asking....he really needed to wash his hair. So he took as small of an amount of Isa's that he could wash his hair with. Hopefully, with how much hair Isa seemed to have, it wouldn't be noticed. ** **   
** **

He stepped out of the shower and dried off. He was so ready to go to sleep. Today had been mentally draining, which honestly tired him more than physical stuff sometimes. He pulled on his underwear and pants before stepping out of the bathroom, still drying his hair with a towel. ** **   
** **

"We should probably make a list or something for shopping tomorrow," he said absentmindedly. ** **   
** **

Terra really did shower fast . . . Isa had only just gotten into his reading. He looked up, about to reply to Terra's suggestion, but had suddenly found his train of thought coming to a screeching halt. ** **   
** **

Terra was half naked. And not shy about it. Nor was he . . . well. . . lacking in form. Isa suddenly found it quite hard to look away, but forced himself to with a grimace and a slight flush to his face. "God -- you know you aren't  _ alone, _ " he grumbled. "If you want to behave appropriately, you should clothe yourself." Though, certainly, there was a part of Isa that may have been  _ enjoying _ the view -- he decided then and there not to think about that. ** **   
** **

Terra looked a bit startled at Isa's response. He looked at Isa, hands frozen dumbly on the towel in his hair. He had slept shirtless since...probably since he'd turned 15? He had long since gotten used to walking in front of others shirtless, having lived with essentially a family of four for many years. ** **   
** **

"Oh, uh...it's just my pajamas?" he said dumbly, "is there something wrong with it?" He couldn't remember anyone ever reacting like that to his attire. Was it making Isa uncomfortable? He didn't have a night shirt… ** **   
** **

Isa was still flushing, and wasn't sure exactly how to respond without revealing his own insecurities. ** **   
** **

Terra was. . . definitely attractive. ** **   
** **

He was also . . . well. . . not always the brightest, or most worldly. ** **   
** **

He was also. . . kind. Far too kind. ** **   
** **

And for some reason, all of those things together had caused Isa's heart to soften in a way that he'd never expected, nor did he know what to do with. "It's indecent," he stammered out, glaring at a curtain. "Just -- get under the sheet, already, if you're going to sleep in such a state." He tried to figure out why he was flushing hotter at the thought of a shirtless Terra being in bed with him. . . or why he suddenly felt the need to cover that gorgeous tan skin with bite marks. ** **   
** **

Terra blinked for another few moments before figuring out what the problem must be. Isa  _ was _ uncomfortable. He must have had a different upbringing. A more "decent" one. He glanced away from Isa for a moment, feeling a little embarrassed. ** **   
** **

"Sorry, I get hot easily," he said while putting away his towel, "if it really bothers you, I can find something." He scratched the back of his head nervously. He'd never run into this before, truthfully. So he'd do what Isa wanted. ** **   
** **

"You're  _ fine, _ " Isa growled, not paying any attention to other possible connotations of that phrase. He was still a bit flushed, and had opened his book again to stare at it without reading it. "Just -- just get in, already." ** **   
** **

He was starting to regret his decision that they share a bed, the confusing rush of feelings within him suddenly too much. He was, however, far too proud to back out now, and made a show of flipping the blankets back for Terra to crawl beneath them. ** **   
** **

Terra wasn't sure how to respond to this situation. Isa had acted like it was a bad thing and then allowed it? He shook his head. He was too tired for this. ** **   
** **

Without another word, he got into the bed and covered himself with the blanket. Hopefully he didn't get too hot in his sleep. He was known to… remove clothing in his sleep. Ugh, why did he have to be so hot natured? The last thing he needed was genuinely scaring his roommate. ** **   
** **

He laid on his side, facing away from Isa. He wanted to sleep, but he also wanted to talk. He  _ needed _ to talk before it got too quiet. So he glanced at Isa over his shoulder.  ** **   
** **

"What are you reading?" he asked, hoping it was something Isa would talk a fair amount about so he could doze off. It was kinda rude, but, normally, he listened to music. He didn't want to do that though. It might bother Isa, and he was determined to be considerate. ** **   
** **

Isa had actually been enjoying the quiet, having been forcing himself to relax and not think about the fact that there was another person -- a half naked person he'd thought briefly about biting -- in his bed. Thus, at the sound of Terra's voice, he'd startled a little and glanced over, surprised. ** **   
** **

Part of him was annoyed that he couldn't just leave Isa in peace -- the other part was simply surprised he'd asked a question. Remembering he'd caused the other man enough trouble for today, he forced away a biting remark and glanced briefly down at the book.  ** **   
** **

"You'll laugh at me," he replied. "It's a collection of lyrical poetry. . . I find it soothing. It grounds me," He tried his best to sound as composed and matter-of-fact as he could while explaining the nature of his love of the poems, though a faint flush dusted his cheeks. ** **   
** **

Terra laid on his back and looked up at Isa. Aqua liked poetry, so he'd heard it a lot before. He didn't get why Isa thought he'd make fun of him for it though. Regardless, his question had gotten the response he wanted. ** **   
** **

"Would you mind reading one?" he asked sheepishly, "I...find it relaxing." Technically, a lie. What he found relaxing was just sound in general. But this would work for that. Besides, what he remembered of Aqua's poems were pleasant to read. He hoped he passed out instantly. ** **   
** **

"You . . . want to hear a poem?" Isa quirked a brow, surprised to say the least. He could tell there was another layer to whatever Terra was saying, but didn't have the energy or concern necessary to press the matter. ** **   
** **

"Very well . . .here, this one is one of my favorites. I find it particularly relaxing." He shot the other man a glance, then licked his finger to turn the page of the book to the poem he was looking for before taking a breath and starting to read in a low, rich timbre: ** **   
** **

"As I stand here in the dead of night

I am embraced by a soft purple light

It is not a christian light but deep and soft

like dark wisdom to the fool

but beware!

Like wisdom details come with tim

and everything appears so fine

it is no damnation burning up your eyes

where you see god and nothing else

but a soft light

soft like a wise woman’s cloak

Dark

Deep

Purple

Blue

Draped and flecked with silver tears

I see the lovely temple without fears...

Waiting in eternity." ** **   
** **

Terra felt a little bad for lying about his intentions, but he supposed it could be worse. At least Isa hasn't asked questions. He laid back and closed his eyes. For some reason, Isa's voice was especially soothing to listen to. He found himself quickly relaxing as Isa read. ** **   
** **

Before Isa had finished reading, he'd dozed off, snoring softly. ** **   
** **

Isa had lost himself in the words, as usual, but there was something new this time. There was a whole new level of depth to being able to speak the words aloud, their cadence filling the room and lulling him into a relaxed state the likes of which he rarely felt. ** **   
** **

Then there was that he was reading to another human being. Isa didn't think he'd ever done that before. It felt wonderful. . . uniquely special, and vibrant in a way, to be able to share this. It was almost like he was sharing a part of his soul, without having to completely make himself vulnerable. ** **   
** **

When he finished the poem, he closed the book and glanced to the side, somehow not surprised to realize that Terra had fallen asleep. He watched him for a moment, an odd feeling in his chest that he dismissed before turning and setting his book and glasses on the nightstand. Then, he turned off the light and settled into the blankets himself, lying rigid like a rock and still somehow far more relaxed than usual. Isa rarely slept. . . ** **   
** **

. . . But, for some reason, he did today.


	4. Earrings

Every night was always a gamble for Terra. Sometimes he'd sleep soundly and peaceful the whole night with only a little wiggling. Sometimes he'd suddenly get hot and end up wrestling his sheets in an attempt to cool off. And sometimes… he woke up in the middle of the night, Keyblade in hand, and suddenly less one piece of furniture. He'd once woken up immediately doing a Strike Raid, which had ended with his Keyblade embedded into the wall.

Partially fortunate for Isa, tonight was the second one. The apartment was different from his room in the Land of Departure. So he started feeling hot in his sleep. Desperate to cool off, he moved around, looking for something cooler. Luckily, he found one in the bed beside him. He moved closer, still thoroughly unconscious, and clung to the cool presence, completely and blissfully unaware of what he was doing.

It had been some time since Isa had gotten this decent of a night of sleep. It wasn't easy to fall asleep in the first place and, even if he did, he frequently found himself plagued by nightmares that left him feeling hollow. Hence, he didn't really _ mind _ not sleeping... it kept the nightmares at bay.

There were no nightmares. Not tonight. For some reason, he'd suddenly found himself incredibly _ warm _ and safe in a way he couldn't explain. Whatever warmth had suddenly enveloped him, he'd leaned into it, stirring but yet yet waking. He nuzzled close to it, relishing in its presence...

Until, dimly, his body seemed to register the feeling of hands on his skin and he woke, startled, with a slight jerk. Blinking dazedly, he frowned and tried to pull back from the warmth, only to find that he was unable to. What was --?

Terra. Terra was hugging him. _ Why was Terra hugging him? _

He strongly considered pulling away, letting out a shout and shoving the other's body away. Or simply wiggling free. But he was simply so _ embarrassed _ that the thought of Terra waking up and realizing what was going on was... simply impossible.

Rigid, thoughts racing, and tucked into Terra's chest, Isa remained until morning.

Terra always slept deeply on good nights, and after finding something that made him comfortably cool, it was a very good night's rest. But, after a lifetime living with and training to be a keyblade master, he tended to wake up fairly early naturally. The sun had only just risen a little while ago when Terra blurrily started to wake up.

The first thing he noticed was that he hadn't had a nightmare and summoned his keyblade, for which he was thankful. That would not have been a good first night. The next thing he noticed was that he was holding onto something.... Someone. Immediately, he bolted upright, letting go of Isa. 

"I'm sorry!" he said, suddenly very awake and _ very _ aware that he might have been clinging to someone, who had expressly stated that he didn't like being touched, all night. But then he realized that Isa might have still been asleep, and he couldn't have gotten away with it if he hadn't likely woken Isa by moving and speaking. Great.

Isa had, of course, already been awake, but was debating very much pretending _ not _ to be.

Actually --

He squeezed his eyes shut as Terra pulled away, then made a show of blinking them open and frowning at him. 

"What --?" he muttered, trying to sound as if he hadn't already been up for a few hours. "What are you yelling about...?" He pushed himself up, rolling his shoulders, and noticed he didn't feel as tense as usual. Now, to hope that Terra didn't notice he was completely faking. "It's too early to be shouting like that..."

Oh, thank Kingdom Hearts, Isa had been asleep and didn't seem to know what had happened. Terra began to chuckle nervously and scratch the back of his head. 

"Sorry, I must have woken up from a dream," he said, looking away and hoping his lie wasn't as obvious as it felt.

Ok. Good. Terra believed the lie, and wasn't talking about it anymore... hopefully, he also wouldn't pay attention to the flush that had covered Isa's face.

Of course, Isa still knew what had happened and was processing it for himself, nearly dazed and mind swimming. "Right, um --" he nervously raised a hand to scratch at his scar and glanced to the side. "...No worries. Think nothing of it."

Terra almost let out a sigh of relief but held it back. Isa had believed it. Good. Now time to act like everything was fine and normal and _ not _ like he'd been spooning Isa all night. Oh, _ hearts _. Alright, don't think about it.

"Breakfast?" he said maybe too quickly, "we should get something to eat for breakfast. Gotta go shopping and start looking for jobs today, right?" It was probably not the smoothest subject change, but he was desperate to change where the attention was.

"Yes, um -- breakfast," Isa agreed just as quickly, forcing himself to stand. "And... shopping and jobs. Yes, wonderful," he winced at his own tone as he wandered to the dresser and started almost frantically choosing an outfit.

"I don't suppose you've noticed any decent breakfast places? We could stop on the way to the store."

Terra, having forgotten how embarrassed it had made Isa the night before, stood and immediately took his pajama pants off. He tightly folded them and tucked them under his pillow, just like Eraqus taught him. He then went to find fresh clothes to put on. Looking through his drawers he realized all he had was… the exact same outfit he'd worn since he was sixteen.... He needed to go shopping. He didn't need training clothes anymore.

He almost missed Isa's question. "Uh, I don't remember any, but I'm sure we'll see one," he said over his shoulder while getting dressed. He looked at his shoulder armor. Should he really wear it? It's not like there was that kind of fighting any more... But he didn't feel safe without it, so he hooked it on.

Was Terra raised in an actual barn?

It was starting to seem like that was the case. Isa had let out a barely contained intact of breath when the other man had just suddenly dropped his pants -- right there, in the center of the room -- and made a very conscious effort to _ not _ look in his direction.

The only time Isa reacted to such a show of bodies in a manner that wasn't pure embarrassment -- perhaps riddled with a bit of scorn -- was at a far more _ passionate _ time. And at those times, he reacted very differently than this. He remained pointedly facing the other direction for a good deal longer than it should have taken Terra to dress before he finally turned around, grabbing a hairbrush to quickly disentangle his hair. 

"Yes, right..." he muttered. "Have you any idea what sort of work you're looking for?"

Terra turned back to Isa and shrugged. "I'm not really sure. Used to spend all my time training to be a Keyblade Master, not exactly any other career. But I'm pretty good at building things. I'm bet I could find something like that," he said while stepping into the bathroom and trying to fix his hair. Why was his bedhead always so weird?

He noticed Isa brushing his hair still in their room. That seemed odd, not in a bad way but different. Whenever Terra tried that, he ended up with his hair in more of a mess than when he started. Part of Terra wanted to ask, but he decided not to, for now at least.

"What about you? Got any marketable hobbies?" he said with a lighter tone.

Building things was marketable, indeed... it seemed that at least _ one _ of them would have income.

"Not of consequence," Isa let out a little sigh and shrugged as he tied his hair back. "I've never exactly had any 'hobbies' to begin with. I've been far too busy... there's cooking, I suppose, though I doubt anyone is going to hire me for _ that _... and a long time ago I knew a few instruments... but that's been years."

He remembered quite well the last time he'd played his violin... it was right before he'd been promoted to second in command. "Not that anywhere around here is hiring classical musicians... " another sigh. "Anything regarding physical strength, I suppose I could do... Or organization... I've a great deal of experience delegating groups, after all... and running a sort of office... this is all, of course, if anyone is willing to hire me after seeing..." he trailed off and traced his scar, visibly deflating and giving up hope before he'd even began.

Terra looked at Isa in the mirror as he spoke. He never took Isa for one to be musically inclined, but he found it oddly fitting. Somehow, he knew that Isa was suited for management, how he knew that, he didn't know and also felt like he didn't need to think about it too deeply. He also knew Isa was strong, far stronger than he was letting on.

Then he noticed Isa's movement. He acted like he hadn't been watching and stepped out of the bathroom. "People probably won't care about a small piercing," he said, "or anything else for that matter. So long as you can do the job, ya know?" He stretched slightly.

"Besides, I didn't know you played music. What sort of instruments? I've always wanted to be able to play, but no instrument I tried ever really worked. I somehow broke some of them," he said, chuckling at the end. There had been many times Terra hadn't realized quite how strong he was becoming and used far too much force on something.

"How did you... _ break _ an instrument?" Isa blinked and turned to look at the other man in a sort of impressed confusion. "Don't tell me you tried to fight off a heartless with it, or something of the sort." There was actually the faintest hint of _ jest _ to his tone.

"I play, yes... but it's been far too long. I was versed in cello and violin," He then replied, a bit more seriously. "As for the piercings... I'll remove them if it's an issue. That's the sort of thing I at least have control over." He had a feeling that Terra knew he hadn't been talking about earrings, and he was grateful he wasn't pressing the issue.

Terra chuckled sheepishly. "There were a lot of ways. The drums were the easiest to break because… well… I can hit something pretty hard. I think the worst one was when I tripped and dropped something down the stairs. I don't even fully remember was it was because of how messed up it was at the bottom. Something brass," he said, looking away in slight embarrassment. It was after that that Terra had been required to have whatever expensive thing he was carrying, especially instruments, in a case with a strap around him. Which didn't help the time he fell on it, but that was another matter entirely.

"I need to hear you play sometime," he said, looking back at Isa, "I bet you're still excellent at them. You seem the dedicated type. And I hope you won't have any problem from your piercings. I think it makes you more unique. Something that's just yours, regardless of the circumstances of how you got them. Plus, I really don't think people will care." Maybe it wasn't as subtle as he had hoped, but hopefully it did get the message across.

The hidden meaning to Terra's words was shocking, to say the least, and Isa was certain he'd understood wrong. If Terra was attempting to send the message that Isa _ thought _ he was sending... well, he'd succeeded, and left Isa bewildered and a bit stunned.

"...You're the first person to say that about my... piercings, I believe," he murmured back. "I... truly hope you're correct. I hope you're correct about the music, as well, though I doubt I'll ever have another opportunity to play... it's not as if I have an instrument, or can afford one at the moment. Besides," he cracked a smile. "I have a feeling if I _ was _ able to get one, a friend of mine might accidentally break it."

Terra had been smiling, more to himself, out of satisfaction that it seemed his words had worked. Then, he got hit from both sides from a not-so-subtle jab and a term he didn't expect to be called. He laughed, openly and loudly, at Isa's absolute obliteration. 

"I would be careful not to break it. I was younger when all that happened," he said still chuckling as he spoke, "besides, if I were to break it, I wouldn't get to hear you play, and I already get the feeling that that would be a tragedy, my friend." 

He threw the term back at Isa, partially to ensure that that had been what Isa had meant to say. Isa didn't seem the type to open up easily, so Terra was honored to have gained that position so quickly. But he wanted to make sure it hadn't just been a slip of the tongue before his ego got too inflated.

Isa decided to respond to Terra's thinly veiled attempt to pry at his little "slip of the tongue" in the most subtle and completely _ Isa _ way possible.

He ignored it completely, and did not acknowledge he'd said anything of the sort. 

"A tragedy, would it?" He asked wryly, while pretending to be preoccupied with doing up the zipper of his jacket. "Then I suppose we're doomed to suffer -- after all, I see no violin, nor any money with which to purpose one. We've barely the money for mushrooms."

Though it wasn't a positive and confirming response, it also wasn't a negative one. Terra decided to count it as a small bit of progress. But he didn't mention it. Instead he chuckled. 

"Well, I didn't expect it immediately," he said, "I figured it'd be worse after I'd actually heard you play to lose it. It's harder to lose something that you know is wonderful than never getting to know what it's like."

He stepped towards the front door. "Speaking of mushrooms, we oughta get going before I starve to death," he said jokingly, "we'll figure out more money stuff after getting some food, sound good?"

"Indeed," Isa muttered as he finally stopped pretending to adjust his coat and headed towards the door after Terra. Internally, he was busy processing the fact that Terra seemed to want to watch him play.

Even when he had played regularly, Isa had never been observed simply for pleasure. Only... criticized. Judged. And it was never good enough...

He remembered all too well the quick raps of his own bow across his knuckles, long hours spent practicing... unable to stop... It was amazing he still found playing relaxing. Perhaps it felt good, to simply play for pleasure -- a sort of "fuck you" to the universe, and those who had criticized.

When they stepped outside, Isa actually looked a bit _ happy, _ even though no smile crossed his lips. "To market, then. For mushrooms."


	5. Cinnamon Rolls

Terra had noticed something very similar to a smile on Isa's face as they left. That seemed like a good omen for their outing. Besides, it looked good on him.

"I don't know a lot about putting different foods together, so I'll leave that to you," he said with a smile as he stepped outside. It was still fairly early, but he was used to rising with the sun. But it seemed this town was an early morning sort of place as well, as several people were already out and going about their business, not paying Isa or Terra much attention.

Terra looked around as they walked, looking for places to eat. "What sort of breakfast do you think we could get? I'm pretty hungry," he said. He was almost already hungry.

"Hmm... I've no particular preference," Isa replied, glancing around as they walked. His expression was far more open and curious than it had been the day before, and, if he was honest, he was quite enjoying being out and around for once. He'd spent far too much of his life locked away in darkness.

"Perhaps... oh, look. That's appropriate, is it not?" He'd nodded towards a little bakery. "I'm sure there's a variety of things inside... maybe even coffee, if I'm lucky." His mouth was already watering at the thought. Isa wasn't the best about remembering to  _ eat, _ but he'd never forgotten his coffee.

Terra followed Isa's nod with his eyes and smiled. Though he normally ate more hearty meals, sweets for breakfast had a sudden appeal. It's not like he was going to have a grueling session of training after this. So not having his typical protein filled breakfast would likely be ok.

"Most bakery type places do," he said while starting to walk that way and smiling, "like coffee, do you? I've never been a huge fan. I only really drank coffee if I  _ really _ needed it. Plus, Eraqus always said that caffeine and me didn't end well." Though, he never knew why. To his memory, he'd never gotten a caffeine high.

"Oh?" Isa quirked a brow and turned to look back at him for a moment as he started for the bakery. "Well, now I'm intrigued. Consider your coffee on me." He'd managed to find a bit of munny in his jacket pocket left over from a recompletion gift. It was something, at least.

"I've become dependent on it, myself," he murmured back after a moment, feeling uncharacteristically open. "Lots of long nights working, after all... forced to stay awake. Or perhaps choosing to... either way, I've always been one to avoid sleeping. Last night was the most I've gotten in quite some time."

Terra watched Isa as he spoke, trying to notice those small expressions Isa had. Since Isa didn't seem to be a particularly open person, knowing how to read the subtle stuff would be handy, if not necessary.

"I could buy it myself --" he started before immediately knowing that would go nowhere, "thanks, I hope I like. Eraqus always said I'd hated it and that's why he never gave it to me. Though, Aqua gave it to me once when I was exhausted from training one day. It didn't taste too bad, plus I was able to train longer than normal."

He looked a little concerned by Isa's casual mention of sleep deprivation. "Well, glad you sleep better last night. Maybe I helped," he said as a joke before immediately regretting it as memories of how he woke up was shoved back to the forefront of his mind, "or the bed was just the right comfort or something. Obviously, not me."

The manner in which he'd woken up sprung to Isa's mind immediately, and he stiffened for a moment while actively trying not to. "Yes, perhaps," he muttered without thinking. He'd likely never admit it, but in the brief moments before he'd realized what was happening, being held had felt extraordinarily...  _ nice. _

"Or -- not. I mean, if you weren't there I might have slept  _ longer," _ He added quickly when he managed to process his own words. Then, almost immediately, he winced. That had come across far meaner than he'd intended. "I only mean that I've never shared a bed before. All things considered, it could have gone worse."

Now desperate to avoid the outcome of that conversation, he darted forward to open the bakery door for the other man while looking very intently away from him.

Isa's statement didn't really bother him. Terra had kinda… yelled... He felt bad about waking Isa this morning, but he couldn't quite change that now. "Sorry," he chuckled while scratching the back of his head.

Then Isa had taken off and opened the door. Terra blinked in brief surprise before smiling politely. "Thanks, Isa," he said while walking in and looking around, "man, it smells good in here." He was instantly  _ very _ hungry.

It did. The sudden rush of sweet smelling air actually succeeded in relaxing Isa, again -- it was far too pleasant and warm to feel on edge. "Hmm... that's a bakery, for you." Isa perked up further as he picked up the distinct smell of coffee and approached the counter while surveying the assortment of pastries on display.

"Pick whatever you like, I've got breakfast this morning..." he muttered as he wandered up to the counter and proceeded to chat a bit stiffly with the luckily friendly barista. Ordinarily he wouldn't have so readily gone to speak with a stranger, but there was luckily a shared love of coffee that made the conversation easier.

Terra looked around with an eager eye. Now this was his sort of place. Warm, inviting, cozy. He liked it. Plus it smelled of every sweet thing he could think of, which was a big plus. He looked at the pastries with a hungry stomach, which likely meant he might eat everything in the store. But he didn't want to force that bill on Isa. So he'd refrain.

"I don't know much about coffee, so you can pick that out, but cinnamon rolls sound really good to me," he said, returning to Isa's side.

Isa nodded, already planning on it, and ordered for the both of them before briefly surveying the pastries. "Mmm... you like cinnamon rolls, then? I'll have to make them for you, sometime... I've been told mine are good but I'm afraid I don't have much of a sweet tooth, myself..."

This, of course, made choosing breakfast a bit difficult -- Isa didn't normally even  _ eat _ breakfast -- but he eventually settled on a poppy seed bagel, which he ordered along with Terra's cinnamon roll. Hearts, the thing was as big as the man's head...

"I love sweets," Terra admitted with a smile, "I'd get as many as I could reach, so Eraqus hid them on the tops of shelves. That stopped working when I was about… sixteen? I got pretty tall so there weren't any places out of my reach anymore." He chuckled as he spoke. 

"Oh, hell yeah," he whispered when he saw the giant cinnamon roll. He'd be polite and wait until they were seated, but he could not  _ wait _ to devour it. It had been a long time since he'd had a cinnamon roll.

Unable to contain himself, Isa actually let out a chuckle as he gathered up his bagel and their coffee. Terra looked so genuinely happy and excited over something as simple as a cinnamon roll... Isa had never understood such simple joys.

But maybe, just maybe, he was starting to.

"Yes, very well. 'Hell yeah,' as you say... now pick a table."

Terra smiled at Isa and led them to a table near the windows. There were so many new things around him that he wanted to see, including the town. So maybe a little people watching would be fun. 

"Come on," he said jokingly, "I'm just one that really appreciates a good cinnamon roll every once in a while. Now, which coffee is mine?"

"Here, this one..." Isa replied as that sat, nudging Terra a mocha covered with whipped cream and a chocolate drizzle. His own was black, and far more plain looking. Nevertheless, he treasured the smell. "I thought you'd like the sugar... and considering you're not used to the taste, perhaps something sweeter..." He shrugged, enjoying the warmth of his own cup, then took a sip and let out a happy little hum, allowing his eyes to flutter closed for a moment.

Terra took the drink and stared at it for a moment. Part of him was touched. Isa had put thought and consideration of his preferences to pick this out for him. 

"Thank you," he said, before picking it up.

He could tell it was a warm drink just by touching it. However, one doesn't truly know how hot coffee can be until you put way too much in one's mouth at once. Which is exactly what Terra did. Now there are many ways to react to having not only a mouth too full, but also a mouth full of something  _ hot _ . One could spit it out, or put something else in to make it cooler. But Terra wasn't a quitter. So after a few grueling moments of trying not to cause a mess, he swallowed the coffee. He coughed harshly for a moment, trying to regain proper breath.

Isa had opened his eyes just in time to watch Terra struggle with raised eyebrows. Though he remained otherwise deadpan, there was a part of him that didn't know whether to laugh or start to actually fuss over the man in worry.

Caught in the middle, somehow, he decided to taunt. "...You really don't know what you're doing, do you? Have you hurt yourself?" he asked while slowly and elegantly taking a sip of his own coffee.

After a moment of recovery from a burnt tongue  _ and _ almost choking, Terra looked at Isa, slightly embarrassed. 

"It's… uh.. hot," he said with a small chuckle. He noticed that Isa's sip had… been a whole lot smaller than the chugging he'd apparently been trying to do. He tried that instead. It was still hot, but his tongue didn't register the heat as badly anymore. The coffee tasted good when you weren't choking on it.

"It does tend to be so, yes," Isa replied with an actual amused smirk. There was the faintest hint of something odd in his expression... something that might have been affection. "Have you recovered...? Yes, sip slowly... this isn't a drink you simply swallow entirely whole. You have to  _ savor _ it... take time to actually taste." He took another sip of his own, appearing to be thoroughly enjoying himself.

Terra stuck his tongue out slightly between his teeth to maybe cool it a little. "I think I burnt my tongue," he said, sounding a little odd with his tongue sticking out, "but what I did taste is actually good." He took another small sip before starting to dig into the cinnamon roll.

"Ugh, it was such a good decision to come here," he said, with a clearly content groan. Few things made Terra happier than a good meal.

"I'm glad you're pleased... I'm willing to admit that my own expectations have been met and exceeded." An Isa compliment, in its highest form. He started to pick at his own bagel, speeding up when he realized how hungry he was... he was going to quickly grow used to having regular meals, at this rate.

He didn't miss Terra sticking his tongue out like a sleeping kitten, and had to force the word "adorable" from his mind again.


	6. Insufferable

Once they finished eating, Terra stood quickly. A good meal always filled him with energy, but this meal had done even more so. He was ready to  _ go _ . Explore the town, buy some food, run a lap.

"Ready to go, Isa?" he asked with an excited smile.

Isa blinked and primly finished off his bagel before standing, carrying the remains of his coffee with him. "Yes, I suppose so... " he replied, while glancing the other man over. "You're certainly... enthusiastic about shopping."

Terra looked outside the window, noticing all sorts of bright things to look at. 

"I'm just looking forward to seeing the town more with you. Plus, we're getting more food. Why wouldn't I be enthusiastic?" he asked before taking Isa's wrist and leading them both outside. 

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes against the sunlight. This place just seemed so relaxing, yet he found himself all excited. He was ready to explore every inch of this town. It was going to be where he lived now after all.

Isa was far too startled at suddenly finding himself drug around to even have time to think about being offended. 

"Whatever suits you," he muttered, blinking in shock. "Let's go to the market, then -- I saw a sign, that way." he jerked his head in the direction and insistently removed his grip from Terra's grasp.

"I've a list, and we should stop for produce, first -- then dairy. There's also a few staples we need to get..." he mentally revised the list he'd made to include the ingredients for his cinnamon rolls. "Is there anything you need to get that isn't food?"

Terra looked at where Isa had indicated. Huh, there was a sign there. How had he missed that? He started heading that way while listening to Isa talk. What there any non-food thing he needed? He needed his own shampoo... But he liked Isa's. It smelled nice and had helped him relax. Surely, Isa wouldn't notice him using it, since he used such a small amount. But was there anything else..?

He stretched his arms in thought. Oh. "The only thing I can think of is maybe something that blends in a little better," he said, looking down at his clothes. He did kind of stand out in his typical outfit. It was an outfit meant for training and fights not… calmly living in a town.

"Oh, yes --" Isa nodded as he glanced the other over. "I did notice you seem to have... only one outfit, really. It couldn't hurt to shop for more... maybe we can find out where a clothing store is while we're shopping. The vegetables we can get now, but anything cold will have to wait for later..."

He was then distracted by a particularly impressive array of vegetables and wandered off to look at them.

"Well, I inherited it really," Terra said while touching the side of his pants, "it was my fa- Master's when he had been training. I haven't really worn much else since I started training myself. It's pretty comfortable and easy to move in in a fight, but.. I guess I don't really need it as much anymore..."

He followed Isa, looking a little downcast. He shouldn't be expecting any more fights, so he didn't need fighting clothing anymore. But... He missed Eraqus. No. No, he wasn't going to think of that right now. He tried to look around for something to distract himself. Anything.

Terra's change in tone wasn't hard to miss, even as distracted as Isa was by a tomato. He frowned and turned to look at the other man again. This was quite the shift in mood from moments ago. 

"...Just because you're buying new clothes doesn't mean you don't need those anymore," he murmured. "And the definition of 'need' is extremely fluid -- I didn't mean to suggest you get rid of them. I guess... holding onto the past doesn't mean there's not also space in your life to make room for new things."

Isa couldn't say that he related. Not at all. Everything connected to his own past he was determined to leave behind, and not remember a moment. He didn't really have anything left... not at all. He wasn't exactly a sentimental man, and certainly not for anything he'd experienced in recent memory.

Terra looked at Isa as he spoke, giving it a lot more focus then he would other times. Something about those words really meant a lot to him.  _ Holding onto the past doesn't mean there's not room for new things.. _ New things like… a new friend. 

It was almost ironic how Terra was holding onto the past the same time he was running from it. He couldn't bear to let go of Eraqus's old clothes, meanwhile he avoided the place he had been raised like the plague. A new outfit wouldn't mean he was letting go of that time, though.

"Thanks, Isa," he said, meeting Isa's eyes for just a moment before trying to shake himself out of his thoughts, "Though, I don't know a lot about clothing, so I may need your help finding something that suits me." He managed to pull out a chuckle at the end, scratching the back of his head.

"Hm? Oh, well..." Isa shrugged and turned back to his tomatoes. "I suppose I'm happy to do so. I've been told I'm relatively decent at dressing, when I can muster the energy to actually...  _ do _ it. There's something sort of... intriguing, I suppose, about choosing how I or another express ourselves through clothing... perhaps it was wearing a uniform coat every day for my entire adult life."

He actually cracked a smile, remembering the first time he'd changed out his organization coat... and, subsequently, forced Lea out of his and into a normal outfit.

"You're certainly better at it than I am," Terra said, his chin barely resting on Isa's shoulder to see what he was doing, "I'd probably end up wearing something tacky if left on my own. But, I'll agree, anything would be better than those dark leather coats. They were awful." He didn't really know how he knew that exactly, but he didn't care at the moment. "I like loose fitting pants. They're just more comfortable."

Personal space had really gotten diluted in Terra's mind as he felt a lot of excited energy form inside him. Sugar and caffeine, especially in large amounts, had always done this to him, but he had never really noticed. So, without thinking about it, he leaned slightly against Isa, chin resting on Isa's shoulder, and hands hanging loosely near Isa's sides.

What was...?

The tomato suddenly wasn't very interesting anymore. Isa froze, stiffened, and looked up. He didn't turn his head to look at Terra -- no, instead he stared fixatedly at a sign in front of him as if it had done him a personal injustice.

"....What are you doing?"

Terra closed his eyes and leaned in a little closer. Isa smelled nice. "I’m watching what you're doing," he said while sounding happy, "and waiting for the next thing. We could get so much done today. I feel so ready to just  _ do _ things." Plus, he oddly felt the need for closeness, but he didn't say that aloud.

Terra's happiness was both infections and insufferable, and Isa didn't know exactly how to manage. Nor did he understand why watching him involved  _ touching _ him.

But he didn't pull away. Not yet, at least.

"You're watching me examine tomatoes," he muttered bluntly, then sighed. "...I think the coffee's had an interesting effect on you. Though I do suppose you're correct -- this is the perfect day to be productive."

Terra opened his eyes and got off Isa. He moved to stand next to him, perhaps a little closer than necessary, with a broad smile. 

"Then let’s get going," he said excitedly, "there's a whole lot of town to explore and things to buy. And I like doing this with you, so, boom, three easy to do right off the bat." He stretched his arms above his head then looped one around Isa's shoulders. "So let’s get going!"

Isa tried very hard to ignore the flush that overcame his face at Terra's statement that suggested he actually enjoyed Isa company. 

"Yes, alright --" he blinked rapidly for a moment, then chose a few tomatoes and moved to the stall's checkout to pay for them, ducking nimbly out from underneath Terra's arm in the process. "I'll just be a moment, why don't you -- um -- go and pick out some decent looking mushrooms?" he nodded at another cart.

Terra pouted a little, crossing his arms and sticking out his bottom lip slightly. "But I wanted to do things  _ with _ you," he said while following Isa not unlike a duckling, "besides, you're the one that knows more about cooking. I don't know if I'd be able to tell if it's good stuff or not." He bounced on his feet slightly while standing with Isa. He wanted to do something, but he didn't want to do it alone. That was, in fact, the opposite of what he wanted.

Isa tried to contain a slight twitch to his eye. It didn't work. Terra was like... an excited, extremely loyal puppy. Not that Isa had ever  _ had _ a puppy.

"Fine," he mumbled after a moment, before accepting his bag of tomatoes and turning briskly on his heel to move to another stall. "I suppose mushroom picking can be a group activity..."

"Yes!" Terra said with a small fist pump and smile. He followed while looking around excitedly.

"What sort of thing were you thinking of making anyways? A soup or something? I like soup," he rambled, walking within Isa's personal bubble, "then again mushrooms go good with meat too. Ugh, I can't decide which one I'd like more."

Isa wasn't sure he  _ wanted _ to have a puppy. 

"It's a surprise," he replied bluntly. "I'm confident that you'll enjoy it... Now, here..." He'd found a stall with mushrooms and surveyed them briefly. "What's your favorite kind? Surely you have one. I've never been fond of the things, myself, so I couldn't choose. My mother preferred bella... but perhaps you're a portabella man."

Terra looked excited by the idea of a surprise. He looked around at the mushrooms, not quite remembering which one had been his favorite. He remembered what it looked like cooked in one of his favorite meals, but… he'd never exactly helped make it. So he didn't recognize it as easily. He pointed at smaller, round, brown ones. 

"I think those ones were. Eraqus always had them chopped up, so I'm not completely sure. But I bet it'll taste good no matter what you make," he said, ending with a smile and a nod of satisfaction, "did your mom teach you how to cook?" He couldn't help but ask. That had been the first time Isa had mentioned a family.

Isa couldn't help it -- he actually  _ laughed. _

"Oh, heavens no --" he shook his head as he started to gather several of the better looking mushrooms from the kind that Terra had pointed towards. "Forgive me. I didn't mean to -- just, the idea of my mother actually  _ cooking. _ No, we had a cook for a while... though I don't remember those days very well. It was right around the time I turned ten that my parents suddenly lost the means of accruing their wealth -- it hadn't been entirely ethical, see, how they'd gotten the money."

He wasn't sure why he was opening up so much, yet here he was. Sharing his life story, practically. "My mother disappeared shortly after, and my father was entirely hopeless.  _ Someone _ had to feed us, and it wasn't going to be him. I did what I had to."

Terra tilted his head slightly and looked curiously at Isa. His brain was a little too sugar addled to fully find the meaning behind Isa's words, but he would remember them later and record them as "things not to ask too much about but take note of". Currently, he focused on the surface information.

"So you taught yourself how to cook? That's amazing! I could never do that. Eraqus stopped letting me help in the kitchen after I set it on fire," he said while subconsciously getting a little more in Isa's space, "I didn't know you came from money, guess that doesn't matter anymore. I technically do too, but Aqua is the Master of the Castle now, so I don't know if I'd get anything."

"I believe I said something similar yesterday, but... again, I've had the opportunity to learn beyond a shadow of a doubt that money is meaningless," Isa muttered as he grabbed a few more vegetables before heading towards checkout with them. "And it can be taken in moments. Now, I suppose... all I want is to live comfortably. The lap of luxury is tainted and poison, and I've no wish to go back... so don't concern yourself with what you may or may not receive. That's my advice, if it means anything."

Terra gave Isa an odd look before shrugging. 

"Eh, I never really lived fancy. I'll keep that in mind, though. Living comfortably has always sounded the best, and now that we don't have to worry about fighting anymore, that's what we can focus on. I mean, that's kinda what we're doing right now, right?" he said while leaning against Isa slightly, "I hope I can help you with that. You sound like you didn't like living how you had been before." His filter was gone, and it would not be returning.

Had Terra never  _ heard _ of personal space? Isa's eye twitched a bit as he ducked away from the touch as if it had never existed in the first place, or as if he hadn't noticed. It wasn't that the touch  _ bothered _ him...

...it was that it  _ didn't. _ And he wasn't yet ready to acknowledge that.

"I certainly did not," Isa replied simply, if a bit stiff. "And I suppose I truly do hope that changes. I've never  _ had _ a comfortable life -- I'm not completely convinced I know what it looks like. So, if you say we're currently doing, I suppose I trust that judgment."

Terra pouted a little when Isa pulled away. Yes, he knew what personal space was  _ in theory _ , but it was exactly in practice at the moment. He huffed slightly and followed Isa. He shook his head to be more pleasant.

"Well, this is definitely more comfortable than training all the time. Doing things our own way at our own pace. Kinda relaxed and normal. I'm used to training everyday, but I found that comfortable in a way. But I like this," he rambled, "I like doing this with you." He shot Isa a bright smile.

Isa looked towards Terra just in time to catch that beaming smile and had to quickly look away, unwilling to acknowledge the odd feeling it sparked in his chest. To make up for it, he scowled, and tried his best to retreat again.

"Yes, well..." he muttered. "I suppose your company isn't entirely unwelcome. It's better than handling mission reports."

Terra decided to take that as a compliment. He looked around with an exaggerated thinking expression. He felt like what Isa made sense in a way, even though he had no idea what he was talking about.

"So you were management? You were… the one in charge, second in charge," he said while scratching his head, "hmm… you always did a great job despite the, how'd you say it? 'Collective incompetence'? I think?" He chuckled slightly. "You'd probably do really well at a job like that, wouldn't you? Hopefully I'd be easier, though."

Isa had been about to speak up and agree that was one of the jobs he'd considered the most when he managed to process what the other man had said. He turned, expression somewhere between confused and a half-glare. 

"How -- how do you know that?" he growled.

It hadn't occurred to him that Terra might actually...  _ remember. _ Logically, he had a vague idea of the connection between Terra and the various incarnations of Xehanort, including his own former superior, but it was quite another thing to be faced with the reality. If Terra had Xemnas' memories... then, in addition to being connected to one of Isa's least favorite people, he also remembered  _ him. _

Terra blinked at Isa, confused, for a few moments. He put a hand to his chin and put the other on his hip. "I'm....not really sure," he said, looking as if he was trying to look inside his head, "that's....weird. I just  _ know _ it." He shrugged. It probably wasn't that important. "Why? Something wrong with that?"

If Terra didn't know where those thoughts were coming from... well, Isa certainly wasn't going to be the one to tell him. At least, not now. Probably not ever. Instead, he nodded, incredibly slowly, and kept his face carefully neutral.

"No," he replied, blunt and monotone. "Not at all. Perhaps you're simply... perceptive as to my character. You aren't exactly... incorrect. Think nothing else of it." He then started walking quite rapidly towards a cart selling baking supplies.

Isa's reaction definitely struck him as weird, but Terra didn't sense the mood well enough to know to give Isa space. He had enough energy to easily keep up with Isa's sudden quick pace. He stayed close. He liked being close. He was sick of not having people around and not being able to feel anything. So he was gonna stay close enough that he knew he wasn't alone.

"You do seem the really organized type. Know what you're doing all the time and stuff," he said absentmindedly, "it's good I have you around. I'm terrible at keeping things together."

"I assure you, there are plenty of things I'm quite terrible at keeping together," Isa muttered in response, finding it very hard to actually be cruel to Terra when he was being so... like he was. Still, what had just happened concerned him greatly... he'd have to remain wary, now.

"Chocolate or vanilla?" he asked, rather blunt, when they arrived at the stand. He started sifting through supplies, and had collected yeast and flour in a matter of moments.

Terra had an idea for a question. Something about what Isa could possibly be bad at. The idea seemed ridiculous.

But all thought of that was thrown out of his mind at the mention of any kind of sweet. 

"Chocolate!" he answered instantly, despite having no idea what Isa was asking this question  _ for _ , "I love chocolate. It's good in like any way!" He smiled excitedly while leaning in close to Isa.

Despite leaning backwards as Terra leaned towards him, Isa was unable to help from letting out a little laugh, a brief flash of a smile crossing his face. "Of course. Exactly as expected. . . You would be a fan of chocolate, wouldn't you?" he scanned over the stall for a moment before picking up a fancy looking bag of cocoa powder. Why he was splurging when he himself didn't like sweets... well, Isa wouldn't say.

Maybe it was because he wasn't thinking entirely straight, but something about seeing Isa smile just then felt distinctly… special. Terra's expression shifted into likely the stupidest grin, and he couldn't stop himself from wrapping his arms around Isa's shoulders in a loose hug.

"I like it when you smile," he said, squishing Isa slightly.

The -- the  _ personal space. _ Again.

This time, though, was more than any of the rest, save for whatever the hell had happened at night. Isa had frozen, near immediately, shoulders tense and rigid. His face flushed as he stared intently at the bag of cocoa powder in his hands.

He was tense, yes -- but he didn't pull away this time. Nor did he return the hug, but...

...He didn't mind it as much as he thought he should. Nor did he mind what Terra had said in accompaniment. He hadn't even noticed he'd smiled... but Terra appeared to have done so, and it caused an odd little flutter in his chest.

"Well, I --" he muttered, stiffly. "...I don't do it often. Consider it a compliment, I -- I suppose."

Terra held for a moment longer before releasing Isa. He was completely oblivious to how stiff Isa was. All he noticed was that time Isa hadn't pulled away. He smiled brightly.

"Maybe I'll just have to try harder to make you smile more often," he said while humming a little, "it'd be a shame to never get to see  _ that _ again. Sounds like I need to learn what makes you happy." It seemed like a worthy cause, one worth working for.

Isa swallowed very hard around an odd lump in his throat. He shifted for a moment, then shot Terra a glance, unable to bear the expression on his face, or his far too kind words.

He didn't think anyone had ever told him such things. Before he knew it, he found himself speaking, face flushed and voice a low growl.

_ "Stop being so irritatingly adorable." _

Terra looked blinked in surprise and stared at Isa for a moment. The growl had caught him off guard, but he quickly relaxed when he noticed the new tint on Isa's face. He gave a calm smile.

"No, I don't think I will," he said with a small chuckle. He didn't realize he had been being  _ adorable _ per se, but he didn't want to stop for some reason. Whatever he was doing, it was making Isa happy, right? At the very least, it was getting new reactions other than brooding indifference.

_ Insufferable. _

_ Entirely. Insufferable. _

Isa hadn't even realized he'd spoken aloud, or at a volume that Terra would have heard him. And yet -- that  _ response. _ It was the worst he possibly could have given. Those defiant words, coupled with the all too relaxed expression on his face was very quickly pissing Isa off.

At least, he  _ thought _ that was the emotion he was feeling.

Regardless, in the next moment, he'd seen completely red and all but thrown money at the cart vendor before grabbing the other man firmly by the wrist and dragging him off into a secluded corner of the market where they wouldn't be seen. In seconds, he had Terra cornered, a hand braced on the wall beside his head.

_ "What the hell is your deal?" _ he demanded, in that same low voice, as his face grew hotter.

Terra had been too shocked at being grabbed to resist being dragged. Suddenly, he was sort of pinned to the wall, one hand touching the wall behind him and the other trapped under Isa's grip. He stared, doe-eyed, for a few moments at Isa's face. It was hard to read Isa's expression at the moment, but Isa looked kinda angry? Not quite angry but equally fierce.

Unfortunately, self preservation systems were shut off right now.

"What do you mean?" he said, a little coy, with a small smirk.

Isa ground his teeth together, pulse racing in his ears. If he'd still had the ability, he might have been on the edge of berserk. That knowledge scared him, to think he'd grown this angry at another human being.

That look -- that  _ insufferable _ look on Terra's face -- he needed it gone. He was going to wipe it off, one way or the other.

He growled again, lips actually pulling back from sharp teeth into a snarl, and he thought for a tense moment and bashing that  _ gorgeous _ face in.

Instead, he found himself fisting Terra intensely by the collar and surging forward to crush his lips in a harsh, bruising kiss that was more a clash of lips and teeth than anything else.

Terra had fully expected to be punched directly in the face. He probably shouldn't have been taunting Isa, especially after they were alone where he could get slugged properly. The growling, baring teeth, and grabbing of the shirt only solidified the thought in Terra's mind. He quickly shut his eyes and braced himself for a hit.

But none came.

What did happen, was far more shocking. Isa had near slammed their faces together. It still hurt but not near as much as a solid fist to the face. His eyes had opened from surprise. Isa was… kissing him?

This couldn't really be called Terra's first kiss. He'd always known familial and friendly affection, but this was distinctly different. It was a lot more special somehow.

After a moment, Terra closed his eyes, and his free hand found Isa's waist. He wasn't really sure what he was doing, but he would allow this to continue.

For a moment, the only thing that Isa registered was the sensation of touch. He was kissing the other man hungrily, desperately, and very much as if he was angry at him. The touch to his waist only encouraged him, and he pulled Terra closer against him. Chests -- stomachs -- even their hips, for just a moment, all hot and desperate and pressed together in a way that Isa hadn't experienced in a long time, and  _ never _ with this amount of desire.

He felt  _ complete, _ an odd empty feeling that had been lingering in his chest  _ finally _ satisfied. Maybe it wasn't  _ hatred _ he'd felt for Terra at all.

In the next moment, Isa realized what he'd been doing.

His eyes snapped open in a flash and he all but pushed Terra away from him. He stared at him, wide-eyed, for a moment...

Then turned and practically bolted away.

Terra had never anticipated the intense mix of mostly new feelings. He had to admit, it was overall  _ very _ pleasant with only vague undertones of confusing. But since the pleasant out weighed the confusing, he had pulled Isa closer at the same moment as Isa had pulled  _ him _ closer.

He'd really never experienced this before. He could  _ feel _ something in Isa's actions. Something burning and intense. And for some reason… Terra wanted to match it. Yet he couldn't quite meet Isa. His seemed more gentle, perhaps, to him.

It felt… like some kind of special connection.

And then it ended.

Suddenly, he found himself alone with his back against the wall. A hand lifted to his lips. Then he realized that Isa had taken off.

"I-Isa!" he called after Isa while turning on his heal and taking off the direction he'd seen Isa go.

He looked around for Isa near desperately. Questions started filling his head in rapid succession. What had just happened? Why had it happened? Why had Isa started it and then took off?  _ Why had he not want it to stop? _

Isa hadn't gone far. No, he'd only managed to duck away a bit before sharply turning a corner and pressing himself to the wall, a hand clapped firmly over his mouth.

His mind was racing.

What the hell had he  _ done? _

He'd kissed a man. That much was obvious. He'd kissed  _ Terra _ \-- his roommate. Fuck. Fuck.  _ Fuck. _

How was anything supposed to go back to the way it was, now?

Why had he done that in the first place?

Why did he want to do it  _ again? _

He ignored how his hand was shaking when he pulled it away from his lips and stood from his place against the wall, turning with shaky legs to head back into the market. He couldn't just...  _ disappear, _ after all. He shared a room with the man.

He'd have to... pretend like it never happened.

He hesitated for a moment, spying Terra's form, and approached with a carefully neutral face before muttering a simple and monotone "Sorry."

Terra was looking around near desperately for any hint of blue. When he saw Isa approaching him, he instantly ran to meet him halfway. He doubted his emotions had ever felt this scrambled. He'd enjoyed the kiss, but he hadn't known why. Then he felt hurt when Isa had suddenly pulled away and ran. Had Terra done something wrong? But Isa had initiated it?

"No… Don't apologize... Just, what was that about?" he said while running a hand through his hair. He hoped he didn't seem like he hadn't enjoyed it. But his brain was kinda muddled at the moment.

Of course it wasn't going to be easy. Isa's jaw was clenched tightly, hands holding tightly to the grocery bag as he stared, quite fixated, at the ground.

_ "I have no idea what you're talking about," _ he growled back, shoulders tense and drawn up to his neck. Every ounce of happiness and progress he'd achieved was now gone in the wind.

Terra swallowed hard and shifted his weight between his feet. He looked at Isa's face, confused and slightly hurt.

With a deep breath, he grit his teeth. "Then why'd you apologize?" he said. He wasn't going to let his go undiscussed. Isa couldn't just  _ do _ that then act like it never happened.

"Just  _ shut the fuck up for once in your goddamn life, _ " Isa bit back immediately, words furious and coming out as an actual  _ snarl. _ He wasn't angry at  _ Terra _ \-- not really -- but he wished more than anything the other man would just let it  _ go. _

An unfair expectation, of course.

But if he had to bite his head off and push him away to get to that point -- then Isa would.

If there was one thing he was good at, it was getting people to hate him.

_ "You've been nothing but annoying since you've stepped into my life, so just -- back out. I did -- something -- to try to see if I could muster an ounce of affection for you, and I've never been more disgusted in my life. If you want to continue with whatever fallacy of a relationship we've had so far, I suggest you drop the subject this instant." _

Terra immediately shut his mouth at the command. Isa's sudden.... anger didn't make any sense. What did Isa want from him? Then the "explanation" came and only made it worse.

Pain flared in his chest. He thought they'd been becoming friends, getting along. Apparently he'd been wrong. He set his jaw to avoid showing his emotions. Everything was too conflicting anyways. And his stubbornness and pride mixed, forcing back tears that threatened to form.

"Fine," he said, hollow and cold, "lets just go… back to the apartment." He'd almost said home. But it really wasn't going to be one, was it? He didn't look at Isa as he started to walk towards their apartment.


	7. The Wrong Name

Why Isa actually followed, he didn't know. It just simply wasn't as if he had anywhere else to go.

He did, however, follow at a distance, and didn't look in Terra's direction when they arrived back at the apartment. He couldn't.

Part of him regretted the harsh words, but it had at least shut Terra up.

He'd stormed into the kitchen and started to put away what they'd actually managed to buy. His hands clenched briefly around the little bag of cocoa powder, and he quickly shoved it out of sight.

Terra didn't get far into the apartment before promptly sitting and burying his head into his arms, which were crossed on the table. Everything was all loud and muddled in his head. But the prominent thoughts were angry and hurt. Isa had initiated all of that and then had the gaul to get mad at  _ him _ for asking what the hell it all meant.

The part of Terra that wasn't furious out of his mind noticed the sounds of Isa putting things away. His instinct was to help. But he pushed it aside. Isa kept saying he didn't want Terra's help. So this time, he wasn't even going to try to give it.

The fact that Terra had stayed in the same room as him after Isa had entered frustrated him to no end. Of course, it was entirely unfair, and Terra had been here  _ first, _ but Isa wasn't currently in a very reasonable mood.

He should have left it alone.

He  _ should _ have.

He didn't know why he didn't, only that he was angry. Angry, and embarrassed, and doing whatever he had to to alleviate those feelings -- even at the cost of hurting someone else.

"So, what, you're just going to sit there and brood?"

Terra looked up slowly from his arms and glared darkly at Isa. He didn't say anything. Simply stared with eyes that didn't quite look like his.

The look on Terra's face caused something unpleasant to settle low in Isa's gut.

For a second, he'd looked like  _ him. _

That certainly didn’t help Isa not be an angry asshole, even as he knew he was being unfair and cruel.

He glared back, trying to meet the look in equal measure, and said something --  _ anything _ to get those eyes off of him. "Don't act so slighted -- not everyone is required to like you, dear  _ hero. _ "

Terra suddenly stood and glared more intensely. He was getting sick and tired of Isa treating him like this. All he had done was try to  _ help _ and then ask questions after  _ Isa _ kissed him. He'd done nothing wrong, and Isa was acting like Terra had personally insulted him.

"And I am not required to listen to your bitter tongue, dear  _ Saïx _ ," he growled, dangerously. He didn't know where that came from, but he was far too angry to think about it. Yet a small part of him immediately knew that he'd done something wrong. He'd never heard that name before? Why did he call Isa that?

The change in Isa's countenance was near immediate.

He recoiled, outright  _ flinched, _ almost as if he'd been hit. Or perhaps even  _ shot. _

The guarded, snarling façade he'd ever so carefully created shattered into pieces, leaving him wide eyed and perhaps the slightest bit  _ afraid. _ For now, at least, any stoicism was gone as he was bitch-slapped out of his self-pitying falsehoods.

He suddenly couldn't find it in him to be angry anymore, the overwhelming thoughts he'd been holding back suddenly crashing over him in his shock.

Shoulders hunched and starting to shake, he bowed his head, somehow managing to look completely unthreatening in stark contrast to how he'd been only moments before.

That name. That word that  _ preceded _ it. Isa suddenly wasn't sure if he wanted to cry, or tear out his own hair.

"You're right," he said instead, voice shaking barely above a whisper as he stared at the floor, looking for all he was worth like a beaten animal. "I'm -- I'm sorry. I . . . didn't mean any of it. . . and I've been . . .unfairly cruel to you. I'm sorry."

Terra realized exactly why that was the wrong thing to say. He didn't understand it fully, but he did understand how much it clearly upset Isa. Isa looked like he'd just slapped him into a wall. Less like someone snappy and proud, someone Terra had made smile, and more like someone that had been broken beyond repair far too many times, someone that may never smile again.

Guilt near instantly choked him, and he grit his teeth. He still felt  _ angry _ . It took him losing his temper for Isa to realize how unreasonable he was being? He took a slow, deep breath.

"Just..." what did he want Isa to do? He hated being alone, but this would only get worse if they stayed in the same room, "just go in there." He waved a hand towards the door to their room but made no move to go there himself.

It was pathetic really. He couldn't handle being alone so much that he'd essentially trap someone here? He sat and put his face back in his arms. Isa would have to walk past him to get to the front door.

Isa didn't realize until Terra had spoken that he'd been holding his breath. He only let it out, long and hitching, when he nodded in response to the order and forced himself away from the counter.

He shot a glance at the other man very briefly before staring back at his feet. Without a word, he forced them to move, and quietly did exactly as he was told.

Once in the bedroom, he sat delicately on the edge of the bed and stared at his hands, trying to ignore the blood rushing in his ears and the twisting, painful feeling in his chest.

He suddenly realized if he wanted so badly to not be seen as a monster, he'd have to stop acting like one.

Terra stayed silent and still as Isa walked away. He already hated the quiet. But hopefully the silence would help him think, right?

Wrong. All his thoughts and emotions were a scrambled mess. Isa needed help. **Then he should actually accepted it when it was offered.** _I was so cruel to him._ Why had Isa just suddenly kissed him? **Why did he initiate it only to demand not to talk about it then insult me?** _Why did he just shove me away?_ But it had been pleasant. **Apparently, I'm disgusting.** _Had I done something wrong?_

Clearly, thinking was going nowhere. Terra tried to clear his head, stop thinking. But it was impossible. He kept his face buried in his arms, and one hand started gently running through his hair. It was a comforting gesture Eraqus had done when Terra had been upset when he was younger. Anytime Terra would get angry or cry, Eraqus would always stroke his hair to help him calm down.

Pathetic… still holding onto old memories of the man he killed…

Time didn't particularly matter to Isa at that point, so he had no idea how long exactly he'd sat there with his thoughts.

It wasn't something Isa did often, and with good reason. It was overwhelming, crushing, and with every moment he could feel himself slipping into a familiar catatonia.

He knew, of course, why he'd been as cruel to Terra as he had. And his reasons didn't excuse the behavior, even if they explained it. Terra had been innocent. . . hadn't he? Isa had instigated everything, even gone so far as to  _ kiss _ the man, and had then demonized him for reacting.

That's why he wasn't angry the other man had used that name. He didn't need to think too deeply about how he suddenly knew it, nor that poison term of endearment. That didn't matter. All that mattered is that Isa had acted in a manner that had called that name to the forefront of Terra's mind, after Isa had tried so hard to distance himself from it.

Or. . .had he, really? Tried? Or simply ran, and desperately told himself he was different because he had a heart?

These thoughts plagued him until his mind finally run itself out and he all but fell into a restless sleep, curled into a tight ball on top of the covers. He hadn't even gotten undressed.

_ The man in the mirror was always there. If his dreams weren't memories, they were usually the mirror man. His words. . . they were cruel. _

_ Golden eyes glowing, snarling, teeth elongated and sharp. He insisted those who interacted with him were liars. That they only stayed with him because they were afraid. He was living in a charade. . . and one day it would break. _

_ And the man in the mirror would come out. He'd break through, glass and claws digging into his body like they did in the dream, blood running in a river down his limbs The mirror man would destroy him, and take his place. _

_ The pain was nothing. The cruel words were so much worse. He was crying by the time the mirror man grabbed hold of him, nails like daggers, and somewhat relieved despite his terror when the monster finally tore his throat out. _

Isa woke up with only a soft gasp, tears running down his cheeks that he didn't feel. His heartbeat was loud in his ears, and it was the only thing he could hear. He didn't realize that the darkness he was surrounded by was natural, and only because of night. A cloud had covered the moon, depriving him of even that precious light. Before he knew it, he'd fallen out of bed while trying to stand and forced himself to shaky feet.

No. He couldn't be back then -- he  _ couldn't. _ He  _ wouldn't. _ And yet -- he was dark, and alone, and afraid. Not of some outside force, but of himself. And he couldn't run from that.

The memory of teeth and mirror shards raced through his mind for a moment, and he nearly fell against the door before pushing it open and stumbling out, desperate to get somewhere --  _ anywhere _ \-- else.


	8. That Would Be Enough

Terra had stayed in the kitchen, face hidden in his arms against the table, for a long time. His pitiful attempt at comforting himself had mostly fallen flat. He supposed he didn't feel  _ angry _ anymore, simply hollow and sad. But that was still terrible.

Regardless of the actions leading up to it, he had hurt Isa. That name he had said, it was unfamiliar to him, but it was clearly something that Isa knew… and was hurt by. What did Saïx even mean? Somehow, he knew it was a name. One that was indeed meant for Isa. But he didn't know  _ how _ he knew that or  _ why _ saying it would invoke such a… terrified reaction.

Eventually, the wooden chair stopped being comfortable. Terra stood and moved to the couch in the living room area. He couldn't go into the bed room. Not right now at least. Isa likely didn't want to see him anyways. Dammit. How had he already screwed up his chance at a new home so badly? Just when it seemed that he and Isa were getting along... But, then again, he wasn't the one to kiss the other then refuse to talk about it to the point of getting angry.

Ugh.

He laid on his back, trying to ignore the quiet. He hated the quiet. There was nothing but white noise in the apartment, which any other tenant might enjoy, but Terra couldn't stand it. He'd spent far too long in silence. Ten years with his mind trapped in a wasteland, no emotions attached to the hollow shell of his armor. Ten years with his body stolen from him, doing whatever another pleased. Ten years with his heart bound inside a heartless, unable to speak or act on his own.

Yeah… he couldn't handle the quiet.

Terra covered his ears, as if that would somehow make the silent go away. He tried to hum, something faint and familiar that might make it even a little more bearable. It didn't do much…

Isa hesitated for a moment when he made it to the living room, panting and gaze fixed on the door.

Leave.

Get away.

Run.

The words raced through his head, filling him with a desire to  _ disappear _ in whatever way he had to.

He took a stumbling step towards it, not even knowing where he would go, but not caring.

Then he'd heard the humming and nearly sobbed with relief that he wasn't alone. He distantly recognized the presence as familiar, comforting in an odd way --  _ Terra. _

Who he'd hurt. He couldn't. . . hurt someone and then just disappear. Not again.

Drawn to the voice, the comfort, and spurred on by his own guilt, Isa made his way to the couch and settled down on his knees in front of it, his back towards the other man but incredibly close. He opened his mouth, but found no words, and put a hand on the cushion by Terra's head.

Terra heard footsteps and immediately jolted up slightly. Someone was here. Wait, he knew someone was here the whole time… technically. It was different when they weren't in the room too, ok? Plus, it had gotten dark without him noticing.

But then he realized who it was. He almost expected to hear the front door open then close. That was a rude thing to assume, but he couldn't help it. Isa had wanted to leave before. He was just going to end up alone again.

He closed his eyes, trying not to tear up, and waited for the inevitable sound.

But… it never came.

Instead, he could hear Isa get closer and felt a hand near his face. He could see the vague outline of Isa's back when he opened his eyes.

Why was Isa here? Didn't he want to leave? Was Isa still upset?

Timidly, he brushed his hand against Isa's. "Isa?" he whispered, hoping saying something wouldn't scare Isa away.

The place where their hands touched nearly felt as if it was on fire. It was remarkable, really, how such gentle touches affected Isa so. He'd never really had them -- every touch he'd received for most of his life had been with the intent to harm, either from himself or the other party.

He'd never had someone lovingly hold his hand. Never really been hugged. . . aside from Lea, a few times, and Isa always shoved him off.

Because those gentle touches were simply too much, nearly electric on his skin. It nearly hurt in its intensity, but he found himself suddenly craving it so badly he couldn't find it within him to care. He tried to speak again, but failed to find any words that could possibly express what he was currently feeling.

Instead, he turned a little, and instead of moving away from the near painful feeling in his hand, he searched for more. Hesitantly, he moved his hand over Terra's and slowly laced a few fingers together, barely touching yet more than he'd ever really had in such a context. Certainly anything more gentle than he'd ever initiated.

_ "I'm sorry," _ he managed to whisper after a moment, knowing the words weren't sufficient. Not at all. But, for the moment, they were all he had.

Maybe Terra had just been alone too long. Maybe he'd been in the quiet too long. Maybe he'd felt cold and empty too long. Whatever the reason, he suddenly grasped Isa’s hand, seeing what Isa did as the ok to do more. He hadn't even noticed when his hands had started shaking. Gently, he pulled Isa's hand close to press it against his forehead.

"Stop that," he said quietly, "I… shouldn't have said that to you. I don't know where it came from, but I knew it would hurt you." He grit his teeth and closed his eyes. This wasn't enough. He couldn't risk doing this wrong. He couldn't be alone.

In a quick movement, Terra sat up slightly and wrapped both arms around Isa. It was selfish to get into Isa's personal space when he knew Isa didn't like it. But the rest of his emotions didn't care. He needed everything to convince himself that someone else was  _ there _ . It would be a bonus if Isa didn't pull away, but, even if Isa did, maybe this would be enough.

"Just..." Terra found himself suddenly choked up, tears forming in his eyes, "please don't go..." It was soft, barely audible. Maybe it was futile to hope that the words would be listened to. But what else could he say?

The touch of their hands had been like fire. When Isa was hugged, it was as if he'd been placed in an electric chair.

For a moment, his heart stuttered, every touch to his skin far too much even through his clothes. He went rigid, almost as if he was in rigor mortis, and didn't move for a few moments -- not even to breathe.

He hadn't expected this. Not in a million years. Part of him had been convinced that Terra was going to yell or force him away . . . call him that  _ name _ again and throw him back into the dark bedroom. Or simply ignore him . . . which might have been worse.

Then, he started shaking. He was being  _ held, _ after everything -- shown a comfort he'd never known. He'd never even considered accepting it.

But now. . . he was shaking in Terra's arms, then sniffling as he started to cry. In the next moment, not only had he not pulled away, he'd all but melted in the other man's arms and was suddenly hugging him back far tighter than Terra had held  _ him. _ Burying his face in the brunette's chest, he let out a hitching sob.

And simply shook his head no.

Terra had expected rejection. The sudden shock like he'd had earlier when Isa had ran. The loneliness that came after. He didn't want it, but he expected it.

Then Isa held tighter.

He was shocked, but in a good, maybe the best, way. Immediately, he pulled Isa closer. If Isa was gonna hold that tightly then so was Terra. He shifted somewhat as to half drag Isa up onto the couch with him, not once loosening his hold.

He was definitely crying. Not as fiercely as Isa seemed to be, but he was crying. His tears had always been more quiet. Even when he was young.

Gently and ever so slowly, he brushed his hand down the back of Isa's hair. He made quiet shushing sounds. It was to calm himself as much as it was to calm Isa.

It was odd, really, how suddenly and completely Isa had given it. In seconds, he'd gone from barely tolerating the touch to craving it more than anything, and had willingly climbed onto the couch when Terra had attempted to move him. He knew, logically, in some distant capacity, that he'd deny this in the morning. Or at least, he'd return to his more dignified self. Isa never stayed weak for long.

Yet, he was weaker now, more vulnerable, than he had ever been. His tears slowed quickly, though he remained wet-eyed and letting out strangled noises. He didn't know what he was doing, or what he was trying to  _ express, _ but he knew that words had failed him and these frankly humiliating noises were coming out completely unbidden.

What had happened to the proud Luna Diviner? Why had he suddenly given  _ everything _ to a near stranger? Why didn't he  _ mind, _ at least for the moment?

The sobs became more infrequent as he started to relax, the gentle hand in his hair encouraging the odd puddle he was suddenly turning into. He noticed, dimly, that Terra smelled nice. . . comforting, grounding, almost like Isa's own. . . shampoo. Odd. At the moment, however, he simply couldn't care.

_ "I'm sorry," _ he said again, voice strangled and muffled by the fact that he was all but hiding in the other's chest. "I -- I didn't mean it, I promise. Please, I -- please believe me." He sounded near desperate, and clung to Terra as if he'd disappear any minute.

Terra kept Isa close to his chest. He didn't get why, but he felt the overwhelming need to comfort Isa. Maybe it was a bit selfish. If Isa felt safe and ok right now, then he'd stay, right? That seemed a bit deceitful to Terra. But... he couldn't stand the thought of being alone, and he had almost been certain that that was about to happen. Would it be ok to be a bit selfish then? Just in this case?

With that thought, he buried his face into Isa's hair, quickly wiping his face off before doing so. Truthfully, he really did want to help Isa too. Guess Isa was right to call him a "hero type". He saw a need and wanted to help. Was there anything wrong with that? He didn't think so. And… since Isa was willingly breaking down like this then… it must mean he was accepting the help, right? At the very least, he wasn't rejecting it.

"I believe you," he breathed gently. He wasn't exactly sure what Isa was referring to. It almost didn't matter. Isa sounded sincere, and that was enough for Terra.

"I don't know why you act like this," he said quietly, "I don't know what happened to you to make you so tense and aversive. But… whatever happened… I won't let it happen again. I wish I could have stopped it in the first place. You deserve a chance to relax too. I'll listen. I'll quit asking questions. I'll give you space if you want it. I want to help you, and… I really hate being alone. So, just… don't leave. I like your company."

For a moment, Isa was sure he'd heard Terra correctly. How could he possibly enjoy his company? Especially after all he'd done to force him away. Why was he so -- encouraging, so  _ kind, _ so insufferably sweet and -- going out of his way to make Isa feel comfortable and welcome and -- holding him as if  _ Isa _ had been the one that was hurt.

It was  _ awful. _ It was  _ confusing. Insufferable. Infuriating. Idiotic. _ It was everything Isa had thought he'd  _ hated _ in Terra.

It was wonderful.

It was too much.

Isa didn't deserve it -- he knew that. And the fact that he was getting it  _ anyway _ . . .

He buried himself as deep into the embrace as he could, afraid of showing his face and wanting as much of the electrifying, still terrifying touch as he could have. "I'll tell you . . . someday," he mumbled. He didn't have the energy to do so, now. "I'll tell you what happened. . . but it's not an excuse. I shouldn't, I -- I shouldn't -- still be like this. . . I shouldn't have been so cruel to you . . .”

"You're not disgusting. Not at all. I . . . I won't leave. I don't  _ want to leave. _ "

Terra wasn't sure how much closer he could hold Isa without popping his head off or something, but he held tighter anyways. It was unintentional, but he breathed in Isa's scent. The smell was… oddly comforting. He didn't know why, but it was. So, he buried his face further in Isa's hair. It almost felt selfish to keep seeking more comfort. But he needed it. So desperately. Ten years without a body probably doesn't do a person good.

He kept stroking Isa's hair. It was. . . soft, and nice to touch. Plus, it seemed to be an ok thing to do. At least, Isa hadn't told him to stop. The more Isa spoke, the better Terra felt. Simply hearing another human voice was helping enough on its own, but hearing Isa being so sincere and open made everything so much better. Especially those last few words. Isa… didn't want to leave? Isa didn't want to leave. He wasn't going to end up alone again.

"It's ok," he said softly, "I figured you didn't mean it. You wouldn't have stayed if you did. It's ok. I forgive you. I'll listen to whatever you tell me, whenever you say it. I want you around, Isa."

A thought occurred to Isa as he lay there, more broken and relaxed than he'd been since immediately after his recompletion. Terra had said he hated being alone . . . in fact, the thought almost seemed to scare him. Perhaps, then, it wasn't that he particularly wanted  _ Isa _ by his side, but  _ anyone. _ That would explain how far he'd gone out of his way to make him stay. . . to feel welcome. . . it explained how he'd followed him around like an excited pet, and crushed him in his sleep. That more than explained his willingness to keep Isa by his side. . . and the intensity with which he now held him.

And yet, in this moment and despite the realization, Isa didn't care. All he cared was that his tears had finally tapered off, muscles that had been held tense every waking moment suddenly relaxed. That hand, warm and soft despite being calloused, carding through his air almost expertly. Isa had always been weak for touches to his hair. . . and Terra seemed to be knowing all the right buttons to place, whether he was aware of that fact or not.

"I don't pretend to understand why you do," Isa eventually whispered in response, pretending it wasn't a bit of a lie. "But . . . I'll accept it, anyway, even though it makes no sense. . . because I'm starting to want to be around."

Terra's breathing gradually slowed. The loneliness was gone. The risk of being left alone was gone, too. So, he could relax. Relax and just enjoy the closeness. He tried not to think about it too much, despite all the questions in his head. There were still a lot of things he wanted answers for, but… right now that didn't matter.

What mattered was that Isa wasn't leaving and was right  _ here _ . It probably would seem dumb, but he'd really needed some kind of physical touch. Sometimes it felt like he wasn't quite in his body without touching  _ something _ . Luckily, Isa seemed particularly willing to do so at the moment. He was grateful for that. Had he been alone much longer, it likely wouldn't have ended well.

"Good, I'm glad," he whispered back, closing his eyes, "if you're going to share, then I will too. It's only fair after all. Then you'll understand." Though, he almost dreaded saying the things he felt and thought aloud. He hadn't even been brave enough to tell Aqua or Ventus…

Share? Terra was going to share something with him? Well, that certainly came as a surprise, though not an unwelcome one.

Isa felt, in that moment, that he'd listen to anything Terra had to say to him. There was something about the quality of his voice, as well as his personality, that was just entirely  _ warm. _ They hadn't known each other for long, and yet, Terra had done more for Isa than anyone else in recent memory. Emotionally, at least. And there was no pity in his eyes. . . nor fear. There was that moment of anger, but beyond that, he'd only ever tried his best to make Isa feel welcome.

Then there was the fact that he hadn't danced around any situation. He wasn't afraid of setting Isa off -- he'd told him directly when he was being cruel, and had refused to let him self destruct. He thought, briefly, of Terra bandaging his hand. . . hands that could have been strong, forceful, and cruel, impeccably gentle and warm.

It was then that Isa realized what was happening to him, and stiffened briefly in the embrace. He let out a sudden rush of air, suddenly stunned out of the rest of his breakdown at the realization that not only did he  _ hate _ Terra, he may actually . . .

Isa forced himself to relax again, those thoughts not currently something he was willing to deal with. Instead, he made a decision. A decision to not allow himself to be self-destructive, or hurt someone who was quickly growing close to him. He didn't know how Terra felt about him, and didn't want to know, afraid that knowledge would only hurt. But right now, he could hold him, and allow himself to be held, without fear of judgment from one of the kindest people he'd ever met. . . or even, right now, from himself.

"I'll listen," he replied quietly, allowing his eyes to close. "I'll listen to anything you tell me. I want to understand. . . I want to try . . . instead of running. I want to. . . find my home here."

He ignored a painful lurch in his chest that was trying desperately to tell him he already had.

The weight of Isa on his chest was oddly comforting in a way Terra had never thought about before. It was almost like a weighted blanket but better. Blankets always made him too hot, but Isa was cool, not enough to be too cold to touch but enough to be able to relax. Plus, something about feeling the rise and fall of Isa's chest was… calming. Just move proof of another person, a physical person, being there. A friend, hopefully, that he could rely on and simply have for companionship. He wouldn't force anything, but he hoped Isa wouldn't mind a small bit of clinginess every once in a while, like right now.

Having Isa here just felt like it centered everything. Kept everything together in this moment. Not scattered across different worlds or memories. There wasn't overlap from another time. It was just him and Isa right now. All of him.

He shifted slightly to be more laying on the couch. With Isa here, he was quickly starting to relax and realize that he was  _ tired _ . Since when did all these emotions take so much  _ energy _ . He supposed they should probably be some form of productive. They hadn't exactly… done that much. But he didn't want to let go. He didn't want to lose hold of whatever was happening right now. For some reason, he didn't expect it to happen again anytime soon.

Isa's soft, more emotional, voice was gradually becoming one of Terra's favorite things. Isa sounded so relaxed, so sincere. It made him oddly proud to have gotten Isa to whatever point this was. 

"I want to find it too," he said, running fingers through Isa's hair slowly, "I hope I find it here too. I would love a place I know I could come back to."

"Then . . . let's find it. . ." Isa murmured sleepily, unable to resist from nuzzling the warm body beneath him just a bit as he found himself starting to drift off. ". . . I'll stop fighting . . . work on building it, I promise, just. . . promise you won't grow to hate me?"

He was tired, and broken, and in these odd hours revealing insecurities he'd deny in the light. Isa didn't think he'd be able to handle that. Perhaps that's why he'd tried to drive Terra away quicker. . . he couldn't stand to see that warm expression twisting into disgust, as he was so sure would happen. Especially if Terra  _ remembered him. _

Regardless of the feelings Isa was starting to realize, it was enough to simply not be hated. That's all he wanted. . . just this one night of being held, and a single person in his life who held neither hate nor pity for him.

That would be enough.

Terra opened his eyes slightly and looked down at Isa. Why did Isa think he'd hate him? Sure, it had been frustrating when Isa had seemed to be dead set on pushing him away, but he couldn't  _ hate _ Isa for it. Especially not with all those moments where he softened. Those moments were too precious to forget somehow.

"I could never hate you," he said, gentle and sincere, "so lets be a team. I want us to work together."

He stopped stroking Isa's hair, simply resting his hand on Isa's upper back, fingers still laced in the locks. It was so easy to relax like this. Why was it so easy to relax like this? Maybe he didn't need that answer right now. Maybe he'd just enjoy it.

With that, he relaxed and closed his eyes back. It didn't take long for him to fall asleep. Hopefully tonight would be a good night too.

Isa had already started to fall asleep, completely exhausted from the day's emotional turmoil. He did, however, manage to catch Terra's words before he drifted off. . . and for the first time, he smiled as he fell asleep, though it was small and reserved.


	9. Sleep-Summoner

As safe and warm as he felt, and though he'd managed to have no dreams, he found himself waking in a slight panic some hours later.

The panic was caused by Terra's belt buckle, which had started to press quite sharply into Isa's lower belly. He'd found his breath hitching, waking quickly in assumption that there was a weapon turned against him, and found himself quite silly when he realized what it really was.

Trying to settle back down, he realized he'd never gotten undressed, and found himself unable to fall back asleep -- as much as he wanted to. So, grumbling a bit, he climbed off of Terra as gently as possible and quickly darted to their bedroom to change. Once he had done so, it suddenly occurred to him that Terra had still been fully dressed. . . hence the belt buckle. He glanced around the room for a moment, trying to find where the other man had put his pajama pants. . . he might as well bring them back with him. . . perhaps he could convince Terra to change and move to their actual bed.

Ah -- there. Under his pillow. . . neatly folded. Isa blinked down at the garment for a moment, recognizing distantly the manner in which they were folded. Shaking his head, still groggy from sleep, he turned to head back into the living room.

Terra really had been sleeping peacefully. The cool weight on his chest somehow made it so much easier to stay asleep, nightmare free. In fact, he might have been having his first pleasant dream in months. It was almost like a memory to him with how real it appeared.

_ Terra was sitting in one of the many courtyards of Land of Departure. It was a beautiful, clear night, perfect for looking at the stars. Aqua and Ventus were on either side of him. It was just like old times. Everything was normal and relaxed. They were talking and joking together. Just like always. But something felt like it was missing.. _

_ Suddenly, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders along with a comforting and familiar embrace. Terra smiled up at the face of his father. Everything was perfect again. His family all together at home, with no lingering shadows to dampen the moment. _

_ Until everything went black for a moment. When Terra could see again, everyone was gone, and he wasn't at home anymore. It was just dark. He kept turning on his feet, looking all around him. It seemed like he blinked and suddenly he was surrounded by barren wasteland. An all too familiar sight. One by one, he could feel his emotions slipping away until all he felt was empty. He looked down at his hands but only saw his armor. _

_ No! He quickly backed away, only to slam his back into an invisible, back in the endless darkness. He tried to call out for someone. Aqua, Ven, Eraqus, anyone! But...his mouth wouldn't open. He grasped at his face, trying to pull off the white 'X' that covered his mouth. It wouldn't budge. It was almost like it was attached. It even hurt to pull. _

_ In desperation, Terra summoned his keyblade and tried to cut the binding off his face. It wouldn't work. He was silent. And alone. All alone. He fell to his knees and clutched his head. He would have screamed. _

And yell he did as he jolted awake and into a sitting position, keyblade in hand. There was a shallow scratch on his cheek from summoning it too close to his face. He was panting, staring straight ahead. Where was he? Was anyone else here? Why was he here? When had he gotten here? What had just happened?

Isa had managed to enter just in time to see Terra bolt upright, screaming as if he was being killed. For a moment, he panicked and backed up a step, both eyeing Terra's keyblade warily and searching for some threatening enemy with narrowed, searching eyes.

It only took a moment for him to realize there wasn't one. In the next, he'd recognized Terra's posture, the look on his face, the distant look in his eyes. . . and the exact nature of that scream. Isa was no stranger to nightmares. . . not at all.

He then realized that maybe the reason why Terra didn't seem to mind that Isa was so broken was because he wasn't completely whole, himself.

That realization caused something soft to take over Isa's entire being, something entirely unfamiliar, and he found himself moving closer to the other man, hands held out in front of him as he held the pajama pants under his arm.

". . . Terra . . .?" He murmured, in a soft but clear voice. "Are you alright. . .?"

Terra hadn't moved, still looking straight ahead, Keyblade in hand. He hadn't even blinked. The only movement was his chest as he breathed, rapid and uneven.

He flinched at the sound of another voice, but hearing his name made his vision come into focus. He blinked for a moment before slowly looking around. He was...in the apartment...with Isa...safe... Then he noticed the Keyblade in his hands and instantly dismissed it.

"I didn't hit you, did I?!" he asked, looking at Isa in panic. Dammit. He knew this was going to happen eventually. He didn't break anything, did he? Please let him have not attacked Isa in his sleep.

"What?" Isa frowned a bit, looking confused and concerned, and shook his head. "No -- no, you haven't hurt me."

Those words were . . .concerning, for numerous reasons, but Isa forced all of those reasons aside as he closed the distance between them and caught sight of the wound on Terra's face. Though minor, Isa couldn't stand the sight of the thing -- hurting,  _ marring _ such beautiful skin --

\-- He forced  _ that _ thought aside, too.

" . . . You've hurt yourself, though," he said, reaching out to touch and  _ barely _ stopping himself. ". . . But everything else is alright. I promise you . . . wherever you just were, you aren't there now."

Terra tried not to flinch when Isa reached for his face, but it was hard not to. But when Isa hesitated, he moved slightly towards the touch. Everything felt shaky and cold. He needed to feel something. Something that proved he was all here.

"I'm sorry," he said quickly, "I just...you would have been close, and I...have broken stuff before..." His legs curled slightly closer to his chest.

Why did this have to happen? Nothing was like that anymore! Like any of it! Not even the good parts exist anymore! He shouldn't be wallowing in the past, even in his dreams. He looked down towards the ground.

"I'm sorry..." he muttered.

It was all too clear to Isa that Terra still wasn't alright, and he knew all too well how acclimating to reality after having such a break could be.

"There's . . . nothing to be sorry for," Isa replied after a pause. His hand was hanging a bit awkwardly in the air near his side, both wanting to reach out and comfort the other man and dreading what would happen if he did. Isa wasn't exactly well versed in comforting people in the first place, and was suddenly very much out of his element.

Honestly, a part of him wasn't certain why he was even trying. Yet, here he was, nonetheless. A bit awkwardly, he decided to bite the bullet. He'd done enough odd things today -- what was one more? So, he settled himself down on the very edge of the couch next to Terra, not close enough to be touching but still far closer than he typically would have placed himself. That lingering hand then settled just barely on Terra's shoulder.

". . . Really. Don't apologize. I. . . understand very well. If you need to talk . . . or remind yourself where you are, I'm here."

He didn't know where the words were coming from. But Isa had never had someone do the same for him, and he was starting to realize how much he may have needed it. He'd woken far too often himself from painful memories, not knowing even what world he was in . . . or what color his eyes would be should he dare to look in a mirror.

He suddenly felt that if Terra's pain was anything like his when Isa woke up, alone and disoriented, that he'd likely do anything he could to take it away.

Terra slowly leaned his head onto Isa's hand, ignoring how awkward the angle was for his neck. Having Isa touching him helped. He felt a little more  _ there _ . Hopefully his face wasn't bleeding enough for it to be a problem. He didn't even feel the cut that Isa had seen. That was the first time he'd managed to hurt himself from a nightmare..

"Sorry," he said before shaking his head slightly, "I should have warned you about that. Sometimes I get nightmares that end up with me fighting something and..I guess my brain doesn't fully realise it's a dream. So I actually summon my Keyblade..."

He moved a little closer to Isa. He was able to feel everything so far and speak. It was just a dream. He looked down at his hands. Fleshy, not armor. Even after speaking, he still touched his cheek, just to make sure nothing was there. There didn't seem to be anything there.

He went quiet, staring at his hands. It had started so pleasant. Such a perfect false reality. Just to be torn away again. He supposed that was only fair. He was the one that destroyed his first home anyways.... Tears slowly formed in his eyes without him realizing it.

It wasn't exactly difficult for Isa to see how distraught Terra still was, and how badly this nightmare seemed to have affected him. Isa had gone into a momentary little panic, completely unsure of how to bring comfort to the man in front of him.

Having never been one to give nor receive comfort, he wasn't exactly well-equipped to handle the situation. He'd done more in his life to  _ cause _ tears to form than to stop them, to be quite honest. . . and usually he'd found a terrifying amount of pleasure in their presence. These. . . not yet fallen, yet still visibly wetting Terra's eyes, did not bring that same pleasure. Far from it, in fact.

He wasn't sure exactly what Terra had gone through, but he could imagine. Something had clearly broken the man, and he was trying desperately to be alright and have a happy life despite it. . .

A better person than Isa, then, who had allowed himself to crumble.

Still, the thought that Terra might summon a keyblade in their bed wasn't exactly a comforting one. . . but the nightmares hadn't plagued him the night they'd spent together. . .

It was then that Isa remembered what Terra had  _ done _ the night they'd quite literally slept together.

"It's alright. . . after fighting for as much of your life as you had, I'd be surprised if you didn't have such problems. . . " Isa murmured, and gave the shoulder in his hand a squeeze. Then, a bit hesitant, he licked his lips and spoke up "Would you . . . like a hug?"

Terra almost wanted to change the subject. He almost wanted to find something, anything, to talk about that was the farthest away from the inner workings of his mind. He almost wanted to force a smile and a conversation to forget all he just saw. Just noise. Just forgetting. But he couldn't forget. The nightmare would just repeat in another way later. Maybe in even worse ways.

But… he wanted comfort more. So, he simply grabbed Isa and pulled him into a hug. Isa had offered, so that meant it was ok, right? He hoped so. He buried his face into Isa's shoulder and held tightly. Someone was  _ here _ . Someone that wanted to be here with him. Not to mention that Isa's presence was calm… comforting almost.

He tried not to cry as he spoke. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be acting like this. It was just a dream," he muttered.

“Please don't apologize," Isa murmured back, hating how his impulse was to grow tense in the hold he'd outright offered. He made a conscious effort to relax, letting out a breath and a moderate amount of tension as he wrapped his arms gently but securely around the other man and held him as tightly as he dared.

He'd never admit how good it felt to hold him, and be held tightly in return. For the first time. . . hell, maybe in his entire life, Isa felt truly  _ needed. _ It suddenly didn't matter to him, not at all, that he was just a placeholder. . . . just someone, anyone, a living body that kept Terra from being alone. That was the only explanation for this, after all. And he truly didn't mind. For however long he'd be able to hold this place. . . he would. As long as he was allowed.

That warm, thudding feeling in his chest was far too good for Isa to break away from, even though it was equally painful.

"I know very well how often dreams can be. . . they make everything seem dark," He continued softly, turning his head a bit to nuzzle just slightly into Terra's hair. The scent was grounding . . . and all too familiar. "They aren't only dreams. . . they're what you're mind is afraid to face when you're awake. They're you . . . and not you . . . and real, and not real, and they're awful. I've found they hurt far more than any wound. . . so don't think for a second you're weak for having one hurt you."

For however tight Isa held him, Terra held tighter. He really ought to be more careful. He could hurt Isa if he didn't check his own strength, and the last thing he wanted to do was hurt Isa. He didn't want to hurt Isa and make him want to leave. He didn't want anything that made him end up alone again. Maybe it was selfish to think like that, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't be alone.

Isa's words meant more than Terra could really express. It was hard to really think of those dreams as separate things when they felt so real. Though, they were obviously false at the same time. It was disorienting and upsetting. He stayed quiet for a moment, mulling over Isa's words.

"...Thank you, Isa," he said quietly, not letting go in the slightest, "That… means a lot. It's hard to remember that sometimes…”   
  
"Then I suppose it's my job to remind you," Isa replied simply, in a carefully neutral but quiet tone. He'd started to move a bit, almost without realizing, a hand rubbing circles into Terra's back. He didn't mind at all how tightly he was being held. . . not now, at least. There was a time he would have forced the other man away.

Something odd was happening to him that he simply didn't have the energy to pay attention to. Not as he took pride in the thought of chasing away whatever nightmares had plagued Terra's mind. . . not as he unconsciously moved a hand to card through the back of his hair.

". . . I brought your pajamas," he said softly, after a moment. " . . .When you're ready, you can change. . . and come to bed. You'll rest better. I . . . won't leave you, if that helps."

Terra felt the stress of his nightmare gently ebb away with Isa's soothing touches. He rested his head on Isa's shoulder the second he felt the hand in his hair. The simple action relaxed him in a familiar yet new way. And he welcomed it entirely. The gentle massage into his back relieved the tension, and he felt himself going back to the relaxed state he had been in before.

"You do your job well then," he mumbled while loosening his hold just slightly, "thanks... I guess it'd been more comfortable in bed, wouldn't it?" He let out a half-attempt at a chuckle, but it fell a little flat.

After a moment and a few deep breaths, he pulled away just enough to look at Isa's face. He'd barely avoided tears. That was a relief at least. "You won't leave?" he asked quietly, "I thought I'd made you uncomfortable..."

"Well. . .” Isa paused for a moment, his hands stilling but not pulling away. Then, surprisingly, he let out a quiet but genuine laugh.

"I won't deny that you do. . . I've been more 'uncomfortable' for these past few days than I have in quite some time. See, I'm used to pain. . . and I've found that I've been constantly waiting for it to start. And it. . . never has. Only this persistent discomfort. . . because this is all so very unfamiliar to me. . . "

A bit hesitant, he actually met Terra's eyes and offered the faintest of smiles. He felt oddly exposed. . . visible.  _ Seen. _ He couldn't say it didn't make him want to flee, but. . . something was different, now. He had a reason to be. Something concrete, and understood, and something he could do to serve a purpose.

". . .That discomfort. . . I don't think it's a bad thing. Maybe we have to be unsettled for a moment, when things are changing. . . and a little discomfort is good. Or, at least, it's better than where I've been. I'm sorry for making you feel as if you were causing me harm . . . I'm simply not very good at handling kindness. But I'm . . . trying. So, no, I won't leave you. I. . .well, I  _ want _ to make sure you're alright."

Terra stared at Isa, wide eyed in surprise. He'd have never expected such a confession. Isa seemed the type to never say all he was thinking, yet what he'd just said had been so sincere and open. Had something caused that? Maybe it was just because he wanted to comfort him? It was possible, but it felt like there was more than that. But Terra didn't know what.

Slowly, he smiled softly. There was some odd feeling in his chest, which he took as appreciation and maybe a small bit of fondness. Isa really cared, and Terra had actually been helping him. Plus, Terra found he really liked Isa's more relaxed smile. It was something small and special. He was glad that Isa was with him.

"I would never hurt you," he said genuinely, omitting the 'on purpose' part, "we're working together here, so I'll do my best not to make you uncomfortable, but you're right. Change always brings its own discomfort till you get used to the new stuff."

He took a deep breath and smiled a little more. "And you will get used to it. It just takes time," he said before pulling away ever so slightly, "so… thank you for helping me out… and for staying around."

"I think perhaps I need to be a bit uncomfortable," Isa answered truthfully, with a little shrug. He honestly had no idea why he was being so open. . . perhaps it was just that sort of night. "You don't have to thank me. . . I'm happy to do so, oddly enough."

It was odd to him how incredibly happy he was to see Terra smiling again. The sheer amount of pleasure he felt at having helped the other man feel better was almost overwhelming. . . Isa didn't think he'd  _ ever _ successfully comforted someone before.

He smiled again, and moved to stand, trying to gently tug Terra up with him. "And if I'm going to be helping you, my next step is to make sure you get some actual sleep . . . so come with me, please? Allow me to care for that cut, and then settle in to bed. I insist."

Terra stood with Isa and shifted his hold to be holding on Isa's arm instead of holding him entirely, simply because it made it easier to stand. But he also still wanted to hold onto Isa. It seemed like a good compromise to him.

"I'll do my best not to make you unnecessarily uncomfortable then," he said with a small chuckle then he sighed, "guess I can't argue with that. It's only fair after all."

He smiled at Isa while glancing at Isa's bandaged hand. If he was going to help Isa (potentially forcefully), then he should be able to accept it.

Luckily, the cut wasn't deep at all, and Isa had to do very little but clean it off a bit and cover it with a bandaid. This was all, of course, while his blood rushed oddly in his ears at the thought that he was touching Terra's face.

"There you are," he murmured when he finished, fingers pressing almost tenderly on the edges of the bandages. He'd actually done his share of changing bandages in his life. . . though that wasn't something he liked to think about. "Oh, and here's your pants. . . " An odd journey they'd had, carried to the living room and back.

"Are you feeling better?" He asked quietly as he moved back to throw the packaging from the bandage away, glancing briefly in Terra's direction. The whole time, he'd refused to move out of the other man's reach. It wasn't difficult to tell that he needed to hold onto Isa for whatever reason. . . and Isa couldn't deny a part of him enjoyed, almost craved the touch, even as it set his nerves on fire. Terra was certainly only using Isa to ground himself. . .

But that didn't matter. Not at all. Isa was honored to be chosen for such a task. . . perhaps the best he'd been chosen for in recent memory. "Do you think you'll be able to sleep?"

Terra had stayed still as Isa took care of him. It had been a while since he'd been fussed over like this, though usually the person taking care of him was lecturing him about whatever stupid thing he had been to get himself injured in the first place. Isa didn't seem like the type to lecture unless it was truly necessary. Plus, it's not like he had hurt himself being clumsy. It's not like he had control of himself while he slept.

"Thanks," he said both for the patching and the pants, taking his pants as he said it, "I'm feeling some better... I'm not sure about sleeping yet, though." He quickly changed into his pajamas, facing away from Isa as he did. No need to make him  _ too _ uncomfortable.

He sighed slightly and sat on the edge of the bed. He was certainly tired enough to sleep. But the thought of sleeping just to see  _ that _ again… wasn't exactly appealing. But it hadn't started that way. It had started pleasant. Did something change? Or did his brain just like torturing him? He shook his head slightly. It wouldn't matter. Perhaps he deserved the nightmares.

Though it was a bit of struggle, Isa had managed to flush slightly less while glancing in the exact  _ opposite _ direction of Terra. There was an odd part of him, however, that despite his values wanted nothing more than to  _ turn around _ and look . . .

Isa didn't listen to that part of him, compelling as it was. Instead, he waited for the sound of the creaking bedsprings before turning around and approaching Terra from behind, settling himself down on the edge of the bed beside him. This was an insomnia he knew all too well . . . that reluctance to fall asleep, afraid of what inner demons would plague you the moment you fell beneath the waves of unconsciousness.

He didn't know what exactly Terra had seen in there. . . but he knew it wasn't anything he wished to experience again. ". . . I can read to you for a moment if you like," He murmured after a moment, not knowing what exactly to do to help, but wanting nothing more than to do so.

Terra stared at his hands for a moment before responding. Still not armor. And he knew from both Isa's care and talking that his mouth wasn't kept shut. Nothing was wrong anymore. He was there. All together. There was nothing to be afraid of… except his mind. Unfortunately, it had a lot of material to work with.

He really couldn't help but think of how it had started. It was almost like a memory before everything fell apart. Aqua and Ventus were by his side. His two closest friends. His siblings. And Eraqus was there, supporting him and loving him just like he had since Terra had been three. They had been happy. Complete. 

But Terra had fucked it up then, so his mind had to remind him now. Not that he ever forgot. One impulse decision while wallowing in angry and self pity, caused everything to shatter like a hammer hitting glass. Before he knew it, Aqua didn't trust him, Ventus's life was in danger, and Eraqus… was dead. Soon after, the need for revenge sent him into a fight he couldn't win, and he was stuck. Stuck in silence for ten years, in two different ways.

Terra kept staring down. He vaguely recognized that Isa had spoke, much less asked a question. It took a second to fully register in his mind. "Yeah," he said softly, "yeah, I'd really like that."    
  
Anything to distract himself from the noise in his own mind.

Terra was clearly lost in his head. . . and Isa knew very well that was a dangerous place to be. The only thing worse than being drug beneath those painful, nightmare filled waters by your dreams was willingly diving there yourself despite knowing that only pain awaited you.

Isa didn't know how to make it better. . . he doubted he even could. There were some things that simply didn't  _ get _ better, no matter how much time passed. And they certainly get better because of the actions of a near stranger. This was the most he could do -- offer Terra a lifeline, a safety device, to cling to instead of sinking beneath those dark waves.

He leaned over until he could reach the nightstand and grabbed his book of poetry before sitting back against the pillows, legs stretched out and crossed in front of him. He left plenty of room for Terra to settle down, but made no move to force him to do so. He turned through the book for a few moments, before settling on a particular poem. Easily, almost to the point that it was unconscious, he started to read. Voice soft, but clear, and as soothing as he could make it.

"This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

Some momentary awareness comes

As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,

Who violently sweep your house

Empty of its furniture,

Still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

For some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

Meet them at the door laughing,

And invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,

Because each has been sent,

As a guide from beyond."

Once there was room to do so, Terra got under the blanket and laid on his stomach. He wrapped his arms around his pillow. He buried his face into it in a way that would make most people question if he could breathe, but he could. Part of him wanted to hold Isa again in some way. It was comforting. An easy reminder that someone else was there. But hearing Isa's voice was enough. He could listen and fall asleep to that voice again and hopefully be ok.

Unlike last night, he actually listened to the words, not just the voice. Somehow, he felt the poem had been chosen for a reason. He tried to consider maybe applying the advice. Could all his guilt be leading to something better? It didn't seem like it. Guilt couldn't bring his family back. Guilt couldn't fix what he'd destroyed. But maybe… all this new stuff could help him ignore it. Maybe being with Isa and trying to build something different here would make it hurt less.

Terra moved slightly closer to Isa. "Thank you," he mumbled, relaxing more and more as Isa read, despite his thoughts.

“Again . . . there's no need to thank me. I don't mind." Isa continued to turn the pages of the book, pausing to adjust his glasses as he looked for another poem. There was another poem, one he'd avoided reading. One that hurt a bit too much to read.

A poem that felt too personal, almost as if it had been directly attacking him. He'd never been able to read it before without it causing him pain. . . but now. . . he had a feeling that it might have something to offer to the both of them. Hopefully, and for all Terra knew, he was choosing them randomly. . . even if Isa himself knew that was far from the truth.

"I'll . . . keep going, then. Let me know if you want me to stop. . . " He licked his lips, and took a deep breath.

"Lying, thinking

Last night

How to find my soul a home

Where water is not thirsty

And bread loaf is not stone

I came up with one thing

And I don't believe I'm wrong

That nobody,

But nobody

Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone

Nobody, but nobody

Can make it out here alone.

There are some millionaires

With money they can't use

Their wives run round like banshees

Their children sing the blues

They've got expensive doctors

To cure their hearts of stone.

But nobody

No, nobody

Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone

Nobody, but nobody

Can make it out here alone.

Now if you listen closely

I'll tell you what I know

Storm clouds are gathering

The wind is gonna blow

The race of man is suffering

And I can hear the moan,

'Cause nobody,

But nobody

Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone

Nobody, but nobody

Can make it out here alone."

Terra listened quietly, only occasionally shifting to be more comfortable. He turned his head to look at Isa as he read. With the exception of the previous night, it had truly been a long time since someone had read something to him other than mission reports and training texts. There was something special about this. Almost as if Isa was reading a part of himself aloud. It was clear in his voice and eyes that he truly felt the words as he spoke them. Terra couldn't help but feel mesmerized while listening.

The words rang true in his ears. He couldn't make it out of here alone. That much was obvious. He couldn't even handle a few hours alone in silence. Something told him that Isa hated being alone too, even though he'd constantly said he'd wanted to be alone. Well, it had been an obvious lie from the start anyways.

"You don't have to be alone," he said, eyes drooping slightly, "you really do want to stay here, right? Now neither of us have to be..."

Isa hesitated to answer, licking his lips and allowing the book to fall shut. That was an interesting remark, wasn't it? He was certain by this point that he did want to stay . . . and yet it had happened so quickly he still wasn't sure exactly why.

He'd told himself since his recompletion -- hell, for most of his life -- that he was better off in isolation. And, typically, that was correct -- being around other people  _ hurt. _ It rarely went well for him. All he ever seemed to do was cause harm. . . he didn't know how to fit in, to mesh with the rhythms of their lives. He'd had to be cruel for far too long to accomplish what he'd needed to, and he'd long ago forgotten how to be anything else. Even as a child he was stern and serious, and not the type of person to attract friends. Associates, perhaps. But not true friends. No one who wanted to be around him simply for his company. No one who genuinely seemed to care about what happened to him, outside of how it affected their own interests.

Except for Lea, of course. . . and Isa had drug him with him into hell.

It was different with Terra. Easy, almost, simply to have a conversation, or even sit in the same space. There was no pressure . . . or obligation. . . and there was that incredible warmth. That drive to make sure that Terra never  _ did _ feel alone. To be a better person, even if just to be worthy of enjoying that comfortable silence and staying by the other man's side. . .

He swallowed heavily, then answered in a soft voice, a hand shifting unconsciously towards Terra's body. ". . . I do. I would not lie about that. It is as you say. . . we're not alone anymore. And I’ll try my very best to keep it that way."

Isa was for chasing loneliness away. That was acceptable. It was a job he was able to fulfill, and he would do it with full commitment. He found himself hoping, however, with a twinge of pain, that Terra would find someone else. Someone better, who he actually wanted to be with, and wasn't simply forced to by proximity. He deserved that.

He deserved better.

Terra's eyes drifted shut, but he wasn't asleep. Yet. He shifted around, ending up a little closer to Isa without noticing. Part of him was worried about being in the same bed again. What if he had another nightmare? What if he hurt Isa in his sleep? What if that made Isa change his mind and want to leave? What if he woke up again clinging onto Isa like a koala and annoy him? The last one was less serious, but it still worried him. He couldn't stand the thought of driving the only person he had around away.

Maybe it was selfish to use Isa like this. They hadn't even been friends before this. Also, apparently, Terra might have memories that upset Isa, including a name he shouldn't know. Isa shouldn't have to deal with his problems. It wasn't his job to be Terra's personal therapist or stress relief. That wasn't fair. He wasn't going to dump his problems on someone else, even if said someone claimed they wanted to stick around.

He didn't deserve a willing companion anyways. All he'd done was hurt people. He was too weak to be alone. Too weak to fight. Too weak to break out of darkness's hold for over ten years. He'd been naïve and stupid and gotten everything he loved destroyed. It was only a matter of time before he destroyed what he'd found here too. Whether he unintentionally drove Isa away, or pushed Isa away, or, far worse, hurt Isa, he was going to screw up eventually and be alone again. Even with the Land of Departure back, he didn't have anywhere to go. Going back was impossible. He couldn't walk past Eraqus's room everyday and find it empty. He couldn't step into the study and find the desk covered in dust, books still open where Eraqus had been reading. He couldn't.

He didn't know if he could fully say he believed Isa's statement. Not because of lack of trust in Isa, but because of lack of trust in himself. "Thank you, Isa," he said quietly, "I'm glad… I want you around."

Another interesting remark. Part of Isa was flattered, and those four words caused a funny stirring in his chest. Of course, there were many reasons that Terra could have wanted him around. . . people had kept him around for all sorts of reasons, after all.

The reason simply didn't matter. Not now. Isa was happy just to be  _ wanted, _ which he knew was likely unhealthy. Still, it had to be healthier than where he'd been before. . . it felt better, at least. He no longer wanted to walk, and walk, and just keep going until he finally disappeared.

". . . Then I'll be around," He answered simply, curling his fingers into a fist from where they'd been itching to run through Terra's hair, only inches from their reach. "Because I like to  _ be _ around. . . or at least I think I will be. I'm starting to. I certainly like to be around  _ you. _

He only then realized he'd spoken aloud and froze, cursing in his head.

Terra was too far on his way to sleep to fully catch the depth of Isa's admission. But he did know it was a compliment. He smiled softly, eyes still closed. "It's always nice to have a friend around," he muttered sleepily, completely oblivious to Isa's growing feelings.

He shifted a little, which caused some of his hair to floof out and brush against Isa's hand. It was truly relaxing to talk to someone before falling asleep. Having someone else there, hearing someone else's voice, it brought him comfort that he would have never known otherwise. Especially since Isa was so calming to be around. Before he knew it, Terra had dozed off.

It was only one word.

How did it manage to feel like a bullet?

That one word -- "friend" -- had caused Isa to crash through the entire spectrum of human emotion in mere moments.

There was joy. Joy that Terra at least considered him a friend -- Isa hadn't had a real friend in so long, and he could very much use one. It was an absolute honor to be chosen, and given that title by such an amazing person.

But there was also an intense, painful grief. Isa didn't think he wanted to be friends. . . no, he thought he wanted something  _ else, _ something he hadn't wanted to feel. But it had taken root there, deep in his chest, and the word "friend" had caused it to almost pierce his heart.

Then there was anger. Anger at himself, for expecting anything else. He could -- he  _ should _ \-- be alright with friendship. He should be honored, amazed, and  _ grateful _ for friendship after everything he'd done to the man. He didn't deserve it -- not in the slightest. Friendship was more than he could ever ask for, and he found himself hating that painful, far too demanding feeling in his chest.

He sighed, and let out a sniffling noise as he finally gave into temptation and let his hands run through the soft brown hair that had grazed his fingers. He was lucky, he supposed, that Terra had fallen asleep. . .

Isa didn't, himself. Not for several hours and, even then, it was fitful.

The tears that streaked down his face for those hours were never acknowledged. He didn't deserve to cry.


	10. New Dawn

Terra, thankfully, had stayed asleep after that. He did have a nightmare. But it was far more mild, and he forgot about it the moment he woke.

It was a gentle, blurry kind of waking. The kind that made you want to roll over and go back to sleep. Except when he did roll over, he noticed something missing. 

"Isa?" he called quietly, trying to stay calm. Where'd he go?

Calm down. Isa wasn't required to stay till he woke. He could have gotten up for any reason and that would be ok. He could have gone to the bathroom or gotten something to eat. That was ok and meant he wouldn't be far. He stood and looked around. The bathroom door was open, so Isa probably wasn't in there. So he stepped outside the room.

The sigh of relief was barely held back. Isa was in the kitchen. That was more of a relief than Terra cared to admit. The odd urge to hug Isa from behind was also ignored. 

"There you are," he said while sitting at the small table, "whatcha doing?" Simply seeing Isa had calmed him enough to forget the momentary panic.

Isa had woken early, unable to continue to sleep. Lost in troubled thoughts he found it best to ignore, he'd decided to put himself to work.

Dressed still in pajamas and housecoat, glasses on his nose and hair thrown into a bun, he was cooking breakfast for the both of them. It had been so long since he'd gotten the opportunity to do such a thing and, despite the hard night he'd had, he found his mood brightening rapidly.

He'd been lost in his work, actually humming an indistinct tune, and had been a bit surprised when Terra had spoken. He hadn't realized how much time had passed, or that the other man had woken up. 

"Oh --" he startled just a bit, then turned to greet Terra with an actual, happy smile.

"Sorry, I hope I didn't disturb you -- I'm cooking, as you can plainly see. I'll be done in a few moments, if you'll wait a moment." As he spoke, he fiddled with something in a pan in front of him, tossing the pan to flip whatever it was into the air.

He hoped Terra liked it. He'd put. . . far too much thought into the meal.

Terra stared for a moment at Isa, not being able to help but notice how nice he looked with such a smile. Slowly, he smiled back, a soft, gentle smile that was slightly influenced by fatigue.

Whatever Isa was cooking smelled  _ good _ , and Terra realized that yesterday had been inconsistent meal wise. His stomach let out a hungry rumble. 

"Oooh, what is it?" he said, excited by the idea of food, especially Isa's cooking after all the talk it had gotten yesterday, "whatever it is, I think I already love it from its smell."

"You'll see when I give it to you," Isa answered sternly, flipping the thing in the pan again. Moments later, he was sliding it out of the pan and onto a plate before grabbing something from the fridge and briefly fussing over it.

When everything looked ready and up to his standards, he grabbed one of the plates as well as a glass full of a reddish liquid and carried both to the table, setting them in front of Terra.

Double chocolate chip pancakes -- chocolate batter with chips inside. Topped with whipped cream, which bore a few chocolate shavings from god knows where -- Isa was nothing if not resourceful. It was a far sweeter meal than Isa would have ever made for himself, and he wasn't certain he'd be able to take more than a few bites without feeling overwhelmed by the flavor.

Still, he'd made it anyway, and quite happily, secure in the knowledge that his . . .  _ friend _ would like it.

"The smoothie is strawberry banana," He murmured, moving to find and set down a glass bottle of syrup. "I wasn't sure what you liked, so I went simple. . . I . . . hope you like it." He then gathered his cup of coffee from the counter, as well as his own much  _ smaller _ plate of a single pancake, and sat down at the table across from his roommate.

Terra's eyes probably got bigger than his head for a moment. This was… a whole lot of chocolate. He probably hadn't had this much chocolate in one sitting since he was ten. And even then it had been against Eraqus's wishes. He had broken into the sweets. And he was pretty sure this would be better than pure chocolate.

With very little thought beforehand, he started shoving the food into his mouth. It was probably, if not definitely, the best pancake he'd ever eaten. It, as well as the smoothie, were gone rather quickly. Maybe he  _ should _ have eaten slower to savor it, but hunger plus how tasty it was meant no patience whatsoever.

By the time he'd finished eating, he'd realized how rude he had been. He stopped mid-bite of one of the few remaining bites, his eyes awkwardly met Isa's. He sat up straight and chuckled awkwardly. 

"Uh, sorry, I'm pretty hungry and… well it's really good," he said sheepishly, "I really like it, Isa."

The fork had stilled inches from Isa's mouth and slowly lowered back to his plate as he realized the sheer intensity with which Terra had started to devour his food. He wasn't sure if he was horrified, amused, or both.

Isa had been raised to behave as a perfectly mannered adult since he was far too small to actually be able to do it. His entire world had been napkins in laps, elbows off the table, eating slow and delicate and as if you weren't even enjoying yourself. At the very least, one stopped to  _ breathe _ while they were eating, and he was not completely sure that Terra had.

Though there was that lingering horror and shock at having witnessed someone who was  _ clearly _ not exhibiting the same sensibilities, it was almost refreshing. Not to mention flattering. . . he'd been worried Terra wouldn't like it, that he'd overestimated the other man's sweet tooth. That was clearly not the case.

Beside himself, Isa actually chuckled, the wide-eyed expression he'd taken on for a moment dissolving into an amused smile. 

"You really were hungry . . . Think nothing of it. I'm very glad you like it." Then, elbows off the table and motions precise, he took a very much more reserved bite of his breakfast.

While Terra  _ had _ been well versed in etiquette, and likely would have been scolded by Eraqus had he had been at home, the need for food had taken priority. However, manners only tended to be important where there was company... Did Isa count? They were still fairly new to each other. He hoped he hadn't come off as rude. But the smile and laugh were a good sign.

He finished eating in a less desperately starving manner. He had to admit, it was a phenomenal breakfast. 

"That was the best pancake I think I've ever eaten," he said once he'd finished, "you really do know how to cook." He leaned back slightly and stretched, thoroughly satisfied from his meal. 

"I could eat that everyday, but then I probably wouldn't be able to maintain this perfect shape." He flexed slightly while shooting a joking look at Isa.

The flattery had already almost had Isa blushing, that same odd feeling surging in his chest again.

Then Terra had . . . done  _ that. _ He had to have known -- right --? Isa's brain had momentarily crashed at the sight of the other man's rippling muscles, which he suddenly had that now all-too-familiar urge to  _ bite. _

Fuck -- was Terra intentionally torturing him? Why was Isa having this reaction in the  _ first _ place? All mysteries, all of which made Isa's head hurt, and all far too difficult to focus on when -- well, when Isa was suddenly having to very strategically cross his legs underneath the table.

"Consider it a treat -- I can cook healthier food, as well," He muttered, forcing his eyes to look  _ away _ from Terra's body. "I'd hate to destroy your figure." In  _ that _ way, at least. . .

Fuck -- he had to stop thinking that way. Trying to look inconspicuous, he shifted in his seat.

Terra chuckled, unaware of Isa's  _ issue _ . He ran a hand through his hair and smiled at Isa. 

"Then I wish I had savored it a little more if I might not be getting it again soon," he said while scraping together the last small broken pieces to make one last bite.

"And I was just joking. It shouldn't matter too much if I actually  _ do _ something instead of sitting around all the time," he said while standing to stretch, "that was insanely good, though. You're really good at cooking. I can't wait for more of your cooking."

Eating a meal with Isa felt oddly normal, despite how new they were to each other. He could completely forget about the emotional drama from last night and enjoy a good meal and good company. It was honestly an experience he has missed.

The last thing Isa had needed for his  _ problem _ was more flattery, and for Terra to stand up and stretch his still incredibly sexy and biteable muscles. It was absolutely  _ critical _ that he look away, lest he embarrass himself.

Perhaps that's why he hadn't noticed at first. . . Terra had been mostly bare-skinned in front of him numerous times by this point, and he'd somehow never seen it. He'd always shifted, embarrassed, and looked away in a desperate attempt not to pay too much attention to his bare chest.

Isa hadn't managed this time, too drawn in by the stretching motion. And that's when he'd finally seen it -- that network of scars, torn and abused tissue circulating out from a single point. Was that . . . a keyhole? One way or the other, it looked extraordinarily painful, and Isa felt himself unable to look away.

The comment that had been forming on his tongue in response dissolved, turned into a sharp intake of breath that Isa tried to muffle as soon as it came out. "Oh, yes. . . " he finally managed to mutter. His eyes flickered back to the old wound, unable to resist, and he couldn't help trying to imagine what exactly had caused it.

The words came out before he could stop them.

". . . Does it hurt?"

Terra froze for a moment, more confused than anything. Did what hurt? ...Oh, of course. He probably should have gotten dressed first. All the other times he'd been shirtless it had been dark enough not to notice. Maybe he almost forgot it was there. He should have figured Isa would notice eventually.

His arms lowered and one hand gently touched the edge of the keyhole shape. "Oh, um, no. It did for a while after I… came back, but it didn't hurt for long," he said. He wasn't sure how much Isa already knew, or how much he wanted to share. But there was sort of an explanation. ...Not an easy or sensible one but there was one.

It was only after Terra answered that Isa realized what he'd said, and he shook his head in embarrassment before taking a pointed sip of his coffee.

"Sorry -- sorry, I didn't mean to pry," he said quickly. "I was only startled. . . it doesn't look particularly pleasant. Forgive me, I didn't mean to draw attention to it. . . or make you feel uncomfortable."

He cursed internally and, unconsciously, raised a hand to trace along the edge of his own scar. It hurt, quite frequently . . . but then again it wasn't just a scar. And Isa would have bitten Terra's head off completely if he'd asked about it, so why he hadn't shown the same courtesy to Terra . . . he didn't know.

He hated the sight of the scars marring that perfect skin. . . and yet, it somehow fit. It showed exactly how much Terra had lived through. . . a form of proof that he'd survived through whatever exactly his personal hell had been.

Isa wanted to tell him that. He wanted to run fingers and lips over the mangled skin, and whisper exactly how much he . . .

. . . But he couldn't have that, and there was no point thinking. What the hell was  _ wrong _ with him? He was thinking, and behaving, completely impossibly.

". . . Never mind. I'm glad it . . .doesn't hurt you."

"No, it's fine," Terra said with a sad smile, "if it really bothered me, I would make sure no one else could see it."

Technically, what he had said was a lie. It did hurt, but not always in the same way. It only really caused physical pain whenever a Keyblade got close to his chest, almost as if his body tried to remind him what had caused it. Plus, it sometimes upset him to look at. Partially because he didn't remember how he had gotten it. He vaguely remembered a fight against two Keyblade wielders, but he wasn't fighting with his Keyblade. It confused him to no end. But then there was also the irony of it all. It caused a sharp pain in his chest to think about. Somehow, some version of him fell the same way as Eraqus...

Despite Isa initiating the discussion, he decided not to ask the question back. Something about Isa's scar deterred any line of questioning. Terra's could be hidden and forgotten about. Isa's could not. Something told Terra that had been intentional.

"I suppose that's logical . . . " Isa replied quietly, shaking his head to pull himself from his thoughts as well as his hand away from his sigil. He had a bad habit during times of stress of rubbing the thing raw. Part of him was jealous that Terra was able to display his so freely, without fear of judgment.

The more he learned about the other man, the harder his life seemed to have been. Isa of course only knew the bare minimum, and that and every detail he'd learned in the past few days had him realizing exactly how much Terra had gone through. And yet. . . he seemed so well adjusted. He had dreams, and drive, and hope for the future. . . a sheer  _ tenacity _ that Isa admired. There was the fear of being alone, and the nightmares, and god knew whatever other struggles, but he was carrying on. He was living. Not giving up. Terra seemed in many ways to be everything that Isa  _ wasn't. _

And Isa was finding that he loved that.

"Well, I suppose we should carry on with things," he spoke up quickly as he stood to clean up what was left of breakfast. "Since we didn't accomplish everything yesterday that we wanted to. . . and I apologize again, for that. We're low on munny, though, so I suppose it's time we start job hunting."

Terra snapped out of the confusing mix of memories and looked at Isa. Munny, jobs, mundane life. Something different than he'd ever had, yet entirely welcome and appealing. He wanted this. This calm daily life that wasn't rigorous training and constant fighting. A life with someone else that he could be content in. He wanted that. Something told him he was on his way towards it.

Ever since finding himself back together and back home, he hadn't been sure what to do with himself. Aqua hadn't been able to decide whether to act like a master or a friend around him, and it showed. Ventus wanted to act like nothing had happened while clinging to him as if he was going to disappear. But Terra, despite wanting to be with them and be where he always thought as home, couldn't handle seeing the courtyard from his bedroom window. It wasn't fair to Aqua or Ventus for him to have run off again. Run off to another world for selfish reasons. No wonder Ventus hadn't even come out of his room to say goodbye...

"Yeah," he said, pushing his thoughts aside, "don't worry about yesterday. Let’s just get it done today." He forced a smile, it almost looked genuine.

"Yes --" Isa met Terra's eyes, something very knowing in his expression, and mirrored his forced smile. " -- There's nothing else to do, I suppose."

He was quiet as he finished cleaning and went to change, trying to pick out a nicer outfit than he'd worn the previous day. He was likely going to have a hard enough time getting a job. . . he should at least look presentable. He didn't have very many clothes, of course, but he at least had a button down. . .

He thought as he got ready of the future. And of the past. And of the pain in Terra's eyes. . . there was clearly a lot that Isa didn't know. And he thought he actually  _ wanted _ to. He hoped that none of that pain was from . . . well, Xemnas. Or from  _ him, _ through Xemnas' eyes. . . Isa didn't think he could take Terra looking at him differently than he was now.

As much as he'd loathed hearing the word "friend" from Terra's lips, he found he treasured it far more. Isa was very thankful to have a friend. . .

And even more thankful that it seemed possible he might actually learn to become a good one.


	11. A Lapse in Dignity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is slight, vague sexual content in this chapter. See the tags, but you have been extra warned.

It actually hadn't been that difficult to find a discount clothing store. This one was decent -- a step above a thrift store. It was composed of overstock and closeouts from other, more expensive stores in town, and was the most that Isa, Terra, and their meager budget could hope for at the moment. All things considered, it wasn't disappointing.

Isa was moving through the racks with an odd sort of intensity, every now and then holding something up to Terra's body or passing it to him to hold. 

"There, yes, that's a good color . . . " he muttered, fussing for a moment over a hunter green sweater. "And material -- something tells me you prefer soft, loose things, correct? Mmm. . . tell me if there's something in particular you're wanting, or else I'm simply going to toss things towards you."

Terra was very much lost in all the clothing and styles and had no idea what he was supposed to be looking for or doing. He held stock still whenever Isa held something up against him. Isa definitely seemed like he knew what he was doing, so he wasn't going to hinder it in any way. And he could carry whatever Isa wanted him to, no problem.

"Well, yeah, at least for pants. I'm kinda used to it," he said with a small chuckle and scratching the back of his head, "you sure know a lot more about this than I do. I'll trust your judgement on the color or material. So toss away, I can catch it."

"Yes, certainly . . . " Isa muttered as he turned back to the rack. He'd already perfectly pinned down the styles that suited Terra best. Honestly, his main struggle at this point was finding things in the other man's  _ size. _ He'd already found a few basic t-shirts, flannels, and the occasional sweater for casual wear, as well as some loose jeans and sweatpants. He'd also started to put together a more professional outfit to dress him in today.

He hesitated for a moment, looking one particular garment over before pulling it off of the rack. "Hmmm, this might be a good look on you . . . and some people certainly find them comfortable, though I don't particularly relate. . . it's a kilt. it's not exactly  _ pants, _ but I've heard they're comfortable . . . and there's a decent number of pockets. What do you think?"

Isa was piling a lot more clothing on his than he expected. Terra wasn't complaining though. They weren't too heavy to hold, and… he did need them. It drew more attention to him to be in his training clothes. Plus, it wasn't something normal people wore to normal jobs.

He looked at what Isa was holding curiously. It kinda looked like what he normally wore but...shorter? "It looks like it should work, so I'll try it. Think we got enough yet? Not that I'm complaining, but my arms are starting to get tired," he joked with a small laugh.

"Oh -- yes. Sorry," Isa flushed a bit and took half of the stack from Terra, not realizing exactly how into he'd gotten. "Perhaps I grew a bit overzealous. . . Um, I think I've estimated your size correctly, and we could always bring back anything that doesn't work, but there's a changing room over there if you want to use it."

He nodded towards the changing room in the back corner. "I suppose you should also use it to change into something, regardless, after we check out. . . hearts this is a lot. Here. . . " He sifted through the pile carefully for a moment and put back several of the items that had given him doubts. ". . . There. Should we check out, or would you rather try things on first?"

Terra chuckled. 

"It's ok, Isa. I'd rather have too much than not enough," he said, "besides, it's nice to see you so focused. I'm glad you're helping me."  _ It's almost cute. _ Wait, where had that come from. Nevermind that. They were completing a task first. 

"It'd be easier to try them on now and save ourselves a trip, right? Plus, I have no idea what will actually look right on me or not, so I'm gonna need your help," he said while making his way towards the changing room. There was a lot of stuff here, most of it fairly soft and loose fitting. Isa had noticed his preferences just in a few days? Terra shook his head slightly. It was obvious, he wore the same clothes everyday.

"Yes, certainly," Isa nodded and followed Terra towards the fitting rooms. He'd been hoping he'd make that decision, if he was honest, since he didn't particularly want to come back, but he'd wanted to give the other man an out if he was simply ready to leave.

Still, there was something slightly nerve wracking about watching Terra model the clothes he'd picked out. . . Isa had to shake off that unusual feeling again as he set his stack of the clothing down on a nearby bench and started handing Terra clothes to try on. 

"Here -- try these. I don't think you'll have any trouble but, if you do, or want to know how something looks, come out to see me and I'll help. Otherwise, I think you can manage. Now -- off to it."

Shoving several hangers into his arms, he ushered the other man into the little room.

Isa sure was putting a lot of faith in someone that had worn the exact same outfit for almost fifteen years. Terra resigned himself from the start that this wasn't going to feel familiar at all. It'd probably take getting used to and might be uncomfortable at first. But then he'd maybe be able to move on… just a little. It seemed easier to do then have to look at Eraqus's old clothes everyday. Come on, now wasn't the time to think about that.

He looked through some of the stuff that Isa had more or less shoved into his arms. There was a loose, soft pair of grey sweatpants that he decided to go with first, seemed a good transition between what he was used to and some of the likely tighter fitting ones. Next he added a black t-shirt v-neck with a red and black flannel shirt above it. It seemed like it might get hot in this, so he rolled up the long sleeves, just in case. He looked briefly in the mirror before stepping out.

"I think I'm probably gonna need new shoes too. I can't really wear my normal armored shoes with this," he said with a small chuckle while looking at Isa, "but I think this looks ok? What do you think?"

It was safe to say that Terra looked a bit more than ok. Not that he hadn't looked good in his old outfit, but. . . this was entirely different. There was something special about seeing him dressed so casually, and Isa's brain had momentarily short circuited.

"Yes -- it's good," Isa nodded briskly. "It's a bit casual, so I wouldn't wear it job searching. . . but it does look very good on you." Isa made an active decision  _ not _ to look at Terra's crotch in the sweatpants.

"As for the shoes, I'll go see what I can find while you try on the others. You're quite right, the armor does look odd. . . " He trailed off, eyes narrowing in thought, and then waved Terra back into the room. "Alright -- yes -- keep going. I'll be back."

Terra had definitely heard the words Isa had said and recognized them as positive, but how quickly and tense Isa seemed to say them concerned him slightly. Guess he'd but this in a "maybe" pile? He stepped back in and tried on a couple things that were more or less the same but different colors or style. There were a couple he honestly didn't like. A green flannel, for example, he didn't like because the color looked too much like Ven's wayfinder. He didn't even know where that memory had come from, but his brain wouldn't take it back.

Eventually he came across a pair of brown slacks. They seemed… a bit smaller than the other things he'd tried on before, but all the other stuff had been pretty loose. So this would probably still fit comfortably. He was… mostly right. They fit kind of snuggly, especially in more… substantial areas. But they weren't  _ un _ comfortable to wear, just unfamiliar. He figured that this was probably one of the nicer pairs of pants, so he should wear a nicer shirt with it, right? He grabbed one of the button ups, a pale blue one with a faint stripe to it. That seemed good enough. He put it on, barely managing to tuck the shirt in right.

After a moment of looking at himself in the mirror and listening for Isa's footsteps, he stepped out. "Isa?" he called, looking around and facing away from the direction Isa had left.

Isa had been approaching with a few pairs of shoes, as well as a couple of shirts he'd found for himself, when he'd heard Terra's call. He'd been about to answer, the words on the tip of his tongue, when he'd managed to see and process exactly what the other was wearing.

That was --

_ Damn. _

Terra's old pants hadn't exactly done justice to his  _ ass. _ It was curved, and utterly  _ juicy, _ and the slacks he was wearing hugged it perfectly. Coupled with the way The button down he'd put on was tightly hugging his biceps, back muscles just  _ barely _ showing through the fabric. . .

Well, Isa was suddenly dropping the shoes to the ground and very strategically holding the clothes he'd picked up in front of his pelvis.  _ Damn, what the hell was wrong with him? _ He wasn't usually this excitable -- hell, not even  _ during actual sex _ \-- but a single look at Terra's thick hips had his blood rushing south quick enough to make him feel a little dizzy.

"Yes -- yes, I'm here," he finally replied, managing to keep his voice steady and expression neutral through pure willpower. "That . . . looks like it fits nicely. I have shoes for you to try."

_ Look away from his ass, Isa, damn it. _

Terra twisted at the hip at the sound of something hitting the floor and then Isa's voice. He smiled, completely oblivious to Isa's  _ problem _ .

"You think so?" he said, taking a step closer to Isa, "it's a little tighter than the other stuff I've been trying on, but it feels comfortable. Oh-" He noticed the shoes on the ground. What had happened?

In the name of helping, he bent over to start picking the shoes up, though, moving around a lot in these pants was… kinda hard. He probably wouldn't be able to wear them for any kind of labor job. But it should work for job hunting, right? He stood back up straight and smiled again at Isa. 

"If you think this works, then we should get it," he said, "now just to try on the shoes." He turned to go back to the dressing room where there was a small seat, hips swaying slightly as he walked.

That wasn't fair.

That wasn't fair at all.

Either Terra knew exactly what he was doing, or the universe was playing some cruel joke. Either way, it wasn't fair, and Isa suddenly found himself wishing that he himself wasn't wearing tighter pants. . . hearts, if Terra  _ saw him _ now, he'd be absolutely mortified.

Fuck, it had taken every ounce of willpower to ignore the sudden and nigh irresistible urge to  _ smack _ that gorgeous ass when Terra had bent over near him. It didn't appear that Isa could deny any longer what was happening to him. . .

Oh. . . He was in love. Completely, irreversibly, and without question. It wasn't only Terra's body that had stirred him into such a state. . . no, it was  _ everything. _ Isa could have written sonnets. . . novels. . . entire series, about how wonderful the other man was. He didn't know where this feeling had come from, or why it was here, but he was no longer able to deny that it was.

Futile, of course. . . but that wasn't important. All that was important was making sure that Terra was happy.

And that he didn't see Isa's now quite prominent erection.

"Yes, it fits," he muttered, hands tightening on the hangers of the clothes he was holding, eyes entirely glued to Terra's ass as he walked. "And it's good for today, just -- try your shoes, and we can leave."

. . . That wasn't fair  _ at all. _

Terra stepped into the changing room and tried the shoes on quickly before getting back into his normal clothes. They almost felt unnecessarily baggy after wearing something more tight fit. He grabbed all the clothes and shoes that had fit him and that he'd liked in one hand and all the ones he wasn't getting in the other. He stepped out and looked around for a place to put the stuff he wasn't getting. It seemed rude to just leave it in the changing room...

"You think we got enough for this stuff?" he asked Isa while holding up what he was getting slightly. Then, he noticed the clothing Isa was holding. "Oh, were you gonna try something on too?" he asked, "Sorry if I was hogging the changing room." He laughed a little. "I'll go put these up and buy my stuff while you try stuff on if you want."

Isa nodded quickly. A bit. . . too quickly. "It's alright but -- yes, I probably should. Go ahead, I'll catch up with you quickly."

He nodded, and forced a smile, knowing he wasn't ready to walk around in public. Fuck, this hadn't ever happened to him before. . . he couldn't  _ will it away _ . . .

Oddly enough, Terra had given him quite the convenient out with which to  _ relieve himself. _ The thought of doing so had him cringing, but he didn't exactly have much choice in the circumstances.

Terra smiled and nodded before turning away. This wasn't a whole lot of stuff, and, since this was technically a secondhand shop, it wasn't too expensive. So they probably still had barely enough money to buy a little food if they couldn't find a job right away. Part of him felt like he should be stressed by that. Food was a little important, and they needed money for that. Eh, they'd be fine.

He bought the items and waited by the door of the store. He didn't want to rush Isa, though it hadn't seemed like Isa had had a lot to try on. Thinking about it, Isa had only had a few shirts, held oddly? Maybe his stomach or something was hurting? Maybe he hadn't had enough breakfast (he hadn't eaten that much). Or maybe he'd had too much (he had said he wasn't one for sweets)?

These thoughts were interrupted by the sound of an incoming call on his gummiphone. He took it out and looked at the caller ID. Aqua. Hearts, what time was it in the Land of Departure? How long had he been gone to them? He answered the call.

"Hey Aqua! ...... Yeah, I'm good, and you? ..... That's good to hear. I've been worried about you. And Ven? ..... Yeah.. I expected that. .... It's been going well. Isa is pretty easy to get along with. ..... Yes, I've been eating. Come on, Aqua. Plus, Isa knows how to cook. .....” he sighed, “Yes, I did have a nightmare, but I'm ok. Really. Please don't worry about me. You have yourself and Ven to take care of. ..... Aqua.. ...... I know, I know. I'm welcome back anytime. Look, Aqua, I'm not ready to go back. I don't know if I ever will be. ..... I might visit, but I won't stay. You know I can't. ..... Yeah, take care. Bye." He hung up and sighed.

Aqua always said she understood, yet she kept asking for him to come back. Didn't she get it? He couldn't go back. He was going to set up his life here. The first step had been finding a place to live, with the side task of finding a roommate, and he had done it. Next he was getting a job, which he was well on his way to do. He didn't need to wallow in the castle with nothing to do except think and see places he didn't want to remember.

The forced smile managed to stay on Isa's face until Terra had sufficiently disappeared, after which it immediately morphed into a frustrated scowl. This was the  _ last _ thing he wanted to be doing, and more than a little insult to his dignity. Yet, pent up and out of options, he found himself storing his clothes on a rack and darting off into the bathroom rather than the fitting room, as he'd said. At least he could thank his lucky stars that it was a single stall. . . otherwise, there's no telling how long he would have had to wait this out.

It was a struggle to even unzip his pants, and Isa hissed when his erection sprang free. He then glared at the thing like it had done him a personal injustice -- which it had. This sort of thing  _ never _ happened to him -- he wasn't excitable, or easily aroused, and certainly not to this extent. Damn Terra --

\--- and his ass that wouldn't quit. Perfect, tan skin. . . rippling muscles. . . gorgeous smile. . . lengthy, full eyelashes. . . around deep brown eyes that Isa could easily get lost in. . .

Before he knew it, Isa's eyes had fluttered closed and he'd started to stroke himself, long and slow from base to tip, teasing his own cockhead with his thumb.

. . . That near insufferable resilience. . . Kinder than belief, but every bit of it genuine. . . the way he held tightly to Isa in his sleep, or after a nightmare. . . his sweet tooth. . . The way he'd somehow managed to break through Isa's walls with direct and unflinching conviction, without even knowing what exactly he'd done. . . the way he'd brought the light in, and suddenly made Isa's dark little life worth working to make better.

Unconsciously, he'd started to speed up, breath hitching already. This was completely unheard of -- Isa wasn't even sure when the last time he'd masturbated  _ was, _ but he'd likely been a teenager. And now, he was coming undone remarkably fast, all thoughts in his mind of the same person. He couldn't help it.

Blessedly soon, and with Terra's voice echoing in his mind --  _ I like having you around _ \-- Isa's breath was hitching as he managed to finish himself off into the toilet, shame crashing down on him near instantly.

He'd just. . . jacked himself off in a public bathroom while thinking about his roommate. This was an entirely new low, and definitely  _ not _ something he was ever going to disclose or acknowledge. Seething in self hatred, he tucked himself back in and made to quite rapidly retrieve his clothing and check out, never minding that he'd not actually tried anything on.

Trying his best to look composed and expression carefully neutral, he left the store with his bag and looked around for his comrade. "Sorry," he muttered when he saw Terra by the door. "There. . . was a bit of a line."

Terra looked up and smiled slightly as Isa approached. He stood straight, no longer leaning against the wall. He raised an eyebrow as Isa's "excuse". There… weren't that many other people in the store right now... And nobody had been around while they were using the changing room... Or maybe he meant checking out? There weren't that many people even in the store, much less finally purchasing something.

"But, there wasn't a line?" he said, knowing that whichever "line" Isa meant couldn't have existed, "are you ok?"

It kinda hurt that Isa had lied to him. He had thought they were becoming friends and building trust. Terra wouldn't have even asked about what the wait was, but now that Isa had lied to him about it, he had to know  _ why _ .

Fuck -- he'd fucked up. Of course Terra would know there hadn't been a checkout line. . . he'd only left a bit before him, and the store hadn't been exactly crowded. What was  _ wrong _ with him? Why was he having such reactions in the first place, and then not even able to think of a logical excuse to cover for it? Isa flushed near immediately, trying his best not to let his embarrassment and self-condemnation show on his face.

"For the bathroom," he said quickly. "Forgive me for trying to be discreet -- I tried to use it before I left and was caught waiting for a moment. It was a single, and someone took a long time in there." Yes, some  _ other _ stranger who was busy jerking off thinking about a friend.

Terra immediately felt bad. He shouldn't have assumed Isa was lying or hiding something! It wasn't fair to Isa, not to mention it was rude. "Sorry," he said while scratching his head awkwardly, "I shouldn't have tried to pry."

He took a deep breath and decided to try and change the subject. "Should I go ahead and change for job hunting? I'm not sure what exactly we'll be looking for," he said while shifting on his feet slightly.

Isa cursed internally, embarrassment settling heavily into his bones, and made a valiant attempt to shake it off and pay attention to what Terra was saying. What he'd just  _ done _ was awful enough, the least he could do was listen to the man and be polite.

"Oh -- yes, I suppose so," He nodded and crossed his arms in thought. "I thought today we'd simply look around a bit. . . smaller businesses such as those in this town often put up help wanted posters. There's likely a town billboard somewhere about here that lists openings. . . if we don't find anything in person, we can always look online. . . I have a computer, though using technology isn't exactly a strength of mine."

Terra nodded. "In that case, I'll go change. Then we'll go looking!" he said, trying to sound chipper as he walked off to go get changed.

He tried not to think and Aqua and Ventus. Despite needing the space, he couldn't help but feel like he abandoned them. Again... No wonder Ven hasn't wanted to see him off. It wasn't fair. To either of them.

No, it was time for other things. Not dwelling on the past. He quickly got changed and returned to Isa. "Let's get going," he said with a smile.

This time, Isa made a conscious effort not to look at Terra's pants, nor anything they encased. He could tell the other man was on edge -- about what, he didn't know, but he gave his best, most reassuring smile and nudged him gently with an elbow, hands tucked into the pockets of his trousers.

"Yes, let's. I think I saw a bulletin board around the market area somewhere, so that should be a good starting point. . . have you thought any more about what sort of job you're looking for?"

Terra's smile turned a little more genuine. He ran a hand through his hair. "I'm not really sure. I could probably do almost anything that requires brute force. Like a security guard or building things," he said while scratching the back of his head.

He walked through the town, looking for signs and such. Nothing was obvious except for a few restaurants. Being a waiter… wasn't exactly appealing.

Isa walked at Terra's side in silence, oddly comfortable for being what it was. His shame was fading slightly in the light of Terra's company, so long as he managed to avoid looking at him below the waist. Shortly, he spotted the bulletin board he'd mentioned on the side of a building, and unconsciously grazed a hand over Terra's shoulder as he pointed to it.

"There -- I see a few help wanted ads. It's a starting place, if nothing else."

Oddly enough, Terra didn't mind the silence between them. It didn't feel awkward, and there was enough noise from the town around them for it not to bother him. It was almost pleasant like this. Just the two of them on a calm day. Nothing else to worry about. They were on a mission, together. He smiled and followed to where Isa had pointed. The gentle touch had also been oddly pleasant in a way. Familiar.

"Alright, well then let’s take a look," he said, walking over there, "I'm sure there's all kinds of stuff we can do in town. Short one time jobs till we find something more consistent."

"Quite correct. . . there seems to be a decent need of help, at least," Isa muttered as he scanned over the fliers. "Hmm. . . oh, look at that. . . Someone's looking for help moving store locations. I'm sure they'd appreciate your help with a bit of the heavy lifting."

He tapped on the flier a few times, then scowled. ". . . I'd apply, myself, but I'm afraid I haven't been the most careful with my health since my recompletion. I need to take time to build back strength to do much manual labor."

Terra nodded then looked at Isa, a bit concerned. It felt more like there was more to it than that, but he wasn't going to pry. 

"I wouldn't worry about that. I'm sure you'll be able to get it back soon enough. Till then, I can take this, while we figure out something for you, or maybe even the both of us," he said with a smile, "that'd be pretty convenient, us working at the same place." Not to mention, he liked spending time with Isa. Something about his presence was calming. Sometimes Terra really needed calming.

Isa ignored the little flutter in his chest that suggested Terra actually wanted to spend time with him by sharing a workplace. It was exactly as he'd said -- a matter of convenience. Nothing more.

Hell, after he started working and made more, actual friends, he wouldn't crave Isa's company as much. . . he'd have real comrades. That -- that was a  _ good _ thing. Isa wouldn't let that ugly jealousy consume him and destroy their lives. . . not again.

"Yes, it would," is what he'd said out loud, simply and deadpan. He hadn't noticed the concerned glance, and felt nothing more than simple annoyance at his deteriorated physical condition. "Though at least one of us will be working in the meantime. . . Hm. I'm not even sure where to begin. . . I suppose I'll take what I can get. Perhaps I'll look into restaurants. . ."

Terra stretched, shirt tucking slightly in the process. He hoped this job stuff would be simple and easy, though he knew that was unlikely. At least he'd found something he could do for now until he found something more permanent. And… he really hoped Isa found something. Something he could be happy doing. It was a little obvious that Isa needed something like that.

"You could always try to be a chef," he said while getting the information for the moving job he figured he'd do, "I, for one, would visit whatever restaurant you cook at. Especially after that breakfast you made me. It was  _ phenomenal _ ." He flashed a smile at Isa at the end of his statement.

"I doubt they'll let me do that from the start," Isa muttered back, shifting a bit at both the compliment and Terra's beaming smile. . . and his stretching. Hearts, how was he going to survive any time spent with this man?

"Though I'm . . . quite glad you enjoyed my cooking, I highly doubt it's professional quality. I was thinking more along the lines that they tend to be in need of service, and have a high turnover rate. . . thus, more likely to hire someone such as me. "

Terra looked a little critically at Isa. That last sentence seemed suspiciously self-insulting, but he decided not to say anything… directly. 

"I disagree. I bet your food would put some fancy chef to shame," he said genuinely, "plus, you said you're good at like organizing stuff, right? I bet you'll be in more demand than you think."

Why did he constantly want to lift Isa up? Was he really just that nice all the time, or was there something more than that? Eh, those were questions for later.

It completely eluded Isa as to why exactly Terra was being so almost aggressively kind to him. The brunette was simply  _ that _ good of a person, wasn't he? Isa actually flushed a bit this time, the faintest of smiles crossing his lips. Though small, it was entirely genuine, and he let out a gentle laugh as he shook his head.

"While I do hope you're correct, I'm also an easily recognized seeker of darkness, and my likeness is not entirely unknown. Do not mistake my words for self pity, I am simply trying to be realistic. I would rather be pleasantly surprised, see, then expect to be welcomed with open eyes and find such dreams crumbled to dust. Still, I have options. . . that new Bistro seems to be hiring. . .perhaps I'll try there, and a few of the smaller locations. . . "

He pulled out his gummi phone and took a few pictures of the fliers. "Well, I suppose we should part here, shouldn't we? No point in going as a pair if we aren't both applying. . . " As he spoke, he felt a pang of regret. He was finding more and more as time went by that, despite what he'd initially thought, everything was easier with Terra beside him.

Terra stared, slightly awestruck, at Isa's small smile and laugh. It was so… soft and genuine. He kinda didn't want it to stop. Or at least, he wanted to make Isa smile like that again. Or laugh like that. Or-

Wait Isa spoke after that. Luckily, he was able to backtrack slightly in his head and catch it all. Seeker of… darkness? Suddenly, he felt a sharp pain in the back of his head that he tried desperately to ignore. That term sounded way to familiar, and not in a good way. But he'd ignore it for now.

Isa talked in a really dramatic way didn't he? Crumbled to dust and all. Though, he found himself feeling a bit protective for Isa. If anyone started giving Isa a hard time just because of his past… Terra was going to have  _ words _ .

"Yeah, probably. We won't be too far away, though. And, hey, afterwards, lets get some lunch. My treat. After that perfect breakfast, I gotta pay you back somehow," he said while gently nudging his elbow against Isa's arm. It was a playful motion. Friendly. Fun.

Everything felt so friendly and comfortable. Feelings Isa had never had the luxury to have. There was a time, very recently, he would have bristled at Terra's casual touch. And yet, now he only chuckled again.

"I don't know if 'perfect' is the correct word, but I'm honored at the sentiment. Very well, I'll take you up on your offer. . . if not only because I'm now out of munny." He dared, for a moment, to nudge Terra back, before looking off in the direction of the Bistro.

"Text me, then? When you've finished. . . We can meet back here, if you like, and then find something to eat from there. I wish you . . . all the best of luck in your endeavors, my friend."

For a brief moment, Terra had a thought about a different way to send Isa off. Something more gentle and… maybe a little more than friendly. No no no. He couldn't do that. That was something way more familial… or perhaps even more than that. Why had that thought even shown up?

He pushed the idea away and smiled again at Isa. "Sounds good to me. I'll treat you to the best whatever I have left can afford!" he said with a laugh.

"Yeah, I'll text you. I'm sure I know how. Good luck, Isa," he said while turning to walk away. He smiled a little softly to himself. Isa actually thought of him as a friend.


	12. Headstart

Despite how stressed he'd been at the thought of inquiring for a job, Isa's heart was remarkably light as he'd departed, that same smile lingering on his face.

It was a smile that had fallen, of course, when the landlord of the property  _ recognized _ him, and he'd nearly turned tail and fled then and there. Something compelled him, however, to stay and try his best to explain his situation. Perhaps it was Terra's insistence that he stop running. . . stay and try to build a life. He couldn't do that if he simply gave up every time he faced adversity.

It had been a long, drawn out conversation, in which Isa divulged far more than he'd ever wanted to the rich duck who owned the restaurant. He'd seemed more than a bit suspicious of Isa, even as he all but bore his soul before him, and it was only the word of a little. . .  _ rat --  _ for some reason -- who appeared to be the head chef, that managed to save him.

In fact, even after all of that, Isa hadn't expected to actually leave the place  _ employed. _ He'd thought he'd be applying for ages, begging for work, and mooching off of Terra far more than was appropriate. Yet, he had  _ work. _ He was  _ useful _ for something. And he had a uniform, carried carefully under his arm, a salary that was nothing to sneeze at, and a start date for the next day. To say Isa was surprised was an understatement.

Mind reeling, he leaned against a wall near the bulletin board and awaited Terra's message, sending a quick text to Lea to let him know he'd been hired. He wasn't sure why he did. . .

. . . Maybe, for once in his life, Isa was  _ actually _ proud.

Finding the place had honestly been… kind of hard. Terra wasn't familiar with everything yet, and this was a large town. Plus, the implication from the ad was that this was a small store moving to a larger location. Meaning the place would be even harder to spot. But he was determined to find this place, wherever it was.

Luckily, a local woman, who might have been a little older than him, seemed to notice he was lost and helped him. She acted a bit strange, leaning forward a lot, playing with her hair every few seconds, blinking a lot, and walking in a way that was certainly impractical. But she knew where the place was, and that's what was important. She said it was near her place and invited him to lunch afterwards. Obviously, he declined. He already had lunch plans after all. Eventually she showed him where the place was a left, almost in a huff. Terra just shrugged it off. He had a mission. He didn't have time for whatever her deal was.

The interview went fairly smoothly. Terra wasn't the best talker sometimes, but it was obvious that he was the well-built strong type. Which is what the job called for. Apparently, the move was being done the upcoming weekend, so he wouldn't have anything to do till then. Unless he wanted to help pack things up for extra pay. And who refused that sort of opportunity.

It wasn't long before he was done. Now he just had to… retrace his steps. He quickly tried to figure out where he was and how to get back to where he had been but... Yeah, he had no idea where he was. He spent a while trying to figure out these map things on his phone before he realized he had forgotten to text Isa. He slapped himself on the forehead and quickly sent a message.

" _ Sorry, got a little lost and forgot to text you when I finished ^_^' any idea how to get back to that board from… this weird thing. _ " He also attached a blurry photo of the biggest, brightest, neon sign he had ever seen with the name of a hotel on it.

They'd been having a perfectly  _ normal _ conversation.

Isa had been congratulated, jested a bit, and fallen into his and Lea's typical, easy banter. Lea had seemed genuinely impressed. . .

And then. . . when they'd been in the middle of discussing Isa's adjustment to his roommate. . . and Isa had been explaining how Terra was nowhere near as annoying as he'd anticipated. . .

_ "So, when are you gonna tap that?" _

It had taken every ounce of willpower not to crush the phone in his palm. If he could have sent a death glare through text. . .

. . . Well, Lea wouldn't be alive anymore.

Isa started several, angry comebacks, before ultimately giving up and leaving his oldest friend on read.

Lea would  _ know _ what he'd done and, if he was smart, he'd hide. Isa's blood was seething with an anger that he knew could have only come from pure defensiveness at having been found out.

That anger was, however, interrupted by what might possibly have been the cutest text Isa had ever received. The little smile . . . the fact that he'd gotten  _ lost _ . . . the odd photo. It was all so pure, and carefree, and . . . caused that same fluttering sensation Isa wasn't sure if he hated or not.

He forced aside his frustrations, a smile crossing his lips, and replied.

" _ Dear Terra, _

_ No worries. I've just finished, and I believe I know where you are. Stay still, and I'll find you momentarily. _

_ Sincerely, _

_ Isa _ "

Terra could follow instructions. Easy peasy. He untucked his shirt, it was starting to get a little uncomfortable. He had enough stuffed into his pants. Plus, he was done with the "professional" stuff for the day.

" _ Okeydokey _ " he quickly sent back. Isa texted like he was writing a letter to someone that lived far across the sea, never to be seen in person again. It was oddly charming. He was also just glad that Isa knew where he was. Because Terra sure didn't.

He smiled as he saw Isa approach. "Hey! I'm so glad you know your way around better than I do. I was worried I'd be wandering around forever," he said while walking up to meet Isa the rest of the way.

_ Okeydokey? _

Had Terra intentionally thought of the most  _ adorable _ response he could, or was he really just  _ like that? _ Isa had no idea, but it simply wasn't fair.

Nor was it fair how he gave that sweet little smile as Isa approached him. . . as if he was genuinely happy to see him. Isa was someone whose presence was typically met with a fearful look at worst, or an annoyed grimace at best.

"I've read a lot of reconnaissance reports of this city," he answered simply, greeting the other man with a nod and tiny smile of his own. "It transfers rather easily from paper. . . besides, I've been here myself a few times." he shrugged, not thinking it particularly impressive. "I'm glad I found you, though. Can't have you simply wandering aimlessly, can we? Anyway, how'd you fair?"

Terra was definitely in a far better mood than he had been earlier. Today was going overall well after all. He ate the best breakfast  _ ever _ , got new clothes,  _ and _ got at least a temporary job! All before lunch! Which he was now going to spend with his roommate, now friend, Isa. He could easily forget the… strained conversation with Aqua after all these good things happened. No need to let one darker blot cast a shadow on the rest of the day.

"Maybe you should make me a map or something in that case," he joked while stretching, shirt just slightly going over the hem of his pants, "everything went overall good. Though, I'll wait till we're sitting to dive into details. I wanna hear all about your time too, after all. So, where will it be? Any of your reports tell you which place is cheap but still good?"

"Oddly enough . . . yes," Isa answered after a brief pause to think. He'd thought the information  _ entirely _ useless at the time, and had scolded the member who'd reported on such things severely. . . and yet, now, it seemed to be serving him well. He'd have to make a mental note not to glare quite as fiercely at Demyx the next time they met. 

"There's a sandwich place relatively close by, I believe. . . as well as a sort of -- I think it's Greek? That's all I can remember off the top of my head. . . or we can walk around a bit. Whatever you prefer. It's not as if we've got anything else planned."

"You definitely have a point there. But I'm getting hungry, and it'd be more fun to explore the town with a full stomach. Plus, it's easier to swap stories sitting down," Terra said while looking at Isa with a smile, "you got any preference? Because I can eat just about anything. It's my treat after all, so you should choose."

He didn't know why he was so excited to tell Isa everything that had happened. It wasn't like he'd done anything monumental, nor did he expect Isa to have. But something about spending time with Isa made him happy. Just pleasant company. That understood. Plus, he was in a good mood and wanted to share it. Eraqus always said he and Ventus were similar in that regard. Just couldn't keep happiness to themselves.

"Oh . . . well. . . " Isa hesitated for a moment, not used to making such trivial decisions. He glanced around, looking for signs of the landmarks in Demyx's reports, and eventually nodded off down a path. ". . . The sandwich place, I suppose. . .if I'm correct, it's down this way."

As they walked, he couldn't stop thinking that one, persistent word --  _ cute. _ Why was everything that Terra did so cute and easy. . .? Despite the  _ problems _ Isa had faced during their day together, he was finding that Terra's presence didn't cause him any distress. . . it was incredibly new, and different.

And he found that, for the first time in a long while, he was looking forward to the day ahead of him.

"Lead the way then," Terra said with a smile.


	13. Discussion of Ducks and Harlots

As they walked, Terra took the opportunity to look around and try to familiarize himself with the area. It was different than studying maps like he did while he'd been training. But somehow, that made it a bit more exciting. This was new. This was his. With no lingering memories or shadows. His own fresh start, that so far was going really well.

It didn’t take long for them to get to the shop. He realized that he might have been hungrier than he initially thought, but luckily he had just enough for the two of them. Man, it was good he had gotten a job so easily. And he guessed Isa had too by his good mood. Certainly made sense that way.

The pair sat down with their food, and, for once, Terra didn't immediately dig in. Instead, he looked at Isa. "So how did things with you go?" he asked genuinely curious.

Poking at his wrap like a bird for a minute, Isa made an odd face, caught somewhere between happiness at the outcome of his venture, and frustration at the awkward middle portion. "Well, I'm employed," he answered simply. "At the Bistro. . . I must confess I never expected to be hired at the first place I applied. Though, I was also  _ recognized. _ "

His eyes flickered down to his plate, and he shrugged. He still wasn't sure exactly how he felt about that, but it had all worked out in the end. ". . . The owner was incredibly wary, which I suppose is justified, but I managed to plead my case. I . . . start tomorrow." He smiled at that, a soft look directed at the table, as a surge of pride momentarily ran through him.

Terra listened intently. Hearts… that smile. He quickly snapped out of that as the full meaning of Isa's words sunk in. Immediately, he moved to hug Isa, pinning his arms to the side in the process.

"That's… That's amazing!" he said, happily while unconsciously squeezing Isa, "I told you it wouldn't be a problem. I'm so happy for you."

Then he froze, realizing what he did. "Ah, sorry," he said sheepishly while letting go of Isa.

Isa had frozen when he'd suddenly found himself embraced, somehow not expecting it even after being exposed to Terra's affectionate nature. That familiar electricity shot across his skin and before he knew it, he was flushing, heart doing an odd little jump as he started to relax into the hug. . .

Right as it pulled away, of course, and he forced himself to sit up straight and act as if he wasn't as affected as he had been. It was an odd feeling. . . to feel like someone he cared for, though a near stranger, was a bit proud of him.

"Um -- thank you," he coughed a bit, giving a reassuring smile as Terra pulled away. "It's alright, really, I didn't mind. Only surprised, and I'm . . . well, I'm happy for me, too. And glad you were right. Um -- how were things on your end?"  _ Yes, change the subject, don't let him notice your blush _ . . 

Terra got back to his seat and scratched his head, still a little sheepish. At least Isa didn't seem upset by it. Isa said… he didn't mind. That was new. Maybe Isa just needed time to get used to him? Regardless, that was a good thing.

"Well, I got the job, firstly. It's pretty obvious that I'm the strong type, so I don't think it was that much of a challenge. It's this weekend, so I won't be working till then. Guess I'll look for a more permanent thing in the meantime," he said with a smile.

He chuckled a little. "Actually, I had a hard time finding the place. I was going to text you and ask, but I figured you were busy. Luckily, a local noticed I was lost and gave me directions. She said it was near her place and invited me to lunch. But obviously, I was going to eat with you. She seemed kinda bothered afterwards though. Don't know why. Guess I bothered her by refusing her hospitality?" he said, recounting his tale. He finished it off with a beginning and thoughtful bite of his sandwich.

It wasn't hard to understand exactly what that woman had been doing -- not for  _ Isa, _ at least. Terra, bless his heart, didn't appear to have any idea.

Isa, however, was seeing red, and it was very fortunate for whoever that woman had been that he was hearing about this far later than it had actually occurred. If he had  _ been _ there when she'd --  _ flirted _ with Terra, Isa might not have been able to control himself. If what he'd understood was correct, this woman was trying to  _ take him back to her apartment _ \-- Isa felt that that thought  _ hurt _ as if he'd been stabbed. A sudden harsh, sharp throbbing suddenly started at the edges of his scar.

He went a bit stiff, now, grip tightening on his drink cup, and couldn't quite contain the most minute twitching of his eye. An ugly, all too familiar jealousy stirred in his stomach, and he tried desperately to force it away as the feeling was immediately covered with a layer of shame.

Terra had a right to be flirted with, and to flirt  _ back _ if he wanted to. He wasn't  _ Isa's. _

And he never would be.

So what was the point of indulging such childish emotions? Biting the inside of his cheek hard enough to draw blood, Isa forced that anger aside and fought to keep his expression neutral.  _ No -- smile, damn it, he got the job! _

"Overly friendly, I suppose," he muttered dismissively, then managed to plaster a smile to his face. "Though you shouldn't have felt obligated to go with me if you -- wanted to meet other people."  _ Fuck, that hurt, change the subject _ \-- "But regardless, congratulations! Not that I had any doubt you'd get it."

Terra had been looking away when that brief tenseness flashed over Isa. Having finally received and given stories, it was eating time, so he had been focusing on that for a moment. It was a  _ really good _ sandwich. He looked back at Isa when he spoke, that was just polite after all.

"I knew you'd get yours too, ya know," he said with a smirk, "you're a lot more pleasant to be around than I think you give yourself credit for." He took another bite. After a brief moment (and swallowing), he added softly, "At least, I really like your company."

Isa's heart lurched again, this time for an entirely different reason, and his smile softened and grew more genuine. This time, he held back the urge to utter any self-deprecating comments to invalidate what Terra had said. If he truly enjoyed Isa's company, well. . . Isa would believe him. And that was enough. Even if he didn't understand it completely, the fact that this  _ one _ person liked him despite all that Isa had done to push him away. . . well, it meant that what he'd done to try to make up for it was working.

That Isa was doing okay. And that meant more to him than anything. So the least he could do was accept such a comment without rebuttal, and maybe he'd eventually come to accept it for himself.

"And I yours. . . " He murmured, a bit self-consciously, and took a sip of his drink. Thankfully, he hadn't managed to crush the cup . . . much. "I'm glad one of us had faith in me. "Though I think McDuck might actually still think I'm attempting to swallow the world in darkness by becoming a host at his restaurant. . . and even if I were tempted, I've no idea how I would actually accomplish such a thing. The food service industry isn't exactly an instrument of great power."

Why did Terra like that soft smile so much? He hadn't even spoken with the intention of getting that reaction. He had just been honest. But that smile. He almost would say anything to see it. It was just so… mesmerizing.

Though, he did still listen to what was said and laughed. "I don't know. You could lead someone to a table, and they don't leave a tip," he said in a slightly dramatic spooky voice before laughing, "Scrooge will come around. He's just stern. At least you'll be paid while he figures out you’re not trying to pull any stunts."

"Quite true. And the paycheck is certainly nothing to scoff at. . ." Isa agreed, then paused in the middle of eating a chip to cut himself off with a faint chuckle. ". . . That would be interesting, wouldn't it? Putting a local's head through a table because they fail to respect my services. Well, I promise to make a conscious effort not to do so. The most I'll do is glare -- though I will admit that my glare is a force to be reckoned with."

He then seemed to process Terra's last statement and glanced up, curiously. "I take it you know the duck, then? He certainly gets around. . ."

"Definitely don't put someone through a table. I've heard that's rude," Terra joked while making a mental note to both try not to make Isa mad enough to glare that intensely at him, despite his curiosity of how bad could it be.

He took another bite before shrugging. "I don't know him well. He was in Radiant Garden a long time ago. He helped Ventus, and I made sure to try to thank him. It was only polite, and Ventus doesn't always remember that sort of thing. Though, it's easy to tell he's a particularly ambitious duck. I just don't know how he managed to go to different worlds," he explained. He thought of something. Scrooge had given Isa a hard time about his past.. He hoped that didn't become a problem. If it did, Terra would have… words.

"Well, no matter," Isa replied, shaking his head dismissively. Talking of Scrooge McDuck had started to kill the warm fuzzy feeling that had settled over his shoulders like a warm blanket. "Ducks and harlots aside, we're both employed. Which is something to celebrate. At least now we know we'll be able to afford the next meal . . . you know, it's funny . . . "

He trailed off for a moment, debating whether to overshare. Then, what seemed to happen every time he was around Terra happened, and the words came out before he could stop them. "it's such a simple thing, but I feel quite proud. It's nothing impressive. . . my odd, harmless little job. . . and yet it's so innocent. And oddly wholesome. I even felt the need to tell my . . . " Well, that was an interesting question . . . what  _ was _ Lea to him, exactly? He paused to think, not noticing how the pause could be construed. ". . . Best friend."

Well, he  _ hoped _ that's still what Lea was. Their relationship had been broken beyond repair and forced back together with duct tape, but it was something. And he couldn't exactly call him his ex-sort-of-lover-turned-personal-assassin.

Terra had missed a little bit about harlots, not that he fully knew what that word meant anyways. It was probably better than he hadn't noticed. 

"It's something to be proud of," Terra said with a soft smile. To be completely honest, he had been nervous for Isa. Isa had kept saying things as if he'd never get to be happy or accomplish anything great. He was glad Isa had been proven wrong to some degree. "I'm proud of you, ya know. For trying. I don't know a lot about you, but I do know you've tried to run from your problems for a long time. I'm… glad that you're willing to face them now. And see? It worked out in your favor. You even got a job from somewhere you didn't expect," he said, "so, yeah, I'm proud of you."

Then something felt… odd at Isa's mention of a best friend. Why did that bother him just a little? It was a good thing that Isa had another friend! Especially someone he considered close. It meant he wasn't completely alone. He had someone else to lean on. That was a good thing. And if that person had encouraged Isa after being told the good news, then it was even better. No need to feel… odd.

_ I'm proud of you. _

Four little words -- they were just four little words. Nothing that should have caused Isa to feel anything. . . key word being should. Never in Isa's life had he been one to obsess or even really care about what others thought of him -- he'd been hated for most of his life, after all, and hadn't thought twice about it.

But for some odd reason, he'd started to care very much . . . and about Terra's opinion, in particular. Those four little words did something to him -- something very odd -- that had his heart momentarily stuttering, brain completely devoid of thought as if short-circuiting. They made him feel, in that moment, that all was right in the world -- no matter what the hell had happened in his past, everything was alright now . . . and it was going to  _ stay _ that way.

Such intense, positive emotions were still incredibly new to Isa, and he simply didn't know how to handle them. Much to his embarrassment, there was a stinging at the corners of his eyes that he absolutely  _ refused _ to acknowledge. He tried to discreetly wipe the wetness away, and let out a breathy laugh, only then noticing how long it had been since Terra spoke.

"My apologies --" he breathed, fighting to keep his voice steady. "No one's actually ever said that to me, before. . . "

Terra blinked in surprise at Isa's reaction to his words. He… hadn't expected that. He was just speaking honestly, so why was Isa crying? And that information... No one? Not a single person? Once in his life? That was… awful. Suddenly, he was determined to change that. No one should live their whole life never knowing that someone was proud of you.

"No need to apologize," he said gently while reaching hand over the table to touch Isa's, "I was being honest. But maybe that's something you need to hear more often. Because you're incredible. I don't know everything, but I know you're strong. You have to be to still be trying after so much adversity. That alone is enough to make me proud to call you my friend, and I'm sure your best friend feels the same way."

Despite the way is skin tingled at even the faintest touch of Terra's skin to his own, that last thought was enough to make Isa's smile falter. "I . . . very much hope so," he murmured, glancing to the side. "Yet I doubt it. I wonder sometimes why Lea speaks to me at all, after everything I've done to him . . . there's nothing I can do to make up for it. Though I suppose that shouldn't stop me from trying."

He shook his head and barely resisted the urge to pull his hand away, the touch starting to be too much. Too much . . .  _ and _ not enough. ". . . Don't pity me, please. All of the adversity I've faced has been of my own creation. While it certainly hasn't been easy, it was my choice. Still, I . . . appreciate your words. Very much. I don't know how on earth you manage to be such an amazing person, but I'm very thankful for it. As should the worlds be. . . whatever you've gone through, well. . . I'm glad you're here."

So his name was Lea. It was clearly someone Isa care about… and had hurt in the past. Yet Isa still seemed to care about him, though it was obvious guilt plagued him. Terra didn't know what Isa could be so guilty about. Part of him was curious. Part of him knew not to ask. He certainly didn't want to ask what he was guilty about. 

"I think the fact that he does talk to you means he doesn't hold whatever happened against you. At least, not enough to be mad at you," he said. He frowned for a moment. Ventus wouldn't talk to him… guess that meant he'd messed up pretty badly.

"I don't pity you," he said gently, "I'm impressed by you. There's so much that's happened to you, even if it was your own making, that hurt you. I can tell just by the way you flinch sometimes that something's wrong. And you keep saying stuff like you're not used to basic kindness. I… I want to change that, if only by a little. Because I'm glad you're here too. We could...be there for each other," he said with a small, almost shy, smile.

"It's not a question of whether he  _ does _ . . . not for me, at least. It's a question of whether he  _ should _ . . . " He trailed off with a little sigh, choosing to abandon the painful topic in favor of losing himself in Terra's adorable smile. Adorable. . . and comforting, and all that was good in the world. Terra was saying he was glad Isa was still here. . . when Isa wasn't even sure he felt that way himself. There had been many times he'd sat, catatonic, and thought to himself how much better and easier everything would have been if he hadn't recompleted.

Those thoughts didn't have any place in his life anymore. Because he admired Terra -- very much. He'd made a decision to trust him and, to do that, he'd have to trust him in  _ this _ as well. 

". . . Regardless, I'd like that very much . . . if we could be there for each other. It's incredibly wonderful not to be alone anymore. . . even if I'm  _ not _ used to receiving kindness. I was convinced for quite some time that your own kindness was hiding some ulterior motive. . . I'm afraid I'm not very accustomed to such things."

Terra chuckled and shook his head. He subconsciously ran his thumb over Isa's knuckles for a moment. For some reason, he didn't quite want to let go yet. He smiled almost fondly at Isa. "No ulterior motive here. Unless you count a need for companionship as one. But I enjoy  _ your _ company," he said.

He glanced around the restaurant and ran his other hand through his hair. "We should probably get going. We have something to celebrate tonight, after all," he said, "you're done, right? I was thinking we could walk around town a bit before going home. Then I could maybe help you cook something? After breakfast this morning, I'm eager to try more of your cooking."

Terra  _ had _ to know what he was doing -- right?

A sudden surge of paranoid panic ran through Isa for a moment, whispering treacherous thoughts, suggesting that everything Terra was doing was to mess with his heart. If that were ever proven to be true, Isa simply wouldn't be able to take it.

After all of this -- after the way his heart nearly stopped beating at the stroke to his knuckles -- he didn't think he'd ever recover from that kind of shock.

No -- no, it couldn't be the case. Terra wasn't like that. Isa  _ had _ to believe that, at least until otherwise proven. Forcing those awful thoughts aside, he nodded and made to clean up his plate. "Yes -- I like that plan. Very much. A tour of the city, then?"

He stood and, unthinkingly, offered Terra a hand, flashing a brief but brilliant smile.

Terra blinked in surprise at Isa's offered hand. It was almost like what he had done for Isa days ago… that had been ignored. But here Isa was doing it for him. He smiled brightly and took Isa's hand. Standing, he didn't let go.

"Sounds great to me. You know this place better, so lead the way," he said with a bright smile after cleaning up his trash.


	14. Stuffed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays! Here's our gift to you!

Isa certainly hadn't been expecting Terra to keep hold of his hand after he'd helped him up. Then again, Isa hadn't been expecting a lot of things Terra had done in their relatively brief time together. He wasn't sure  _ why _ exactly Terra was continuing to hold his hand, and it kept him trapped still on that border of far too much and not enough.

Still, he didn't complain. . . if only because complaining would draw attention to the weirdness of what they were doing. Still, there was very likely an ulterior motive that kept his hand in place, even holding Terra's back. He felt funny, warm and content despite the growing feeling of longing in his chest.

And lead the way, he did. Through peaceful streets, shaded and lit by the soft glow of lanterns. Past and sometimes into little shops, selling all manner of homemade trinkets. Though Isa had a general lay of the land, he hadn't known specifics. Hadn't known the level of beauty he'd be faced with when he actually took the time to slow down and  _ explore. _

Of course, maybe everything just seemed brighter because of the company he kept. Or maybe it was the new outlook on life he was growing. . . perhaps both.

Either way, he didn't notice the occasional odd look they received. He was far too busy letting himself enjoy the moment. . . something he'd finally started to learn how to do.

If there was one thing Terra wished he had had more time to do as a Keyblade apprentice, it was exploring all the worlds he had gotten to visit. Each world was unique and vibrant, but he'd always been rushing through them, more focused on enemies and searching for someone. He had been running out of time without even realizing it, yet he had rushed like he had known his fate.

But here? He could walk slowly, look around,  _ be _ here. This world was so beautiful. The various rising and falling paths. The vibrant plant life that surrounded them. The tall uniform buildings, all soft neutral colors. The beautiful sunset sky. The light that made everything look softer. The light that smoothed the sharp edges of Isa's face into a peaceful expression. The gentle smile on Isa's face. The almost calm contentment in Isa’s eyes.

He didn't realize at which point he stopped looking around the city and started looking at Isa instead. Never once did he let go of Isa's hand. He didn't want to. They had been talking the whole walk, pointing out things they found interesting or noteworthy for any reason, but when they had fallen into a relaxed silence, that's when Terra found he couldn't quite look away from Isa. He didn't think he wanted to, either.

Eventually, he did notice it was starting to get dark, and an idea dawned upon him. 

"Hey, let's head back and get dinner. Then… if you're up to it… let's look at the stars together," he said while still staring at Isa as he walked. It had been so long since he'd stargazed. He missed it. And maybe part of him wanted to have that memory with Isa, so he wouldn't have to think of only Aqua and Ventus everytime. He wanted to share this with Isa.

The warm fuzzy feeling had grown, spreading throughout every fiber of Isa's being. He'd found himself lulled into a calm that was very rarely achieved for him, and certainly hadn't been in quite a long time. He felt. . . happy. Completely happy and content, at least for the moment, and hopeful that things would stay that way.

He felt at home.

Terra's suggestion had him smiling, only then realizing how late it was getting, and he nodded in agreement. "Yes, certainly. . .I'd like that very much." 

He already had a recipe planned, which hopefully wouldn't take too long to cook. And the thought of looking at the stars with Terra at his side was absolutely wonderful . . . though he was starting to think he'd like doing  _ anything _ as long as they were together. What the hell did  _ that _ mean?

There was also that part of him, as they walked home, that wondered if Terra was actually . . . no, there's no way that was the case. He was simply the sweetest man on the face of the planet. There was no way in hell he'd ever intend to . . .

Well,  _ date _ him.

Still, Isa refused to let himself dwell on those thoughts as they arrived home and settled down before making their way to the kitchen. "Care to help me out?" he asked softly, knowing perfectly well he was capable of doing this on his own, but reluctant to give up Terra's company. It was odd, really . . . how he suddenly didn't want to be alone anymore.

After receiving such an answer, Terra was nearly bouncing with excitement. He was ready to dig into some of Isa's phenomenal cooking, and then they were going to stargaze together! It was perfect. The plan for a perfect night. Just the two of them. Why did that thought make him so excited?

He followed Isa into the kitchen, slipping his shoes off and dropping the clothing bag by the door. He'd pick them up later. "You want my help?" he asked, a little surprised, before smiling, "I'd love to. Though, I gotta warn you, I'm really not the best at cooking."

He moved to stand directly beside Isa, maybe a little closer than most people would stand. "What do I need to do?"

The proximity ordinarily would have bothered Isa, but he was starting to find he'd grown used to Terra's instinct to stay close. And, considering how he felt about the man, Isa didn't really mind. Instead, he chuckled, and nudged the other man with his elbow as he started gathering ingredients.

"I'm making stuffed mushrooms -- it's relatively simple to make with the kind we've bought, and I think you'll find it enjoyable. I hope so, at least -- Now, find me a large bowl and a mixing spoon while I start measuring things. Where'd I put the thyme. . . "

Terra smiled brightly. "That sounds wonderful," he said before immediately starting to dig through the cabinets for the desired objects. He set them on the counter as he found them. Stuffed mushrooms sounded…  _ really _ good.

When had the last time he'd helped with a meal been? Before coming here, Aqua took care of all the cooking for both him and Ventus. He knew that was because she needed to keep busy and make sure they were ok, but he still often wanted to help. And before everything happened, Eraqus had learned Terra was a safety hazard in the kitchen. So… it hasn't been since he was a child. Perhaps ten, helping Eraqus mix things while Eraqus did everything with the oven. Terra hadn't realized how much he'd missed cooking with someone. It felt special to do this with Isa. Working together to make something for them both to enjoy.

"Excellent, thank you," Isa replied happily as he laid out the ingredients out on the counter. He hadn't actually had anyone help him cook before, and he wasn't yet sure how to manage. Part of him hadn't actually expected Terra to agree to help. . .

Isa recognized that part of himself was an idiot. "Here, I'll measure while you mix things together? Is that alright?" he asked when he finally got everything laid out, including the missing thyme.

Terra beamed while setting up his own spot with the mixing bowl. "Of course," he said while stretching his arms, "after all, you're the chef. I don't know how to do this stuff, but I  _ can _ move my arms in circles for long periods of time." He laughed a bit at the end. Stirring was simple and had that tinge of nostalgia that made him happy to do it. And hopefully now that he was a good bit taller than the counter, he would manage not to spill it on himself.

Isa chuckled in response, light but entirely genuine, and started measuring ingredients into Terra's bowl. Cheese, thyme, oil, various other seasonings. . . a second and third kind of cheese. . . green onions, snipped from the stalk . . .

"There we are, go ahead and start," he murmured, once they were all together. "Thank you -- now I'll cut the mushrooms and get them ready to fill while you stir."

To be perfectly honest, Terra didn't recognize most of what Isa was putting together. He had never known much about spices and such, but he trusted that Isa knew what he was doing. So he did as instructed, leaning over slightly to focus. He maybe stirred a little too fast, resulting in a small amount splashing up on his face. He let out a small gasp of surprise before chuckling sheepishly. "Oops," he said with a smile, slightly embarrassed.

Even when he was screwing up, Terra managed to do it adorably.

It simply wasn't fair.

Isa made an odd snorting noise and moved closer to the other man, licking his own thumb and using it to wipe away the little spill before he could contain himself. "Careful," he scolded, gently. "Or we won't have any left for dinner."

First there was that sound, it was… oddly cute, and then suddenly Isa was touching his face. Could Isa also hear that loud beating or was that just him? Terra was stunned for a moment. Briefly, he had a thought of leaning into the touch, perhaps even trying for more, but he quickly shoved that away. That would just make Isa uncomfortable, wouldn't it? Even though Isa was initiating this?

So, he didn't move, but his face felt hot under the touch of Isa's cool fingers. Really hot.

"S-sorry," he stuttered as Isa touched his face, "guess I got a bit overzealous." He chuckled a little. A very quiet part of him debated whether or not it would be suspicious to "accidentally" spill something else on his face.

Finally realizing what he'd done, Isa flushed a bit, but continued to smile as he retracted his fingers. "No, it's alright -- think nothing of it. As much as I abhor messes, the kitchen is one place where I suppose they're inevitable."

There was a part of him that almost wished Terra would make another mess -- this one to be cleaned with Isa's  _ tongue. _ He chose not to think about that and, instead, made a show of laying out the mushrooms in a skillet.

"Alright -- when you're done mixing, simply put a spoonful in each cap."

The slight tint on Terra's face never left as he turned back to his task. Neither did the soft smile. 

"Yeah, messes happen while cooking," he said, briefly recalling the time as a child he'd completely dumped a bag of flour over himself, Aqua, and Eraqus, "luckily, you seem to know how to clean it. I'll just need to learn the same way."

He set back to stirring, slower now. Once he deemed it thoroughly mixed, he started trying to spoon it into the mushrooms as instructed. It wasn't pretty nor consistent, but he was sure it would be alright. After all, they'd still taste good since Isa made it. 

"What next, chef?" he said, a little playful.

Though the tone of Terra's voice had Isa wanting to suggest significantly  _ less innocent _ activities than cooking should come next, he managed to contain himself. His eye was twitching  _ just _ slightly at the manner in which Terra had stuffed the mushrooms -- a good deal sloppier than Isa would have done, after all -- but Terra looked so  _ proud and happy _ that he simply couldn't complain.

"I'm going to wrap them in tin foil," he indicated the material they were laid out on, "And grill them in the skillet. Unless you'd prefer them baked? Help me wrap them, kindly, and we'll continue."

Terra nodded. 

"I don't really know enough to have a preference, so whichever you think is best," he said while setting to work. 

It was fairly easy to wrap the things in tin foil. Plus, there was the bonus of standing closer to Isa to do so. He didn't know why, but Isa's very presence was starting to bring a familiar sort of happiness. As if they'd been friends for far longer than they actually had. It was honestly a nice feeling. And he was sure the more he learned about Isa, the more this feeling would grow.

Rather quickly, the mushrooms were wrapped in foil and cooking, Isa monitoring them and every so often adjusting one in the pan. He supposed it had gone a bit faster and easier with Terra's help . . . not to mention he had the pleasure of seeing that smile. . .

He didn't realize, not really, but he'd started to crave and seek Terra's presence. Mostly unconsciously, he moved closer, and actually found himself leaning on the other ever so slightly as he lost himself in cooking.

Terra had been watching in a content silence, the ambient noise of cooking having been enough to keep the shadows in his mind far away. Plus, Isa was here. Right here. Leaning on him. Maybe it should have surprised Terra, but it… was starting to become familiar and comfortable. It seemed like that was the case for Isa too. Why else would he have been the one to initiate it?

Slowly, some part of him a little worried Isa would change his mind, he wrapped his arms around Isa's waist, leaning back into him slightly. His head rested against Isa's as he continued to watch Isa cook. He didn't say anything. He didn't feel like he needed to. Something about this filled him with a content happiness that he just couldn't explain. He'd worry about it later.

Isa had always been scolded for touching people. Never hugged. . . nor held. . . or even a little hair ruffle, the entire time he was growing up.

Then he  _ had _ grown up, and he'd been averse to it. Scorned it, even. . . he'd have never thought he'd ever find himself in a moment like this one. Yet, here he was. . .

. . . leaning into the touch, not stiffening at all. It was still incredibly tingly . . . a bit overwhelming. . . and yet, it was incredible. Warm.  _ Human. _ And that's what they were, weren't they? Beautifully -- perfectly -- just human.

He knew the touch didn't mean what he hoped it did. He knew Terra was simply a cuddly person. . . touch seeking in the way that Isa had been averse. Still, that didn't stop him from enjoying it, even nuzzling Terra's shoulder slightly as he finished the dish.

" . . . They're ready."

Terra didn't even fully realize the depth of what he was doing. Even growing up in a far more affectionate household than Isa, this was far more intimate than he'd ever held someone before. And… he didn't want to let go, not even to eat. That was a new, odd feeling. To want to hold someone more anything else.

But he knew he needed to.

Hesitantly, he loosened his hold but didn't let go completely. 

"Already? That was quick," he said while he pressed his head a little more into the side of Isa's, "it smells really good." To be perfectly honest, he mostly smelled Isa, but that was also a pleasant scent… for some reason.

"As I said, it's a simple dish," Isa answered, just as simply, as he shifted a bit to try to fix plates. He distantly noted an intense urge that had suddenly come over him to lean backwards and kiss Terra's temple. "Now, come on . . . to the table. Before we miss the best stars."

As he spoke, he gathered the plates in his hands and gently nudged Terra's belly with his elbow, prompting him to move but not necessarily pull away.

Why. . . why didn't he want to separate? Why was it getting harder and harder to ignore the urges that were begging him to press his lips to the other man's skin?

Terra's hands more or less rested on Isa's stomach as they moved around. He was gonna have to let go eventually. They needed to sit down and eat before they could go outside. But he didn't quite let go yet.

Once they got to the table, he tried not to sigh while giving Isa one tight squeeze. He let go and sat down. 

"Well, knowing you, it'll taste amazing no matter how simple it is," he said while looking at Isa with a fond smile.

Not sure if the flush on his face was from the lingering squeezes or the comment, Isa only smiled and settled himself down at the table as well. He could still feel Terra's hands on his skin, like a lingering ghost. The places where he'd touched felt almost. . . . cold.

Still, the mushrooms were warm, and Isa didn't even care that he didn't  _ like  _ them. He was smiling as he pulled out a bit of filling and took a small bite. ". . . You flatter me," he murmured. "Just -- eat your dinner, silly man."

Terra stared at Isa's smile far longer than he probably should have, but he snapped out of it when Isa spoke. He smiled for a moment before digging into his meal. It was… incredible. He couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten something he liked this much, much less one he had helped make.

He somehow managed to restrain himself from scarfing it down as fast as he possibly could and savored it. "I love this," he said between bites, "even if you think it's simple, I think it's amazing." Despite trying to take his time eating, he barely came up to breathe.

Isa chuckled, continuing to pick the filling out of his own mushroom. "I'm very glad you like it. . . don't feel the need to inhale it like it's going to run away. There's always more."

It filled him with an incredible sense of pride that Terra enjoyed his food. . . though he wondered if it was even physically possible for him to make something that Terra  _ wouldn't _ like. He certainly never wanted to . . . hell, he'd cook for him every day for the rest of his life if it meant he got to see that smile. . .

He'd quickly finished what he wanted of his own dinner, and didn't realize he'd continued watching Terra with soft eyes and a heart that felt unusually full.

Terra knew that the longer he took, the longer he had to wait to see the stars with Isa. But he couldn't help it. The meal had been too go to be  _ over _ . So he got up and got the small remainder of food before quickly digging into it. Despite wanting to go see the stars immediately, he really couldn't help but sit back and enjoy what he was eating.

Once he finished his second round, he stood and cleared his plate. "Sorry, I just couldn't help myself," he said with a smile, "are you ready to go? We can get to the roof I think."

"Yes, I'm ready," Isa answered softly, having already cleaned his own plate while Terra had been finishing. "Though I'm afraid I must rely on you to show me the way. I haven't exactly spent a great deal of time analyzing the apartment."

He rolled his shoulders, heart suddenly oddly aflutter, and had to remind himself this wasn't -- well, a  _ date. _ Whatever it  _ was, _ though, Isa was fine with it. He was happy, he loved the stars, the night sky, and he loved T-- . . . 

the thought of doing this with his  _ roommate. _


	15. Sky Full of Stars

Terra smiled at Isa for a moment, kind of zoning out till he'd realized Isa had spoken. "Oh, well, I saw stairs and a sign mentioned a roof, so I figured at the top of the stairs would be the roof," he said with a sheepish look.

He opened the door and led the way. "I'm not sure which stars we'll see but there's a lot I might recognize. Part of training was studying star charts so we could navigate between worlds."

"Yes, I -- oh, hold on a moment. It's a bit chilly," Yes, that was certainly the motivation for Isa running back to grab a blanket, and not at all that he wanted an excuse to sit close to Terra underneath it. Hearts, what the hell was  _ wrong _ with him?

"Sorry, yes -- alright," Isa smiled when he returned with the blanket, a little, genuinely happy one. "I'm quite fond of the stars, myself. I studied constellations and the lunar cycle as a child. . . purely out of curiosity, then later as a way to learn to manage my powers. . . it's always fascinated me. But I don't exactly have any sort of formal learning, only book reading. . .I'm quite excited to see what you know."

He actually looked a bit excited, eyes alight with an oddly innocent curiosity that was unfamiliar to his affect.

Bringing a blanket was smart. Terra wished he'd thought of that. If for no other reason than to bring back that odd but pleasant feeling he'd had earlier. The cold didn't often bother him, after all. He nodded.

"Smart plan. Definitely don't want to get sick with work tomorrow," he said before listening to Isa speak. It was kind of… cute how excited he seemed.

"It's been a while so I might not remember everything. I just hope I remember the most important thing," he said. He found the door to the roof and opened it. Luckily, the skies were clear tonight. It was perfect. And. . . maybe it  _ was _ a little chilly.

It really had gotten dark while they were eating. . . It was beautiful. Isa followed Terra onto the roof, letting out a content sigh into the evening air. He turned his head towards the moon, allowing its light to grace over his skin, and visibly relaxed, expression softening and face appearing to grow younger. 

After a moment, he opened his eyes again, but continued to stare lovingly at the moon. "Waning Gibbous . . . there'll be a full moon upon us, soon."

He then looked back towards Terra, and his expression didn't change. "Sorry . . . what's the most important thing?" He asked, then started to lay out the blanket. All the while, the moonlight lulled him into an odd feeling, both calm and oddly wired. He felt ready for anything in the entire world. . .but also content to stay right there, in that moment, forever.

Of course . . . maybe it wasn't  _ just _ the moon promoting those feelings.

Terra stared at Isa fondly. He looked so relaxed and content... So handsome and happy. He must really love the moon and stars. Terra could understand why. It was a beautiful night.

He sat on the blanket and looked around.   
  
"It's something Eraqus showed me when I was little. He took me to a different world to see the star that was truly our home," he gestured for Isa to sit beside him, "he taught me a trick how to find it too. Want to see?" He held a hand out for Isa to take.

It was funny, really . . . Isa never stopped to question his response. For once, just now, at this moment, there was no hesitation as Isa took Terra's hand and nodded, reserved but enthusiastic. 

"Yes, of course --" he murmured, settling himself down on the blanket next to the other's side.

Unable to resist, he leaned closer to the other man than he'd ever thought he would, shoulders touching and hands still together. "Please. . . show me your world."

Terra smiled at Isa for a moment before turning towards the night sky. He looked around, searching for that one particular constellation. He smiled brightly when he found it. Gently, he raised their joined hands, shifting so Isa's hand rested on top of his. 

"See this constellation here? That sort of looks like a three pointed crown?" he asked while sticking out his pointer finger to trace it slowly, "if we go to the tip of the middle point then extend your pinky like this," he stuck out his point at a small angle then tilted his hand slightly, "it ends up pointing straight at the Land of Departure."

Just like Eraqus had taught him. His hands were much bigger now than they were when he learned, but he still knew how to do it. The Land of Departure always looked a little dimmer than it used to, but that was probably just from growing up. Everything lost that perfect shine eventually. Yet, the Land of Departure was still a bright star against the black sky.

Isa follows Terra's instructions to a T, copying the movements of his hand to locate the little star and looking up it fondly when he thought he'd found it.   
  
"There?" He extended his pinky in the same fashion, hoping he'd done so correctly. "The Land of Departure. . . it sounds lovely. It looks lovely, too, of course. . . all of them do. All the little worlds. . . still, to know that that's your home. . . It must feel comforting. To always know where you are. . . where your home is."

He was honestly touched beyond measure that Terra had shared this with him and found that his chest was doing the funny thing again.

"Yeah," Terra said when Isa located the star himself. He grabbed the corner of the blanket and put it around his far shoulder. It was actually a little chilly, but with the blanket  and Isa , there wouldn't be a problem. He smiled and kept his gaze on the star.

"It is comforting. I always know my way back," he said with a nostalgic tone that was slightly tinged with longing, "Maybe one day, I'll take you there and show you. I don't think I could do that right now, but it's a beautiful world. Courtyards, libraries, grand halls. A castle meant for training defenders of light. But it was always something else to me. I grew up there, since I was three, I believe. Didn't have anywhere else to go, so Eraqus took me in both to raise and train me. Let me tell you, it's easy to get lost in such a large place as a child. But Eraqus always found me. Always."

This was Terra's home, but he didn't think he could go back there? That was interesting, to say the least. . . not that Isa hadn't already gathered that from the fact that Terra was  _ here _ with him and not home where he belonged. It was different, however, to hear the information from Terra's own mouth, and he filed it away. There was no use ruining such a perfect moment with hard questions, after all. . . though he did eventually want to know.

He wanted to know anything Terra was willing to share with him, and listened intently to his words. "That sounds incredible," he murmured, shifting just the slightest bit closer. "This Eraqus sounds like a kind man. . . for taking you in and caring for you so kindly. I'd love to see your world one day, if given the chance."

"He was," Terra said softly with a small smile, "everything I am came from him. My training, my loyalty, heh, even my clothes. All things he taught or gave me." His eyes turned sad for a moment. "I miss him.." he muttered before shaking his head. No, he wasn't going to dwell on that right now. Right now he was in Twilight Town, with Isa, looking at the stars. Nothing else was important.

"I'd love to show you. There's one hill near the castle that's perfect for viewing the stars. Sometimes here's even meteor showers. It's really a beautiful sight," he said, a gentle smile returning to his face. He leaned slightly towards Isa, wanting a small bit of warmth.

_ Was? _

So this person, who not only sounded important to Terra but was actually a parental figure, wasn't with him anymore. Isa couldn't imagine how that felt. Hell, he'd felt nothing but  _ relief, _ himself, when he was finally separated from his own parents. He wanted to ask what had happened to Eraqus, but knew that was far too much. Terra was trusting him with enough information, already, and the last thing he wanted to do was fuck up their budding relationship by delving into painful memories.

"It sounds beautiful . . . very lovely," Isa returned the smile with one of his own, if a great deal more reserved. Tentatively, he reached an arm around Terra's back to rest gently on his opposite shoulder. "And for what it's worth, you're allowed to miss him. It sounds to me as if Eraqus raised a very strong, kind person. . .and I'm certain he'd be proud of you if he saw you today."

It was a relief that Isa didn't ask further about Eraqus. He couldn't do that… not yet. It was hard enough to really accept he was  _ dead _ . Much less the circumstances that led to that. And the touch to his shoulder was comforting. But it was what Isa said that got him. Proud of him? Hearts, he hoped so. But there was no way of knowing now. And who would be proud of their murderer? He pushed that thought aside and tried to believe what Isa said. He desperately wanted to.

"Thank you, Isa," he said softly while scooting a small bit closer to him, "What about you? Do you know where your home is?" He wanted to change the subject. As much as he could talk about the Land of Departure for hours with various happy stories, all of it would be tinged with a small bit of mourning. A mourning he couldn't allow himself. A murder doesn't mourn their victim.

"I must confess I never learned," Isa answered quietly. "Odd, I suppose, considering how much I love the sky. But I've never really felt any loyalty to my world of origin. . . to be quite honest with you, I don't even really consider it my home."

He sighed, tilting his head back to look at the stars. "For me, I suppose the stars are less of a reminder of home and more. . . proof that there's more to life than where we currently are. In the moments where I felt the most trapped and hopeless, the stars have been there. . . space is large, and vast, and incredible, and I find the thought of all of that possibility extremely comforting. Space is infinite. . . and eternal. . . and cares not for us, nor our struggles. It simply  _ exists, _ and I find that beautiful. I envy it, almost."

He wondered now, looking up and praising the stars, how he'd ever managed to live with himself as he caused them to blink out.

Terra found himself no longer looking at the stars as Isa spoke. He stared at Isa with an odd mix of awe and curiosity. Isa had really put a lot of thought into this. It was like poetry how he spoke, and there was a clear feeling behind each word. Part of him wondered what kind of life Isa had had to see the stars this way. Such a beautiful, deep way. And if Isa didn't consider where he came from as a home… did that mean he didn't have one? Isa had agreed to try to find a home… here with Terra. That fact was suddenly much more special to him. Isa wanted to try  _ here _ with  _ him _ when before he had had nothing.

Suddenly, he remembered a scene from an old book he had read as a teenager. It had been a cliche fantasy story, with dragons and knights and princesses. But there was one part that was coming to the forefront of his mind. The two main characters, both young aspiring knights, had also been staring at the stars. One had tried to teach the other how to know which was which, holding his hand while guiding it along the constellations. Then the other mentioned loving stars, not unlike how Isa had now. It wasn't much longer that the two had been leaning closer to each other till they finally ki-

And then Terra realized that he, himself, had been leaning his face closer to Isa's. He froze immediately, face flushing slightly. What was he about to do? Quickly thinking of some sort of subtle solution, he turned his face away and gently nudged Isa with his shoulder. 

"That's such a beautiful way to think about it," he said, maybe a little timid now, "I'd never thought of it that way before." The stars had always been a reminder of other worlds. Other worlds he would one day protect as a keyblade master.

Isa had been so temporarily distracted by his thoughts, lost and captivated by the moon and stars, that he hadn't noticed Terra shifting closer until he was right beside him. When he did, every faculty of his came to a crashing halt, head turning and  _ almost _ bringing their lips together. . .

Then Terra had pulled away, and he found himself reeling with shock and confusion, lips tingling even though they'd never actually touched. Had Terra really been about to . . . ? No, certainly not. He'd pulled away, after all, he'd simply leaned too close. . . or something. Isa couldn't think very logically at the moment. There was a visible change in Terra's mood, now -- one Isa desperately hoped he hadn't caused.

"Oh, um -- well thank you," He breathed out, trying to get his mind working again even as his heart hammered in his chest. "Though your way of seeing them is no less beautiful, I assure you . . . "

Terra finally decided the least awkward thing to do was to rest his head on Isa's shoulder. He kind of had to slump a little since he was a bit taller, but he didn't mind. He… wanted to be this close. He'd overanalyze what he  _ almost _ did later. Besides, they'd already technically… done that, even if Isa wanted to act like it never happened. Part of him still wanted an explanation, but he could ignore that for now.

"You know, we could go out one day and explore. There's so many different worlds. Some I bet neither of us have ever seen," he said, trying to talk softly while still hearing himself over his suddenly loud heartbeat, "I'd love to discover them with you."

It was almost an actual honor to have Terra resting his head on his shoulder. Isa was afraid he'd shift, or say the wrong thing, and cause the other man to pull away. This was all too perfect. . .too peaceful . . . too soft and calm and just  _ right. _

Even if they weren't what he wanted to be. . . it was enough, just to be here, like this.

". . . I'd like that," he murmured, shifting to nuzzle his face in Terra's hair and inhale an all-too familiar scent. Hmm. . . Terra never  _ had _ gotten his own shampoo, had he? Instead of bringing anger, the realization brought Isa an odd sense of calm and satisfaction. He liked that Terra smelled like that. . . like  _ him, _ his favorite, most calming scents. 

"There are so many places I've only read about in reports. . . but never seen. And even if I  _ had, _ it would have been with the intent to bring destruction. . . I would very much like to have the chance to just. . . visit and explore. To just  _ live. _ "

Hearts, Terra would be content if he never moved from this spot again. It felt so safe and warm right here. With Isa. He didn't know if that meant something more than he realized or not, but right now, he didn't care. This was a pleasant feeling. And he wanted to enjoy it as long as possible. So he nuzzled a little closer, the arm behind Isa's back almost wrapping around Isa but still supporting Terra's weight. Then he grabbed the corner of the blanket around Isa and pulled it a little closer to the center. It  _ looked _ like he was just holding the blanket closer due to the chill, but he actually had wanted to hold Isa a little more. That had seemed the more subtle way.

"The only other places I've been I ended up fighting at every turn. So, I get the feeling. We could just be observers, visitors," he said with a soft smile, "the two of us simply enjoying the beauty of a world."

"That sounds lovely . . . " Isa murmured, eyes drifting shut against his will. His heart had lurched as Terra had held him closer, and it was only the realization that he'd only been going for the blanket that had kept his mind from completely blanking.

Regardless of motive. . . it was wonderful. He was starting to get used to the touches. . . more than just  _ used to, _ in fact. He was starting to crave them. . . and perhaps he was using Terra a bit, to satisfy those cravings, but Terra didn't seem to mind. He seemed to need the touch just as much as Isa did. . . even if it was for an entirely different reason.

"Though, so is this. . . everything's so peaceful now. Just observers. . . is that ok? To just exist . . . just like the stars.

Terra closed his eyes and pulled himself a little closer to Isa. This was so peaceful, so relaxed. It was just the two of them enjoying the stars. No enemies. No worries. He smiled softly.

"I think so," he said, "So much has happened in the past that I think we deserve a little break. Maybe even a long break. And I'd love to spend it just like this." 

For some reason, he wanted to end that sentence with "with you". But he didn't.

Unbeknownst to Terra, Isa was thinking the same thing. He'd love nothing more than to spend every single moment just like this. . . he could even care less where they were. As long as they were together, he thought anywhere would. . .

. . . well, anywhere would be home.

He didn't say anything. . . he didn't have any words. Honestly, he didn't think he  _ needed _ any. Instead, he lifted the hand he'd had on Terra's shoulder to start running through his hair, wondering distantly if it would turn him away. At the same time, he started to hum, a familiar but ultimately unknown melody. Eyes closed, mind and heart wide open, he lost himself in that melody and in the feeling of Terra in his arms, moonlight bathing them in serenity.

And he simply existed.

Terra hadn't realized how tired he was until he felt a gentle hand in his hair and heard that soft humming. He'd already been relaxed, but all this made him yawn and shift to be a little more comfortable. And he was comfortable, even sitting up on a hard roof, he was content and comfortable on Isa's shoulder. He briefly tried to hum along with Isa, but, without knowing the melody, it didn't sound quite right. But he didn't mind. He dozed off before he could think about it too much anyways.

It took a moment for Isa to realize that Terra had fallen asleep. It took even longer for him to muster the will to move. But it was getting cold outside, and he couldn't have the other man sleeping on the  _ roof _ of all things. . . even though Isa himself would have been perfectly willing to do so.

It was true that Isa had lost some bulk following recompletion, but he was pleased to find that he could still lift Terra rather easily into his arms. Bridal style, blanket carefully tucked around him, he carried his roommate back down the stairs into the apartment and to their bed, where he took great care in removing his shoes and tucking him in, all the while hoping that Terra stayed asleep. He deserved to rest, after all . . .

Isa then quickly undressed and changed before climbing into his own side of the bed and settling down next to the other man, and eventually closer to his side. His front facing Terra's back, he dared to wrap an arm around the other's waist and hold him close. Now, he could hold him. . . who knew for how long. But in this moment, he could, and it was alright and safe. So long as Terra didn't wake up and push him away, of course.

But Isa was starting to think Terra would have done so by now, if he had any intention to. He'd done nothing but  _ seek out _ touch, after all . . .

Pushing complicated, paranoid thoughts aside, Isa nuzzled into Terra's back and drifted off, himself.


	16. Into the Night

Usually the nightmares only came after something bad had happened to cause Isa significant distress.

This time wasn't like that. No -- this time, the nightmare came to prey on Isa because he was simply too happy. Having felt so secure and oddly content, his mind simply couldn't bear it, and had taken it upon itself to remind him of all the reasons he was unworthy of that happiness.

Nothing in particular had happened in the nightmare. It was only a memory of his past. . . those cold, dark days in the organization. He felt hollow. . . cold, angry, and seeing those loathing looks from other members every moment. Working towards destruction. . . days a mass of bitterness and an awful, festering anger that he knew he could never allow to break.

In this dream, it was his reality that had been fake. A brief moment of hope interrupting days of living hell. . . everything he'd grown happy to have suddenly torn from him in one awful moment of waking. It had been enough to bring him to tears. . . or, it would have if he'd had a heart.

And oh, how he longed for his heart. . . a heart he'd foolishly thought he'd earned back. Why on earth would he ever have believed he'd be lucky enough to have such a thing? No. He was empty, bitter and cruel. That was his lot in this life, and it always would be.

It was a cold, empty fear that this nightmare brought. Nothing that sent him gasping for air and into blessed reality. Still, when he looked into the mirror in that terrible dream and saw his own golden eyes, Isa's own snapped open in the real world.

In bed -- with Terra, exactly as he'd fallen asleep.

But Isa didn't notice, for he hadn't fully awoken. His heart and mind remained trapped in that awful, hollow fear, and he hadn't achieved anything close to complete consciousness. All he knew was that he had to  _ leave _ \-- he wouldn't be back here, in that cursed castle. He wouldn't -- couldn't -- do that anymore. He'd find a way out, even if it killed him.

It was with those desperate thoughts that a dead-eyed Isa rose from his bed, not seeing anything around him, and stumbled out of the bedroom. He had to get  _ away _ \-- he wasn't a tool anymore -- not a weapon. He wasn't cruel, or evil -- no, no, he  _ wouldn't be. _ He refused.

He'd found the door and tore off into the night, not knowing where he was going but fully intending to go  _ somewhere, _ anywhere where he didn't have to be a monster. Where he didn't have to feel this awful, numbing pain.

And perhaps he actually would have gotten somewhere, had he been aware of his surroundings. Then again, if he’d been aware of his surroundings he never would have left in the first place. As it was, he tripped and fell over a paving stone on the pathway leading up to their apartment, and let out a pained cry as he crashed to the ground, leg twisted beneath him and silent tears falling from hollow eyes.

Meanwhile, Terra had been sleeping peacefully. No nightmares. No problems at all. He couldn't remember the last time he'd really slept this  _ well _ . Everything felt warm and content.

Until it didn't.

Something was suddenly missing. He didn't know what, but it roused him from sleep. He looked around, dazed and confused. When had he gotten to his bed? Hadn't they been on the roof? And then a truly terrible thought passed his mind.

Where was Isa?

Had he finally done it? Had he made Isa uncomfortable, and Isa had finally left? Had he been too forward? Had he been too pushy? What if Isa had just said things to be nice but had actually wanted to leave? Terra couldn't be alone. He couldn't. Maybe Isa was nearby still. Maybe Terra could convince him to stay.

He nearly jumped out of the bed and rush searched the apartment. Isa wasn't here. Anywhere. He'd left. He'd actually left. Terra couldn't believe it. No, he wasn't going to give up. Maybe Isa just… took a late night walk? Or they left the blanket on the roof and Isa had gone to get it? Regardless, Terra rushed out of the apartment. He didn't even slip his shoes on before running out.

He saw Isa on the ground immediately. After a moment of relief that he had found Isa, he noticed his leg, in a position legs certainly should not be. 

"Isa!" he exclaimed while immediately dropping to the ground beside him, "Isa, are you ok!?"

That name. . .

Was that his name. . . ? He didn't think he'd heard that in years, aside from the occasional painful taunt.

And what was that voice . . . ? He didn't know that voice -- did he --?

Isa blinked, bodily eerily still despite the pain shooting up from his ankle, and lifted his blank expression to meet Terra's eyes. Those eyes. . . so familiar. . . so warm.

He didn't know who this was, or where he was, but he knew that sort of warmth had no place in his life. He didn't deserve it. He'd only hurt it.

"You should go," he muttered in a cold, monotone voice that was only a quiet whisper. His eyes were unfocused, still dripping tears. "Go before I . . . hurt you . . . I don't want to hurt anyone else."

He was very far from his right mind and, despite a near desperate urge to collapse into this stranger's arms, he wouldn't allow himself to be around someone he'd only bring pain to.

Terra looked confused. What was Isa talking about? Why didn't he look quite like himself? It was the eyes. They looked hollow and broken. Not to mention Isa was crying. Gently, he pulled Isa into a sitting position and held his shoulders.

"What are you saying? You're not going to hurt me. Come on," he said gently, "Let's go back to bed, Isa." He could tell Isa's ankle was messed up. He'd probably have to carry him.

There wasn't any fight left in a single part of Isa's body. Although he gave no sign of agreement to do as Terra said, he also made no move to resist as his position was changed. Instead, head hanging limply, he simply stared at the ground in front of him with that same vacant expression.

"I can't go back . . . " he whispered, an odd note to his voice of something uncharacteristically  _ pitiful. _ "Please. . . don't take me back to the castle. I can't do it anymore. I don't want to be a monster."

Terra was only getting more confused and more concerned. What castle? Suddenly, his head hurt. White walls. Black coats. Yellow eyes. He put a hand to his head to push it away. Now was not the time.

"We're not going to any castle," he said slowly, "we're in Twilight Town." He wasn't sure how much what he was saying would help. Isa's ankle looked like it was in bad shape, and Isa was clearly not thinking straight. Was he still in some nightmare? That seemed like the only logical explanation.

So the only thing he could do was carry him back. Gently, he picked Isa up bridal style and started walking back towards their room.

Any other time, Isa would have protested greatly at the lack of dignity and independence. As it was, he simply didn't have the energy or conviction to fight, and simply hung like a ragdoll in Terra's arms, head lolling almost bonelessly against his shoulder.

He didn't have energy for words, either, and still wasn't entirely certain where he was. So he retreated, deep within himself, and allowed himself to be transported with half-lidded eyes and a vacant affect.

What was the point. . . of anything, really? The only thing that awaited was pain. Isa had learned that long ago. There was no point in fighting. . . .or running. . .whatever was going to happen would happen, and Isa had no choice but to allow it to be so.

Terra held Isa a bit tightly. He didn't know what was going through Isa's mind, but it clearly wasn't anything good. Maybe it had to do with his scar, or that "seeker of darkness" thing he had called himself. What had happened? What could have possibly happened? Part of him was almost scared to know.

"It's ok, Isa," he whispered gently as he somehow managed to get back in the apartment while holding Isa in his arms, "you're ok..."

Carefully, probably the most careful he'd ever been in his life, he put Isa on the bed. He checked Isa for any other injury before turning to the twisted ankle. 

"Can.. can you move your foot?" he asked, looking at Isa for any sort of response.

Isa blinked as he was sat down, remaining sitting through pure force of will -- or at least, some remnant of it that was hanging by a thread. Terra's voice sounded almost like it was coming from underwater, and it was a struggle to make out the words. Even harder to attribute meaning to them.

He shifted, trying to do as he was asked -- in this state, Isa would do  _ anything _ he was asked -- and let out a sharp hiss of pain when he tried to turn his ankle. It was the most expression he'd shown since he'd woken, that pained grimace.

Despite how it hurt, or maybe because of it, some part of Isa was grateful for the pain. It was oddly grounding, bringing him back to his body and the world. Slowly, but surely, he was rising to the surface of his clouded mind, and would hopefully break through back into reality shortly.

He didn't say anything -- not yet -- but his foggy eyes looked the  _ slightest _ beat clearer.

A grimace. Not a good thing, but at least Isa was  _ emoting _ . Quickly, Terra got a bag of ice with a small towel wrapped around it and gently pressed it against the ankle. That would reduce any swelling at least. Hopefully, it was just twisted a little.

"It's ok," he said quietly, "just a turned ankle or something. Nothing serious." He might have been muttering more to himself. Why did he feel so tense and upset about Isa being hurt? Why did he, more than anything else at the moment, want to make sure Isa was ok? He didn't know what else to even do.

So, gently, he moved to lay next to Isa and wrapped his arms around him. If Isa was still asleep… maybe this would wake him up from whatever nightmare he was having, or at least snap him out of it. "Please be ok..." he whispered.

The expression had faded almost as quickly as it had come, back into that awful blankness. Isa hadn't reacted as Terra had cared for his ankle, continuing to sit in hollow silence.

His mind was a swirling void of fear and hatred, and he'd turned entirely inside himself to try to make sense of it. He was lost in that void. . . and a familiar one it was. He'd been lost inside of it for weeks before, completely unresponsive as Lea had begged for him to come back.

Isa hadn't reacted to the binding of his ankle. . . but the embrace was quite different. It was warm, and grounding in the same way as that spark of pain, but in a completely opposite way. He found his head suddenly approaching the surface a lot quicker, and blinked slowly as he leaned closer to Terra as he was held, for once completely unrestrained. That voice. . . from underwater. . . begging him for something. What was it. . .?

Whatever it was, he wanted to give it.

Thus, Isa found himself  _ fighting _ to break through the last remaining barrier between his prison and reality, and his lips parted to let out a low, breathy whimper. At the same time, a hand slowly raised to hold on tightly to one of Terra's arms.

Terra looked up at Isa the moment he felt movement. "Isa?" then there was a  _ sound _ , which he jumped on, "Isa?! Isa, are you ok?" He didn't know why he was suddenly so desperate for a response. Something. Anything. He didn't like the blank look Isa had had before. It had seemed broken… almost dead.

He didn't realize when he sat upright and cupped Isa's face with one hand, looking for some kind of sign. His other hand took the one latched to his arm equally tightly.

The look on Isa's face wasn't exactly one of his normal expressions, but neither was it completely broken and empty like before. Instead it was slightly fragile, open and vulnerable and ultimately  _ confused. _ He blinked, slowly, and unconsciously nuzzled into Terra's hand where it touched his face. All of these touches. . . electric and stimulating on his touch-starved skin. . . they were warm, and inviting, and he never wanted them to stop.

Every bit of warmth against his skin was like a lifeline, tethering him to reality and hope. Another slow blink, and this time when his eyes opened they focused the slightest amount on the brunette's face. His tongue darted out to slowly lick over dry lips, and his lips parted again.

This time, he came up with a word. A single, most important word, suddenly at the forefront of his mind. A word that felt like home, like hope, like everything that was good.

_ "Terra?" _

It had been a while since Terra had felt this  _ relieved _ . Immediately, he wrapped his arms around Isa's chest, raising Isa into a slight sitting position. 

"Isa! Are you ok? What happened? I was suddenly in our room but you were gone. Then I found you outside. A-and you were hurt. You weren't responding except for saying weird things I didn't understand and just-  _ please _ tell me you're ok," the words kind of fumbled out in a worried tirade. He nuzzled in closer once he sat up. He wanted to know why this had happened. But, more importantly, he wanted to know how to help.

Though conscious again, Isa was still nowhere near his right mind. Everything was just a bit fuzzy, and he was floating in a sort of limbo. Still, most of him was  _ there, _ and though his thoughts were moving sluggishly, he was able to understand Terra's words. For some reason, they didn't help to keep his tears from falling.

". . . Dreams. . . " he murmured, hands clinging tightly to Terra as if he might disappear at any moment. ". . .The dreams again, that's all . . . It's not the first time. Though. . . it's been a moment. I'm . . . ok . . . it's just the dreams. I'm sorry -- I'm sorry --"

He sniffed a bit, head hanging forward. "Didn't. . . want to scare you . . . so sorry. I didn't -- no control -- I  _ hate it. _ "

"Hey," Terra said gently while carefully cupping Isa's cheek and tilting his head upward slightly, "it's ok. You can’t control nightmares. No need to apologize. The important thing is that it's over now."

This somewhat reminded him of Ventus's first year or so in the Land of Departure. Ven would often have nightmares, that he had no memory of after waking. Though, Ven would usually wake up screaming, not sleep walk and mumble about whatever horrors he saw. What could have happened to Isa to cause this?

"Do you… need to talk about it? I don't know how to help much, but I can listen," he said softly.

At any normal time, Isa would have shut down Terra's question and answered with some flippant remark about how he was alright -- that the dreams were unimportant. He'd have insisted on keeping dignity intact above all else, become closed-off in his own hurt, and shut down.

This wasn't a normal time. Not by a great amount. Isa's guard had already been weakening and, in the wake of his nightmare, it was non-existent. Instead of pulling away with a scowl, voice bitter and retreating into himself, he leaned into the touch to his face and closed his eyes.

"It was only memories," he murmured. "Those are the worst ones. Where I'm back . . . in the castle . . . in the organization. Where I'm how I was before. . .all hollow and alone. . . angry. I thought. . . that everything here, with you, had been the dream. . . and I'd woken up back in hell . . . "

Unbidden, fresh tears sprang to his eyes as he blinked them open and met Terra's with a near desperate expression.

"Terra -- please -- what color are my eyes?"

Terra gently brushed away the tears with his thumb. It was a bit dark in the room, but he could see well enough to answer the question. 

"Teal," he said softly. A memory flashed in his head of Isa(?) with yellow eyes, but he pushed it aside.

Castle. Organization. Hollow. Somehow, Terra both knew what Isa was talking about and had  _ no idea _ . Whatever it was, it was clearly something that hurt and even scared Isa. 

"You're not back in any castle. You're in Twilight Town," he said, which was hopefully comforting.

The answer was reassuring, and Isa found himself letting out a breath of relief. He'd needed to know. . . but didn't think he'd have had the courage to look for himself.

Twilight Town. Terra. Not in the castle. . . and his eyes weren't golden. It really had been just a bad dream. . .

. . . Except it wasn't, not really. Even if his nightmare wasn't  _ current, _ it had still happened. And that in and of itself was awful. Especially now that Isa was starting to settle into his new environment -- finally feeling something that might have been happiness -- it seemed all too likely that something would tear that happiness from him at any moment.

"Yes. . ." he answered in that same quiet voice. "Yes -- I am -- Twilight Town. And. . . I have my heart. . . and I don't have to hurt anyone?"

Terra gently ran his fingers through Isa's hair in an attempt to help him calm down. 

"Of course not," he said while holding Isa a little closer, "We're safe here. Why would you have to hurt anyone?"

He couldn't deny that he was worried. He wanted to know what happened to make Isa like this. But he didn't want to pry and hurt Isa. It was so conflicting.

"For the greater good," Isa answered simply, letting out a huffing breath as the tension drained from his shoulders in response to the ministrations to his hair. "And because I found pleasure in it . . . to a certain extent. I did what I had to . . . and I never regretted it. . .or at least, that's what I told myself. . . "

His eyes opened again and, while they weren't as gone and hollow as they'd been before, there was still an odd vacant look to them. ". . . I was too focused on my own goals to stop and care about anything else. And before I knew it. . . I wasn't really myself, anymore. Sometimes I wonder if I even know who that is anymore."

Terra thought about Isa's words carefully. He really didn't know that much about Isa, did he? Just from those few sentences alone, he had learned more about Isa's past than he had the entire time he'd been here. Isa had been in some organization that made him do a lot of bad things… some of which he did willing and almost enjoyed.

But he wasn't like that anymore. Or, at least, it didn't seem like he was. Clearly, what he had done haunted him, to the point here he'd beg not to be brought back to that life. That meant he regretted it and never wanted to do it again. That was a good thing, right?

"Well… maybe you can find out who that is again. Here. Where you don't have to do anything but be yourself," he said slowly.

It was a nice thought. Very nice. . . almost too good to be true, in fact. Yet Isa had no choice but to believe it. At the moment, those words were the only thing he had to hold onto . . . so he'd do it desperately.

"How do I know if it's really me?" He asked in a low, scared voice. "What if it happens again. . . ? What if I'm simply too cold now to do anything else but be a villain. . . ? I'll take you down with me, just like him -- I know it. I  _ know _ it. You shouldn't . . . get this close to me. I'll take you to hell with me, I know it."

"I don't think you're going to end up cold or a bad guy.." Terra said softly, "Your smile is too gentle when you're relaxed to be cold, and your laugh is too sweet to be some kind of villain. Plus, you seem so willing to try and do things for me to 'drag me down with you'."

He couldn't help thinking about how soft Isa really could look when he smiled. There was no way Isa could be a bad person. Not with how often he wanted to help Terra by cooking or being there after a nightmare. Isa seemed too compassionate to be anything he seemed so scared of being.

"But that's what I did to  _ him," _ Isa muttered, wanting so badly to believe what Terra was saying but being far too  _ afraid. _ It wasn't something he admitted often, but Isa spent most of his days in fear. "My only friend. . . closer to me than anyone. . . and I used him. I ruined his life and drug him into a nightmare, and things were never the same again."

He hadn't even realized that he was still crying, silent tears streaking down his face. Part of him was afraid, and desperately wishing he could just  _ shut up _ \-- if he kept going like this, he'd succeed in driving Terra away from him. He knew it. His sins were too numerous, secrets too dark.

Terra stayed silent for a moment. He simply pulled Isa a little closer, putting his face into Isa's hair. Isa must be talking about Lea. There was only one person Terra knew about that Isa  _ could _ be talking about after all. What all had happened between them? What had they been before that had been damaged?

No, not now. He wouldn't think about that. "Well, things are different now, aren't they? We aren't in some castle. I'm someone new. And you can be yourself with no worries," he said, "and I'll be here for you. I promise."

He promised?

Really? And he meant it?

There was a word on the tip of Isa's tongue -- a word that, even in this altered state of being, he couldn't find it in himself to ask.  _ Why? _ Why was Terra doing this? Why was he so determined to care for him? Why had he even come after Isa in the first place?

"I've already screwed up again. . . " He muttered, unconsciously nuzzling into Terra's shoulder. "I've already scared you . . . and tried to leave. Look at that. . . look at how broken I am. I thought I was past this happening. . . I thought it had stopped, but -- it never does. How do I know it ever will?"

"Things like this don't stop immediately. I still get nightmares too. And they don't just disappear. Plus… you wanted to leave because you thought you were back in the place you didn't want to be, right? So… you want to be here. And I was only scared for you. You hurt yourself and weren't acting like yourself," Terra said softly, "And… if you think you're broken… I'm pretty good at fixing things.."

"No."

Isa pulled back just a little, expression startled and pained. What the hell was Terra talking about? Why was he doing this? Why did he  _ care? _ How was he so kind -- considerate --  _ perfect. _ After everything. . . he hadn't pushed Terra away. He'd never judged him, nor criticized him, or anything. . . any of the things that Isa quite honestly  _ deserved. _ Why was that? Isa knew very well that there was no way that Terra could . . . feel anything for him, so what was his motivation?

No one had  _ ever _ done anything for Isa without expecting something in return. And, suddenly, the thought of what Terra could be looking for scared him more than anything. Anything, that is, except the possibility that he wanted nothing at all. Because Isa simply didn't understand how he could feel that way . . . how he could be that  _ perfect. _

"It's not your job to fix me. . . nor be burdened with my well-being. I don't want to do that to you -- I don't -- I don't want to see you disappointed when I fail to be ok again. Some things are impossible to fix and, even if you  _ could, _ what would you possibly have to gain? I'm not your pet project. . . If you want company so badly, you can have it from someone who's already complete. Don't waste your life picking up every one of my shattered pieces and trying in vain to fit them together -- I guarantee there's too many missing."

"Well… maybe it's not my job, but I want to. And I'm not looking to 'gain' anything. You're my friend, and I want to help," Terra said quietly, "I want more than just company, Isa. I want  _ your _ company."

He looked down. "But if you don't want me to, I can leave you alone..."

This was too much. Isa was stunned, and confused, and still so fuzzy coming out of his catatonia. How was he supposed to make sense of Terra's words? How was he supposed to just. . .

Trust.

Maybe it. . . wasn't as hard as he thought it was.

He was Terra's  _ friend _ . . . really and truly. And though he wanted far more than that, in his wildest dreams that is, that friendship itself was something he cherished beyond all measure.

Terra had run outside, barefoot, in the middle of the night to find him. Isa would have done the same, and far more.

What was this? Simple friendship? A bonding of broken souls, trying to repair themselves through contact with a kindred spirit? Isa didn't know  _ how _ Terra had broken, but that was the only explanation for how he was so very understanding of Isa's missing pieces.

Maybe it was selfish. It was definitely scary. But regardless, Isa found himself incapable of giving it up. Letting out a shaky breath, he dropped his head back to Terra's shoulder and wrapped his arms around his waist to cling to his back.

"I don't. . . want to be alone," he whispered. And though he didn't specify the context of the statement, he murmured "I want to be with you."

Terra didn't know what prompted him to do this. Maybe it was because of memories of comforting Ventus. Maybe it was because it felt like a natural thing to do. Maybe it was because of something that he didn't fully understand yet. Regardless of the reason, that he'd surely forget to actually figure out later, he gently nuzzled his face into Isa's hair and pressed his lips against Isa's forehead. It was meant to be comforting, a reassurance that everything was ok and safe. Terra hoped Isa saw it that way and didn't get bothered by it.

"Then I'm right here," he whispered, holding Isa close, "and I won't go anywhere else. We can talk or try to go back to sleep or whatever you want. But I'll be here."

Regardless of motivation, the kiss to Isa's forehead was calming in exactly the ways Terra had intended. If it had been a bit lower, even grazed the edges of his scar, he might have panicked and been broken out of whatever odd, fuzzy state he'd found himself in.

But it wasn't. It was perfect, and his body shuddered a bit as he hugged Terra Tighter, a hitching breath escaping from his throat. He'd never felt this supported . . . he'd never had unconditional love. But there was something else to this, as well . . . something more comforting than it should have been. It was the knowledge that Terra wouldn't let himself be hurt, or abused.

When Isa had gone too far, Terra had pushed back. He'd been stern with him, called him out, and forced him to examine himself. Terra was kind, and wonderful, and gentle and  _ brilliant _ \-- but also strong, and not afraid to stand up to Isa if he was too cruel. That thought was wonderful, because it meant that Isa wasn't going to be able to hurt him -- not that he ever  _ would. _ He didn't think he could forgive himself. Still, he was reassured in the notion that if he ever did become the monster he was afraid of, Terra wouldn't remain silent.

He almost said it. Then, and there. Three awful words were on the tip of his tongue, and barely held back through pure willpower.

" . . . I'm afraid to sleep," he murmured, instead. "But I don't want to keep you awake. . . can . . . if it's not too much, can . . . you just let me hold you? So I have something to hold onto."

Terra gently ran his fingers through Isa's hair. Something told him letting go at all wouldn't end well, if even for a moment. He wouldn't mind sleeping in his clothes anyways. So, if Isa needed here, then here he was. 

"Of course, but I wouldn't mind staying awake if you need the company," he said gently while moving a stray strand out of Isa's face, "If you need anything, you can wake me up too. Though, I don't know if I'll fall asleep either."

He shifted closer to the middle of the bed so that they could both lay down with no risk of falling off of the bed. He remained facing Isa, pulling him close to his chest as he laid down.

Though Isa was moved easily, he'd forgotten his injury, and let out a hiss as they shifted, expression twisting briefly in pain. "Sorry -- " he grunted out, then buried his face in Terra's chest while trying not to think about it. He wasn't hurt. . . he  _ couldn't _ be hurt. . .

. . . He had work tomorrow, damn it. He'd  _ finally _ gotten a job, and he wasn't going to let a sprained ankle take him out. "I'll be alright, you can sleep. Try to, at least, I don't want to keep you up."

Terra heard the sounds of pain. He made a mental note to call Scrooge the  _ second _ he woke up. Which. . . he needed to be well rested in order to be coherent for. He supposed he had to  _ try _ at least. Though, he didn't want to leave Isa unattended... 

"Okay... but if you need me for any reason, you better wake me up. Got it?" he said while shifting a little to get comfortable.

After a moment to settle, he started to hum a lullaby. He… didn't remember the words, just the melody. Hopefully, that'd be comforting enough for the both of them so they could sleep.

The melody was enough to soothe Isa a bit, though his mind was still full of a hazy turmoil. The thoughts were moving too quickly to focus on, and they remained a dull roar. Still, he was safe, and calm, and it was enough to hold tightly to Terra and reassure himself as best he could that everything was alright.

"I promise. . . I'll wake you if I have trouble," Isa agreed in a quiet, sincere tone as he settled down and snuggled as close to Terra as he could. It wasn't fair, really, the things this man managed to do to him. . . he'd never felt like this before in his life, and it was overwhelming. Terrifying, even.

And yet, somehow, still incredibly wonderful.

He didn't realize it was happening, and it was very much against his consent, but Isa's eyes started to close some time after they'd settled down. He didn't know if the melody was still continuing, or if he was merely imagining it, but it managed to lull him into slumber regardless.

Isa was never typically able to fall asleep after a nightmare, especially this sort. Ordinarily, he might not have slept for  _ days _ after such an event. Yet, here he was, nuzzled warm and content in the arms of his roommate, suddenly lax and asleep, letting out heavy breaths that weren't quite loud enough to be snores.

Before he fell asleep, those words escaped. They'd been waiting for their chance, and simply couldn't take it. They were far too quiet to even be a whisper, and spoken only to Terra's chest. Directly to his heart, perhaps.

_ "I love you . . . " _


	17. Dealing with the Duck

Terra had slept rather peacefully despite the last night mix up. There was something comforting about holding someone in one's arms while they both slept. He had fallen asleep shortly before Isa had and preceded to wake before Isa as well. 

Waking up to a face full of blue hair confused him for a moment before he remembered the previous night. But once he did, he found himself burying his face back in and closing his eyes. For some reason, he didn't want this to stop.

But he would have to eventually. He had a phone call to make, and he needed to check Isa's ankle. He'd wait for Isa to wake up. No need to panic him by waking up alone.

Isa woke slowly, dimly realizing that he was warm. He'd never used to wake up warm. . . or slowly, in fact. It was all startled, eyes snapping open as he frantically checked his surroundings for evidence of blessed reality.

Not now. Now he woke gently, slowly, and a bit reluctantly, unwilling to pull himself from the embrace. He had no idea what time it was, but he knew he had to get moving. . . despite his strong desire to stay in bed, and the sparks of pain shooting up his leg, he had to get to work. He simply had to.

Thus, the gentle pressure on Terra's chest as he tried to pull away, mouth opening to speak words that turned into a pained groan.

"Awake?" Terra said softly, then growing concerned, "Is your ankle hurting?" It was a dumb question. Of course it was hurting. It obviously hurt.

He loosened his grip slightly. "Hey, don't worry about getting up. You can just stay in bed, and I'll make sure everything's ok," he said comfortingly while looking Isa in the eyes.

A bit more in his right mind after actually sleeping, Isa immediately tried to hide his pain, looking away from Terra's eyes even as the look caused a warmth to grow in his chest. "No, it's alright -- I only slept a bit funny. I'm sore. Nevermind it at all, I can --"

He then tried to sit up and made the mistake of bracing his foot against the bed. Though he tried very hard to hide his reaction to the sudden jolt up his leg, his jaw visibly clenched, neutral expression in general a bit too forced to be natural.

"Nope, you're staying right here," Terra said, still gentle but slightly more firm, "you can't walk around with your ankle hurt. And I didn't properly take care of it last night other than ice. So you're gonna stay right here."

He sat up and gently put a hand on Isa's chest to make him lay back down. It wasn't forceful, more of a suggestion to lay down more than anything.

There wasn't anything he could do to hide it, was there? Isa wasn't even entirely sure _ how _ he'd hurt his ankle. . . nor how he got back to the apartment in the state it was in. Though, there was a fuzzy memory that involved neither of his feet being _ on the ground _ that caused him to flush heavily with an odd mixture of embarrassment and something a great deal softer.

If only because the shock of pain was still running through his system, he responded to the touch on his chest and laid back down, even as a scowl took over his features. Daring to glance down at his ankle, he saw that it was a good deal more _ purple _ than it should have been, and his frustration grew, hands twisting in the bed sheets.

"I _ can't, _ " he protested, voice a low, angry growl. That anger wasn't directed at Terra by any stretch of the imagination -- no, it was all towards himself. "I'm supposed to start work today. . . I _ can't _ be injured . . . after finally achieving something I can't -- I _ won't _ be stopped by something as trivial as this."

Terra had to admit: the determination was admirable. However, he wasn't about to let Isa proceed to hurt himself further by ignoring and forcing himself through an injury. 

"Yes, you will," he said a bit sternly, "You can't possibly think you can work while hardly being able to _ walk _ . Much less a service job where you will be on your feet for _ hours _. You need to rest and make sure it's nothing serious before trying to do anything."

With that, Terra stood, noticing that he was still in yesterday's clothes. That would be a problem after he finished a particular phone call. "Now, you're going to stay right there, while I call the duck," he said while pulling out his gummiphone.

While part of him loathed the attention and care he was receiving, another part was simply too stunned he was receiving it in the first place to react with the fire he wanted to. Of course, had it been anyone else telling him these things, he would have told them off and scorned them for thinking him weak enough to do as they suggested.

But this wasn't exactly _ anyone. _ If Terra had Scrooge McDuck's phone number, and was willing to call and defend him, then Isa was somewhat flattered -- a little touched, even -- despite the ugly feeling of helplessness and self-hatred that had started to run through him.

"I don't need you to fight my battles for me --" he muttered while glaring intently at his own lap. Then, he forced his hands to relax and let out a heavy breath. "But -- I appreciate it. Just this once."

Terra smiled a little, glad he wouldn't have to fight Isa to help him. He stepped into the living room. It might be better if Isa didn't hear what was said, just in case he got snappy. He didn't like others seeing him angry. And he was likely at least going to get annoyed. He may not have known Scrooge McDuck well, but he knew enough to know this wasn't going to be a pleasant or likely short conversation. Scrooge was a stubborn duck. Hopefully, this would be quick and painless, but Terra wasn't naïve enough to think it would be. So, after a deep breath, he bit the bullet and called.

Did he have Scrooge's number? No. But he knew the hours of the restaurant and that number. And Scrooge himself managed it, that much was obvious. So it was unsurprising when the phone was answered by the duck Terra wanted to talk to. Normal pleasantries were passed, it seemed as if Scrooge was pleased to hear from Terra. That was good at least. Until the intention of the call was asked. Whelp.

"I'm actually calling on behalf of Isa, who you hired yesterday. See, last night he fell and really hurt his ankle. I know today was supposed to be his first day, but he really ought to stay in to heal," Terra said, only to be met with a disgruntled and suspicious response. No, he wasn't going to get angry.

"He didn't do it on purpose! .... Sir, with all due respect- ..... I understand your reservations, but- .... Sir, he's not going to-" he kept getting interrupted, which would have been frustrating enough as it was, but it was made worse by what he was being interrupted _ with _. Isa wasn't some flight risk liability! And Isa certainly wasn't making Terra do this because he didn't want to or was cowardly! Terra was done with this damn duck.

"Sir!" he finally snapped to hopefully get a full damn sentence in, "Isa isn't trying to ditch work for some nefarious plan! Would you like to see how many shades of purple his ankle is? He's not currently able to _ walk _ without being in _ immense pain _ . I'm sorry that that inconveniences you, but he's _ not _ a liability and he _ certainly _ didn't do this on purpose. And I'd like you to stop implying so. In fact, I'm only calling because he was trying to go to work anyway! He was _ elated _ to be hired despite your suspicions. And even after this, I'm probably only going to manage to get him to stay in for one day, because he _ wants _ to work. So, I hope you realize just how dedicated an employee you'll _ lose _ if you fire him for _ accidentally _ hurting himself!”

Now that Terra had said his piece, he realized just how _ rude _ he had been. Hearts… he hoped he hadn’t just gotten Isa actually fired… Scrooge stayed silent for far too long for Terra to think there was any other result. Dammit.. He’d have to apologize to Isa ...and probably Scrooge too, really.

Until suddenly, Scrooge said something completely unexpected. Just a brief mention of how admirable it was for Terra to stand up for his friend, and ...that Isa could come in tomorrow or even the next day and still have a job. Terra was so stunned he didn’t even have the time to say thank you before Scrooge hung up. And once he did, Terra stared at his phone in a moment of shock. Had that… really worked? He blinked a few times in surprise before letting out the _ biggest _ sigh of relief. Guess he had good news for Isa.

While he hadn't been trying to listen in, Isa certainly hadn't been trying _ not _ to. He'd heard Terra's voice growing gradually louder from the other room and had started to listen intently to his words, only becoming more and more surprised as Terra spoke. His breath stilled, both in shock and in an attempt to hear as much of what Terra was saying as he could.

He sounded so very passionate. . . no one had ever defended Isa to this extent. Not that he'd ever needed or accepted defending, but. . . he didn't understand how to handle this. He knew very well how Scrooge saw him, and to hear Terra speaking on his behalf like this, though mildly uncomfortable, was incredible.

Of course, there was also that awful unpleasantness and self-hatred stirring in his gut at the notion that he was certain he'd just lost his job before he'd even started. He hadn't heard Terra say anything else after ranting at Scrooge. . . which meant the businessduck had likely hung up on him. Seething internally, he clenched the sheets tightly and tried his hardest to keep tears from his eyes.

Terra took a deep breath before stepping into the bedroom while scratching the back of his head. Man, he hoped Isa had overheard him. He smiled at Isa as he entered and tried to think of the best way to word it. 

"I got good news," he started while getting a little closer, "You still have your job. In fact, you can go in either tomorrow or even the next day."

Isa looked up in surprise when Terra entered, watery eyes widening in shock. That certainly hadn't been what he'd expected to hear. He'd thought for certain he'd have been fired, if not for failing to appear on his first day then for the way Terra had spoken to his boss.

". . . Are you serious?" He asked, voice betraying his surprise. His heart was still racing at the praise he'd overheard, as well as the subsequent panic. "He really listened to you . . . ? You're not simply lying to make me feel better, are you?"

"I wouldn't lie to you, Isa," Terra said while smiling a bit sheepishly, "though, I am really surprised he actually listened. He said it was.. admirable that I stood up for you. Guess he respected that. Regardless, you can rest today, and maybe even tomorrow without any worries. Now, let me get a proper look at your ankle." Terra kneeled beside the bed and started moving the covers just enough to get to Isa's hurt ankle.

"You don't need to --" Isa protested briefly, trying to draw his knee up and injured foot away from searching eyes, but he knew it wouldn't get him very far. Instead, he simply let out a sigh and glared for a moment at the wall. ". . .Very well. Do your worst. And. . . thank you. I highly doubt he would have listened to me had I spoken for myself." He hesitated, debating whether or not to reveal he'd heard everything Terra said.

He decided not to, and kept the sound of Terra calling him dedicated close to his chest. "I . . . owe you a lot."

Terra quickly fetched his first aid kit and dug around for some sort of brace. Though he didn't have a brace per se, he had compression wrap and knew how to use it. Carefully, he started wrapping Isa's ankle, trying not to cause more pain than necessary. Isa would be in enough pain already from the injury, no need to make it worse, if even for a moment.

"You don't owe me anything," he said, remaining focused, "we're friends. And friends help each other. Plus, it's not like you did this on purpose. You shouldn't be punished for an accident. In a way, you already are since you got hurt."

"Still, it's. . . not your responsibility to care for me. Even if we are friends. And it's certainly not your responsibility to call my boss and defend me. . . I must confess I've never had nor allowed anyone to do such things for me before."

Isa didn't react visibly to the binding of his ankle save for a slight tensing of facial muscles. Whether that was from pain or anger, however, was uncertain. "I can't believe I've allowed this to happen. . ." he growled, nails digging harshly into his own thighs.

Terra sighed and stood as he finished. "Even if it's 'not my responsibility', I want to," he said while putting his hands on his hips, "and maybe you needed more people to do this for you. It might have saved you a lot of problems." Maybe that was out of bounds to say, but he couldn't help it. He was worried about Isa. "And you didn't do it on purpose.... It seemed like you were sleepwalking in a nightmare. You aren't able to control that, so don't beat yourself up about it."

There was a distinct possibility that Terra was correct. It was not, however, something that Isa was going to think about. Especially when he was far too busy seething in a horrible stew of self-hatred and helplessness. . . and with Terra posed as if he was about to scold him.

"It's what I always do . . . I ruin things," he muttered with a grimace. "I'd thought everything was going _ right _ for once. . . I was trying to get better. . . and then, my mind breaks, and I go wandering off to injure myself the day before I start work. I don't know why I'm disappointed or surprised. If it weren't for you, I don't . . . know what would have happened, exactly, but it wouldn't have been good."

Terra sighed and shook his head. He sat on the edge of the bed, trying not to jostle the bed too much. This line of thinking would truly get Isa nowhere, but Terra wasn't sure how to help. Especially not when his own thoughts often went in a similar direction. He'd destroyed his family then ran away like a coward. Then had the gall to wonder why Ventus wouldn't talk to him. That wasn't even everything.

"Just because you don't recover overnight, doesn't mean you ruined everything.." he said slowly, "and I am here. So you don't have to worry about 'if I wasn't here', because I am."

"I don't want to have to rely on you . . . I don't want to be your cross to bear," Isa replied, though his voice was a bit softer than before. That was such a comforting thought. That Terra was there. . . just _ existing _ in the same space and caring for him when he was hurt.

So Isa found himself making a vow, then and there, to make sure that he would do the same for Terra. Whenever he was hurt, or scared, or needed someone to hold him and be held. . . Isa would be there. He'd stay, and make sure that Terra wasn't alone again, as he seemed so very afraid of. He'd read to him, and keep the quiet away. . . any time he asked, and even when he didn't. When he needed something he was too afraid to mention . . . Isa would find out what, and give it without question or comment.

And that thought helped him feel better. The last thing he wanted was to use Terra, or take advantage of his kindness, so he'd simply have to make it his mission to learn how to be as good of a . . . friend. Though it wasn't the kind of love that Isa so desperately yearned for, Terra still showed an incredible amount. And if Isa could learn how to love like him, even just a little, he'd consider his mission accomplished, and his life worth living.

". . . So, I'm here for you, too." He finally murmured. "For what it's worth. I'm afraid I might not always have much to offer in the way of friendship, but. . . whatever I have is yours."

Terra smiled slightly at that. "I'm glad, Isa. I'm glad to have you with me. Just, please realize that you're not a burden to me. I'm not looking to take companionship from you. We're gonna be a team here, ok?" he said softly.

A team... Why'd he want that so badly? Did he want to have something familiar? Like he had had with Aqua and Ventus? But he didn't want it exactly the same... So what did he want? Just a friend? Something new? Something familiar? What was he trying to accomplish?

The idea of being a team sounded just as pleasant to Isa. He could handle that. Not some helpless invalid, not a charity case, but also not some sort of . . . well, commander. They were a team, working to build their lives here in whatever fashion they could.

And everything had worked out alright, hadn't it? Thanks to Terra, he still had his job, and he didn't have to injure himself further in the process. Which Isa would have done, frankly, without hesitation. So there was no point lingering in this awful mindset, then.

Isa made a choice, then, and it was somehow incredibly difficult and one of the easiest ones he'd ever made. It was a choice to stay, at least for a moment, out of his own head. "I'd like that," he said with a faint smile. "Very much. But besides all this, I only have a sprained ankle -- I'm not terminally ill. Don't let my injury keep you from doing whatever you need to. Hmm. . . and I suppose I need to stand long enough to cook at some point. . . "

"Well, I don't have my work until the weekend, sooo no worries," Terra said with a lighthearted smile. He _ almost _ did what he had done the night before to help Isa relax, but he didn't. He didn't know why he didn't. Though, he also didn't know why he had wanted to in the first place. That was probably something worth thinking over. Oh well, thinking for later.

Then he stood. "I'll fix us something. Don't worry about it. You just focus on not hurting yourself more," he said, lightly teasing but also subtly telling Isa to _ stay in the bed _. To satisfy the weird feeling, he poked Isa's nose before turning to walk to the kitchen.

What the actual and everloving _ fuck _ was that?

Isa had opened his mouth to respond, about to say something about how he could handle a trip to the kitchen and Terra didn't need to wait on him hand and foot, and then. . . that. Why the hell had Terra touched his _ nose _ like that? His nose, of all things -- was there something on it?

What on earth did that even _ mean? _

He was so stunned for a moment, trying to find some hidden meaning in the motion, that he failed to respond, and instead just stared blankly ahead of himself for a moment, blinking, as Terra left. His expression then morphed into something that _ definitely wasn't _ a pout, and he settled back into his pillows before grabbing his book of poetry from the nightstand.

Terra wasn't gone for a long period of time. Though, it did take a while to… figure stuff out. He'd never been really allowed to cook a lot due to his accident prone and clumsy nature, not out of malice but simply in the name of efficiency and not having a mess to clean up. Yes, he knew how to work an oven _ in theory _, and he knew what something burnt smelt like. So hopefully those two bits of knowledge would prevent a disaster.

Hopefully.

He did return with two plates of food. One for himself, which contained a few leftover pancakes and some scrambled eggs. And one for Isa, which only had one pancake (Isa didn't like sweets right?) and more eggs to compensate. He really hoped he'd made the eggs right. He… vaguely remembered being taught and watching it be done many times. Also, he hoped he hadn't added too much salt. That would… honestly really suck. He quickly set down the plates on a bedside table before briefly going back and grabbing the coffee he'd made for Isa (hearts, he hoped he'd used the machine right) and a cup of milk for himself.

"Here we go! Breakfast!" he said with a smile.

Isa had found a poem as he'd waited for Terra to return. This was never one that he'd read aloud . . . never. Still, something kept him re-reading it for far longer than he'd spent on most of the other poems in the book, and he found himself placing a little symbol next to the passage with an ink pen he kept at his bedside. Isa didn't like to write in books, but. . . he needed to come back to this one. He knew, all too well, that he'd want to refer to it again. He didn't put a great deal of thought into the symbol that he placed. . . it simply came to him. Perhaps there was a deep meaning. Perhaps it was as shallow as it appeared. Perhaps it was simply the shape of his beloved kingdom hearts. . . regardless, he'd left behind a tiny heart, next to an incredibly special passage.

_ I'll bring you coffee in bed, _

_ if you wish. _

_ I'll stay naked in the sheets, _

_ if you ask. _

_ I'll wrap these arms around you, _

_ I'll tell you it will be ok; _

_ I'll hold you if you're shaking, _

_ And whisper when you ache, _

_ I'll kiss you like it's a promise, _

_ Look at you like an oath. _

_ I'll stay, and I'll stay. _

_ And I'll stay. _

He was rereading the poem for the umpteenth time when Terra entered, and shut the book quickly before looking up, eyebrows raised in surprise. "Oh -- you're too kind. You didn't have to . . . do all of that." Isa was very much not accustomed to being waited on like this, and flushed very slightly as he glanced over Terra's heartfelt breakfast. It looked edible -- which was good. Very good, in fact.

Terra grabbed his stuff and plopped down on the bed next to Isa, carefully not to spill anything. Somehow, he had always been better at balancing items to prevent a mess than he was at keeping his own two feet on the ground. At least that skill was useful sometimes. He settled and smiled at Isa.

"Well, I kinda mooched off your cooking for the most part. It's been a while since I've cooked something, so hopefully it all turned out ok," he said while taking a bite of _ delicious _ pancake. Man, he wished Isa wasn't hurt so he could selfishly eat Isa's cooking all day.

"What were you reading?" he asked while glancing at the book that had nearly been slammed shut when Terra had entered. He had to admit, he was curious. Not curious enough to simply look through it himself, but definitely curious enough to ask.

At the mention of the book, a faint flush crept across Isa's cheeks, though he managed to contain the rest of his reactions. "Only a poem," he murmured. Though he tried his best to lie, there was something in him that simply wouldn't let him. The whole truth, however, could be avoided. "A particularly thought-provoking one. . . it reminded me of something. I think I'll keep that one very close to my chest."

A sense of pride surged through his chest as he watched Terra eating the pancake he'd made. He really did like it, didn't he? A faint smile crossed his lips before he took a neatly mannered bite of eggs. Though they weren't exactly _ gourmet, _ and there were a number of things Isa would have done differently in their creation, he still found them delicious. Perhaps it was the amount of heart and care that Terra had put into cooking them -- he could have simply brought back cereal, after all. Isa couldn't actually remember the last time someone had cooked for him that wasn't canned soup from Even or burnt toast from Lea.

"This is very good, Terra. Thank you." Another smile, and another little bite. "You're not half-bad in the kitchen, at all."

Terra's curiosity wasn't swayed by Isa's answer. Well, it became pointed. Despite the fact that Isa had said he wanted to keep the poem to himself, Terra found he only wanted to find out what it had been _ more _. Plus, he kinda liked the poems, and if this one was supposedly a deeper, more thought provoking one then that meant it was a better poem, right?

However, Terra didn't press further, simply forcing his festering curiosity down. He kept eating but smiled at Isa's praise. "I barely remembered how to make it. I'm just glad they turned out half decent, honestly," he said with almost a shy chuckle, "but I'm glad you like them. That makes the worry about doing it wrong worth it."

"No worry necessary . . . " Isa chuckled. "Except, of course, for that involving spilling syrup on the bed. I doubt that would be pleasant to clean." His tone and demeanor were fairly light, especially considering the frustration he felt at being bedridden.

There were worse ways to be bedridden, after all, and in worse situations. He continued eating, and hid a wince as his teeth came into contact with the faintest hint of eggshell. It was only _ one, _ after all, and he didn't want to kill that little smile. "I appreciate you caring for me. . . though I must confess, it's going to be rather boring staying here all day. I simply don't know what to do with myself."

Terra chuckled. "Guess we'll have to be careful not to make a mess then," he said while shoving more food into his mouth. Man, he was glad there had been more of those pancakes. And now he had some protein too, so it was almost like breakfast at home. But it was better, somehow. Maybe the company. Maybe the pancakes. He'd think about it later.

"Well… I don't have a reason to go anywhere unless we need something, so you don't have to be here alone at least," he said while scratching his head a bit shyly. Why did he feel a bit shy?

There was a time when Isa would have rather been left alone. When the thought of staying trapped in a house all day with a single other person would have seemed like pure hell. As it was now, he only felt a warm sense of comfort and relief, scary in its unfamiliarity.

He felt his heart lurch a bit at Terra's body language. . .was he reading it wrong, or was the other man the slightest bit flustered? He hadn't done anything to make him feel uncomfortable, had he?

"And I appreciate that to no end," he murmured, taking a sip of his coffee and letting out a pleasured hum. "But if there's anything you'd rather be doing, don't feel any pressure to stay. Though I will confess to you that I . . . quite enjoy your company."

"What else am I gonna do except walk around the town? I'd rather do that with you anyways," Terra said before downing a large amount of milk, some still on his face when he set the cup down. He stretched slightly, carefully balancing his plate on his folded legs. Then he realized he was still in the clothes from yesterday.... Suddenly, he felt really dirty.

"Though, I guess I ought to take a shower," he said sheepishly, "you need anything? I want to help you today. Ok? You need something, and I'll do it."

Mostly unconsciously, but also because he was certain he could get away with it, Isa reached over to wipe the lingering milk from Terra's upper lip with a little chuckle. "So much for not making a mess. . . " he scolded gently. "Yes, I think a shower is in your best interest."

He paused for a moment, on the edge of saying that he'd be alright on his own, or asking Terra to help him dress. . . but _ that _ was a whole other level of no thank you that he wasn't about to get into. "And. . . well, I suppose there's no point in dressing myself if I'm to stay in bed all day . . . but I feel incredibly unkempt, and it's very unpleasant. Could you pass me my hairbrush from the dresser? And I believe I've left a few ties in the bathroom, if you care to bring me one on your way back."

Terra hadn't even noticed there was something _ on _ his face, so the touch had surprised him a little. He remained still when Isa touched his face. For some reason, the feeling lingered long after Isa moved his hand away. It was...a pleasant feeling... He almost raised a hand to touch his lip but managed to restrain himself. Why did that feeling linger like that? Why did he not want it to go away? ...He'd think about that later.

"What? Am I starting to smell already?" he joked while moving to stand, picking up his dishes as he went, "And I can get those. No problem." He set his dishes on the dresser and obtained the hairbrush. He briefly noticed just how simple Isa's things were and how little he seemed to have. He wondered why that was. Isa had implied he'd come from wealth, though seemed to resent it. But then why did everything he had imply he'd never had a single luxury in his life? Or maybe… didn't want any.

He also grabbed some of his new, comfortable clothes to change into after his shower. "Here ya go," he said while handing the brush to Isa, "I'll only be a minute, but if you need anything just call." He walked off towards the bathroom after giving Isa a soft smile.

Though he had to repress a grimace at the near overwhelming feeling of helplessness that surged through him as Terra took care of pretty much everything, Isa managed to settle back down and calm his thoughts.

"I promise, I'll be alright," he answered with a thankful smile as he accepted his hairbrush. Well. . . at least he could get his hair in order, if he was going to be confined to bed in his pajamas like some sort of shut-in. That would at least help him feel a bit more _ human. _ "Thank you. . . now, go. I promise I won't injure myself further in the time it takes you to clean yourself."

"Ok, ok," Terra gave in with a small chuckle. He wasn't normally this much of a worrier, so why did he want to make sure Isa was ok so badly? He kept feeling like something was going to go wrong the second he looked away. Maybe that was because Isa had gotten hurt while Terra had been asleep... He couldn't have helped that! Or known that it would happen! So why did he feel like he could have prevented it?

Terra shook his head to clear his thoughts as he stepped into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. Should he give Isa the ponytail holder now? Isa had wanted it after all. A small, playful smile formed on his face. He grabbed an elastic hair tie and peaked slightly out the bathroom door. He slowly lifted the hairband on his thumb, trying to aim, slowly stretched it back… and then set it loose. The band went flying and hit its mark, Isa's bicep, with no interference. He was almost proud of himself for such a good shot. He smiled proudly and playfully and shot a wink at Isa before closing the door, just to make sure Isa knew it had been in fun, not out of malice or anything.

Isa blinked in surprise as the hairtie hit his arm and, for a moment, was unsure what exactly had happened. He'd caught the thing on reflex when it bounced off his bicep and glanced down to see what it was before letting out a startled laugh. He hadn't missed Terra's wink and, while he was a little unsure _ why _ he'd thrown the band at him, he knew it had been entirely in jest.

For fun. That wasn't something Isa experienced very often. He'd always thought such matters trivial, unimportant, a waste of time. . . but maybe now, after everything, he had time to allow himself a bit of _ fun. _ Just a bit. . . after he got his hair in order, of course, which he promptly set about doing in practiced movements.

Terra chuckled slightly as he closed the door and leaned back against it for a moment. Isa's laugh had been so carefree and genuine. Exactly what Terra didn't realize he needed to hear. It had almost been… cute. Wait, why did Isa's laugh seem cute? He'd think about it la- No. He was alone now and _ could _ think about it without completely zoning out in public or with Isa. Now would be the best time to think through all the confusing new feelings he had been starting to have.

Guess it was time for introspection in the shower.

So he went through his typical shower route: turn on the water, get undressed, stare probably a bit too long at the clothes he simply dropped on the floor, turned on music on his gummiphone, and get in. Despite there already being enough noise from the shower for the silence not to bother him, he'd found that listening to music really helped him relax. Though, he hoped it wasn't too loud and bothered Isa. He really did have the volume up loud so he could hear it over the water.

Maybe he got a little too caught up in the music and forgot there was someone likely in earshot. It was one of his favorite songs, okay? An upbeat love song that somehow always made him smile, even if he'd never really had someone to sing it about. Though, suddenly a brief memory flashed in his mind of leaning on Isa's shoulder under the stars as he sang it, the song was about a sky full of stars in a way. Somehow, singing along this time… felt more natural.

And here Isa had been expecting a few moments of silence. As much as he loved Terra and everything that entailed, he also liked to sit quietly with his thoughts every now and then. Or at least, he'd convinced himself he did. Perhaps he was simply _ used _ to doing it.

Regardless, those moments of silence were quickly interrupted by the sound of . . . music. And singing. Loud singing. Not particularly _ skilled, _ but not ear splitting, either. . . though he had to confess it grew more pleasant as he listened. Hearts, Terra sounded so . . . genuinely _ happy. _

He found himself laughing again, a quiet, gentle noise, and let his eyes close as he combed through his hair. It was wonderful just to listen. . .to someone that happy . . . and wonderful . . .

. . . he found himself having fanciful daydreams, almost, as he was listening to the song. That beautiful, idiotic, sappy song. . . though he couldn't make out the words exactly, he imagined that Terra was singing it entirely to him.

Terra had just finished washing his hair -- he really ought to get his own shampoo, but Isa hadn't seemed to notice yet -- when he might have been getting a little too into the music. He had been _ trying _ to kind of dance around, but he had forgotten something very important. Soap and water made a surface _ extremely slippery _, and he was barefoot.

With a resounding _ thud _ , he was on his ass, barely managing to catch himself enough not to slam his head on the wall behind him, but it did hit slightly. "Ow..." he muttered, rubbing his head slightly. He'd, unfortunately, dragged the curtain partially down with him. At least it didn't look damaged... He started to stand and fix it before realizing _ he wasn't here alone _ , and him falling had been quite _ loud _. "I-I'm okay!" he called out, hoping he hadn't worried Isa. Nice one, Terra. What are you? Two? Slipping in the shower?

One moment, Isa had been listening peacefully to Terra's impromptu shower performance. The next, his eyes had snapped open at the sound of a painfully loud crash. And that voice. . . had stopped. For a terrible few moments, Isa's heart raced in panic, breath stilled as he strongly debated storming in to rescue Terra from whatever fate had befell him -- sprained ankle be damned, along with the fact that Terra was completely naked.

Then, he'd heard him calling out, and the briefly stuttering fear had faded away. Stunned for a few moments more, Isa then let out a heavy sigh of relief and, beside himself, chuckled. Had Terra excited himself so much that he'd actually fallen in the shower? Poor man. . . well, at least he was alright. . . or. Mostly alright. He'd have to check Terra over when he came out.

_ "Idiot," _ he murmured under his breath, voice dripping with a pure and unrestrained affection he'd never have the opportunity to share with Terra directly.

Terra quickly finished fixing the shower rod. Man, he was glad he had almost been done with his shower. All he needed to do was rinse off and get out. But then… he'd have to face the embarrassment of being a grown man that couldn't stay on his own two feet. He supposed he'd already admitted to being somewhat clumsy, so it wouldn't be too bad. At least he hadn't injured himself in the process, that would have been a lot more embarrassing, especially since he was supposed to be helping Isa while _ he _ was hurt. Hearts, he hoped he hadn't bruised his tailbone, but it sure felt like it.

He quickly got dry and dressed. Part of him wished he'd discovered sweatpants before now. They were pretty comfortable. He dried his hair to the best of his ability before glancing in the mirror. No obvious signs of being injured. He didn't feel like he'd gotten hurt other than his tailbone and a little bit of the back of his head. Which, admittedly, still hurt, but not too bad.

After a moment, he stepped out of the bathroom with a sheepish look. "Hey, sorry, if I scared you," he said, slightly embarrassed.

Isa glanced up when Terra emerged, once again reading and hair now neatly brushed and tucked back into a bun. Though the smile that crossed his face as he met the other man's eyes was genuine and soft, there was also a definite edge of mirth to it.

"No matter -- I will admit you startled me, but if the worst thing to come from it is a bruised dignity then I'm satisfied. Are you sure you're alright? Here I was planning my revenge for the hairband, and you seem to have gotten ahead of me and done it yourself. " Though he was primarily amused, there was a part of him still worried for Terra's health. If he'd managed to knock his head and give himself a concussion, that would be remarkably in character.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Terra said while rubbing the back of his head slightly, "I mean, I landed kinda hard, but it's not too bad. A bruise at worst." Though, a bruised tailbone was in no way a pleasant outcome. It made it hurt to sit sometimes. But, he was sure he was fine. He'd taken harder falls with less injury.

It was good to see Isa smiling, even if it was at Terra's expense a little. He found his gaze lingering for far too long without saying anything. Isa's hair looked so nice and neat in a bun, though he couldn't help but wish it was down so he could touch it. Okay, maybe he should have tried to think through his feelings in the shower...

"Revenge?" he said with a chuckle, "Whatever would you need revenge for? I gave you the hairband, didn't I?" If there was one thing Terra was good at, it was playing dumb for his own amusement.

"You did. And in a very creative manner," Isa retorted easily. He knew _ exactly _ what Terra was doing and, while Isa adored his innocent disposition, he knew very well when it was a complete front. "But I did not expect to find myself used for target practice. I assure you that my retribution will come -- at a time when you're least expecting it."

Hearts, when was the last time he'd been able to jest like this? Isa hadn't fallen into such easy banter in ages. He wasn't actually intending to _ do _ anything, of course. He was far too dignified. But he'd relaxed enough, at least, to verbally tease.

"I will allow you to recover from your minor injury, first -- I appear to have a small sense of mercy." Never mind the fact that he couldn't even stand.

Terra couldn't resist a small teasing smile as he walked back towards the bed. "How generous of you," he said with a mock bow, "I am nothing but grateful for your mercy." He laughed a little before turning to gather the dirty dishes. He didn't like it when things weren't in the right places. Maybe that was just because of how many times he had been forced to keep his room clean.

He simply put the dishes in the sink for now though. He'd clean them later.

Though he didn't say anything besides a small nod of thanks, Isa felt a near irrational wave of relief as Terra cleared away the dishes. He'd been on the verge of limping to the kitchen, himself, had he not thought there was a distinct possibility he'd have fallen and shattered the plates, potentially slicing himself to ribbons. That likely would not have sat well with Terra, and the _ last _ thing Isa wanted to do was disappoint him -- though god knew why.**  
**


	18. A Team

"Ya know," Terra said while all but falling onto his side of the bed, "I gotta wonder. How did I get in bed last night? Did you carry me?" He looked up at Isa, curious. Isa said he wasn't as strong as he used to be but could still carry someone his size?

The relief turned to a sudden rush of slight embarrassment, however, when Terra mentioned being carried. Surely he wouldn't take it wrong, right? That was only Isa that felt some great sense of personal injustice at having to be carried around. . . well, no point in lying, either way.

"Well, yes. . . I did," he murmured with a slight shrug. "You fell asleep while we were outside and seemed so content I didn't want to wake you. So, I simply carried you in. It wasn't any trouble . . . I hope you don't mind."

"I don't. I'm just impressed is all. I'm not exactly  _ light _ ," Terra said with a sheepish look, "I hope you didn't hurt yourself. You could've woken me. Though, I'll admit....I was pretty comfortable." Suddenly, his face felt a bit hot, no idea why. He really had liked falling asleep on Isa's shoulder. It was oddly...comfortable. Both from the company and the simple act. He hoped he could do that again eventually…

"Think nothing of it -- I'm not exactly  _ weak, _ " Isa replied simply. "Though I will admit I'm not at the height of my strength, it wasn't particularly straining to lift you. Besides, I hadn't the heart to wake you -- as I said. You looked like you needed the rest. I only regret that I interrupted that rest with my . . . wandering. I . . . "

He frowned suddenly, a thought having occurred to him. "You came after me rather quickly, by the way . . . and for that I'm grateful, but. . . how on earth did you manage to notice I was gone in the first place? I've been known to slip away without a trace and get quite far, in that state. . . I suppose it's fortunate I fell."

Terra looked at Isa surprised then frowned slightly. "Well, I don't know.. I just noticed something was missing, I guess," he said while scratching his head slightly. It was kind of fortunate that Isa had fallen, not that he was glad Isa was  _ hurt _ , but if Terra hadn't been able to  _ find _ Isa... It wouldn't have been a good night. Whether from spending the whole night looking or from giving up and falling into that unpleasant emptiness...Terra didn't know. Nor did he want to find out. Ever.

God, Isa really  _ was _ desperate for affection if he was actually touched by what Terra had said. He shared a bed with the man, after all -- it wasn't unusual at all that he'd be disturbed if Isa left.

"Well, that's . . . logical, I suppose. . . " Isa murmured, trying to shake off that odd feeling. "Regardless, I'm very grateful. I can't imagine if I'd finally regained consciousness somewhere entirely unfamiliar. . . or even have stayed where I was, but woken up injured and alone. It's . . . unpleasant, to say the least. And I . . . well, that's it I suppose. Thank you."

Terra shifted a little closer to Isa. Part of him wanted to ask about what Isa had said in that half-asleep state. He'd seemed so terrified and broken by whatever he'd seen, but.. he had said it was just memories of things in the past. That their current present had been nothing but a dream, and he was still stuck in some horrible place that he wanted to escape from. Terra wanted to know more, maybe help. Though, he wasn't sure how he could help. He couldn't erase memories. But maybe he could reassure Isa next time, somehow? He didn't know. But he wanted to know.

"I'm glad I found you. Though, I wish you hadn't gotten hurt. I didn't know you sleep walked, but then again, I didn't exactly warn you about my… issue. So I guess we're even there," he said, trying not to sound overly upbeat or overly worried, "...has that been happening long?"

"Well . . . yes and no," Isa answered quietly, hesitating for a moment to answer. But it wasn't as if he could hide it, or there was any point in lying to Terra. "It hasn't happened to me for quite some time. . .  _ that _ sort, at least. But it's been regular, to a certain degree, since I recompleted. . . "

He shot a glance at Terra, not completely certain the other man even knew what that meant. "Since I was killed, then reformed with my heart back, I mean. I was. . . like that. For a while. And then . . . I came back, but would fall into that stupor easily. I thought i'd gotten past it. . . "

Terra didn't completely understand how someone could have lost their heart and lived without it, yet he somehow knew it was possible. Plus, the explanation for him getting split and put back together… made less sense.

He thought quietly for a moment before speaking again. "So, it's like you're in a waking nightmare… in which you feel like you don't have your heart anymore...?" he asked carefully. This used to be more frequent, but if it hadn't happened in a while… did that mean it was getting better? Had he done something to trigger it specifically?

"Yes. Well . . ." Isa trailed off with a little sigh, expression growing just the slightest bit harder. Something in him felt that he owed an explanation, however, and for some reason wasn't quite as afraid of sharing as he had been before. Perhaps it was because Terra had already seen him at an extremely weak point. Perhaps it was something else.

Regardless, he found himself saying things aloud that it hurt him to even  _ think _ about, and with every word he felt the slightest bit lighter. ". . .It's more of a memory of when I didn't have it. I was a nobody for so long, you see, I forgot entirely what it was like. There was nothing I wanted more than to have my heart back, and . . . now that I have it, it's hard to believe it's real. I suppose I live in fear that something will cause me to become . . .what I was, again. That I'll wake up one day back in that situation, as if none of this has happened."

Terra was afraid when Isa's expression hardened. Afraid that he'd pushed too far, and now Isa would be upset with him. It had been a personal question, one that he may not have answered in Isa's position. But, Isa did answer, and it seemed like he answered honestly.

He listened intently. He understood the feeling, though in a slightly different way. Well, in one way it was almost exactly the same. He didn't want to lose his heart again either. He didn't want the feeling of emptiness. The Lingering Will hadn't had a heart yet had been entirely conscious. Terra didn't want that again. But he knew it was different for Isa. Isa still acted as "himself" during the time he didn't have a heart.

"I can understand that," he said, "but I promise that won't happen. I can try to prove it to you, if you need it, that you're here. And… the color of your eyes."

Isa looked up in pure shock, eyes widened as they met Terra's. He'd nearly forgotten he'd asked that. . . and he was both touched and amazed that Terra had not only remembered, but was offering to ground him in the future. He'd been half afraid the things he was saying would push the other man away, but that didn't seem to be the case at all.

"I'd . . . like that, a lot," he answered softly, flashing a brief but genuine grin, and for once not looking away. "I'm very afraid of that, you know . . . of looking in the mirror and seeing gold, again. Meeting my reflections eyes, and they're not entirely my own. I didn't think I'd ever feel like this, but I very much understand now how wonderful it is not to be alone. So thank you . . .just. . . for being there. And being yourself. And . . . for understanding, in whatever way you're able to."

Terra wanted to comfort or reassure Isa somehow. But he'd never been very good at words. He was better at physical reassurance, like holding someone to remind them they weren't alone or stranding guard if the person felt unsafe. He wasn't good at articulating his feelings in a coherent verbal way, but he wanted to say  _ something _ .

"You don't have to thank me. I'm glad to be here, and I'm glad to have you with me," he said with a small smile, "I know how much it can suck to be left alone. I don't think it's exactly the same but... There was a period of time, a long period, in which I didn't have my heart, and my mind remained in my armor. I knew what was going on around me, but I couldn't really move. I couldn't will myself to move. With no one there, it got quiet, too quiet, and awfully lonely. So I understand the need for company and… reminders." He looked at his hands. Nope, still not the metal and leather of his gloves and gauntlets.

For a moment, Isa didn't speak, too stunned and frankly a bit  _ honored _ to be hearing that confession. He hadn't known that. Though he supposed Terra's consciousness had to have been  _ somewhere _ the entire time his body was split. . . and that that split had happened was the extent of Isa's knowledge.

It made sense, suddenly, how reluctant Terra was to sit in silence, and how much he hated being alone. If he hadn't been around any other people at all for an untold extreme amount of time, it was no wonder he held tight to Isa in his sleep as if he thought he'd disappear. Isa's already softening heart suddenly softened a lot more, and he found himself making a silent vow that Terra would never feel that level of loneliness again. And if he hated the silence, well, Isa would be there to break it. At least until he found someone who's company he craved for real.

"I . . . can't imagine," he murmured, and he truly couldn't. Isa had been cold, empty, and incomplete, but he'd at least been in command of his own facilities. And he hadn't  _ really _ been alone. "But it sounds like you've been incredibly alone and hurt. I'd imagine that. . . even though you crave human company now more than anything, it's . . . still somewhat scary. Do you ever close your eyes. . . and find yourself back there?"

Unable to miss how Terra was looking at his hands, almost as if he was trying to assure himself of something, Isa reached over to lie one of his one hands over them.

Terra blinked a few times, startled, when Isa's hand snapped him out of his daze. His hands didn't move, not wanting to make Isa move, but his eyes flicked back to Isa's face. Isa was looking at him with an open, comforting expression, like he was just trying to reassure Terra through a stare alone. It was so clearly genuine that Terra couldn't look away. Isa seemed like he really cared.

"Only when it gets too quiet... or when I'm asleep sometimes," he said softly, "it's like one moment I'm someplace safe and comfortable, and the next, I'm back in that wasteland with the only sound occasionally coming from a strong wind. I never realized how bad that silence was until I didn't have to be there anymore."

It was a small confession, sure, but he hadn't told it to anyone else, not even Aqua or Ventus. He knew how they'd react if he told them that anyways. Aqua would put her hand to her chest and look guilty and sad, probably blaming herself for not realizing that the "Terra" that came afterwards wasn't him or for not being beside him in the original fight. Ventus would immediately latch onto Terra in an honest attempt to help, not letting him be alone, but ultimately, it'd get tiring for both of them and they'd argue. Terra hadn't been able to tell them. He didn't want them to pity him…

It wasn't pity that crossed Isa's face. He didn't actually react much, save for an understanding nod. Though their situations weren't exactly the same, it appeared they had a great deal in common.

"Sometimes memories of hell are worse than hell itself. . . " Isa murmured back. He didn't think he'd ever felt this amount of compassion for another person before. He hadn't been able to for years -- nor had he let himself. Compassion was weakness, and a weakness he couldn't afford.

But now, at this time in his life, Isa was allowing himself to be a little weak. He ghosted a thumb across the other man's skin. 

". . . The memories, they stay with you, and pull you back. And it's almost like you never left. It's so easy to accept things, when you're in the situation. . . when you're suffering, it's easy to just let yourself suffer. But once you've seen that things can be better . . . and you can't imagine losing that. . . well, that's when hell comes back to claim you. Because it's so much worse now that you know what it's like again to  _ not _ be suffering. That's . . . what happened to me, last night, actually. I . . . know very well what you mean."

Terra shifted his hand slightly to hold Isa's loosely. His own thumb mimicked Isa's movement. It was such a small, comforting action, and he found himself wanting a little more somehow. But he didn't want to be pushy...

It was actually comforting on its own that Isa understood. He understood the horrors of the night, the shadows that grew longer the closer they got to the light. It was terrifying. The thought that this happiness was the dream and that the nightmare was reality. Isa was right, it'd be easier had things never gotten better, at least his expectations would be lower. At least he'd be used to the pain. But it wasn't like that anymore.

"Things got too good, and your mind couldn't just let you enjoy it, huh?" he said with a half chuckle, half sigh, "I know the feeling. I could tell you were stuck in some memory last night. I… wasn't sure how to help entirely, but I wanted you to be okay. The other day… when I summoned my Keyblade... I thought I was in a fight. So, I guess we both get caught up in the memories."

Technically, it was a lie. The keyblade had been to try to get that.. thing.. off his face in his dream. But he couldn't admit to that. Not yet.

It was both unfamiliar and extremely comforting, the surge of comradery that Isa suddenly found himself facing. Part of him attempted to shift closer to Terra, but his extremely swollen ankle protested to such an extent that he was forced to settle for giving the hand in his grip a gentle squeeze. This explained Terra's need for contact, then. . . if he had spent so long without a body . . . without feeling, most likely, then it had to be extremely reassuring to feel the warmth of another person against his own.

Isa could certainly relate, though not in a literal sense. Though the contact had been extremely overwhelming at first, he was starting to find more and more that he craved it. Soft, gentle touch . . . the likes of which he'd never experienced before. It was incredible.  _ Human. _

"I know that feeling, as well . . . " he answered softly. "To always feel like you're in battle. Or to be thrust into one at any moment. It's horrid. . . I wish we could rid ourselves of those memories. I can't express how much I hate that I'm still their slave. . .I should be  _ free _ of all of that, by now. We both should. . .we should be allowed to just finally be free." As he spoke, he raised a hand to his face and gently traced along the edge of his scar.

Being free of the memories seemed too good to be true. There were many he wanted to be rid of. Ten years surrounded by silence. Ten years forced into silence. Ten years destroying the beauty and light of the worlds. None of it in his control. But even before that. He wished he could simply forget what he had done of his own accord. He wished he'd never left home, never chased after Xehanort, never fought Eraqus.

"I wish I could be free of a lot of things," he said, moving a little closer to Isa and gripping the hand back, "though, as much as the memories hurt, I don't want to forget them. Then I'd forget what I had learned. I could do without the pain, though. It almost doesn't seem fair for the pain to linger like this, all this time later. I guess my heart just won't let go of it, no matter how much I wish it would."

Deserving the guilt and pain didn't make it more pleasant after all.

Then he noticed Isa's hand move. That scar... It was so obvious, so deliberate, and in a shape that Terra  _ knew _ was important. 

"Is that something you wish you were free of too?" he asked gently, looking Isa in the eyes. He knew this was probably dangerous waters. It was the type of question that most people wouldn't give an answer to, usually out of privacy or embarrassment. But something told Terra that this wasn't something that had happened by accident that Isa was embarrassed about. Someone had clearly done that to him. Marked him somehow. But why? Asking now likely wouldn't end well..

It would have been foolish to hope that Terra wouldn't notice or think about the scar, so Isa had never bothered to hope for it. He only sighed, slightly perturbed but not particularly surprised.

"Indeed," he answered simply, fingers starting to rub at the mark a bit more harshly. Perhaps it was only because he was actively thinking about it, but the scar seemed to burn a bit more than it usually did.

". . . But that's impossible. A foolish wish. I've tried to cover it before, but. . . what's the point? It's still there. . . " he shrugged, then finally let his hand fall. "And nothing I can do will change that. Nor will it change what it represents. The mark is a sign of what I am. . . what I've done. . . and who I've belonged to. And I loathe it more than anything. Perhaps you're right, though. . . maybe it's better that I don't forget. At least I know, with this horrid reminder, that I won't be tempted to go back to what I was. Though that doesn't stop me from worrying I will."

That had been somewhat the answer Terra had expected. It was obvious that the scar was something Isa hated, but Terra didn't know the full extent as to  _ why _ . And he felt like now would be a bad time to press further. Someone had to have put it on Isa.  _ Who I've belonged to. _ Suddenly, he had a sharp pain in his head and a flash of something almost like a memory. He was holding some kind of short glowing red blade, almost like a dagger, in one hand and a younger Isa's in the other. Isa hadn't had a scar, but he looked afraid. Something told him the reality was Isa didn't have the scar… yet.

He pushed it aside. That wasn't really his memory. That was whatever Xehanort did after taking his body from him. Yet, he knew better than to mention the memory he had seen. That… would just scare Isa. So, he'd keep that to himself. Logically, yes, he knew he was going to have to tell Isa eventually about these memories, especially since they included him... But… not now.

"I don't think you would ever even  _ feel _ tempted. You fled when you thought in a dream that you were back in that situation, after all. It's obvious that you don't want that life again," he said gently, "I'm sorry that you have a physical reminder. All mine reminders I was able to more or less get away from." He paused and shifted a little closer but looked down slightly. "Does… does it hurt?"

This question  _ did _ surprise him. If anything, he was expecting Terra to ask him to clarify how exactly he'd gotten it . . . but he should have known better. He could tell that Terra was treading incredibly carefully whenever he spoke, likely afraid of hurting Isa or setting him off.

Whether he was aware of it or not, Terra was asking all of the right questions, in just the right way, to actually prompt Isa to answer them. He'd been so guarded and invulnerable for so long . . . or at least tried to be. How on earth had this one person managed to slip past all of his defenses and get him talking like this.

After a brief, tense pause, during which Isa wasn't sure he even breathed, he slowly nodded. "Yes," he answered in a quiet voice, going rigidly still. ". . .It does. It isn't bad. . . not always. Sometimes it's worse than others, but. . . I'm very much aware of it, at nearly every moment."

Why did that make Terra feel guilty? That had been Xehanort's doing, not his, right? But then again… it had only been possible because he had lost to Xehanort, not only in a fight but in a battle of wills too. He should have been stronger... It seemed like it would have prevented a lot of pain... He held Isa's hand a little tighter and shifted a little closer to him. Maybe it was selfish, but he could use the comfort.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, "you should have to live with that. It's not fair to you." Especially when it wasn't something Isa deserved or was at fault for…

As sweet as Terra was, Isa knew very well that what he was saying was incorrect. Thus, with a slightly guarded but sad expression, he told him such. "Actually . . . it is. Everything that's happened to me has been of my own volition, and I assure you I'm no innocent victim. I've earned this mark . . .and all it carries with it. I know that, and fully recognize that it's my burden to continue to bear it. I'm lucky I've been given as much of a life as I have. . . it's an easy thing to bear a scar, in comparison to everything I have to atone for."

He was getting into dangerous territory, and he knew it, but something about Terra had him so damn open and comfortable in a way that was entirely unfamiliar and terrifying. He simply couldn't find it within himself to lie to the other man, even to spare himself a bit of judgment.

Terra stayed silent for a moment. He didn't really know enough to argue that Isa was innocent. He didn't know everything that had happened. There was no way he could know unless Isa told him, and he could tell Isa… didn't want to. So he wouldn't push for anything close to a confession. Instead, he'd try to reassure him. Somehow. 

"Then you can use the life you were given to be better than you were," he said, "it's already obvious that you don't want to be who you used to be. You want to be free of your past and to be better. And I think that's admirable by itself. Even if you weren't a victim, you don't deserve only pain after trying to fix your mistakes." 

Maybe that was hypocritical of him to say. He couldn't even forgive himself for the things that had happened that had truly been out of his control. Much less the things he truly did himself. How was he supposed to convince Isa to do something he couldn't even do himself?

Isa was glad that Terra wasn't attempting to argue with him. The last thing he needed was another person shallowly insisting that Isa was innocent when he knew very well he  _ wasn't _ \-- Lea still did that every time they met. It was natural, Isa supposed, to want to ignore everything that had happened between them and dismiss Isa's actions as entirely involuntary. But, while he'd certainly found himself in over his head a great deal and had been prone to manipulation, he refused to completely deny any involvement of his own in the horrors he'd facilitated. Their relationship would never move forward until Lea was able to acknowledge and talk about that. . . and Isa could do the same.

Which meant, of course, that they were at an impasse. A stubborn one, not entirely unknown to them. But it was enough for Isa to know their relationship would never be what it was -- or could have been. And there was no point in mourning that. 

It was more comforting than anything, then, to know that Terra wasn't going to do the same, and the tenseness disappeared from his expression to be replaced by a gentle, almost smile. 

"You're correct in that, I must admit. Though I had no idea what to do with this second chance when I received it, I'm starting to find that I appreciate it more than anything. This is an opportunity for me to be better. . . to simply exist without causing pain. And that's enough. Even if I have to bear a few reminders of my crimes. Even if I'll never truly feel free from everything, I suppose I can try. We can. . . "

He hesitated for a moment, debating saying something more, but was completely unwilling to risk ruining what they had. ". . . We can try together. And, just as you said, be better than we were."

Terra gently smiled. That… really sounded perfect to him. Even if he had lingering scars or stared too long at the reminders of his past, he could just try to exist and be better. That's what he wanted. Maybe he could figure out something to really do with himself in the meantime.

He carefully put an arm around Isa's shoulders in a sort of sitting half-hug. "Just exist… like the stars, right?" he said softly, "I'd really like that. To try. With you. Make this second chance the best for both of us. Cause… I think so far… we make a pretty good team."

That awful, incredibly fuzzy feeling was back, stirring in Isa's chest and stomach and causing him to shift unconsciously closer to Terra's side. As much as he could, at least, without putting too much pressure on his injured ankle. 

"Yes. . . " he said quietly, heart thumping in his chest. "Just like the stars. And we do -- make a good team, that is. I must admit I've never felt on such equal footing with someone before. . . even with Lea, I'm afraid I fell too often into simply ordering him around. . .and my own family never really inspired me to be much of a team player. So forgive me while I learn how to be a proper teammate."

There was this odd feeling. This open and warm feeling as if they had connected somehow. They both understood. They both didn't try to pity the other. They didn't try to convince the other that nothing bad had happened or what had happened hadn't been their fault. Only that they could grow now. A mutual understanding. A mutual hope. A mutual opening of hearts to a new life. It was, truthfully, a really good feeling.

But this feeling also brought on something truly strange. Terra found himself wanting to touch Isa's hair or press his lips against Isa's head. He didn't despite how much his heart said it was the natural thing to do. His loud, thumping heart. What was this feeling anyways? Now probably wasn't the time to think of it.

"Well, don't worry. We'll learn together. Just because I know how to work with others, doesn't mean I know how to work perfectly with  _ you _ yet," he said with a small smile, "there's no need to ask for forgiveness. Not for trying new things or trying to grow."

"You're too kind," Isa answered with a soft smile. And it was the truth. Every time he didn't think that Terra could surprise him more, the other man proved him completely wrong. For all the times he came across as . . . well, to be honest a bit dense, it was evident when he spoke like this that Terra was actually incredibly wise.

He wanted to know more. He found himself wanting to know every part of Terra's mind and soul . . . or at least what he was willing to share. Wondering how much exactly he could get away with in his "injured" state, he glanced over to meet Terra's eyes. "I wonder, then. . . if I could take this time to get to know my new teammate. Since I'm confined, that is."

Terra pushed down the weird feelings that kept wanting to get closer to Isa. He kept the arm around the other, though. Isa hadn't pulled away so that meant it was ok. Plus, now Isa was smiling at him. And… trying to converse with him. Get to know him. He almost hesitated to agree. There were some things… he didn't want others to know. But… it was unlikely that that stuff would come up, especially if they were trying to have a pleasant conversation.

"Certainly sounds like a good idea. If we're gonna work together, we gotta know some about each other. Ask me whatever you want," he said before thinking of something, "actually... Let's take turns with it, so that I can learn more about you too."


	19. Getting to Know You Part 1

Well, that had backfired a little. . . but seeing as it had been Isa's suggestion, he wasn't exactly going to refuse. Besides he supposed he owed it to Terra to tell him a bit more about himself. It was only fair, even as private and unknowable as Isa wanted to be.

"Very well," he agreed after only a moment's hesitation. "But -- if there's a question we're unable, or unwilling, to answer, we simply say that we'd like to skip and there are no other questions asked. Alright? To avoid things becoming to . . . painful.”

"Okay, let's see. . . You mentioned your home and childhood a bit, last night. And . . . your father. What was your family like . . .? Were there more? Were. . . were you happy?" He wasn't sure entirely why he was asking this question in particular. . . the idea of a happy family was simply so foreign to him that perhaps some part of him was desperate to hear about what it might have been like.

"Sounds like a deal to me," Terra said, agreeing to the skips. That solved any problems there. Now there was no need to lie or make any... unhappy confessions. 

Isa's question surprised Terra a little. Isa had implied that he hadn't liked his family, so why did he want to know about Terra's? Though, he supposed it was a harmless question that he could answer with no issue, even if he didn't get why Isa was asking.

"Well," he started looking away for a moment to think, "Eraqus took me in when I was young. So young that I don't remember any time prior to living in the castle. When I was eight, I think, Aqua joined us. See, Eraqus was a keyblade master, yet he had no apprentices. Aqua and I both hadn't had anywhere else to go by the time we got there, so Eraqus had more or less adopted us. Eventually, we became apprentices but not until we were older. It was just the three of us for the longest time. Till, when I was... in my late teens, Ventus was brought to us. He... wasn't in the best shape when he was brought to the castle, so we all took care of him." 

Terra chuckled, "We were happy. Eraqus was strict, like you'd expect a master to be, but he was gentle and loved all of us. Aqua was a troublemaker when she was young, and often ended up tacking the blame on me because, and I quote, 'I was the favorite'. Eraqus was never fooled though and would also insist he had no favorite. I was just the one that had been there the longest, and he knew I wouldn't misbehave.”

"Aqua did eventually become the one that stuck the closest to the rules once she got older. Ven was kind of like... the little brother that follows you everywhere and tries to imitate you. It was cute, but sometimes got on my nerves. But it wasn't his fault. He always seemed slightly confused. Something was up with his memories, I think. Still not sure what completely."

Then Terra realized just how much he'd been talking and chuckled sheepishly. "Sorry," he said with an embarrassed smile, "got carried away. It would have been easier just to say I'm the oldest of three in a sense. No matter. What about you? Any siblings?" He knew Isa didn't especially like his parents, but maybe he at least had a sibling that made it more bearable?

The sheer amount of excitement that showed on Terra's face was mesmerizing, to say the least, and Isa felt himself enthralled. He listened with rapt attention, nodding every now and then to show he was listening, and took in every detail. Ventus, at least, he knew, though he admitted he didn't know much about the boy. He'd only met him that once, after all, and then that day at the beach. Aqua he'd heard of, but hadn't spoken to. They sounded so very important to Terra. . . he wondered where they were, now.

If Terra had such wonderful people in his life, then why on earth was he spending his time here with Isa? And not at home, with this family? That was a question Isa had a feeling would have been skipped.

Speaking of questions, he'd been asked one -- and this one had a simple, if short, answer. "No. I've no siblings, myself. . . I myself was barely wanted. . . and that was made very clear." He grimaced a bit before shaking his head. "It's fortunate, in some ways, I suppose. What caused you to leave home . . . ? If that's alright to ask."

Barely wanted? That... was awful. How could anyone not want their child? Must less tell them they weren't wanted? Suddenly, Terra felt the need to make sure Isa knew he was wanted here. If he couldn't change the past, he would influence the thoughts for the future. 

Then there was that question. How to answer that question? He could lie and say it was just because he wanted to be an independent adult or something. He could simply skip and avoid the question. Or... he could tell the truth... the horrible, painful truth.

No, he couldn't do that. 

But he could be vague. 

"There's a courtyard, right outside my window, that is right in front of the main entrance. I used to like seeing those that entered or left the castle," he started, looking away slightly, "but I can't stand looking at it anymore. It... was where a duel took place. Eraqus's... last duel." He said it carefully, not wanting to give away too much or get too emotional.

He shook his head. "Do you ever want to go back to your home world? Anything you miss about it, that is?" he said, trying to change the subject.

So Terra's guardian had likely been taken out in a battle. . . that, or shortly thereafter, based on what Terra had said. That wasn't surprising, knowing the nature of such fighters. Still, it wasn't hard to tell that even saying this much was causing Terra pain. He clearly didn't want to remember, and Isa wasn't going to force him to, nor to say anything else.

Instead, he simply squeezed the other's hand tightly for a moment and, blanking for a moment on how people typically showed affection, did something that basically involved sort of gently bonking his forehead on the other's shoulder. 

"I can understand not wanting to be reminded of that pain. I suppose my own opinions of my homeworld are the same. It isn't really that I can't stand to see it, though . . . more so that it doesn't feel like home. I suppose it never really did. The only things I miss . . . well, they're not related to the place. My friend, perhaps, and the things we did. Being a bit more young and carefree than I am now . . . but for the most part, those memories are hollow and dull."

Isa paused for a moment, deciding to switch tracks a bit. " . . . Have you ever thought about asking your family to visit here, then?"

A fractured home and no home. Seemed fitting that they'd find each other and try to make their own, new home. Who knew? Maybe the two of them were meant to find each other to make each other their family, their home. At the very least, they could chase away the other's loneliness and expel their bad dreams. Somehow they fit together perfectly in those roles. Even that small action of Isa's calmed Terra's emotions in a way he'd never experienced before. It was like they could tell what the other needed on instinct.

"Sometimes it's the hearts we knew that are what's important. Not where we met them," Terra said. The friend... Isa must mean Lea. How long had they been friends? They seemed to be close, or they didn't hate each other. Maybe that needed more delving into.

"Have them visit? I suppose they could, though I don't want to impose on you. After all, Aqua's gotten a bit more. . . protective since we got reunited. Which I can understand, but I don't want you to have to deal with it," he said. He couldn't say that there was also the fact that Ventus didn't want to speak to him. At all. Not even a text message. Guess Ven was still mad…

"Your friend... you mean Lea right? You've mentioned him before. Are you two close? How long have you been friends?" he asked curiously while looking at Isa.

Isa didn't miss that Terra hadn't mentioned Ventus, but he decided not to comment. "It's alright. . . I mean, I wouldn't mind if you wanted to see them without having to face the place that brings you pain," he replied.

Then. . . of course he'd asked about Lea. A touchy subject, to say the least, but one Isa had to choose not to be ashamed of if he ever hoped to salvage what was left of their relationship. Terra didn't need to know all the gory details, but. . .

"I've known him since we were children," He answered a moment later. "He was the only friend I ever really had, and it was because he refused to leave me alone. We were close. . . closer than anything. . . even more than friends, for a time. . . but I'm afraid I ruined everything. I destroyed his life. . . drug him down with me. . . into that awful place. It's a wonder he's forgiven me, really . . . though perhaps forgiven isn't the right word. . . "

He sighed and shook his head. "I loved him. But not in a way that ever mattered. . . and all I did was hurt him. But that's all in the past, I suppose. And we've. . . made up. I'm thankful for that. Um. . . " he swallowed. "Anyway . . . Did you have any other friends? You seem so kind and sociable. . . I can't imagine you as much of a lone wolf."

A best friend, an ex lover, someone Isa loved, if even for a time, and someone still important to him. Maybe Terra ought to meet Lea. Get to know him. Maybe even learn more about Isa. No, that felt like going behind Isa's back about his past, which wasn't fair to him. But if that's not what he wanted to talk to Lea about, then what was? He knew he wanted to talk to Lea about Isa, but how? That didn't make sense. Why was he also a little irritated about the idea Lea could be closer to Isa than he was? That just made sense. They had been friends longer than he and Isa had been. So why did he want to be with Isa despite that?

"Still remained close through thick and thin. That's the best sort of friendship, the kind that lasts," Terra said, partially hoping he could cheer Isa up a little with that. He didn't like seeing Isa downcast. "I would think... that if he let you take him into what you saw as horrible, then he knew it was bad too and didn't want you to be in it alone."

Terra paused at the question then let out a nervous chuckle. "Not really. No one especially close," he started, "I was almost never allowed off world unless Eraqus was with me, and he only left if there was some formal event at another master's castle. So most of the other people I know were more casual friends. People to talk to at a party but not mention until the next one. Aqua and Ventus are my best friends, just as they're kind of my siblings. Other than that, I've had a few run-ins with friendly other world natives."

He decided to go for maybe a more lighthearted line of questions. Maybe superficial or lame, but he was curious. "What made you decide to pierce your ears?" he asked, looking at the small studs.

Terra was almost certainly correct, and Lea would have said the same thing. Lea never would have let Isa do . . . any of that alone. Long after Isa had started treating him horribly, he'd continued to help him. Even at the end, after everything, he'd held him, and smiled at him as he faded. . .

But that didn't make it easier. If anything, it made it worse. Isa had spent most of his life almost wishing that Lea would leave him alone and then, when he had, he'd grown so jealous that it had turned him into even more of a monster than he already was. And Lea had never really left . . . right? Isa had simply grown too possessive. He'd never do that again -- to anyone, friend or lover. 

But nothing was ever going to be the same. It never could again, really. They were simply such different people now, and it was impossible to forget everything that had happened -- for Isa, at least.

He'd never forget that most recent day they'd gone to the clocktower. A bit of time alone, after the others had left. Lea had leaned close -- Isa had stopped it. He simply didn't have that sort of feeling, not anymore. He couldn't move on if he was still clinging to the tattered remains of their romantic relationship and, if he was honest, he was certain he would only end up hurting Lea again. As much as he still cared for his old friend, it was no longer in that manner. Isa was just too different, now.

Lea had understood, of course, and laughed it off. He'd been a bit let down for a while, but had ultimately understood, and insisted their friendship wasn't in jeopardy. Eventually, that sad look had disappeared from his eyes. . . Lea had always been resilient. But Isa would always feel a bit bad for letting him down. . .again. But it simply wasn't fair to either of them to pretend something was there when it no longer was. . .

Lost in reminiscence, he almost didn't hear the question. He'd already found it surprising that Terra didn't have more friends -- he seemed very much the kind of person others would flock to. "Oh -- " He chuckled a bit, raising a hand to one of the piercings and twisting it absentmindedly. 

"This was Lea, also. We'd found a man in town who did piercings, and Lea was convinced he wanted one. . . he talked for days about it, but was simply too scared. I went first, to show him there was nothing to be afraid of. . . and perhaps as a bit of an insult to my parents, who never would have approved. By that point, my father was too intoxicated to notice, and my mother was off to gods knew where, so I could get away with it. It was funny, though, Lea saw the blood and backed out completely. I never intended to keep them after, but. . . “ He shrugged. “I suppose I . . . like them. Maybe it’s superficial, but. . . they’ve always been one of the rare things about me that were completely mine.”

It was a question about earrings of all things and yet, Isa had somehow wound up oversharing. Time to shift the focus off of himself. “Do you have anything like that? What’s . . .yours? What sort of things do you like to do purely for yourself. . . simple enjoyment?”

If Terra met these so-called parents of Isa, there was going to be several words. Just by what little information he had, he knew he greatly disliked those people. How could someone behave that way at all? Especially to their child? 

There really was a lot about Lea, wasn't there? Lea was someone so important to Isa... and maybe still was. Isa said he loved him. Why did that sting a little? Why did that make him feel like he shouldn't be holding Isa this close to himself? But he didn't want to let go either. Even if... Isa still loved Lea. These feelings didn't make sense, and he couldn't quite define them. But he wasn't going to let go of Isa. Figuratively or literally.

"I think they suit you," he said. He hadn't realized when he had gotten so close to Isa's ear. Maybe it was just to look at the piercings better. They really did suit Isa. 

"Purely for my own enjoyment?" he started, answering his own question, "Well, I don't have anything like a piercing. But I suppose wood carving was always something I enjoyed. I remember being young and visiting a shop that had a lot of those sorts of goods and being fascinated. Just the idea of taking a piece of wood and creating something seemed incredible to me. It took me a while to get good at it though. Plus, it's not exactly the safest hobby for a ten year old. Eraqus had given me about the safest knife set you could get, but I still managed to get this." 

He held his arm out for Isa to see and pointed at a small, thin scar on his inner arm. "It wasn't too serious, but I definitely learned to be more cautious that day," he said with a small chuckle while trying to subtly put his arm back around Isa's shoulders. 

"Hmm," he started, thinking of a question, "what's youuuur favorite kind of weather?" Ok, so it was kind of a lame question, but it could still be interesting to learn.

A woodworker, then. For some reason, Isa felt that fit. He could picture Terra working with tools, creating things. Isa himself had never been allowed to do such things, or even consider them. They were dirty, lower class hobbies. Then again, Isa hadn't been allowed to do much at all. 

With a great deal of effort, he managed to resist placing his lips to the little scar on Tera's skin and nodded in understanding. "I'd love to see you make something, sometime. As for the weather, well . . . " He had to pause to think, not having really thought about it before. 

" . . .This is odd, but I suppose I like the rain." It hadn't exactly rained much in the world that never was. "I like the way it feels. It's like the world is refreshing itself. Especially at night, I like to sit and listen to it. . . maybe even watch as it falls. What about you?"

"I'll have to make you something then," Terra said with a small smile, "and I figured you liked rain. You seem the type. And, I'll agree. It's pretty relaxing to listen to. Though, at night, I like clear skies. That's the best time to see the stars after all. The only shower I like at night is a meteor shower. But during the day, I like it when it's like... that odd thing where it's raining but there's still sunlight." 

He paused for a moment to think of a new question. But he wasn't sure what. Maybe food since Isa liked cooking? Maybe what had been his favorite thing here so far? But then it dawned on him. The question that had been itching in the back of his mind since it happened. He hoped Isa didn't skip this question, but he'd accept it if Isa did. He just wanted to understand why.

"The other day while we were out shopping, you... did something unexpected," he started slowly and carefully, "then you refused to talk about it afterwards. So... why did you kiss me?"

Isa should have expected that question. It was only natural, after all, that Terra would wonder why he'd done such a thing. Isa himself had tried so hard to pretend it hadn't happened that he'd actually managed to somewhat force the kiss out of his mind. Their fight after hadn't helped at all, and he wanted very much to pretend that the entire situation hadn't happened.

Then again . . . it was impossible to forget the way that Terra's lips had felt against his own. Same with the sheer rush of pleasure and pure rightness he'd felt when he'd pushed the other man against the wall. As he thought, he felt his own lips tingling slightly as if desperately seeking more.

This was tricky. He had to be so very careful how he answered -- the last thing he wanted was another fight. It was hard, though, when he felt himself growing more guarded again by the moment, expression hardening. 

". . . I'm sorry about that," He finally said in a quiet voice. And then he made a decision -- a terrible decision, but the only way he could think of to keep their relationship intact. ". . . I was feeling some very . . . confusing things that I now recognize as the beginnings of friendship. I haven't exactly had a lot of friends, and I didn't recognize the feelings for what they were. In order to figure out . . . what I was feeling, I . . . I'm afraid I lost control a bit and acted on instinct. I assure you, though, that I felt absolutely nothing -- and I hope I didn't hurt you too badly by doing such a thing out of the blue. I can't express how much I . . . regret doing that. So . . .do you think you can forgive me?"

It hurt.

It hurt that Isa hadn't cared when he'd done that. That it had just been a test, an experiment. No real feelings behind it. No meaning. Nothing that should matter. Why did that hurt so much? They were just friends. There shouldn't have been any feeling behind it. At least not that type of feeling.

And it made sense, he supposed. If Isa hadn't had his heart or feelings for a long time, then it would be hard to identify or express what exactly he'd been feeling. It was only natural to want to figure those feelings out, understand them, so that they could be more easily identified in the future. If Isa hadn't had a lot of experience making friends even before losing his heart, of course those feelings would be new and confusing. It made sense. Isa hadn't been acting out of anything selfish or with the intention to hurt Terra, only trying to learn what those feelings meant. 

A warning would have been nice though.

"It's okay," he said quietly, slightly shifting so he wasn't as close to Isa, but he didn't want to let go. So his arm remained where it was around Isa's shoulders. "Feelings can get pretty confusing. It just surprised and confused me was all, and then I thought I'd done something wrong when you got mad at me for it. If... if it helped you figure those feelings out then there's no problem. So, yeah, I forgive you."

He swallowed hard for a moment. He knew asking was a bad idea, but now he was desperate to change the topic. He willed something to come to mind. Anything. But nothing came. Nothing distracting enough to dispel the tension that now hung in the air. "What's your favorite color?" Hearts, that was a dumb question, but his brain simply couldn't think of anything better.

It shouldn't have hurt Isa as much as it did to say those words aloud. The whole time, he was assuring himself that it was for the best -- if Terra found out what his actual feelings for him were, there was no way he'd ever be able to look at Isa the same way again

He treasured their newfound friendship far too much to let it be ruined like that. . . even as it felt like his heart was shattering at both his own words and Terra's response. Pining wasn't exactly anything new to Isa, though, so he could contain himself. This pain was nothing compared to what it would feel like if Terra actually disappeared from his life. 

Still, the pain was so strong that Isa nearly missed Terra's question. "Oh, um. . . " The deep brown of your eyes, if I have any say in it -- ". . . I like dark blues and purples, mostly. And grays. Sorry if that's a bit dull. I . . . " 

He trailed off, a pang of insecurity running through his chest. What if even that confession had been too much? What if he'd read everything wrong, and Terra was only his friend out of pity? Before he knew it, he was speaking, unable to stop himself. ". . . Terra, honestly. . . how do you feel about me?"

  
How was Terra supposed to answer that? Obviously, he enjoyed Isa's company. It was nice to have someone around that understood and didn't pity him. Isa wasn't like Aqua, who constantly kept an eye on him just in case or tried to fulfill Terra's every wish in an attempt to help. Isa wasn't like Ventus either, who would cling to Terra like he'd disappear at any second or apologize at the drop of a hat. Isa understood and didn't treat him like something fragile. Isa didn't know about certain things and didn't press too far into things that upset Terra. Isa was considerate, helpful, kind...

Then there were the other things. Those weird feelings that would appear. Like how much Terra liked Isa's smile or Isa's carefree laughs. Or how warm and comforting it was to hold Isa, if even for a moment. For a calm, tender moment. It was just so easy to talk to Isa, even normal conversations. Plus, he felt like he could trust Isa. Isa wouldn't condemn him for mistakes or try to baby him out of sadness. Isa could be trusted to be reliable and listen and maybe even comfort the way Terra needed.

"I," How was he supposed to word it? "I think you're really great. I'm glad that I have you here with me. I didn't realize the sort of friend I really needed until I met you. So... I guess the best way to say it is that you're special to me. A friend that I can count on. You understand me in a way that others just... can't. Though, I wish in some ways you didn't since it hurt so much, I'm glad you understand. I'm thankful that you know how to help me, but you don't try to coddle me either. I really... appreciate you."

He had no idea for any other question. He was a bit afraid to repeat the one Isa had asked him. So he waited for a response first. Maybe that would help clear his head a little.

Terra's words helped to soothe the ache in Isa's soul, at least somewhat, and he gave a hesitant smile. It meant the world to him that he was able to help Terra even that much. He'd never stop trying to continue to do him that good -- never, not in his life. And if he had to hurt to do that -- then he was perfectly willing to. He was content to be just that -- the sort of friend that Terra needed.

"I'm . . . very glad," He murmured gently. "I want to help you. Regardless of . . . the feelings I've struggled through, I want you to know that I care for you a great deal. I have the very strong feeling that you've hurt just as much, if not more than I have -- and all I want to do is help ease that pain in whatever way I can. You've . . . done more for me in our short time together then you'd probably ever know." 

And that was as much as he was willing to say. He gently nudged the other with his elbow and let out a little cough before murmuring "It's your turn. . . "


	20. Getting to Know You Part 2

Terra smiled at Isa and maybe moved a small bit closer. That was all the answer he needed to him repeating the question anyways. It was an honor to have been able to help Isa. Isa had always seemed so tense, but, each day, he was softening. Just a little. It was slow and subtle, but Terra could tell. He'd always been good at noticing small details like that. 

The smile became a little softer at Isa's almost shy action of nudging him. "Do you have any dreams? Like a hope for the future?" he asked. Sure, it seemed an open-ended and likely very personal question, but Isa seemed the goal oriented type. And even if Isa had... never expected to come back, surely there was something he  _ wanted _ . Whether it was to be with his friend, Lea, or to try to fix his mistakes, or anything else. There had to be something.

Something in Isa that he wasn't paying a great deal of attention to managed to notice Terra shifting closer, even a minute amount, and felt comforted. That part of him seemed to want Terra as  _ close as possible _ \-- even if it was completely illogical, and never to be had. 

Isa needed that comfort, seeing as how Terra had just asked such a hard question. It  _ should _ have been easy -- especially considering just who Isa was as a person. He'd never  _ not _ had plans for his future before. He was a man of well-laid plans, of goals and follow through and intentional action. But now . . .

He shrugged, looking more than a little bit lost. "I'm. . . really not sure," He said quietly. "I used to have so many goals. . . not all of them  _ good _ \-- but. . . " He sighed. ". . .That doesn't matter. I've never . . . been this purposeless before. I think I told you, I. . . finished everything that I'd planned on doing, and then I faded away. I never planned to come back to life. I'm sort of. . . finding things out as I go, now. I suppose that's my dream. . . "

He trailed off, looking for a moment a bit too intently at Terra's face. He couldn't voice his true dream aloud. " . . . To build a home here. To just. . . have my own space, and my own life, for once. To be. . . if not happy, at least content. That's all I want, now. I've had enough of asking too much, and I'll count myself lucky now for anything the universe is kind enough to give me. And you? Do you have anything like that?"

Somehow, Terra knew that Isa had been a meticulous plan maker, so it was surprising that Isa  _ didn't _ have a checkpoint, step-by-step list already in hand. But it also... wasn't surprising in a way. Isa had said before that he hadn't expected to come back. He'd accomplished his goals and thought he'd hurt the ones he cared for in the process. Why would he even want to come back after that? 

It was such a simple dream in the end. An open-ended one that didn't have any specific desires. Isa simply wanted something that was his own. Something of his own creation that he could take pride and happiness in. It was a more humble, longing dream. Terra wished he could give it to him. He wished, somehow, that he could make the universe be kinder to Isa. He wished Isa really could be happy, that he really could have a home of his own.

But now the question was back on him. What did he want? He hadn't really given it too much thought..

"I'm not really sure anymore," he started, "when I was younger, my answer would have been an enthusiastic 'to become a keyblade master'. In a way, that's what had always been expected of me. After all, the man who raised me and the man that trained me were one and the same. I got the feeling that Eraqus always expected me to become his successor and be the new Master in the Land of Departure. And, at the time, that's what I wanted, too. More than anything. It wasn't just to meet expectations. It was what made me proud, what I felt made me strong. What else could I want out of life?"

"But now? I really just don't know," he sighed and looked a little downcast, "I never managed to become a master, and, even if I had, I can't live at the castle anymore. It's far too quiet. So... I guess I kinda want the same thing as you. A new life. A new purpose. One I find and mold the way I want it. I'm not sure how it'll end up, but I know what I want to do it here."

There was that "with you" again. It wanted to stick itself on the end of that sentence and never let go. But Terra didn't let that happen. He didn't understand where it was coming from, so he didn't say it.

After a moment, he shook his head while thinking of a question. Maybe it'd be better to change to a more lighthearted topic. "What's your silliest memory? Like the most ridiculous thing you ever did or witnessed someone else do?”

"For what it's worth, if you ever change your mind, I think you could. If anyone could manage to become a keyblade master after going through so much, it's you. In my opinion, at least. . . though that doesn't mean it has to be your goal. Just that I'm fully convinced you could accomplish it if you ever decided you wanted to." Isa had no reason to say or believe that -- he didn't even know what was required to  _ become _ a keyblade master. And yet, he knew he was telling the truth. Whatever he would have had to do to get there, he knew that Terra could find a way, one day, when the smoke cleared.

"These new dreams of ours. . . I think they're. . . nice. Simple." And yet, it seemed far more impossible to Isa than anything else he'd done.

The question, however, threw him for a bit of a loop. Isa wasn't exactly a  _ silly _ person -- he himself was extremely upright and, frankly, a wet blanket, and he tended to scoff at such behavior. Still, he couldn't deny that that was likely due to his parents' influence on him as a child -- never allowed to play or show any sign of actually childlike behavior. 

In fact, the few times he  _ had _ been confronted with something "silly," he simply couldn't deny the odd rush of rebellion and amusement he felt despite his outward portrayal of pure unaffected frustration.

Oddly enough, for all of the times before and after his life as a nobody that Lea had caused him to feel that way, the memory that sprang to mind as the most ridiculous thing actually came from an extremely unlikely time period and source. "This one time, when I was still working with the original organization. . . I was collecting mission reports and one of the lower ranking members, Demyx, actually turned in a report to me that was the worst thing I've ever seen. I do mean completely soaking wet, because he decided to write it  _ underwater, _ and describing next to nothing useful. Yes, you were in Atlantica, I'm aware there were  _ fish _ \-- I went off on him, of course. Threatened him with all sorts of things if he didn't rewrite it.”

"And he did, and it was. . . oddly perfect. Perfect form. Extremely detailed, neat handwriting, stapled properly. Everything I could have asked for -- except that he wrote the whole thing in crayon." He let out a laugh and shook his head. ". . . I was furious, of course. But I couldn't exactly  _ do _ anything to him -- he hadn’t broken any rules. It was so utterly ridiculous -- and  _ clever _ \-- I never would have let anyone know, of course, but it honestly impressed me. I felt. . . amused. One of the few times I felt  _ anything _ during that time – I think he actually got a laugh out of me, which was nigh unheard of.”

He shook his head, reaching a hand up to rub his scar for a moment, and tried to think of a similar question. “What’s. . . the nicest thing you’ve ever done for someone?”

Terra smiled. It was a nice thought, that he could still find a way to become a master. But what really touched him was how much faith Isa seemed to have in him. It was... inspiring. Isa really believed Terra could do anything he wanted to do. Even if it was hard, Isa believed in him.

He laughed at the story. Somehow, that name seemed familiar and like the owner would give someone a frustrated headache. Which made it all the better when it was obvious that those actions had been intentional. This Demyx was clearly  _ capable _ of accomplishing the work assigned, but he simply chose not to. Yet, actually doing it to where one couldn't complain but in crayon? Petty genius. 

"Hearts, that's amazing. A clear plan and flawless execution," he said with a laugh. 

He paused at the question and scratched the back of his head. "Well... I don't want to brag.." he said shyly, "but, I guess, aside from some of my actions as a defender of light, I... hmm. I'm... not really sure. I can't really say it's the  _ nicest _ thing I've ever done, but, once when I was younger, there was a sort of get together for young aspiring apprentices. It was hosted at the Land of Departure, and, honestly, I was too young to be there. But I didn't have anywhere else to go, and I was going to become an apprentice. So Eraqus thought it'd be alright...”

"Until I found some older kids harassing someone that was going to apprentice to a lesser known master. I couldn't stand it. So, despite being at least five years younger and two feet shorter, I challenged them. I lost the fight, but the person I defended seemed to appreciate it. So that made it worth it. Though... I did lose a tooth. At least it was still a first tooth. Eraqus was  _ mad _ though. More at the other masters than at me, fortunately."

"It's not bragging to acknowledge when you've done something good. . ." Isa answered softly. The story didn't surprise him. As much as he'd taunted Terra during his emotional breaks for being a  _ hero type, _ he knew very well that was the case -- and admired it wholeheartedly.

He felt an odd sense of something fuzzy and warm at the thought of a young Terra defending others. . . but also a nearly feral sort of rage at those other masters. He found that he was incredibly glad that Eraqus had gone off on them. He found himself thinking that he might have liked the man. . . though he wondered if Eraqus would have thought the same of him. He doubted it. . . the wise master would have been rightful in wanting him nowhere near Terra. 

"That was very brave of you," he said simply. "And at such a young age. . . it matters not that you lost. That's simply proof of how strong your heart is. It's no wonder you've made it as far as you have, despite what you've been through."

"That's what Eraqus said too..." Terra said with a small smile, "it was always the strength of heart that mattered in the end. You can strengthen your body through training and dedication. It takes a lot more to strengthen your heart." 

Eraqus would have liked Isa, Terra thought. They were both more serious and thoughtful. Though there were some differences, they seemed somewhat similar. At least, they were the same in the ways that actually mattered.

“And if you go by that definition," he started, beaming at Isa, "then you have a strong heart too. After everything that happened, you're still trying. It's truly admirable." 

He chuckled for a moment. "Ah, it's my turn again. Ok. What's your... favorite quality about yourself?"

It meant more than Isa would express that Terra thought him strong. He wasn't convinced that was the case, himself, but he had to admit that Terra had a point. . . after all, he would have said the same thing to him. Surely the fact that he was trying meant something. . . right? 

Even though his heart had given in more times than he'd been able to count to darkness and awful, selfish feelings. . . and there was always the threat that could happen  _ again _ . . . 

He was trying. And that had to count for something. Isa would choose to believe that, even though it was incredibly hard. Still, that lingering guilt and hatred never left. . . it was always there, festering just under the surface, torturing him more than anything else that had ever hurt. . . running through the lines of his scar, whispering in his ear at night. . .

. . . His retribution for years of cruelty in the name of the greater good. 

He was stumped more than a little bit by Terra's question, and paused for what was likely an obnoxious amount of time. 

Eventually, he licked his lips, and said in a quiet voice " . . . I pass."

Oh. 

That answer told Terra a lot more about Isa than any other answer could have. Did Isa not see anything good about himself? Nothing at all? Or maybe he was just shy or humble? That seemed unlikely... But how? Isa was so... incredible! It didn't make sense to Terra. 

But they had agreed to let each other pass a question they didn't want to answer without being asked why they passed. So he needed to just... think of a different question to change the mood. 

"You play violin, right? What's your favorite piece to play?" he asked, as if he hadn't asked any other question.

Now, Isa was a proud man. He always had been. There were plenty of times when he was cocky and self-assured. 

He hadn't felt that in a while -- and maybe that was intentional. Maybe he didn't want to let that stubborn pride get the best of him again. Or, another distinct possibility. . . maybe the pride had never truly been real to begin with.

Even during his time as a nobody, Isa had been under no illusions that he was a cruel villain. It had been his role to play, and he'd done it wholeheartedly -- and he'd do a lot of it  _ again _ if it was necessary. He was perfectly willing to be the bad guy. . . but he was tired of it. It was nice to not have to behave like that anymore. . . 

. . . He'd grown so cold and bitter, some of initially an act, that it was near impossible to separate it from his true personality. That's what left him in that state, unable to answer Terra's question and feeling guilty and ashamed. It wasn't that there was  _ nothing _ good about him. . . it was simply that Isa was unwilling to see or acknowledge it. No matter what he said, it would have felt like a lie. Even the characteristics Isa was proud of had led him to cause a great deal of pain. . . so perhaps he shouldn't be proud of them at all. 

He appreciated it beyond all measure when Terra seamlessly switched questions, and flashed a brief but grateful smile. "And cello, yes. I'm afraid I only know classical pieces. . . and it's been quite some time. But I've always been fond of Beethoven's  _ Moonlight Sonata. _ I wonder if I'd still be able to play . . . anyway, um . . . if you had a single, all-powerful wish, what would you do with it?”

Terra leaned in a little closer, resting his head on top of Isa's almost lazily. Or at least he was trying to act like it was lazily. He, truthfully, wanted to comfort Isa in some way. If he could manage to make Isa feel just a little bit wanted, a little cared about, then he'd be happy. He wasn't sure why that was the case, but that's what he wanted. 

"I really hope to hear you play one day soon. I don't know if I've ever heard that piece, but I promise you I know classical music. I have heard  _ plenty _ . I'm just bad at remembering names," he said, lightly. 

A wish? A single, no-strings-attached, anything wish? So many ideas flashed through his head. Eraqus still being alive. Him never leaving home in the first place. That he'd had the wisdom not to trust Xehanort all those years ago. But all of those were just fixing his past, weren't they? It didn't make the future better.

"It'd be easy to say something like a change to fix all my past mistakes," he started quietly, "but that doesn't really feel right. I wouldn't be the same person without them. So… I guess… I'd wish that I could really heal somehow and move on to a new life easily. Maybe find someone to share it with..." He sighed and moved a little closer subconsciously. "I guess that's kind of sappy and cliche. It kinda sounds like a dream more than a wish." 

He closed his eyes for a moment. A certain smell prompted his next question. "What's your favorite scent?" he asked softly, relaxing slightly.

"That's not sappy . . . not at all. In fact, I find it incredibly admirable," Isa answered quietly. He didn't mind at all when Terra moved closer to him, nor even when he put his head on his own. Instead, he only lowered his head until it was  _ almost _ resting on Terra's shoulder. There were so many desires he was holding back at the moment that it was almost painful -- it would be so very easy to throw his uninjured leg between Terra's thighs. . . lean in close and brush their lips together while pressing the other man's shoulders back into the bed. . .

All feelings Isa resisted with his entire being, of course, though Terra was making it impossible by being simply one of the best people Isa had ever had the pleasure to know. He kept finding himself almost hoping that Terra would screw up an answer, do something to make Isa realize he wasn't as wonderful as he thought. That never happened -- of course it didn't -- and Isa had found himself wishing more than anything that Terra would really choose  _ him _ to share that wishful life with. 

And as he felt himself as close to Terra as he was, he almost wanted to answer the question with whatever the hell Terra's natural scent seemed to be. All earthy, and warm. . . but with the added touch of something incredibly familiar. "I like lavender," he answered instead, honestly. "And sage. They're supposed to be calming, and I've often used them to ground myself. Which reminds me, and brings me to my next question. . ." 

Letting out a low chuckle, and nudging Terra gently with his elbow, he asked in a slightly scolding tone "Have you been using my shampoo?"

Terra was glad Isa had moved a little closer as well. It was a pleasant, warm feeling to have someone this close to him. Something about Isa's presence was especially calming. Not that Terra would admit to that aloud. It seemed like a strange thing to say, and he didn't want to make Isa uncomfortable. 

He should have expected that answer. That was the scent of Isa's sham-

Shit. 

Immediately, Terra let out a sheepish, clearly guilty chuckle while covering his eyes with his hand. "Uuuuuuuh, pass?" he said with a clearly guilty smile and a clearly teasing tone. He'd been caught.

Of course. Isa chuckled again, not even realizing how much his perpetually tense muscles had relaxed. 

"Mmm-hmm. I see -- well, if you  _ were, _ I wouldn't mind. For the record. I'm known to be petty, but not to that level. Now. . . " 

He paused, thinking deeply for a moment. He was running out of questions, and didn't want to risk getting too personal. " . . . What's the first thing you want to buy when you're paid for your new job?"

Terra breathed a sigh of relief. Obviously, Isa knew now, and he didn't mind. That was good at least. Wait, did that mean he could keep using it, or that Isa didn't mind that he  _ had _ but no longer wanted him to? Dang it... How was he supposed to ask without actually confessing to it. 

He decided to focus on the question for now instead. He thought for a moment, nuzzling the side of his face into Isa's hair. 

"Well, other than necessities… hmm… maybe some supplies to start carving?" Then an idea dawned on him. "No, I know. A violin, for you, so I can hear you play."

He smiled for a moment before turning a little more timid and sheepish. "Uh...can I? ....Use your shampoo? It smells nice." Subtle, Terra.

The gentle nuzzle into his hair and the promise to buy Isa a violin had his heart doing that horrid thumping thing again. Did Terra even realize what he was  _ doing _ \--? No, of course he didn't -- he was just incredibly kind, that was all.

"You . . . don't have to do that," He said quietly, surprised. "You should buy things for yourself -- I assure you, I don't require any gifts." Of course, if Terra  _ was _ going to insist on doing such a thing -- and probably even if he didn't -- Isa was going to repay him with those carving tools. As soon as he could figure out what a good carving tool was, exactly. "But . . . I suppose it's touching, nonetheless."

He then chuckled at Terra's question and nodded as best he could with his head pinned between the other's head and shoulder. "Yes, certainly. I'm not surprised you like it, it's one of the few luxuries I allow myself. It would be distasteful of me to keep that all to myself. I'm more than happy to share with you." 

Besides, it was a bit nice to think that he and Terra were able to share something so simple and pleasant. How very mundane. . . how very  _ human. _

There was a possibility that Isa had relaxed  _ too much, _ actually, and the warmth of Terra's body wasn't helping. He stifled a yawn, as well as the urge to nuzzle further into the other's shoulder. ". . . How badly would you judge me if I were to fall asleep again. . . ?"

"I know I don't  _ have _ to do it," Terra said with a cheeky smile, "I want to, because then I get to hear you play. So it's not just a gift for  _ you _ ."

Then, a sigh of relief. So it was ok that he was using Isa's shampoo. That's good. He'd honestly taken a liking to it. It really did smell nice, and he couldn't remember the last time his hair had been this  _ soft _ . "Well, you don't  _ have _ to, but I appreciate it nonetheless," he said, mimicking Isa's speech in a tease. 

This moment… felt so perfect somehow. It wasn't even noon yet, but Terra felt so accomplished in a way. He'd learned more about Isa, and he'd opened up a bit himself. They could work off each other and seemed really… compatible? Was that the right way to say it? 

"None at all," he said softly, shifting so he could lean back while still holding Isa. He didn't want to let go. "So, I guess, no more questions? For now at least?"

After making a sleepy noise of indistinguishable meaning, Isa shook his head as best he could. He tried, briefly, to pull away before deciding he didn't like that and flopping a little bit back onto Terra's shoulder. "No. . . My brain is ceasing functioning for a few moments, now. I don't know  _ why _ . . . I was just. . .waking up . . . " He stifled another yawn. 

"I'm sorry . . . I suppose I've slept better and for longer in the past few days than I have since I came back to life. It's all . . . catching up to me. . . " He'd never felt this safe and comfortable before. . . actually, probably not ever in his life. He was fading fast, and secretly hoped that Terra wouldn't try to shift him away. 

"Next time, I think . . . we can just ask each other, without the need for games. . ." He mumbled, eyes drifting closed.

"No need to apologize," Terra said softly, "if you need to sleep, then I won't stop you. And, yeah, next time… we can just ask." 

He relaxed more himself. Isa's presence was comforting in a way Terra had really felt before. It was warm and reassuring to hold someone. Someone that… wanted to be held it seemed. He doubted he could sleep, but he definitely wasn't going to move. Isa could cling to him, and Terra wouldn't move. Frankly, he… kinda liked that idea. Why did he like it? Isa's hair was soft and smelled nice. Terra never wanted to move his face again. And Isa was comfortable to hold. Isa was just the right height where it was easy to rest his own head on while holding Isa. 

Preemptive to keep silence away, and maybe to sooth Isa more, he started to hum. It was a simple, peaceful song that he made up as he went.

The noise Isa made in response wasn't a word. Gods knew what it was. 

Before he'd even realized, he'd fallen asleep, body going lax against Terra's. It was unusual, since he usually slept in a sort of rigid huddle. But now, all he knew as the feeling of warmth against his skin, of security, the knowledge that Terra wouldn't hurt him,  _ let _ anything hurt him or -- most importantly -- let him hurt anyone else. 

The faintest of smiles crossed his lips before he fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.


	21. It's Just Soup

Terra kept humming, even after it was obvious that Isa was asleep. For a moment, he shifted to look at Isa's sleeping face, staying close still as he did so. Isa looked so peaceful and content, and that smile... Hearts, what could he do to get Isa to smile like that again when he was awake? And why did Terra  _ want _ to make him smile so badly?

He stayed close, simply content in their current position for a little while. It was odd, even after he'd stopped humming, the silence wasn't bothering him. He supposed it was because it wasn't really  _ silent _ . He could hear Isa breathing. That was… oddly comforting.

But, eventually, he found himself getting bored. He glanced around for something to entertain himself without waking Isa, whether by moving or performing the activity. Then, he saw Isa's book on the nightstand. The poetry. Of course. He could read. It was that simple.

Careful and slow, he reached his far arm across Isa to reach the book, just barely grasping it. He settled back next to Isa, maybe managing to get a bit closer. With some luck and finger dexterity, he got the book open with one hand and tried to find a poem to read. Nothing especially stood out to him, but then again, he was only barely skimming. Then he noticed something distinct. Glaringly obvious in fact. A poem had been marked by a small heart in the corner of the page it was on. Curious, Terra read it.

_ I'll bring you coffee in bed, _

_ if you wish. _

_ I'll stay naked in the sheets, _

_ if you ask. _

_ I'll wrap these arms around you, _

_ I'll tell you it will be ok; _

_ I'll hold you if you're shaking, _

_ And whisper when you ache. _

_ I'll kiss you like it's a promise, _

_ Look at you like an oath. _

_ I'll stay, and I'll stay. _

_ And I'll stay. _

Wow, he'd have never pegged Isa as the romantic type. It was cute, though. Someone so calm and serious secretly dreaming about love. He wondered if Isa thought of anyone specifically when he read it. Could it have been meant for Lea? Isa had said they'd been together before. Was Isa longing for an ex-lover? Wishing for a second chance? Maybe he should consider getting into communication with Lea. It might make Isa very happy. 

Yet, he also almost didn't like the idea of it being for someone specific. Why... didn't he like that?

Time had no meaning for Isa as he slept, and he had no idea how long it was before he woke again.

Still warm. Still secure. And there hadn't been any nightmares. That was a relief, at least -- hell, maybe he should encourage Terra to hold him as tightly as possible while he slept on the off chance he tried to wander off, again. 

That didn't mean he hadn't had any dreams, though. They'd been dancing, on what looked like a ballroom floor made completely of stained glass. Isa had been afraid, for a moment, that that glass would shatter -- but it never did, and he'd quickly lost himself in the movements. A hand on Terra's waist as he looked at him with pure adoration, and Terra shared the same look back . . . impossible in reality, of course, and yet he hoped for it more than anything. 

The world was a bit fuzzy as he first woke, and he shifted and failed to stifle a yawn as he tried to blink the world back into focus. "What -- what time is it?" he grumbled.

Terra had read a few more poems in passing before closing the book. Despite all his reading, he couldn't get his mind off that one poem. It was so sweet, so tender. He couldn't help but remember how Isa said he'd wanted to stay here and make a home. But there was no way Isa had been thinking of him while he read it. Isa had explicitly stated that they were just friends, that he didn't hold any romantic feelings for Terra. And Terra was ok with that. He didn't exactly have any romantic feelings either.

He had put the book carefully back onto the nightstand. He hesitated for a moment before settling and leaving both his arms wrapped around Isa. He had stared at Isa's peaceful, sleeping face for far longer then he'd admit aloud then dozed off himself, resting his head on Isa's.

When Isa spoke, it only half-woke Terra. "Huh?" he said blurrily while keeping his eyes closed, "it's… afternoon… probably." He pulled Isa a little closer. He felt too warm and content to let go.

With his mind as fuzzy and lingering in sleep as it was, Isa momentarily forgot about what exactly was going on. As was typical for him, he felt a pressing and near irresistible urge to be productive and briefly struggled to move away from Terra's arms before his ankle decided to remind him of why he was laying down in the first place. 

"Nugheydhrr. . . " was close to the frustrated grumbling noise that Isa made when he flopped back into position and resigned himself to be cuddled. It wasn't exactly as if he  _ minded _ anymore. "I'm not good at this . . . I feel as if I should be doing something. Write me. . . a report on your job interview, so I may correct it." He yawned, clearly  _ teasing, _ though it was in his same deadpan tone.

Terra nearly pouted when Isa started moving away, but he easily resumed cuddling position when Isa laid back down. His face was more or less buried in Isa's hair, which he was starting to consider as the ideal spot. He let out a sleepy laugh at Isa's request. 

"Or you could just relax, and I don't have to write anything," he said, only half-recognizing Isa's idea as a joke. Man, he hoped Isa wasn't serious. He kept his eyes shut and pulled Isa closer. There had been no nightmares, and he was going to enjoy the comfort and security, dangit.

"I'm not good at relaxing," Isa mumbled, even as he instinctively nuzzled in closer to Terra's hold. Hell, if he couldn't  _ actually _ be with the man -- he'd take what he could get. And Terra clearly didn't  _ mind _ . . . 

. . . Though Isa did feel a pang of guilt, almost as if he was using the other. He'd have to put more thought into this when his brain started working better. Hearts, it was simply too  _ comfortable _ . . . 

"In fact, I don't think I . . . know the meaning of that word. . . how do you do it? I require step by step instructions. Written out in a neat spreadsheet . . . if you please. . . " he rambled. "Have it . . . on my desk by tomorrow morning. . . "

Terra slowly and sleepily started to chuckle, pulling Isa closer. "Hhh… I don't know if I can write it oooout," he said sluggishly, "and I have no idea what a spreadsheet is... Maybe I can just teach you by example. How does that sound?" 

It was so easy to just stay right here like this. Warm. Comfortable. Secure. He'd always been the protector type, so holding Isa while he slept had simply felt  _ right _ . Like that was his purpose for the moment. To protect Isa in his sleep, or now, as Isa relaxed. And… something about Isa in this half-asleep daze was oddly appealing. Cute even. Isa was normally so composed. Sleepy Isa apparently rambled about paperwork and not knowing how to relax.

Isa mumbled something about Excel and nuzzled Tera's chest a bit. When he woke up fully, he'd likely be incredibly embarrassed. 

Now was not that time. Now, he was busy learning how to relax -- by example, apparently. And Terra was setting  _ such _ a good example. 

However, as comfortable as he was, he was moving slowly but persistently towards a waking state. He couldn't live in the realm of dreams forever, after all . . . as much as he wanted to stay on that stained glass floor. 

". . . Nnnn . . . we need lunch. Help me get to the kitchen, I need a change of scenery."

Terra, despite himself, was also gradually waking. He didn't want to. He wanted to stay here the rest of the day. It was far too comfortable to get up. But he knew he had to, and lunch actually sounded good.

"Ok, do you… need me to carry you?" he asked a little blurrily while shifting slightly, loosening his hold on Isa. He sat up slightly, yawning and stretching as he did.

"No, no, it's alright . . . " Isa replied quickly. While he was flattered a small bit that Terra had carried him home the night before, he wasn't sure his dignity would survive it happening while he was coherent.

He managed to sit up, shifting a bit and rolling his ankle to test its functioning. It was certainly better than  _ earlier, _ though it wasn't fully healed by any stretch of the imagination. Sitting was possible -- yes, good -- as was swinging his legs over the side of the bed. Good.

And standing -- no, definitely not. Isa grimaced and forced himself to his feet anyway, a hand braced against the wall to support his weight as his injured leg was held off of the ground. " . . .Though I wouldn't say no to a shoulder to lean on."

The moment Isa tried to stand on his own, Terra was immediately on his feet, ready to help. When Isa didn't fall, he only relaxed a small amount. He let out a small breath then walked over more calmly to Isa. "Be careful," he said while taking an arm and putting it around his shoulder, "there's no need to push it and hurt yourself  _ more _ ." He put a hand on Isa's waist to secure him. Isa was  _ not _ falling on his watch. And he led them both slowly towards the kitchen.

"I'm not terminally ill," Isa retorted, becoming his usual stuffy self as he woke up fully. "I can manage to  _ walk _ \--  _ hss. _ " He'd hit his ankle on the doorframe. 

More than a bit grudgingly, he was holding on to Terra and allowing himself to be held in return. This only lasted, of course, until he could hobble to the counter and grab hold of it. ". . . Okay. Good. Now. Help me . . . make soup."

Terra had never been much of a worrier. Usually, he was comforting Aqua from her worry while being the one confident that everything would be ok. But right now? He was on high alert, trying to figure out every possible thing he could do to help, even more than normal. He whined in pain when he heard Isa hit his foot on the door. He wanted to carry Isa and take away all the pain somehow. But he couldn't.

"You should sit down, Isa," he said, "I can make something myself. I don't want you to hurt yourself further. Your ankle needs rest to heal." He somehow already knew this was a futile argument.

Isa had engaged in intense battles while suffering from several broken bones and internal injuries -- he wasn't going to allow a sprained ankle and an attempt to cook soup ruin him. He waved off Terra's instant statements that he should relax, knowing very well that it would drive him insane. He was determined to accomplish just  _ one _ damn thing today, damn it. 

"I'm alright, it's not serious. Believe me, I've lived through far worse. If you want to help, then here -- pass me that. And . . . that." He pointed at a few utensils that were far enough away from the counter to pose difficulty in getting to himself.

Fine. If Isa wasn't going to sit down and rest, Terra could be his runner. That was still helping. It wasn't  _ ideal _ , but it was better than nothing. With a sigh of resignation, he collected the objects Isa wanted. 

"Just because you've been through worse, doesn't mean you shouldn't rest when things hurt," he muttered, more to himself than to Isa.

"I am resting -- In a way. I'm receiving help," Isa replied while pointedly hopping over to the sink to fill a pot with water. "Which is more than I can say I usually would have done. Oh devil, I require beans -- I think I left them on that shelf?" 

He nodded at said shelf, then made a show of dragging himself back over to the stove and setting the pot to boil while starting to add spices.

Terra sighed again and obtained the beans. Why couldn't Isa just accept help and rest? Sure, he wasn't a super good cook so lunch probably would taste better with Isa making it, but Isa was  _ hurt _ and needed to  _ heal _ . Why was that such a hard thing for him to do? 

"Isa, I really don't want you to hurt yourself further," he said while getting to Isa's side, "you'll be out of work longer if you strain your ankle more."

"I'm not going to hurt it -- look, it's off the ground," Isa replied easily, not seeming to care that he was essentially standing like a lazy flamingo with one hand braced very firmly on the counter. 

After a moment, he paused, and let out a frustrated sigh before turning to Terra with an expression that was hard but also somehow desperately pleading. 

"I . . . very much need to not be lying still for a moment, alright? This is purely selfish, and I know it, but if I don't accomplish  _ something _ today I'm going to rid myself of my own hair. So please, let me have this, and then I'll go  _ right back _ to my pillow-filled prison."

Terra looked at Isa for a moment, noticing how desperate the look was along with being slightly annoyed. He just wanted Isa to be ok. He wasn't trying to restrain him in any way. So.... 

"Fine, just be careful, ok? I don't like seeing you hurt," he said with a small sigh. He wasn't sure how to help with cooking, but he could help by hovering around Isa, ready to steady or catch him if he lost his balance. That should be okay.

Isa wasn't actually very capable of processing that. He flushed, instead, and nodded, expression carefully neutral. Hell, most people in Isa's life  _ had _ wanted to see him hurt -- even if it was just a little. 

Usually it wasn't. 

Fortunately, soup wasn't difficult to cook, even if Isa was overcomplicated and making Minestrone. While it was boiling, he limped to the kitchen chair and sat, hoping it would please Terra. It certainly pleased  _ him _ just to have a change of scenery.

Terra was appeased now that Isa was sitting. He glanced at the pot, just checking on it, before sitting at another spot at the table. "Ya know, I don't really get it," he started while scratching the back of his head, "why don't you want to take it easy? I mean, yeah it's frustrating, and I sometimes kinda felt like a burden when I was hurt. But it's ok to rest. I'm not going to get upset if you don't do anything all day."

"No, it's not that I think you would . . . " Isa answered with a sigh. "It's that I simply  _ can't _ . . . it's not a matter of feeling guilty, or like someone will be upset with me if I take a moment to rest. I'm just simply . . . not good at resting. If I tried to, as you say,  _ take it easy, _ I'll drive myself insane. I can't stand it." 

Isa had been raised to work. To be productive, and composed, and pull himself up off the ground when he was tired. There was no time for rest, nor quiet, nor relaxing. He'd never been taught to do so. He never played. He spent every moment of his life stiff, goal-oriented, braced for conflict and turned towards the line of duty. Over time, he'd forgotten how to be anything else.

But it was clearly upsetting Terra. . . and that hurt more than he'd ever let on. 

"I'm sorry . . . " he murmured, an edge of something awful and guilty creeping into his voice. He felt very much like he was doing something wrong . . . and had no idea how to make it better. "I promise, I'm trying . . . I've relaxed more in these past few days than I think I have in my entire life."

Terra watched Isa as he spoke with an open, wanting to understand expression. That had never been the case for Terra. As much as Eraqus had valued focus and hard work, he'd made sure Terra, Aqua, and Ventus had understood the importance of rest and avoiding overwork. Especially considering the line of training they did. 

"Hey," he said, more softly, "you don't need to apologize for it. I guess...I don't understand that way of thinking. But I'll try to. Sorry if I frustrated you. I'm just used to resting while I'm hurt, but if you're not, then I'll learn how to help you differently."

That response was certainly not what Isa expected. Not at all. With every passing moment, Terra only managed to surprise him more, and when he looked up to meet the other's eyes his own held the faintest touch of surprise.    
  
"No, it's alright . . . I appreciate the effort. Though to be honest I expected you to continue to scold me."

"Why would I scold you for how you were raised or the environment around you? Or a facet of your personality? I mean, I think it'd be good for you to take it easy, but if you're used to always pushing through it, then it can be hard for you to actually relax, right?" Terra said, running a hand through his hair. 

It made sense that Isa couldn't relax. That he  _ had _ to be doing something. Something told Terra that Isa had been a workaholic for a long time, maybe even longer that Terra might feel. Especially considering what he knew about Isa's parents. Isa always had to work to get what he needed much less what he wanted. That sort of living would be hard to get out of. Or, at least, he guessed it would be. It seemed to be.

"Well . . . yes," Isa answered simply, quiet and mostly at a loss for words. How the hell Terra had ever so easily made it past every one of his numerous walls and pin down his entire personality to a T was beyond his comprehension. 

It was good -- for Isa  _ and _ for Terra, seeing as how Isa wouldn't have taken a scolding lightly. ". . .Thank you. For understanding, and . . . for helping me today." 

The admission was more vulnerable than he'd have liked it to be in his now alert, normal state of mind, and he found himself looking away.

"Of course, no need to thank me," Terra said with a smile. It might have been a small bit forced. It was kind of irritating that Isa didn't know how to rest. That meant if Isa got hurt or sick, it'd be a fight to get him to lay down and  _ rest _ . Somehow, he knew the longer Isa needed to heal, the harder it would be to keep him down. 

That was a problem for if it ever happened, he supposed. For now, he let out a small sigh. At least this wasn't something he was entirely unused to. Aqua would often get stressed and get so focused on working that she'd forget to take a break. Or, rather, she refused to take breaks. Maybe he could try what helped Aqua? 

"If… if you'd like, I could help you," he started while looking at Isa, "Aqua sometimes got in moods where she  _ had _ to work on something until she worked herself ragged. I could usually figure out how to get her to calm down from that. So... I might be able to help."

Isa didn't really know Aqua, though he'd of course heard the name before. Something about what he'd heard about her though had led him to believe that she and Isa weren't dissimilar personalities. . . Or at least, wouldn't be maybe if his life had gone a slightly different direction. 

Slowly, and not entirely certain what he was getting into, he nodded. " . . . Alright. I suppose there's no harm in trying, correct?" Very few people in Isa's life had managed to ever  _ calm him down _ \-- he was both intrigued and not actually expecting much.

Terra thought for a moment. There had been several different ways he'd managed to relax Aqua in the past, ranging from simply talking to her to quite literally dragging her into her bed to rest. Admittedly, the second one had only happened once when she'd been keeping herself busy for over  _ forty _ hours and refused to sleep. At least with Isa, he was already sitting down and wasn't insisting on reorganizing his entire wall-to-wall bookshelf at  _ three am _ . That by itself made it significantly easier.

Suddenly, an idea popped into his mind, and he stood. "Close your eyes for a second. I know just the thing," he said, going to check the soup before going into their room with clear purpose. 

Said purpose was locating Isa's hairbrush, which was luckily still on Isa's bedside table from when he had used it earlier. Terra may not always self-aware, but he was typically other-aware. At least when it came to how they ticked and what they needed. And he'd noticed that Isa liked to have his hair orderly, even when he was going to just be (presumably) stuck in bed all day. So that meant one or both of two things: that Isa was very particular about having his hair well-groomed or that Isa enjoyed the feeling of his hair being brushed. If it was the second one, then this idea would work. And even if it wasn't, it'd at least accomplish fixing his hair from the nap, and he'd like that. Hopefully. 

He walked back into the kitchen, keeping both hands behind his back. "You better have your eyes closed," he said in a childishly warning voice, clearly no real threat behind it.

While the thought of having his eyes closed while another man did gods knew what to him wasn't particularly appealing, Isa was now sufficiently aware of who Terra was as a person to understand he wouldn't do anything  _ too _ odd to him. He did eye the other warily for a moment before slowly nodding and closing his eyes with a resigned sigh, arms crossed over his chest. 

The silence while Terra was gone was more nerve-wracking than he cared to admit, and Isa didn't typically mind the quiet. It was likely because his eyes were closed, which instantly had him guarded and vulnerable -- at any moment he could find himself with a blade through his chest, or hijacked by that awful magic.

Except that he wouldn't, because he was with Terra. In their home. Which led him to feel more amused than actually scared or frustrated, and he waited with baited breath for Terra to return. 

He heard his footsteps first, of course, and his lips twitched into a smile as he answered the question. "Yes, of course. Just as ordered. What sort of thing are you planning, exactly?"

"You'll see soon enough," Terra said vaguely while quietly stepping behind Isa. He noticed that the bun Isa had had his hair in earlier had… gotten a bit messed up while they had slept. So, tucking the hairbrush under his arm, he carefully began to untangle the hair tie from Isa's hair, trying not to tug or rip the hair. Terra had never had hair this long himself, but there was a period of time when Aqua had. Using that knowledge, he managed to free the hair tie with minimal tugging. 

He put the elastic around his wrist and set to his actual job, brushing Isa's hair. He gently held it in his hands while starting at the tips of Isa's hair. He may not have ever had long hair, but he had enough hair to know that trying to force your way through all of the hair, you'd find a lot of painful tangles. So, he went slow, gradually making his way up Isa's hair whenever he deemed the area he was working untangled.

Isa's eyes flew open at the touch to his hair. He hadn't been expecting that -- not at all. He braced himself for a moment, certain he'd find it pulled or tugged in some way, but Terra only continued to surprise him. HIs touches were nothing but gentle, and the little bit of pulling Isa experienced was unavoidable and not of consequence.   
  
And . . . hearts, Terra had found a weak point. His hair had always been sensitive, as well as a point of pride, and he found himself relaxing rather quickly.    
How Terra was so good at this, Isa didn't even begin to understand. Although he'd done his own hair rather recently, it was incredibly easily tangled and difficult to care for -- but Terra was managing wholeheartedly.   
  
Leaning backwards a bit into the touch, and tension draining from his shoulders, Isa let out an extremely quiet moan.

Terra didn't know what exactly to take from that sound, but he assumed it meant that Isa liked what he was doing. So he continued. He gently raked his fingers through the shorter hairs on the top of Isa's head. Isa's hair was so soft, as if it was inviting someone to play with it.    
  
"Aqua used to have long hair that reached her waist. If she got really stressed or busy, she'd forget to brush it, which only stressed her more. So, sometimes it helped to just sit her down and brush it. Then at least she'd feel a little better because her hair was neat," he said while absentmindedly starting to braid it. He was a bit rusty so it was a loose braid.   
  
"You kinda seemed the same way. Maybe not exactly the same, but it looked like you preferred to have your hair neat to me," he said as he twisted the braid into a bun and secured it with the hair tie.   
  
Through the odd and pleasant haze that had settled over his mind at the ministrations to his hair, Isa managed to process Terra's story and nodded a bit, careful not to disturb the other's work. 

"I am, indeed," he murmured, pressing a hand gently to the finished bun to test it's security. Certainly decent . . .even if it wasn't exactly how Isa would have done it, himself. "It helps, really -- even if everything else in my life is a complete mess, I can at least have my hair in order. Thank you . . . " 

He rolled his shoulders and turned to shoot Terra a glance. ". . . That actually helped a bit. Thank you."   
  
Terra smiled and put the brush down on the table. It was almost cute how Isa seemed to relax. Even if it was hard for him to do, it would help him to relax a little, and if Terra could help make that happen in any capacity, then he would. Just like he had right now.

"Good, I'm glad," he said while glancing at the soup, "ah, it's… bubbling." He didn't remember the word for a second leave him alone. He walked over to check on the food. It didn't smell burnt, which was good. In fact, it smelled good. He realized he didn't really know what kind of soup Isa made. He trusted it would taste good, though. So far, that had been the case.   
  
Isa suppressed a chuckle -- barely -- at Terra's word choice, and nearly moved to stand before he caught himself. If he caught Terra looking at him with that awful, worried expression one more time, he thought his heart might burst.

So he'd stay put. For now.

"Lower the heat to let it simmer, if you don't mind. . . " he asked instead. "And set that lid on top of it. It shouldn't take long at all to cook. . . you can try it now, if you wish, it's just not completely combined as it should be."   
  
Terra briefly looked around to locate everything Isa mentioned before doing as he had said. This seemed simple enough. Maybe he should try learning how to cook after all. Isa seemed to know how to do it so gracefully. That would make him a good teacher, right? And, who knows, maybe some of Terra's chronic clumsiness had faded with age.

"Hmm… as much as I'd love to dig into your amazing food right now, I think I'll wait till it's finished. Because if you think it's done then that means it'll be perfect," he said while starting to gather bowls and other necessary items for eating soup.

"It's just soup, Terra . . . " Isa replied with a small chuckle. "It's nothing special."

Once again, the thought crossed his mind that Terra had some sort of odd ulterior motive for being this incredibly nice. There's no way every bit of that was genuine -- right? It certainly seemed to be. .

"In fact. . . " He crossed his arms across his chest. "I think it's simple enough you can tell when it's done without my having to tell you. Only if you want to try, of course."

Terra was so momentarily startled that he almost dropped a spoon. He started to chuckle nervously while setting the bowls down by the soup. "I don't think you want me to do that. I can only tell when something's burnt, and by then it's too late," he said while smiling sheepishly.

He had absolutely no cooking skills. Simply none. Maybe they'd be good to have, but he didn't have them. Isa seemed like a good teacher at least. And Isa wouldn't want to eat burnt food either... So if it started getting close to burning Isa would know and say something?   
  
"I won't let you burn it," Isa shook his head, ignoring the now familiar rush of thought that seemed eager to tell him how entirely adorable Terra was. Yes, of course he was adorable, but that was besides the point. "I simply want you to try to tell me when you think it looks done. In fact, it's quite difficult to burn soup, and you have a large window of time. I'll tell you if it's gone too far, but I think you can handle it.

"You want the ingredients to have softened and combined, and the broth to be thick but not overwhelmingly so. There's also a specific smell it takes on, though it's difficult to describe exactly what it is."

That seemed like a lot of things to check to Terra. How could you tell when something got soft in soup? All of it ended up soft eventually. And how could you tell that the broth was the right thickness? Obviously he'd have to stir it, but he'd have no idea what looked right. Plus, so top it all off, it already smelled good. Maybe not completely hot, but it smelled good.

But Isa had faith in him, at least to not burn it. And if there was a large window of time before it burned, that meant Terra could more or less guess, and it would likely be edible. "Ok," he said, still sounding a bit unsure, "I'll try, but I'll warn you. The last time I helped in a kitchen, I nearly set the castle on fire."

"Well that seems to have been a long time ago, and I have faith in you," Isa replied, voice resolute. His brain was doing the whispering thing again, and it was almost precious how uncertain Terra suddenly became. . . but also a bit disconcerting.

"Besides, if you manage to set the house on fire while cooking soup it'll be an accomplishment. That, and I'm used to dealing with a friend who sets toasters on fire on the regular and then hands me plates full of bread ash. Just stir it every few minutes. . . it'll be alright."   
  
Terra took a deep breath. Isa was right, it had been a long time since he'd helped in the kitchen, even longer since helping with the stove. But it shouldn't be too hard. And if Isa thought he could do it, he probably could. He lifted the lid and stirred, careful not to make a mess. He really didn't want to clean more than he had to.

He let out a small laugh. "Is that friend Lea?" somehow he felt that Lea would easily cause a fire, "maybe he just wanted something to match his hair." Lea was a redhead, right? Yes, Terra had seen him on the beach.

Despite himself, Isa chuckled and shook his head. "You've guessed correctly -- though it's not difficult considering I only have the one friend. I long ago stopped allowing him to cook with me. It's better for everyone involved. You, I have more faith in."

Terra was trying so hard. . . It made him feel oddly warm and affectionate. All feelings he'd refuse to show outwardly, of course.

"Well, I wasn't allowed to help in the kitchen for a reason, too, ya know," Terra joked while maybe checking the soup far more often than necessary, "in case you haven't noticed, I'm a little bit clumsy."

Clumsy was typically an understatement. It was a wonder he didn't have multiple concussions after years of falling and hurting himself in some way. Maybe his body had just adapted to the constant jarring. It was also a wonder the castle still had any glassware with how many he'd dropped or knocked over. Needless to say, there was a lot of shattered glass on his hands.

A vision briefly passed through Isa's mind of that pot of soup suddenly crashing through the air and staining everything around it solid red.

He pushed that thought aside.

"Yes, well -- you set your fire when you were significantly younger. Lea's was last Wednesday." He'd said he'd stopped allowing the other to cook with him -- not that Lea had actually listened.

A smile played on his lips as he watched Terra be a bit too attentive with the pot, and he craned his neck to look into it without standing. ". . . I think it should be ready, now. If you want to give it a taste and see."

"Well, Eraqus recognized a pattern and thought it best to proactively avoid the messes and fires before they came," Terra joked slightly, "though, I always wondered why we didn't just use magic. Wouldn't that be easier to control and counteract if it spread?"

Done? Already? He thought cooking usually took hours. Or maybe that's just how it felt as a hungry child or teenager. Or maybe Eraqus just liked making complicated things. Either way, he was surprised that it was already done. "Really?" he asked before grabbing what was to be his spoon and getting a bit of the food.

He almost ate it immediately, realizing how good it smelled when it was a bit closer. But he was able to stop himself. He was not going to burn his tongue again. So he blew on it slightly to cool it before carefully eating it, not wanting bright red stains on his new clothes.

Instantly, he seemed to relax and smile. It was perfect. "You're really good at cooking, ya know?" he muttered while putting his spoon down and turning off the stove.

"It's only soup. . . " Isa muttered. Again. He had no idea why Terra insisted on flattering him so -- nor why the flattery felt so good.

"Besides, all I did was put ingredients in a pot. Anyone can do it. One day, I'll leave you a recipe and see if you can figure it out for yourself."

Perhaps that day he'd pointedly leave out the fire extinguisher in an easily seen area.

Terra carefully set to work fixing them both bowls, trying not to spill anything. That's the last thing he wanted to do. Especially since it was so good to eat. He couldn't waste it! "But you knew which ingredients went together and how much. That's more than I can do," he said while setting the bowls on the table and turning back to grab drinks.

He smiled sheepishly. "Maybe I should practice as your kitchen assistant before you make me do that. I don't wanna end up poisoning the both of us. Or burning the place down," he laughed as if those weren't things he had done at least once each.

"Yes, certainly. I wouldn't throw you into the deep end," Isa replied while nodding his thanks and taking an almost delicate sip of soup, leaving zero chance he'd spill. "Mmmm. . . yes, this is good. I'd consider it an excellent first success for my assistant."

Terra smiled maybe a bit proudly, glad he'd managed to succeed in a cooking venture. That may be the first time he'd managed not to make any sort of mess. Not even while dishing it out!

But his humility was as strong as ever. So he blushed a little and scratched the back of his head. "You think so? Well, I'm glad. I didn't want to ruin your incredible food," he said while starting to eat.

"It's just soup."

Truly, it wasn't even anything special, though Isa was nevertheless flattered by the comment. He was beyond overjoyed that Terra was enjoying himself, though he'd never admit the full extent.

"I haven't even made anything particularly fancy for you as of yet. . . one day I will."

Well, it's really good 'just soup'," Terra teased a little in a subtle way to tell Isa to take the compliment before he said it twenty more times. He then, very inconspicuously, moved his seat closer to Isa.

"What all do you know how to make?" he asked, leaning a bit close. He wanted to know everything he could about Isa. And he wanted to eat all of his food. It was a win-win to get Isa talking about good.

Isa raised his eyebrows a bit as Terra shifted closer, but didn't react otherwise. He just sought company -- that was all. The question gave him a brief pause, however, and he shrugged.

"Well . . . a lot of things, to be quite honest. Higher class dishes were popular in my family . . . filet mignon, ratatouille, all sorts of tarts and hors d'oeuvres. The sort of food that's little, and expensive."

Terra kept eating, thinking he totally got away with scooting closer. He liked having Isa close. To… make sure he didn't accidentally hurt himself again… obviously. There couldn't possibly be any other reason.

"Ooh fancy," he said, not knowing what hors d'oeuvres was. He'd lived a life of casual home cooked meals after all. "But why pay more money for less food. That doesn't make sense. Why not just get a lot of it?"

"My thoughts exactly . . . " Isa replied with a brisk nod. "A lot of things like that are merely a status symbol. People wish to buy the highest quality, rarest ingredients and consume them in order to prove their wealth. . . and achieve something that makes them feel . . . I don't know, really. Important. Luxurious."

He rolled his eyes. "Ridiculous, considering a great deal of it tastes terrible. There's a line between quality dining and complete idiocy and pure desire to flaunt your wealth."

Terra laughed slightly. "That seems like a stupid way to show off. If you wanna look rich just have a big house and fancy clothes. Why suffer with gross expensive food," he said a bit sarcastically, "I'm glad I'm with someone that knows how to make quality dining. I'm a big boy that needs lots of food. Not fancy small ones."

Again, he subtly moved a bit closer as he continued to eat. Why did he want to be so close? Surely there was a reason, but he had absolutely no idea.

"Indeed you are," Isa answered with a quiet laugh. Terra's word choice there was. . . interesting, to say the least. "You have my word I won't make you any unnecessarily tiny and expensive meals."

His eyebrows raised when he saw Terra move closer. Clearly he wanted something, even if it wasn't what Isa wanted. So, feeling bold, Isa subtly shifted his own chair closer as well.

Terra suddenly noticed that Isa had moved. Why was he moving closer? Why were they suddenly so close to each other? Why was his face starting to move forward slightly? In a brief moment of confusion and panic, he rocked back just a bit in his seat, which, due to his unbalanced nature, caused him to completely fall out of his seat. Smooth.

It wasn't a far fall so it didn't hurt, but his brain was all over the place. What was he doing? Uh, say something. Isa's gonna be worried. "Sorry, guess I fell for you," shit, fuck, no, not that, that didn't even make any sense, "I-I mean, uh, I'm just joking." Ending it with a laugh didn't help in the slightest. Nice one.

So much had happened at once, Isa was momentarily startled. With no concern for his injured ankle, he rose to help Terra when he fell, not even noticing the brief throb of pain in his concern.

He let out a sigh of relief when he saw that Terra wasn't hurt, and offered a hand to help him stand. Then he'd said that, and Isa's eyes had momentarily widened. "Um - yes, of course. Hilarious," he replied, deadpan. Then forced an awkward laugh, trying to hide the weird feelings that statement had elicited.

Why in the name of Kingdom Hearts above had Terra said that? It had clearly made Isa uncomfortable. And he didn't even know why he had said it! It was so stupid!

He carefully got up, using Isa's offered hand but not trying to pull too hard. Isa's ankle. He shouldn't be straining Isa. "Sorry," he said, "my chair slipped. I'm ok." At least, he was okay physically.

Isa was fine, and rather deliberately used more of his strength than needed to pull the other man up, paying no mind at all to his foot. This had the unfortunate side effect that, when Terra was standing again, they were a great deal closer together than they should have been.

He froze for a moment, looking into the other's eyes and bodies separated by mere inches. Then he placed a hand in the center of Terra's chest and pushed him back towards his own chair, forcing the sudden rush of heat he'd felt aside.

"I'm glad you're alright. . . You should be more careful."

Terra had almost lost his balance again, but this time he would have fallen forward, likely crushing the already injured Isa. By some miracle, he kept his footing, at least until he was gently pushed back into his seat. There was some lingering warm on his chest, right where Isa had touched him. Why was his heart beating so loudly? Why was he a little sad that he was back in his seat and not… that close again?

"Y-yeah, sorry," he said while settling in his seat, "I'll be… more careful." What did all these weird feelings mean?


	22. For the Moon Never Beams Without Bringing Me Dreams

The rest of the day had continued in much the same manner. Adorable quips from Terra, frequent attempts by Isa to escape his bedrest -- Terra refusing to let him. 

Isa trying anyway. 

And yet, despite his continued frustration at his current state of health, it was an oddly nice day, and he felt he'd learned a lot about his roommate. 

Namely, that he was insufferable, of course. Nothing else that contributed to the already confusing nearly painful warm feeling in Isa's belly. 

Yet, he certainly wasn't pulling away when they settled down to actually sleep, Terra snuggling close to him, as always. 

No, he felt warm, content, and uncharacteristically relaxed as he drifted off, face relaxed and shedding its perpetual hardness.

It had been a confusing and slightly tiring day. Normally, when he was caring for someone that was hurt, Terra had easily won the battle of will involved. Except Isa was a good deal more stubborn than anyone he'd ever dealt with before. By a lot. It was only through constant vigilance that he'd actually managed to keep Isa off his feet. 

Frankly, after all that? He was tired. Especially when he kept having these weird feelings too. Like wanting to get close. Or wanting to get… really close.

So when he finally got to bed, he fell asleep quickly, unconsciously going to his favorite position of wrapping his arms around Isa's waist. It was simply comfortable. 

But despite physical comfort, his mind didn't seem to want him to rest easily. Almost purely out of spite, his peaceful sleep was disrupted by a nightmare. 

_ Dust blew all around him, yet through the dust, he could see him. Xehanort. The man that tricked him countless times before stealing his body, his life, from him. Xehanort was just standing there, taunting him. Cruel laughter. The command to be silent. To submit. _

_ In a yell of rage, Terra charged into the dust storm, summoning his Keyblade. He wasn't going to listen to this. Not anymore. Never again. This bastard was going to pay. _

Unknown to Terra, it was now that he gripped tighter to Isa moments before truly summoning his Keyblade into his hand. 

_ Terra swung at Xehanort, only for the scene to immediately shift. The dust cleared, and... it wasn't Xehanort who he hit. It was Eraqus. Fading away before Terra's eyes yet again. A trick. He was such a fool. The fool that killed his father and destroyed his legacy.  _

He didn't wake, but tears formed and fell immediately. Not even sleep could give him rest from guilt.

Isa was no stranger to waking in pain. 

Still, the flash of white-hot agony against his ribcage was shocking, and eerily, blood-chillingly familiar. He'd felt that same pain a myriad of times -- he'd fought through it, blow after blow, and kept fighting until his body simply wouldn't let him continue any longer and he'd been taken by the lonely embrace of death. 

It was the strike of a keyblade, and it had his eyes snapping open in moments as he let out a cry that was more like a snarl than anything else. He didn't remember being in battle, but he knew one thing -- 

His heart was pounding in his ears, which meant that he finally had his heart, and he was not going to allow himself to lose it again. No matter what this unseen enemy had planned. 

Thoughts lost in panic, he struggled for a moment, but he was held far too tightly to escape. Additionally, there were far too strong arms wrapped tightly around him, holding him immobile and in place, ready to be impaled by that weapon again. There was also the shock of pain from his ribs, as well as from his ankle when he struggled and failed to use it to push away. 

More panic. He was trapped. In danger. He was going to become hollow and cold again -- rid of his heart like before, made into a tool -- 

Letting out another desperate cry, he tossed his head backwards with the hope that it would hit whatever was keeping him trapped and force it to release him. 

He was not going to lie there and take it without a fight.

There was a moment where Terra was vaguely aware of some sound that started slowly rousing him from sleep. He still held onto his Keyblade. Until he felt a sudden sharp pain in his face.

That certainly woke him up. 

Immediately, he cried out in pain and reeled back, letting go of everything he was holding, including his Keyblade, in favour of holding his nose, which had gotten most of the force. What had happened? What hit him? And why? His eyes shot open as he tried to figure it out. 

It was dark in here. Where was he? He could see another person. But he was in a bed? Disoriented and in pain, he moved backwards, resulting in him falling off the edge of the bed.

Oddly enough, that snapped him out of his confused stupor. He had been in bed with Isa. But why had Isa hit him? 

"Isa?" he called, sitting up from the floor, holding his nose from pain.

There were several stages that made up Isa's rise to lucidity.

The first was pure, simple relief that he'd been released without feeling the blade tear through his skin again. Next, an urge to fight -- to rise to his feet, or at least to his knees, and face his enemy head on. Then of course came a crushing sense of frustration and hopelessness when one of his legs collapsed underneath him as he attempted to do so. He was left in a sort of half-crouching position on the bed, eyes looking around wildly and critically as he kept a hand pressed to the wound on his side. 

But then his eyes had settled on Terra, an all new phase began. The first aspect was a near crushing wave of hurt -- had Terra actually tried to kill him? Finally realized he was sharing his bed with a monster and decided to rid himself of the problem? For a solid few seconds, Isa had resigned himself to that being the case -- then, he remembered the last time that Terra had had a nightmare. 

Right -- he'd said he found himself fighting in his dreams, and often summoned his keyblade by accident. The relief came back, then, to a greater extent than before, and Isa relaxed a bit while panting heavily, pulling his hand from his side to find his fingers tinged with blood. Terra hadn't intended to hurt him . . . he was sure of it. 

But he was now worried, and guilty, having realized he'd managed to head-butt the other man off the bed. He shifted further over, looking down at Terra with still slightly hazy eyes. 

" . . . S-sorry," was the only thing he managed to pant out. "You, um . . . had a nightmare."

Nightmare? How did Isa know he had had a-? 

Oh no. 

Terra immediately got onto his knees beside the bed, searching for evidence of him… messing this whole thing up. He saw a glint of metal on the bed. His Keyblade. 

Isa was holding his side. 

No.

No no no _ no no _ !

He completely ignored the throbbing in his face and grabbed onto the sheets, eyes locked on the supposed wound then to Isa's face. Guilty tears were already starting to form. 

"I hurt you, didn't I?" he asked, unable to stop looking where Isa held himself.

Adrenaline still thrumming through his body, Isa shifted himself into a less guarded position and tried to turn his injured side away from Terra's view. He grit his teeth, cursing himself and hating the look in Terra's eyes more than anything. He had to look away when they started growing wetter, overcome by a sudden wave of guilt and helplessness. 

He should have moved -- he shouldn't have allowed himself to relax enough for this to happen. He shouldn't have been so weak, and this would have never happened. Isa didn't know exactly what to do to make this better and erase that awful look -- 

But he was damn sure going to try. 

"I'm not going to disrespect you by lying to you," he said in a low voice. "But it's only a surface wound, and I know it was an accident. Besides, I've already gotten even with you, I believe -- are you alright? I. . . didn't mean to hit you so hard."

"I don't care about that," Terra said while hesitantly touching Isa's arm that was clearly trying to hide the wound. 

He was so stupid. He knew this was a problem. He should have been adamant to sleep on the couch, or at least control himself enough to avoid being that close to Isa. Now he'd gone and done what he'd most feared. He'd hurt someone in his sleep. The damage wasn't done to a piece of furniture that could be repaired or replaced. No. He'd hit a person. A person that he was supposed to be making sure that he wanted to stick around. 

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, unable to stop the stray tears starting to fall, "I shouldn't have let this happen. Now I've hurt you. I'm sorry."

Oh hearts -- no. No. 

Was he actually crying? 

Isa looked up again, wide-eyed and unable to look away, wanting nothing more than to make those tears stop. "Terra, it's alright --" He said gently, but stern. "There are precautions that I certainly could have taken, as well -- and I'm fine. This is nothing, alright? It was only an accident . . . I won't let you blame yourself like this, now, listen to me --" 

He acted entirely without thinking, but he didn't particularly care. He raised a hand to Terra's face and brushed away a tear. 

"Look --" And then, for the first time ever, Isa willingly showed someone a part of him that was hurting. He parted the new tear on his shirt to bare the wound, a long but shallow stripe along his ribs, a few inches beneath his armpit. Though if it had been a bit to the side it could have completely pierced his chest, as it was the wound was minor, not even making it to the first level of muscle. "It's nothing. . . and I promise you've done far more to help me than you've done to hurt me in this single instance."

Where Isa only saw a swallow, non threatening cut, Terra saw how dangerously close he was to seriously hurting Isa, if not… worse. He couldn't risk doing that. Not again. Especially not Isa. Isa was already hurt! And he just hurt Isa more! 

The tears didn't stop, and he hesitantly reached towards where the cut was, wanting to fix it somehow. But he was terrible at magic, so healing likely wouldn't do much. Ugh why was he so stupid! How could he let this happen. 

"I'm sorry... I should be able to control myself and my powers. You shouldn't suffer because I let my dreams have that big of an affect on me. I'm sorry. Let me… fix it?" he asked quietly.

"I'm not suffering, I promise. . . and in case you've forgotten, my own dreams took me out of the house and down the street, and likely could have gone further."

Isa then sighed, and hesitated a moment when Terra expressed his desire to help. He didn't exactly enjoy having his injuries tended in the first place . . . though, admittedly, it had been somewhat less annoying to have Terra do it. . .

It was also a minor enough injury that Isa would typically let it be entirely. It didn't need much attention . . . at least from his perspective. 

But he'd do anything to stop those tears and help Terra feel better, and if submitting to a bit of care was what it took, then . . . he'd simply have to swallow his pride. 

" . . . Yes. Alright," he agreed quietly.

Terra quickly got to his feet. Thank Kingdom Hearts, at least he could partially fix his mistake. Obviously, the scar would have to heal, but him taking care of it did calm him a little. He grabbed his first aid kit and set to work. 

He almost pointedly ignored the pain on his face. And he definitely ignored the feeling of something wet hitting his lip. It wasn't bad. His nose wasn't bleeding. He deserved it anyways. He'd hurt Isa, and Isa had panicked and tried to defend himself. Reasonable reaction. It was what he deserved. 

He couldn't stop himself from mumbling more apologies. Isa was already hurt. Now Terra had not only hurt him more but likely scared him. 

Once he finished putting an appropriate bandage on the wound, tears stopped falling, he moved to stand. "I'm sorry… I'll sleep on the couch the rest of the night..." he couldn't risk hurting Isa again.

Oh there was no way in hell Isa was letting that happen. 

In addition to knowing it wouldn't be good for Terra, Isa also just didn't  _ want _ that to happen. He'd gotten used to not sleeping alone. . .he wasn't sure he'd be able to do otherwise. 

And he knew that being alone affected Terra even more. He wasn't going to allow him to torture himself like that. . .punish himself for hurting Isa when he'd done far more to heal him. 

"If you even think about doing that, I'll follow you," Was his blunt retort. Perhaps not the most emotionally charged sentence in the world, but it was in a tone full of conviction that welcomed no argument. "I'm fine. I'm not angry at you in any way, and I don't fear you hurting me again. I'm choosing to believe this was an exceptional incident. So, no, I don't think I'll let you isolate yourself when I know very well what it does to you. Besides. . .I . . .don't want you to leave."

Understanding. Gentle yet stern. Not letting him be alone. Not consuming themself with their own guilt for actions unrelated to the situation at hand. Just what Terra really needed, wasn't it?

Yet, he hesitated to accept it at first. He was scared he was just going to have another nightmare and hurt Isa again. He didn't want that. Not in the slightest. He felt bad enough about a shallow cut. What happened if his hand was in a different place and-

No. He couldn't think about that. 

It was the last few words Isa said that made his decision anyways. He also wasn't going to risk Isa trying to follow him, which he knew full well would happen. 

"You… don't want me to?" he asked softly.

It wasn't easy for Isa to be soft. It had gotten easier recently, he had to admit, and he'd spent a great deal of the day being softer than he'd typically like. It was quite another thing, however, to voice aloud anything that hinted at what his true feelings for Terra actually were.

How on earth would the other man react should he find out? There's no way he'd be comfortable sharing a house anymore . . . let alone a bed. Hell, for all he knew, Terra was completely straight and would take actual offense. . .though something told him that wasn't the case. The offense part, at least. Still, he could never be certain. 

Despite the uncomfortable vulnerability it caused, he swallowed hard and placed both hands firmly on Terra's shoulders, moving as needed to look him steadily in the eye. 

"Of course not," He said quietly, but equally resolute. And it was the truth. There was a small lingering fear that something of the sort could happen again, but it was nothing compared to the fear of leaving Terra in pain. "How on earth could I . . .? What I said earlier was the truth . . . you've done far more to help me with your presence than you've done to hurt."

Terra's brown eyes still betrayed him with tears, yet they changed slightly. Instead of overwhelming guilt fueling them, it was an odd mix of comfort and the feeling of being wanted, no, needed. It felt like there was more to Isa's words than what he said, yet he didn't feel the need to press. He just… understood. There was some sort of mutual understanding between them that didn't need words somehow, not that Terra knew the words anyways. 

Slowly, maybe worried he’d scare Isa in the process, he hugged Isa around the waist, careful not to get too close to the cut he'd caused. He pressed his face slightly into Isa's chest, wanting to slightly hide his crying face. "Thank you," he whispered softly, " I'm glad I've been able to help. I'm sorry, though. I want you to be ok, but I hurt you.."

He pulled Isa a little closer. His keyblade disappeared in a small flash of light. "And I scared you. I'm so sorry, Isa. Forgive me?" he said, almost pleading.

Isa's heart might have been actually breaking. He needed to erase that tone from Terra's voice -- he needed to never hear the other talk like that again. Yet, realistically, he knew that wasn't possible. Such insecurities weren't easily erased, and Isa knew that very well. 

But he'd do whatever he could to make those feelings less prevalent and painful. He had no idea how to tell Terra that he'd been hurt far worse than the shallow cut along his side and held nothing against the people that had done it. It was in Isa's nature to hurt -- his retribution. His way of life. 

If he had to be hurt like this, but it came with Terra's company . . . with Terra clinging to him like he actually mattered, Isa would take that deal a million times over. 

"I'm okay . . . I promise," He said quietly, the stern edge finally starting to drop away from his voice as he willingly held Terra close to him, a hand raising unconsciously to cradle the back of his head. "And I forgave you as soon as I realized you hadn't done it on purpose. . . which i will admit took me a moment, but the forgiveness was near immediate when I did. Alright? If forgiveness is important . . . you already have it."

It was hard to accept forgiveness. Terra didn't want to forgive himself, let alone from another. He expected some kind of retribution, whether it be Isa being angry or simply leaving. He wouldn't hold any resentment towards Isa if he did either of those. But no, Isa just had to do what Terra couldn't easily accept. Forgiveness felt like such an impossible thing, even in small matters. Even as he begged for it. It just didn't feel like something he deserved. 

Yet he got it anyways. He pulled Isa a small bit closer. "Thank you," he whispered, trying to force himself to accept it, "I never want to hurt you, or anyone. I need to have better control over myself..." He spoke without really thinking. "Forgiveness isn't really what's important. It's you. I hurt you, and you're important."

Those two words ruined him. 

Regardless of what Terra had meant by them exactly, regardless of anything. . . Isa found them echoing through his head as he sat, frozen, with Terra all but cradled to his chest. 

He was glad Terra's face was turned away from him, because Isa's expression had shattered completely into a wide-eyed visage of shock. 

You're important. 

Isa had never been important. Not for who he was. His own family hadn't wanted him -- he'd been a status symbol and a way to ensure their legacy, at best. He'd been a pawn in the organization. He'd accomplished a great deal, sure, and had been second in command. . . but that hardly mattered. He'd never been important like this -- to another person, just for existing. 

He couldn't help it. The tears rose to his eyes, unbidden, and threatened to slip down his face. "If someone such as myself is important, then you're the entire world . . . " he said softly, not even convinced that Terra could hear him. "I refuse to believe you could ever hurt anyone in a lasting way."

Terra felt Isa tremble slightly. Why was Isa shaking in his arms? Had he said something wrong and upset Isa? Was Isa actually in a lot of pain but hadn't said so? 

He had been about to pull back slightly to see Isa's face to try to figure out what was going on. Then he heard Isa speak. The entire world? He wasn't... He couldn't be more important than Isa, certainly not worth the world. Not after everything he'd done. 

But then there was that second sentence. It almost caused him to laugh at the irony and cry from the truth at the same time. He'd hurt someone in the most permanent way. No. He couldn't possibly be as important as Isa said. Murderers were only remembered infamously, never of any true significance. He couldn't accept what Isa had said. It couldn't be true. It wasn't true. 

He pulled back slightly, but didn't look at Isa's face. "Don't say things like that.. I'm no more important than you are... And... I've done more than you know," he knew saying it like that was vague and would prompt more questions, but he didn't want to say anything more. His hand strayed to the scar on his chest. Only fitting he'd died by the same weapon he'd used to kill Eraqus..

That sentence raised more than a few questions, alarm bells starting to distantly ring in Isa's head. He didn't miss the tone of Terra's voice, nor the way his hand drifted to his chest, and Isa thought immediately of the scar that was there.

So there was a darker side to Terra's past than Isa knew of. That much was obvious. Whatever it was, he was clearly seething in guilt . . . Isa knew that look well. Considering his own past, he was the last to judge whatever Terra was hiding and, though part of him wanted very much to press further and learn what was clearly deeply rooted and causing Terra such pain, he knew such an attempt would likely end poorly.

Instead of asking for elaboration, he simply kept his hands firmly on the other man's shoulders and filed the information away for later. "I believe you . . . but whatever it is isn't now, and has no place in our home. Part of building our new lives is leaving such things behind us . . . alright? And my wound as well is already behind us, so please . . . I've forgiven you. So I want to hear you forgive yourself."

Terra didn't look up at first and shook his head slightly. Part of him knew Isa was right. That was what they both wanted after all, wasn't it? A new home where they didn't have the lingering ghosts to haunt them and destroy their happiness. Yet that was just one thing… Terra could never let go of. It would never leave him. How could he live content knowing he killed his own father? And then only proved his father's fears right by falling to darkness for a decade.

But... He slowly looked up at Isa's face. It was hard to see fully in the dark, but he could tell Isa was sincere. Sincere and adamant about how he felt. He shouldn't be spiraling into every bit of self-hatred he harbored because of a small mistake. Especially since Isa wasn't really that hurt from it. Isa wasn't even upset about it. It, this moment at least, was ok.

"Yeah, I-I'm sorry. Just-" he sighed, "It's not always easy. But you're right. It's behind us." He leaned forward and let his neck relax, ending with his forehead against Isa's. An old gesture he had done with his family. That everything was ok after a fight or stressful events. A show of affection and comfort.

It wasn't exactly hard to miss that Terra was still haunted by something. But at least it was kept at bay, at least for now.

The placement of their foreheads against one another caused a funny feeling, especially as close as it was to Isa’s scar. It was also so oddly personal, and a form of contact Isa honestly hadn't experienced before.

He let his eyes close, lost for a moment in the contact, and ignored the feelings of residual tears clinging to his eyelashes. "There you go . . . " He murmured, daring to move one of his hands so that it was resting on the side of Terra's neck. Might as well see what he could get away with. " . . . Everything's alright, now. We . . . don't have to worry about anything but existing. Alright? Just . . . relax. I've got you. I . . . won't let you hurt anyone. And that includes yourself."

Terra let out a long sigh, trying to calm himself with it. He rested his head slightly against Isa's hand and closed his eyes. He still felt bad about hurting Isa, which was only made worse by the lingering memories of the nightmare he'd had. But… Isa had forgiven him, and there was no reason to cling to the pain. It didn't fix anything. And… apparently Isa didn't want him to hurt.

Isa's words really did bring a bit of peace to his mind. Even if Isa claimed he wasn't as strong as he'd used to be, he had been strong enough to carry Terra when he was asleep. He had to be strong. So, if something were to happen… Isa would be strong enough to stop it.

"Thank you," Terra said quietly, "I know you won't. I trust you." And despite all his anxiety, he started to relax a little. He couldn't sleep yet, but he could be calm.

Several people had made the mistake of trusting Isa.

The girl.

Lea.

Xemnas.

And all had come out of that situation royally fucked over as a result. Isa wasn't a trustworthy person. . . He did whatever he had to to accomplish what he needed to.

But what if all he wanted now was to be someone who was worthy of holding Terra's trust . . . then could he change? He certainly meant the words he'd said . . . with every bit of his whole heart. And when Isa set his mind on something, he was unshakable.

He resigned himself, in that moment, to hold Terra for as long as he needed. For the rest of the time Terra let him stay around, in fact. And he'd expect nothing in return. It was enough of an honor just to be allowed to stay.

". . . What do you need to feel alright right now . . . ?" He asked suddenly, softly. It was a question he'd been asked . . . and had asked himself during some dark moments post recompletion. ". . . Do you want to lie down? Shall I keep holding you . . . ? Shall I read to you, or simply hum? Or to talk, blissfully, of nothing? I can't imagine you want quiet. But whatever you need. . . I'll give it to you."

Terra stayed silent for a moment. That was a good question. He… really wasn't sure what he needed. He sure couldn't go back to sleep. And… all of those options sounded good in their own way. But then there was a new thought nagging in his mind. Isa had… tried to stand and hadn't been able to. Hearts, he hoped he hadn't hurt himself more..

"Can I check your ankle," he asked, closing his eyes tightly, "I just want to make sure I didn't make it worse when I scared you. Then I… I don't know. I like hearing you read.."

It was an odd request, but with how attentive and worried Terra seemed to be, Isa could certainly understand. If letting himself be looked over for a moment would comfort the other man, he would oblige.

"Certainly. Though I assure you it's alright . . . I might have strained it a bit, but it still feels better than this morning. Take a look, and then lie with me and I'll find you a poem." He shifted, wanting to keep hold of Terra as much as he could, but having to move his ankle to a more readily available position.

Yeah. That plan sounded good. He could check on Isa. Just make sure he'd made nothing worse. Then they could relax and hopefully be well rested for tomorrow with no problems. Hopefully.

Carefully, Terra unwrapped Isa's ankle and checked it over the best he could. It did look a little better than it did before. The bruising was still there, and likely would be for a while, but it didn't look swollen like it had initially last night. Good. So it hadn't been irritated by Isa trying to stand. If Isa had been more hurt because of him, he didn't know what he'd do. Probably only feel continuously more guilty.

Rewrapping Isa's ankle, he spoke, "I'm sorry for causing all this trouble.." He looked away from Isa slightly.

Isa couldn't take away the guilt. He knew he never could. Guilt never really went away, after all, but he'd do whatever he could to soothe it.

"Hush that," He murmured in that same gentle, but stern tone, then settled himself back down on the bed.

"Your thoughts are your enemy right now. . . and if you have caused me any trouble, you've already more than made up for it. Lie down with me?"

Terra took a deep breath before laying down. Isa was right. His thoughts were his enemy right now. They weren't helping in anyway, only making things worse. Unnecessarily worse. It was okay now. He didn't need to keep upsetting himself further.

"Ok," he said softly, keeping his hands close to his own chest, "if you say so. I'll believe it.." It was hard to believe. It really was. But...he'd at least try to.

Isa settled easily onto the bed, trying to adopt an open position that welcomed Terra to move close to him, but made no move to force him. Instead, he simply grabbed his glasses and the poetry book from the nightstand, and began to read.

_ "For some time between, they live in flux. _

_ Few words, strange gazes, actions either unseen _

_ or far too rough……. _

_ They cast upon each other reflections of themselves. _

_ Their inner strength switched to the haunt: _

_ Strange jealousy, unspoken, of an animals' rare pelt. _

_ Whose identities to whom were lived in action and not fear…. _

_ The women once bedecked such not knowing who. _

_ The stranger ones sometimes were friends, assimilating what the others do. _

_ Some were not so suited to life-to live as plain border to die. _

_ The Obvious with their looks amongst each other - pure sacrifice _

_ of asking, and soon, just wondering: WHY. _

_ And soon enough collective transport lets them be. _

_ Not so alone, all one, so in new form of harmony. _

_ And there they sits as asset as there they are. _

_ Each twinned directive of the same some numbered star." _

Terra stared at Isa's face as he read. He honestly couldn't make sense of the poem. What did animal pelts have to do with anything? Then harmony and stars? It just kinda confused him. So, he focused on Isa's voice instead. His voice was relaxing. Plus, the glasses suited Isa in an almost cute way.

After a moment, he rolled over and got closer to Isa. He didn't want his hands anywhere Isa. He...couldn't risk that. But he did want to be closer. So, he scooted a bit closer with his back facing Isa. Hopefully that didn't seem rude. He should say something..

"I-I'm still listening," he said a bit nervously, "I just..." He couldn't really describe his thought process aloud. Isa would probably just scold him for it anyways.

Terra's thought process was written plainly over every movement he made, and Isa took no offense.

Whatever Terra had to do to feel safe and comfortable was alright with him. Hopefully, in time, that fear would fade -- but Isa knew very well how real that fear of hurting others was.

Months after recompletion. . . lingering, feral states. . . residual echoes of berserk. . . asking Even to tie him down to his own bed, long after they faded. Panicking when he felt the bindings there.

Panicking when he felt they weren't.

"It's alright," he said simply. "I understand." He shifted closer himself, finding another poem and holding the book one handed to free the other.

Terra clearly needed human contact to feel comfortable and, if he was afraid of reaching for it himself, then Isa would simply have to be the one to reach out for once. Gently, so as not to startle him, he started to rub circles into Terra's back before starting to read again.

So this poem was of a considerably more fluffy nature. Perhaps that's what they needed.

_ "We dreamt of a world built in our heart _

_ But reality sometimes seem to be far apart _

_ Accept what the world has to offer today _

_ Seize the moment, for tomorrow is another day; _

_ Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes _

_ Focus our energy where we can make difference _

_ Accept what the world has to offer today _

_ Then our lives will be filled with serenity; _

_ Inner peace and acceptance void frustrations and disappointments _

_ Inner peace and acceptance void expectations and resentments _

_ Serenity of heart, serenity of mind means kindred soul _

_ Serenity of heart, serenity of mind equals happiness for all. " _

Terra flinched from surprise from the sudden touch, but he quickly relaxed. It was just Isa. Maybe it hadn't really been that long since they started staying together, but he felt like Isa was someone he could trust. Someone he could rely on. Someone that he could show how he truly felt without worrying about the other feeling their own guilt. So....he'd let himself accept the comfort.....from Isa.

Isa's voice was really calming. Just the simple, yet emotional way he read. Not monotone but full of passion. It was...perfect to listen to. And this poem seemed a little easier to understand too. Tomorrow's another day. He took a slow, deep breath.

"Isa?" he called, a thought coming to his mind, "Do you have a favorite poem? Like, one that you read over and over? Or think about all the time?"

Though his mind flashed briefly to the poem he'd marked in the book, Isa knew very well he couldn't share it. Truthfully, however, it was the one he thought about most often recently.

"Well . . . I've only just recently started reading for pleasure," he murmured. "I used to find such things unproductive. . . " He recalled scolding Zexion on numerous occasions. ". . So I wouldn't say I'm exactly an expert. But I do have a few I'm fond of, simply for the feelings they elicit. Or the cadence. I . . . can share one, I suppose."

He thumbed through the book for a moment before settling on it. "I warn you it's a big melancholy . . . yet I find it oddly hopeful, as well. I can't honestly explain why. I'm certainly no expert on these things."

He took a breath, hand stilling for a moment before continuing what he hoped were soothing movements.

_ "It was many and many a year ago, _

_ In a kingdom by the sea, _

_ That a maiden there lived whom you may know _

_ By the name of Annabel Lee; _

_ And this maiden she lived with no other thought _

_ Than to love and be loved by me. _

_ I was a child and she was a child, _

_ In this kingdom by the sea, _

_ But we loved with a love that was more than love— _

_ I and my Annabel Lee— _

_ With a love that the wingèd seraphs of Heaven _

_ Coveted her and me. _

_ And this was the reason that, long ago, _

_ In this kingdom by the sea, _

_ A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling _

_ My beautiful Annabel Lee; _

_ So that her highborn kinsmen came _

_ And bore her away from me, _

_ To shut her up in a sepulchre _

_ In this kingdom by the sea. _

_ The angels, not half so happy in Heaven, _

_ Went envying her and me— _

_ Yes!—that was the reason (as all men know, _

_ In this kingdom by the sea) _

_ That the wind came out of the cloud by night, _

_ Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee. _

_ But our love it was stronger by far than the love _

_ Of those who were older than we— _

_ Of many far wiser than we— _

_ And neither the angels in Heaven above _

_ Nor the demons down under the sea _

_ Can ever dissever my soul from the soul _

_ Of the beautiful Annabel Lee; _

_ For the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams _

_ Of the beautiful Annabel Lee; _

_ And the stars never rise, but I feel the bright eyes _

_ Of the beautiful Annabel Lee; _

_ And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side _

_ Of my darling—my darling—my life and my bride, _

_ In her sepulchre there by the sea— _

_ In her tomb by the sounding sea." _

As Isa read, Terra slowly twisted to be partially face Isa, yet not moving enough to prevent those relaxing touching to his back. He saw what Isa meant but melancholy but hopeful.

"Unending love. One that isn't separated by anything. Even death," he said softly, "that's what would seem hopeful to me. Just the idea of a love that never ends or can't be broken, not even by the actions of others. Seems like a dream. At least, that's what I think. I'm no poetry expert either. Aqua was the one into poems."

Briefly, he wondered if he'd feel that sort of love. An endless love without guilt or sorrow. Though the poem was clearly in a romantic sense, he couldn't stop himself from thinking about Aqua. They really had been separated by essentially death. But it wasn't like the poem. Aqua loved him, sure, but it wasn't some unending gentle love. No, she was constantly worried and guilty about her every action towards him. That wasn't what the love they had before was. Aqua had been his closest friend, his sister. But now it wasn't anything like that anymore.

"Is she?" Isa asked quietly, glancing briefly away from the book. That poem seemed to resonate with Terra in some way, at least. He thought for a moment, trying to place her face. A woman on the beach. . . blue hair. Love of poetry.

He wondered, briefly, if there were answers in those two facts as to why Terra seemed to so enjoy Isa's company. Perhaps he didn't see Isa's face when he held him, at all.

"You're right, I think . . . it's oddly comforting. If a bit macabre," He sighed. "It's comforting. . . and also . . . I don't know. Some sort of sign that we continue to exist, even as memories, long after death . . . at least if someone remembers us and holds us in their hearts. A simple philosophy. . . one I used to think stupid. Now, I don't know . . . " He shrugged.

Terra thought about it. That made sense too. It was interesting how the same set of words could mean two different things to two different people. Yet, both seemed equally right in this case. He turned a bit more and laid on his back, not wanting to stop the comforting touches but also wanting to look at Isa's face.

"Sometimes simple is better. The heart never truly forgets anything, even if the memories fade or an impossible amount of time passes," he said softly, "It's nice to know that you don't just disappear from someone's mind. You stay with them, even when you're apart. An unbreakable chain between you."

"Quite true," Isa replied quietly. ". . . In idea, at least, it holds value." He didn't elaborate, but that's unfortunately what the sentiment still was. Isa had long since learned that, while the heart never truly forgot people it had grown close to, it also never forgot those that injured it.

It certainly didn't forget when they were one and the same.

And those chains could be broken . . . couldn't they? Or maybe, even after someone was cut from your life and heart, their chain remained as a fractured stump. Isa wasn't certain, but eh was sure the reality of such things was quite different than the theory. Perhaps that's why he found the optimistic sentiment so appealing.

"I truly do wonder. . . " he began slowly, weighing his words carefully. "Those chains remain . . . even after death, as it says in the poem. Does the connection remain, even when the individual on the other side no longer exists?"

Terra thought for a moment, staring up at the ceiling. There were so many ways to think about that question. On one hand, it meant loved ones that were gone were still connected to you. But it almost meant those that had hurt you were still connected too. Not completely good. Not completely bad. Like most things, he realized. Yet, despite that..

"I hope so," he said, "after all, it's the hearts that are connected. You'll never lose someone completely so long as they're safe there. No loved one truly gone. No friend truly forgotten. And even if the person that made a connection only hurt you....that's still important. It caused you to grow or learn in some way. If you didn't have that connection, you wouldn't be the same person as you are now. Even if it hurt. Even if you still hurt."

"That's . . . an interesting perspective," Isa murmured, blinking a bit in surprise. Every connection contributes to your growth as a human being. . . even the ones that hurt. Perhaps, then, even the ones that were cruel, or to whom you were cruel to.

Isa had spent so long trying to distance himself from his past. . . lost in regret and self-hatred. But everything he'd done had been for a reason. . . and had there even been a way around it? He'd nearly killed himself trying to think of the answer to that question.

". . .Do you think the pain of those connections ever truly fades away?" He asked, maybe this time not for himself. Rather, for those he'd torn down, and left his own shattered and painful marks on their hearts.

Terra glanced at Isa, seeing an interesting look on Isa's face. Sorrow? Regret? Why? Regardless of the reason, he wanted to help somehow. He...couldn't touch with his hands yet, but he nudged Isa slightly with his shoulder.

"The pain?" he asked aloud more to himself. There was plenty of pain from his connections, even from ones that he loved and made him happy. His connection with his own father, tinted with remorse and guilt. Then there were the cases of those that had tricked him and caused him to do harm to many, innocents and his family.

"I think it can," he said after a moment of thought, "I don't think it'd be easy to do. Part of learning was from the pain. But...maybe as we grow and change from it, the sting lessens at least. I think...we have to be willing to let it fade for it to actually fade. You can choose to hold onto the pain, and...you can choose to let it go."

Man, that made him a hypocrite didn't it? He wouldn't let himself consider letting go of his pain. It was what he deserved after all. Why should he get to move on and be at peace when he'd hurt so many? People that may never be at peace?

Well, there was no point in speaking as if he wasn't referring to himself. Still, Isa could tell that Terra was holding on to pain, too . . . maybe even more than Isa was.

"That's the problem then, isn't it?" He asked quietly. "Making that choice. I'm not sure at this point that I'm even sure how to live without the pain. . . nor do I believe I should. I thought I deserved it . . . my burden to bear for all of my sins. Yet, it's odd. . . it's such a dull sort of suffering that it's growing so . . . almost tiresome. Which makes me feel like I'm not hurting enough. And yet I know that's counterproductive. . . "

He sighed, raising a hand to rub at his scar. "Because how will continuing to torture ourselves do good for those we've wronged, right? That's . . . what I've been thinking about, lately. Perhaps I can make everything up to them . . . and do them a better justice by choosing to better myself. Rather than suffering. . . because ultimately, suffering is an easy choice. . . I can change myself and prevent anything like that from happening again. And. . . connect with others to keep it from happening to them. It's all . . . a lot, I know."

Terra looked at Isa with worry. He understood the feelings, but Isa was right. It was tiresome to cling to the pain. What else could he do? He felt like letting go of some of it...would dishonor Eraqus's memory in some way. Or would holding onto the guilt dishonor him? He sure didn't know, and there was no way to get answers.

"I know how you feel.." he said softly, "it is just easier to just… punish yourself instead of solving the problem. Or to just avoid it, pretend it didn't happen... Takes a lot more motivation to actually change then move on. I suppose that's where the strength of your heart comes in. Soft enough to change. Strong enough to leave the past behind you."

Apparently he was oddly philosophical when he was somewhere between exhausted and physically unable to sleep. Though, he was really just repeating things Eraqus had told him before.

"You're . . . incredibly correct. And wiser than you let on," Isa answered with a glance in Terra's direction. He didn't mind at all the philosophical nature the conversation had taken. He'd become increasingly more so since his recompletion, and he didn't pretend to entirely understand why.

"And . . . I suppose that's easier said than done, isn't it?" He let out a sigh. ". . . Yet. . . I suppose we have to try. You know, it's odd. . . I don't think I ever realized how hard it was, and how much courage it took to be soft, as you say. Not only did I think it impossible, but I never saw the value . . . now, I'm not so sure."

He shrugged. ". . . Ever since I've come back, everything I thought I knew with full conviction seems to have been uprooted. I've always been so sure of myself, but everything's all . . . scrambled about, now. The world seems so malleable and new."

Terra smiled softly. The conversation had comforted and calmed him quite a bit. It was so easy to feel hopeful when he was reminded that all those connections he had were never really gone. Even if Aqua didn't know how to help or even interact with him, they were still connected. Even if Ven wouldn't talk to him, they were still connected. Even if Eraqus was gone, they were still connected. Even if all those problems had been his fault, everything was still connected. All the good memories and the bad, laced together in his heart.

"I studied under a wise master," Terra said. Eraqus hadn't always been right, but he had been wise, especially about the heart. "Seems like we need to shape the world ourselves now then. It's scary to think about, but it's our lives to mold."

He stared at the ceiling for a moment. "I'll agree with you partially. It's hard to be soft. People often take advantage of you when they think they can get away with it," he said. He'd been tricked a lot in the past. By minor and major villains.

Isa laughed then, and it was an odd sound. Not quite bitter, but hollow. "I'm well aware. After all, I'm one of the people that got away with it. For a while, at least. . . "

He sighed, mulling over the rest of Terra's words. It sounded very much like his master had know what he'd been talking about. . . though Isa would have never agreed with that if you'd asked him even a year ago. ". . . You're very right, however. These are our lives, now . . . to do with what we will. Terrifying. But ours. And. . . we don't have to do or be anything that we don't want. . .

". . . And that includes torturing ourselves. Perhaps changing and becoming someone. . . worthy of existing in the world is the way to truly atone."

That seemed like such a hard thing to do. Letting things change and letting go of the pain. He almost didn't want to. Both stubbornness and guilt told him that he didn't need to change and that he deserved this pain. He wasn't sure if he was ready to let go of it all yet.

Terra stared up at Isa for a moment before looking at the ceiling. "Well...we're already doing that a bit, aren't we? Working on building our own lives where we'll be new people. Regular honest people with jobs while we work out the hell life put us through," he said.

"I hope it's as simple as creating a new life to understand and accept the old one. But, at the very least, I'm glad I'm not doing this alone. It's so much easier to do things with someone that understands," he smiled at Isa as he said this, "however, at the moment, it might be best to try to sleep. Can't become someone worthy of existing without any sleep."

He shifted back to sleep on his side, facing away from Isa. While he was feeling better, he didn't want to risk hurting Isa again, not even by accident.

"We are. . . and I think . . . we're doing rather good," Isa replied, then set his book to the side and reached over to turn off the lamp. This left them both solely in the moonlight coming through the window, which neither of them would likely complain about.

Something about having Terra facing away from him hurt, even if Isa was able to understand why he was doing it. Still, he knew how important human contact was for the other man. . . and maybe he was also feeling something a bit more selfish.

For that reason, he settled down facing Terra's back, close enough for him to feel his presence and almost enough for their skin to touch. Isa was still too unused to initiating affection to do anything more (at least for the moment), but it was better than lying completely separate.

He wanted to take care of him. He wanted to keep the nightmares far, far away. Terra didn't seem like the sort of person who needed much protection, but Isa wanted to try . . . even if it was only from himself.

Sleep didn't come instantly like Terra had hoped, even in his more relaxed state. Lingering shadows from his nightmare made it hard to really focus on sleeping. Not to mention, he still felt bad about hurting Isa. Yes, Isa had said it was ok and just an accident, but he still felt bad. He'd been trained to be in control of himself and his abilities at all times. It almost felt like he was failing. He couldn't control his powers and had hurt someone. Exactly what he was trained not to do.

But he didn't eventually doze off. It was hard, especially with the lull of silence, but sleep did come. He could tell that Isa was close to him. He could feel the breath on his back. Right along the scarring that had resulted from Sora defeating Xehanort that had taken control of his body. Maybe the one on his chest came from that too? No, that one felt different.

Regardless, he did fall asleep. It was comforting to have Isa so close. He didn't know why. But he didn't have another nightmare that night.

Isa only lasted for a little while before giving into temptation and wrapping his arms around Terra from behind, holding him close to his own chest in a secure embrace. If he was too afraid to hold Isa -- than Isa would hold him. That's all there was to it.

It felt just as secure to him, just as safe, as when it had been the other way around. At some point, he'd thought he'd started humming. . . but he wasn't sure. Nor was he sure exactly when he'd fallen asleep. Only that everything felt alright -- or at least like it had the potential to be.


	23. First Days and First.... Dates?

The days passed quickly and easily after that, with no further incidents. Their lives were quiet, mundane and . . . well, entirely perfect. Full of shared meals and lighthearted jests, day-to-day chores and preparing for work.

Luckily, Isa's leg had healed within the next day, and his first day of work had gone off without a hitch (save a few suspicious looks from the duck), and he'd come home satisfied and oddly proud of himself. He'd half expected to get fired on the first day.

The next day had not only been Isa's _second day._

of work, but Terra's first. Isa had wished his roommate the best of luck before heading out to his shift which, thankfully, ended a bit after seven, considering he was working a midday. It was better than closing, that's for sure. . . though Isa had to say he honestly liked his job most of the time. It suited his organizational abilities and poised demeanor, and he luckily had very little extended contact with customers aside from the initial polite greeting and handing them off to their server.

There was a small smile on his face as he walked into their apartment, hair done back in a neat ponytail and dressed formally in waistcoat and tie. He'd undone his tie as he walked home, tugging a few buttons open on his collar. The sleeves of his button-up were rolled to his elbows, and the shine to his shoes was impeccable.

_Light,_ he'd missed being able to dress his best.

He called out a greeting to Terra, uncertain if the other man was even home yet, and moved to lay hang up his bag on a hook by the door.

Honestly? Terra was glad to be _doing_ something. The day that Isa had been at work had been near unbearable. He'd always known that he was codependent by nature and trauma had made that worse, but he hadn't realized how used he'd become to Isa's presence specifically. It felt quiet and empty in the apartment without Isa in it. Needless to say, he spent more time outside of the place until Isa was done with work.

He was working too, thankfully, on Isa's second day. That meant he'd not only not have to be alone all day in their apartment, but he was also helping others and making money while doing so. The best combination in his mind. His work had started fairly early in the day and was a bit of a "work until it's finished" as opposed to an hourly job. But Terra didn't mind in the slightest. Moving heavy things was something he was good at. The store owner he had been working for had seemed impressed and paid a bit more than originally promised. Initially refusing, Terra inevitably took it due to the owner's insistence that Terra had helped "make the work go so much faster".

By the time Isa had gotten to the apartment, Terra had been there for just under an hour. He had decided to jog around the town since he knew Isa wouldn't be home yet. But when he had returned, he had gotten near immediately into the shower. If there's one thing that manual labor followed by a jog caused, it was sweat. And, frankly, he didn't want to be covered in it the rest of the day.

In fact, he had been fresh out of the shower seeking clothes when he heard Isa call from the living room. "I'm here. One sec," he called, hoping Isa got the implication that he wasn't ready to be seen yet. There was a difference between sleeping shirtless and being caught in only a towel.

He quickly finished drying and dressing before stepping out into the living room, feeling refreshed. "Isa, welcome back," he said with a smile, "how'd work go?" He wanted to know all about it.

Just the very sight of his roommate had Isa smiling, though it was reserved. Rolling his shoulders, he started to undo the buttons of his waistcoat. While he certainly appreciated the class and style of his work uniform, it wasn't exactly the most comfortable thing all day . . . though, looking at him, you'd never know it.

"It went very well -- to be quite honest, I've never really done any of this sort of work before. . . but it hasn't been hard to figure out. I believe I'm getting the hang of everything rather quickly . . . they seem at least not displeased by my performance, at least." He gently tossed his waistcoat over the arm of the couch and proceeded to pull his tie off from around his neck.

"What about you? How was your venture into the world of the employed?"

Oh, Kingdom Hearts above. Terra hadn't been here when Isa had gotten back yesterday, and when he had, Isa had already changed out of his work uniform. So this was the first time he'd really seen Isa at least partially in his work uniform.

And… damn.

He was dumbfounded for a moment, no idea why. Button ups and waistcoats looked good on Isa. All he could do was stare as his brain slowly registered that he had been spoken to.

"That's good then," he said, shaking his head slightly to snap out of his random stupor, "I knew you could do it. I better you're doing even better than you think you are." He smiled brightly.

"Me? Everything went well. It was just moving stuff, which I think I can do pretty good. So it didn't take long," he said while scratching his hair.

So they'd both had good days. That was excellent. "You know what? We should celebrate," he said.

Isa was too busy making sure that his clothes were laid out neatly and in a way that wouldn't crease to notice Terra staring at him, and only looked up when he heard the other speak.

"You flatter. . . and I'm glad to hear that your experience has also been pleasant," he replied with his typical faint smile, though Terra's last words caused him to raise a brow. "Celebrate . . . ? How so, exactly? And for what purpose?"

It was a universally acknowledged truth that Isa was a _great_ deal of fun to be around.

“Well, we're both getting settled and got through our first week of work, even if it wasn't too much. We should go get dinner, somewhere nice," Terra said with a bright smile, "in fact, I'll even be the one to pay for it. Then we can explore the evening town. I bet it's different than during the day."

He wasn't sure exactly why he wanted to go somewhere nice. Maybe he wanted to see Isa in that nice get up again, but why did he want that. No, obviously he just wanted to celebrate somewhere nice because they'd both accomplished something. Plus, it'd be nice to spend more time together after being separated. That was a little pathetic. To so desperately need company after just a few hours. Though, why did he want Isa's company specifically?

Though he'd just spent the last ten hours of his day at a nice restaurant, Isa had to admit he did find the idea appealing. . . if only because he was doing so with Terra. The offer surprised him a bit, as did the other's offering of payment, but Isa simply couldn't find it within him to refuse. Especially considering Isa himself wouldn't get paid for another week.

"Well . . . alright," He agreed with a quiet laugh, adjusting his collar so it fell correctly again and making sure his hair was tucked neatly into his ponytail. "It's not exactly as if I've planned to do anything else. . . Why not? That sounds lovely."

Terra smiled brightly and grabbed Isa's hands in his excitement. "You pick the place while I get dressed. We can go wherever you want to," he said before turning to go into their room to change into something nicer than the sweatpants and t-shirt he had initially put on.

This was to be a celebration, a treat, something happy and fun. So he'd wear something nice but not too stuffy. Those nice pants he wore for his interview would work, along with a pink button up. Should he wear a tie? Wait, he didn't even own a tie, much less know how to put one on. Why was he suddenly so nervous about going to dinner with Isa? It had been his idea.

Regardless, he got changed quickly and walked back out, trying to straighten his still slightly damp hair. "Do you want to change out of your work clothes before going anywhere? I should have asked that first," he said with a small chuckle.

Isa blinked, a bit startled, when his hands were suddenly grabbed. He pointedly chose to ignore the odd fluttering feeling the motion had caused to rise in his chest. Terra's outfit certainly didn't help, dear god. . . neither did the way his hair was somehow still perfectly, adorably messy, despite his attempts to fix it.

In fact, Isa reclaimed one of his hands to help Terra brush it into place, leaving room for no arguments as to whether he was allowed to do so. When he was finally satisfied, he nodded briskly and briefly glanced down at his own outfit. Waistcoat and tie removed, he was left in his partially undone button down and black tuxedo trousers.

"Oh, well . . . no sense making more laundry than we have to." He shrugged. "I'm alright like this, I suppose. I've another to wear tomorrow, anyway -- and it's not as if I'd dress much differently if given the choice. As for the restaurant. . . as long as it isn't French, I'm happy. I've been looking at the menus at the bistro far too much. . . what would you say to Italian?"

Why did his face get hot and his heart beat a little faster when Isa fixed his hair? It wasn't like someone fixing Terra's hair for him was a new thing. His hair was always a bit tussled, and someone was always fussing over it. Maybe it was how gentle Isa did it? That must be it. Definitely no other reason.

"Makes sense not to get more stuff dirty. Besides, that looks really nice on you," his face suddenly felt hotter and he quickly tried to think of something else to say, "Italian sounds good. Great. You know where one is, right? Let's go." Hearts, why was he so flustered?

"Well, yes. . . I suppose I do. Very well, then. . . let's head out," Isa blinked, a bit surprised at Terra's slight change in demeanor. He wasn't exactly sure what had caused it, and it was hard to think of what might have done so when he was so busy being distracted by how adorable Terra was.

Ok -- not the time to think of such things. Now was the time to go with the man to dinner, after all -- at a nice restaurant. Hearts, this was going to be hard. . .

He turned and opened the door, stepping back to let Terra go ahead. ". . . That's a nice color on you," He murmured a bit distantly.

Terra heard the compliment and might have gone as pink as his shirt, but, luckily, Isa had turned to leave. Or was that unlucky, not he wasn't seeing that soft smile anymore. He quickly walked through the door, hoping these weird feelings would leave him alone. He was supposed to be focusing on celebrating the real start to their new lives here.

"Th-thanks," he managed to stutter out before leading the way a bit down the streets. The sun was setting, and everything had this soft glow to it. Even...Isa. Why couldn't he stop looking at Isa? "So, where's this Italian place? I desperately need carbs and protein after all the work I did earlier," he said, trying to keep the conversation off anything involving these weird unknown feelings.

Isa was trying very hard not to look at Terra below the waist while he was wearing those pants. Or at all, really, but especially in those pants.

He did not entirely succeed. Fortunately, he was growing used to the longing feelings that were no longer quite as strange and unfamiliar. They were almost like old friends, now -- painful and annoying old friends, but ones he now knew how to deal with.

The pants, the sunset, the quiet and homey streets of the world -- everything was so calm, so perfect, that it made his heart ache. That ache was growing near perpetual, now -- a familiar pain, one always present at the back of his mind like a sort of dull wound.

e was-- What? Terra didn't even know how to process the words Isa had just said to him, but they sure did make him feel something. Any hope that his face would return to its normal color was gone as it went bright red. Hearts, how did Isa just say that? Surely, that was just a slip of the tongue. An odd slip of the tongue, but still a mix up of words regardless.

Dammit, just, continue the conversation normally. "Ah, well, I look a forward to it," bad answer, bad answer, "how'd you find out about the place? In one of your reports? Or did you see it while going to work?"

"You should look forward to it -- I hear the pasta's rather delicious," Isa answered simply, expression completely deadpan and revealing nothing about how his . . . Freudian slip could have been misconstrued.

"This one I found out myself, actually. I saw it in passing, of course, but we also spend a good deal of time at work discussing the food scene around town. I know far too much about various restaurants now that I never particularly wanted to . . . still, I feel this one's a good choice. It's only a little further. . . it has fairy lights hanging outside the building."

Yeah, pasta, food. That's what would fill him. Nothing else. Hearts, he'd never been dirty minded before. Terra didn't even know where that had come from. Now he just had to force that thinking down.

"Fairy lights are always a plus," he said while looking around for it, almost disappointed that he had to look away from Isa to do so, "you talk about other restaurants at work? Isn't that like...traitorous?" Clearly the talk of someone that had never worked a service job before.

Despite himself, Isa let out a quiet laugh and shook his head, the loose front sections of his hair swaying with the motion. "No, not particularly . . . not in a market as relaxed as this. In some situations, yes, I suppose there might be intense competition between establishments. . . but as it is, the different restaurants around here get along quite well. They trade secrets and ingredients occasionally, even. One who appreciates good food must try that outside of his own creation in order to improve, after all."

He wasn't certain that Terra wanted an entire lecture on the fine dining industry of Twilight Town, but he'd certainly received one. Before long, the restaurant came into view ahead of them and Isa was moving forward to -- once again -- hold the door open.

Purely for gentlemanly reasons, of course -- no other motivation that included wanting the other . . . walking ahead of him for a moment.

A few stray hairs had fallen into Isa's face, and Terra was using physical restraint not to fix them. He knew Isa liked having his hair in pristine condition. But he also knew touching anywhere near the scar was off limits. Or at least… he assumed so. Isa had told him it always hurt so it'd be safe to assume that Isa wouldn't want people touching it. Even knowing that though, Terra really wanted to brush those few strands away and brush them back into Isa's hair.

He had gotten a lot more information than anticipated. But it wasn't any bother. If Isa found something he willingly talked at length about, Terra would listen wholeheartedly. "That definitely makes sense. While repeating the same thing can make you stronger in that sense, trying new things and learning different ways of doing things ultimately makes you more versatile and strong," he said, "Or, at least, that's how training works. Kinda sounds like the same thing you said. Same method, different application."

"Come on, I'm treating you. You don't have to open every door for me," he let out a small smile while walking inside the restaurant.

It was obviously a well-loved and popular local restaurant. Everything had a distinct homey feel like also having a sense of regality. It was a mixture of soft and sharp, bright and pale, dark and light, classic and abnormal, and it had an overall welcoming feeling.

Isa had to say he enjoyed the atmosphere of the restaurant, and looked around with a pleased smile as he followed Terra inside. He'd already been feeling strangely relaxed, and that feeling was only increasing as time went by.

"Mmmm . . . it's quite nice," He hummed, almost absentmindedly. "Had we planned this earlier, I would have made a reservation. . . "

Before he could protest, the host was waving at them by the podium and he was forced to step forward and speak to her. She was smiling, bubbly, and went through the usual polite greeting before starting to launch into a spiel about lack of space and the importance of calling ahead. Rather quickly into that speech, she cut herself off and looked thoughtful for a moment while looking Isa over.

"Hey, wait . . . your scar! I know who you are!"

Isa stiffened dramatically.

" --You're Scrooge's new boy, aren't you? He was talking about you during a visit earlier. Says you've got promise. Well, one host to another, I think I can do you a favor." She then winked dramatically and motioned to follow her towards a table while Isa turned momentarily to look at Terra with a dazed expression.

Ever polite, he managed to get out a thank you, but his mind was reeling with pure confusion over what had just happened.

Terra had almost resigned myself to waiting for an hour before even being seated. Maybe forethought and planning did have some value.. But then, the hostess had suddenly changed topic. When she had said she recognized Isa, he expected something bad to happen and immediately prepared to defend Isa if necessary. But that...didn't happen. Scrooge had been here and had spoken well of Isa after only two days of Isa working for him. Isa had...been recognized for something good.

He smiled brightly when Isa had glanced at him. This is the best outcome. Not only were they able to quickly get a seat in a restaurant with a waiting list, but maybe, just maybe, it would help Isa in some way. Help Isa see that his scar didn't have to stay something bad his whole life.

While following the hostess, he gently grabbed Isa's hand so that he could pull Isa close to whisper in his ear. "See? I told you people would get used to us," he whispered before backing away to smile at Isa. He didn't, however, let go of Isa's hand till they made it to the table. He gave the hostess his own thanks before sitting.

Still a bit dazed and beside himself, perhaps expecting to be bodily thrown from the restaurant at any moment, Isa followed dumbly after the hostess and Terra. The way Terra was suddenly very close to him didn't help him keep his thoughts in order at all, but he managed to shake himself free of the thoughts enough to murmur another thanks and sit down.

Terra had said that, hadn't he? And yet, Isa had never truly believed. He'd thought his only chance at being received with any kind of warmth was to keep as much anonymity as possible. And yet, this woman had recognized him. . . for something he wasn't trying to hide.

It was an odd feeling, and one Isa wasn't sure he'd ever get used to. But he hoped he got the chance.

He found rather quickly after sitting that he missed the feeling of Terra holding onto his hand, but there was no point in focusing on such things. Instead, he simply caught the other's eye and gave a soft smile that betrayed everything about his feelings towards what the hostess had done -- things he wasn't ready to say, any more than he was willing to admit how much he wanted to hold Terra's hand again.

"Yes, well . . .I suppose the night is off to a good start." He then hid his expression behind a menu, forcing his eyes to focus on the words.

Terra also noticed that he missed the feeling of holding Isa's hand. He had absolutely no idea why. Maybe because his hand felt kinda cold now? That was the excuse he was going with for now. Besides, there were more important things to focus on at the moment.

Like that sweet little smile Isa just gave him. Somehow, he knew that Isa had actually found being recognized to be a good thing. In this situation at least. That smile was just...so soft and rare. It took Isa lifting his menu for Terra to snap out of staring at him.

Quickly, he followed suit and tried to focus on the menu. Emphasis on tried. He couldn't stop himself from occasionally peaking around it to see if Isa was looking. What was he even going to do if he caught Isa's eye? Why did he even want to?

"I think it's already to an incredible start, since I'm spending it with you," he said before quickly adding, "and you knew about this awesome place. There's so many good sounding things here, I have no idea how to believe deciding what to eat." Hearts, where had that first thing even come from. Yes, he enjoyed Isa's company, but why did he have to go and word it like that?

Isa's menu was suddenly incredibly interesting. In fact, he'd buried his head further into it to hide a faint flush that had crossed over his cheeks at Terra's words. Hearts, he was making it easy to imagine they were here under different circumstances.

What he wouldn't give to reach across the table and take the other's hand. . . tease his leg under the table. . . grab the collar of that nice, pristine shirt and yank him forward over the table to crash their lips together --

But they weren't there for any of that. They were there as friends, damn it, and Isa wasn't going to betray Terra by daring to day dream of otherwise. "Well, I suppose one of us has to make these decisions. . . " He murmured. " . . . I'm glad you like it. Usually there's something everyone likes at this sort of place. . . carbs and sauce, after all."

Their waiter arrived to greet them a moment later, smiling while taking drink orders, and Isa ordered a black coffee. He'd been debating something stronger, and had formerly had quite a refined palette. Since his recompletion, however, something about being in any sort of altered state of mind reminded him of that ever too familiar feeling of losing control. He wasn't going to do that -- never again.

Terra's brain was oddly all over the place. He was usually focused, especially when it came to food, so why was it so easy to get distracted by a certain person sitting across the table? He hadn't even been able to respond to what Isa had said. The only thing that snapped him out of it this time was the waitress. Right. Drinks. Ordering. Stuff.

He had no answer at first so the waitress started rattling off options ranging from water to fancy wines Terra had never even heard of. The idea of drinking alcohol had never even occurred to him. Eraqus had been a bit straight laced when it came to it and had never let any of his apprentices drink it under any circumstance. He claimed that a Keybalde Master had to be in control of themself at all times. Losing control of the mind was quickly followed by losing control of the body.

He just went with water. No need to have anything fancy or unfamiliar.

"So, now that we have a bit more free time to talk. Tell me more about how work has been. I have no idea what working at a restaurant is like. Are the customers annoying?" he asked, trying to get onto an easy to talk about subject that would hopefully take his mind off....other things.

The change in subject was much appreciated, pulling Isa from his own intrusive thoughts. He laid his menu down, glancing over it a great deal more casually. "Well. . . if I'm answering politely, then no. It's my honor to serve all manner of guests that frequent and support my establishment."

His lips twitched. ". . . If I'm answering honestly, then yes. There are certainly some. . . interesting requests. Fortunately, I've dealt with far worse. And typically they feel the need to behave appropriately -- they're in a higher class area, after all. And want to show off for one another. It's also a relatively calm town, which makes people more cheerful . . . so, all in all, not too bad. It's a bit interesting, however, when someone comes inside and then asks me what the weather is like for outdoor seating."

Terra followed suit. Somehow it was a little easier to actually focus on the menu without those weird feelings that had started to clear out to make room for actual conversation. And now that he could actually read, he might be able to decide what he wanted from several extremely good sounding choices. He might even be hungry enough for two entrees, but he didn't think that'd be the best idea.

He glanced up as Isa spoke, listening with a small smile. He couldn't stop a laugh at the end. "What? But those people just came from the outside," he laughed before shaking his head, "makes sense that mostly dignified people would go to a fancy place like that. I'd be worried about people that think they're important, though. They seem like they'd be the more annoying. Though, I know that Scrooge would throw someone out in a heartbeat if they started causing problems."

"Quite true," Isa answered with a nod. "To both. There are a great deal of people who think they're . . . I don't know, royalty of some sort. It can become rather. . . tiresome. Still, you're also correct in saying that if anyone presents too much of a problem, Mr. McDuck wouldn't tolerate them for a moment. He doesn't exactly need their money, after all . . . he and the erhm, little chef run the place simply for enjoyment after all. "

The waitress then arrived back with their drinks, and after glancing to Terra to see if it was alright, placed an order for a caprese appetizer. He then took a sip of his coffee, letting out a pleased hum and eyes fluttering shut in pleasure.

Terra had no idea what a caprese was, but if Isa thought it was good then he'd at least try it. Plus, a quick glance at the menu showed that it had cheese. And, really, where could you go wrong with cheese?

He kept his eyes on the menu, finally narrowing down what he wanted to one of two things. There were just too many good options, and he was a hungry man. What did you expect?

"Yeah, Scrooge has his hands in a lot of places. It's not surprising that he's not hurting for money," he said with a small chuckle, "I hope that means you'd be paid well. That way you get buy the groceries since you know what to do with them." It was clearly just teasing, signed with a playful nudge of Terra's foot against Isa's leg.

"It does, actually," Isa answered, visibly perking up. Though he'd caught the humor and responded with a smile, he meant it. "My wages are certainly nothing to sneeze at -- I'm very much looking forward to my first paycheck. I don't need a lot of money, but I do find the thought of my livelihood finally being in my own hands again very freeing."

The touch to his leg, however, had Isa startling a bit internally. Was Terra --? No. There wasn't any way. He was simply joking, and ignorant of what such a thing could mean in different circumstances. Caught for a moment frozen and unsure how to respond, Isa deliberated and then kicked back. Just a little.

Why did he really like seeing that smile? Terra smiled back before jumping slightly at Isa kicking him. That had been a bit more force than he had used and a bit less graceful. It hurt a bit, but he assumed Isa hadn't meant to hurt him. So he laughed it off.

"That's a good way to look at it. I never thought about it much. Suppose that's just from living in a castle with everything provided for me," he said with a sheepish smile, "it's good to be doing something. Even though I've never really worked a job, I can't stand doing absolutely nothing."

"I'm very much the same," Isa agreed with a nod. He winced a bit, internally, at whatever the hell it was he'd just done -- hearts, he'd been on the edge of breaking the other's shin, hadn't he?

"It's very fulfilling just to have a purpose . . . however small it is.It's honest, and mundane and. . . " Another small flicker of a smile, and he glanced down at the tablecloth. "I . . . quite like it. I feel better at this moment than. . . I have for a long time."

Terra quickly forgot about any ounce of pain in his leg. That smile, that genuine statement, the sheer openness of it all. He found himself wanting to cross to the other side of the table and hug Isa. But, that'd be strange to do in this setting, plus he didn't want to make Isa uncomfortable.

He found himself matching Isa's smile. That was really such a good thing to hear. Isa was finding purpose here...with Terra. Yes, Isa didn't say that, but Terra's mind had seemingly filled it in. Was that wrong of him to do? It just happened naturally.

"I'm glad," he said softly, "I quite like it too. It's nice to just have something calm and slow, especially with pleasant company." He looked at Isa with a soft, almost fond expression. He'd think he'd be ok just staying out with Isa all night. Which, in a way, he supposed they could, since they lived together and all.

Terra was going to kill him. Whether he was actually trying to was up to debate but, regardless, it was going to happen.

The expression on Terra's face melted his heart near completely, and he found his own softening to meet it against his consent. "Yes. . . pleasant company," he murmured, almost to himself. "Very pleasant company, indeed."

At that moment, the waitress arrived with their appetizer and gave them an odd look before disappearing again. Shaking himself out of his own stupor, Isa pretended to be suddenly very interested in the food and made a point of dishing out little sections onto plates for both Terra and himself.

Terra was about to just grab some of the appetizer and stuff it into a mouth like a heathen when he noticed Isa carefully serving it and stopped. Right. Fancy place. Manners. He obtained his tiny plate from Isa and used a fork. He knew etiquette just… he didn't use it often.

Hearts, he really wanted to talk to Isa, but he had no idea what to say. Something about Isa… just made it harder to form sentences, and he had no idea why. He quickly ate a small bite to help focus his nerves.

"You remember that little question game we played the other day? We should..do that again. It was a good way to learn more about each other, don't you think?" he said, glancing over the menu one last time so he could order properly and not trip over his words.

Isa let out an acknowledging hum and took a careful, delicate bite of tomato. Part of him was afraid something awful would come up if they attempted to do the question game again. . . but surely Terra wouldn't ask anything too personal while they were in public like this?

"Very well," he replied simply, then dabbed at his mouth with a napkin. "I agree -- and suppose I can go first. What's . . . your favorite thing about your new job?" A simple question, but it was safe -- and Isa was genuinely curious.

Terra hoped this hadn't been a mistake, and they ended up embarrassing each other in public somehow. They both knew better than to ask anything too upsetting or weird in public. They were adults after all. Discretion was a skill they both had by now. ...Hopefully. He, himself, might not have fully.

"Favorite thing?" he repeated while tilting his head to think, "well, it was just a one time sort of job, but I enjoy helping people. And heavy lifting is something I'm used to. So, I really liked using that strength to help someone else. It was really just a bonus that I was getting paid." He looked a little shy at admitting that.

"Um… what's your most embarrassing memory? Like the most ridiculous thing you did personally," he asked, hoping for a funny story.

Oh hearts.

If Terra's expressions didn't kill him by the end of the night, that question was surely going to. And Isa had been busy feeling oddly warm about the answer Terra had given. . . not that he should have been surprised.

But -- well, he had to answer. If he skipped this question, he'd only feel obligated to answer a worse question later on. And he couldn't skip the first one. . .

So, he held his breath for a moment and braced himself, then started speaking. " . . . Once, when we were teenagers --" Oh dear god. ". . . I had. . . gotten angry at Lea, and scolded him. I don't even remember the cause of our fight, now -- we used to bicker over so much. But I do remember what happened after.

"I felt guilty. He looked like a kicked dog. I now see he was . . . entirely intentional about that. The pouting, the puppy eyes. . . I'd do anything to make them stop," He sighed, then closed his eyes. ". . .And I did. Anything. I . . . wrote and performed an apology song for him, all about what an idiot I was. And I'm not exactly the best singer to begin with."

His teeth were grinding together quite harshly by this point. " . . . What I didn't know is that he'd invited half the town to watch. For revenge purposes, and all of that -- they were hiding in the shadows and bushes. I didn't speak to him for weeks."

Hearts, the melody still echoed in his head -- Isa shuddered, then opened his eyes into a slight glare. "Now I think I'll ask you the same question."

It was rude, but Terra couldn't help it. He started laughing loudly, quickly trying to stifle it but only succeeding in quieting it a little. He hugged his gut slightly to hopefully prevent any pain from laughing too hard.

"Oh my goodness, are you serious? What do I have to do to hear that?" he said while trying to gain some semblance of composure. They were in public after all.

Oh no, now the question was back on him. And he immediately knew exactly which story to tell. His face was already hot. Great.

"Ah- I suppose it's only fair," he said as his laughter shifted to an embarrassed chuckle, "well, I'm going to start by emphasizing that I was thirteen and desperate to seem like I was 'cool' in front of the other apprentices."

"It was... Hearts... At this really big important party, hosted at the Land of Departure. Every Master and a hoard of apprentices were there. The group of apprentices that I was trying to be friends with decided to play a prank on me, and I fell for it. Badly," he shut his eyes for a moment, remembering.

"They, Hearts, they told me to skinnydip in this pond that was right outside the Grand Hall. And I… I did it. It was really stupid, but then they stole my clothes. So I was now stuck there. I'm pretty sure every apprentice booked it outside the moment they knew I was out there," Dammit, his face felt bright red, "I ended up just kinda having to hide until Eraqus finally noticed what was going on and, uh, well, obviously I got my clothes back along with a scolding."

Right as Isa had been biting back a retort that he'd sooner die than perform that idiotic song again, Terra had started speaking, and Isa was stunned into silence.

He remained stoic for a moment, nodding sagely while taking a sip of coffee. He tried very hard -- really, he did. And he managed, for a little while . . . then, he was making an odd choking noise, which dissolved into a quiet snort, and eventually into laughter, which Isa quickly muffled behind his knuckles. While it was ultimately a subdued form of laughter, for Isa it was a lot.

"I'm sorry -- I'm sorry," he breathed, forcing himself back to a neutral state. "That's . . . oh, you poor thing. Children can be so cruel -- I shouldn't laugh. But hearts if that isn't clever."

"It's fine, it was pretty stupid of me to fall for that," Terra said with an embarrassed sigh, "I'm just glad no one had a gummiphone then. At least my shame isn't immortalized. Though, I do want to hear that song."

He shook his head and took a deep breath. Hearts, that hurt to recount aloud. Ok, now a question for them to collectively forget their embarrassment. Though, he had to admit, Isa's laugh was....adorable. It was just so small yet so obviously happy. It was precious.

"Alright, uh, what was your, like, over ambitious childhood dream? Like being a king or something," he asked while pushing a hair out of his face.

"Provided you're with me while I'm on my deathbed, then you can hear the song," Isa answered sternly, but with a lilting edge of playful.

He then hesitated. Childhood dream. . . well. He couldn't say it out loud, could he . . . ? Well . . . maybe he could be vague. Terra didn't need to know the whole story.

"I suppose. . . I wanted to be a hero," he answered quietly. "In my own right, at least. The opposite of the sort of person my parents were. . . the sort of person I think Lea always thought i was. There was. . . a girl, once. In our town. She was. . . in trouble. I thought of all of these complicated plans to save her. . . and drug Lea along with me. I thought very highly of myself. . . I was overconfident. I thought for sure one of my plans would work, eventually -- that there was no way I'd be overcome. It never really occurred to me that we would fail as badly as we did. I very much became the opposite of what my dream had been."

That was all he said, idly stirring his spoon in his coffee for a moment. Deciding to change to what he hoped was a lighter note, he asked "What's the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?"

Terra's thought processes had continued to surprise him -- he wanted to know more about what made him tick.

It was extremely obvious that the topic held more weight than Isa wanted to say. Man...how was he supposed to know what question would dig too deeply into painful memories? Now he felt like he'd said the wrong thing...

Especially with what Terra did know. Isa had, for many years, been the literal opposite of a hero. Destroying instead of saving. Dreaming to become a hero, to save someone, only to become a villain and drag someone down with you... It couldn't be a pleasant feeling. Or to even think about.

"That's a noble dream," he said, hoping his words would comfort Isa, if only a little, "though, a hero isn't measured in mighty deeds or accomplishments, but through the strength of their heart. And it's not too late to try for it either."

He paused before answering his question. It was hard to really label one thing he immediately thought of each morning. Especially since recently… he'd started thinking about a certain cool and cuddleable person first thing in the morning, since he normally woke up with a face full of blue hair and liking it.

But he couldn't say that aloud.

"Well, it kinda depends," he said with a small chuckle, "this might be hard to believe, but I normally notice that I'm hungry. If I have a...less pleasant night, it's usually more...checking to see in all my furniture was intact."

"What's your...favorite time of day?" he asked, hoping to stay on a lighter line of discussion.

Isa nodded at the sentiment Terra left him with, finding a bit of comfort in the encouraging words. Still, Isa knew now it wasn't particularly likely he would achieve such a dream. Besides, he had new dreams, now -- dreams that consisted of, not being a hero, but simply finding the time and strength not to be a villain. That, and. . . the more personal dream. To build a home for himself and. . .to become someone worthy of being Terra's friend. He wouldn't allow himself to dream anything else.

That Terra woke up hungry didn't surprise him, and helped him return to a lighter state of mind despite the following statement. "That's understandable. . ." he murmured. "I'll simply have to feed you well. . . and keep sturdy furniture.

"As for my favorite time of day, well, I must confess I'm a fan of nighttime." He shrugged. "I'm a fan of the serenity it brings. . . as well as the moon and stars. Though I can also see the merits of twilight. . ."

Deciding to continue with the lighthearted mood, and perhaps feeling a bit more mischievous than normal, a brief flicker of a cunning smirk flickered over Isa's lips before he posed his next question. ". . . Say the first word that comes to your mind, right now. And then reflect on why you thought of it"

"I look forward to your meals," Terra said with a small smile. And it was true. Even having eaten a small amount, he loved Isa's cooking. He could eat only that for the rest of his life.

"I love the night too. It's the best time to see the stars," he muttered in agreement. He'd… really enjoyed looking at the stars with Isa. It had been so relaxing and oddly perfect. He had been able to share a part of himself with Isa, a part of his home. Such a seemingly small thing, but Terra couldn't forget how he'd felt. Especially with how pleasant it had been to fall asleep on Isa's shoulders.

Oh no. Sudden, unplanned speaking always ended badly. Uh. Uhm. Uh. "Fuck," he said maybe a bit loudly.

Right as the waitress had appeared. Kingdom Hearts above, of course. Terra immediately launched into apologies, stuttering over his words in embarrassment. Which, of course, only made it more embarrassing. Could a gravity spell come and fling him into another world now? Please?

After a moment of trying not to die, which wasn't helped by the waitress giggling at him, Terra ordered his actual meal. Dammit. He kept an unnatural smile plastered on his face until the waitress left.

Oh, dear -- Isa wasn't certain what he'd been expecting, but it wasn't that.

He'd bit his tongue hard enough to draw blood the entire time that Terra was talking to the waitress, fighting as hard as he could not to laugh. Besides a twitch of the lips, he managed not to outwardly react -- even as he longed to dissolve into chuckling.

It was just so . . . unexpected, and entirely adorable how flustered Terra had become. Isa suddenly found himself wanting to see a lot more of such reactions.

Perhaps that's why, after ordering his own meal in an unaffected tone and watching the waitress depart, he simply took a sip of his coffee before deciding to say something offhand. "Well. . . I can honestly say I didn't expect that to be on your mind. Are you in need of action, my friend? Perhaps it's worth asking the waitress more nicely, next time."

Terra had immediately covered his eyes in embarrassment the moment the waitress had left the table. He was a grown man that couldn't control his mouth when startled, and he'd gone and embarrassed himself in public. At least the waitress hadn't been offended..

But then Isa's question caused him to immediately bolt up straight, hands grabbing onto the table and a bright blush staining his tan cheeks. "N-no! It was just because I was caught off guard! I- Hearts, I wouldn't ask for anything like that," he stuttered, "I-I wasn't even thinking about-!" He groaned and hid his face in his hands again. This just wasn't fair. He never really thought about that stuff! Much less ever done it!

Fucking adorable.

Isa was momentarily caught between sadistic amusement and feeling a bit guilty for embarrassing Terra. Still, that blush . . . hearts, he was going to have to stop before he found himself facing a problem. Or before Terra died of a heart attack, poor thing.

"There, now -- I know, it's alright," He said with a gentle laugh, one hand reaching across the table in Terra's direction, but not making contact. "I'm only teasing. . . I'm sorry. You have my permission to ask me something. . . personal to make up for it."

Terra peaked over his hands with a clear embarrassment but tried to have an angry pout. It wasn't very convincing, and he knew it. This wasn't fair at all. But now he had a chance to maybe fluster Isa to make it even.

He huffed slightly while putting his hands back down onto the table. "Fine. In that case..." he paused to think of the best thing his flustered brain could think of, "if you're going to tease me about that stuff then-- which why do you swing? Like, who are you attracted to?" He clearly meant a vague answer like "men" or "women", but the more embarrassed Isa got from it the better. Because it was the only thing he could think of to ask.

Hearts, now that little pout. Isa wasn't going to survive the evening, and he wasn't convinced he even wanted to. Chuckling a bit more, he moved to place his hand gently over Terra's hand for a moment in an effort to comfort before processing the question he'd been asked.

All things concerned, he could have asked something much worse. Still, Isa had faced more than his share of adversity in regards to his sexuality . . . and that had him a bit on guard. He shared a room -- a bed -- with this man, after all. What if he made Terra . . . uncomfortable? Terra had asked, which meant he hadn't just assumed Isa was straight -- which was itself a good sign, he supposed.

And if Terra had that prejudice, it would only be worse if he lied. Isa ground his teeth for a moment and tried to appear completely unaffected despite the nerves growing in his belly. There was a time when such an admission would have ended with him out on the streets. . .

". . . I'm exclusively attracted to other men," He finally answered, rather simply, then left it at that. Then, some odd and idiotically hopeful part of him couldn't resist asking the same. "Now that we've discovered I'm not straight, I suppose it's only fair I ask if you are. You may skip, of course, if it's too personal a question."

Alright, so the question hadn't embarrassed Isa it seemed. In fact, Isa almost looked anxious about answering. Terra needed to stop asking questions that could lead to nervous answers.

But then it was turned on him. He didn't often think about that sort of stuff, mainly because he'd never really had the opportunity to date anyone period. He had, like all young teenagers, taken a lot of time thinking about himself and trying to figure it out. Luckily, it hadn't been a hard discovery, nor one he particularly feared revealing. Keyblade Masters had no time for prejudices of any kind, after all. Well, except for against Darkness, but Eraqus wasn't perfect.

But then the way Isa had really worded it has settled more in his mind, and he couldn't stop a short guffaw. "Oh, Kingdom Hearts forbid, no," he said, then quickly added for clarity, "I'm not straight. I never learned much terminology, but I could date anyone. Though, I never really got the chance to. Not a lot of people were in the Land of Departure other than my family, and visitors didn't stay long. So it took a while to actually realize that was the case since I didn't have many options."

Any anxiety Isa may have felt at his admission disappeared in the wake of Terra's legitimate guffaw, which was startling to say the least. As was his reaction -- and yet, both spoke to Isa on a deep personal level.

That response also caused something tiny and hopeful to spark in Isa's chest -- something he quickly forced down and snuffed out. Just because Terra wasn't opposed to the idea of dating a man didn't mean he'd ever want to date him -- he was far too good for that. And, honestly, Isa was happy for him.

He actually let out a little chuckle, nodding in understanding at Terra's words. "That's respectable," he said quietly. "Even more so that you've thought about it enough to discover yourself despite having such limited opportunity."

Wait -- Terra had never gotten the chance to date anyone. . .? Oh, that. . . hearts, Isa wasn't going to think about that. Nor was he going to think about the fact that he'd had quite a different experience.

"I mean, I had plenty of crushes. Just small, childish, blushy crushes that lasted like, a month at most," Terra said with a small chuckle, "it also may have helped that at parties, many of the apprentices snuck off to play definitely disapproved of games like Spin the Bottle and 7 Minutes in Heaven. I'd usually sneak off and at least watch the chaos ensue. I knew better than to participate… most of the time."

Maybe that was a bit much to tell unprompted, but he never had had that much of a filter had he? He let out a small laugh while running a hand through his hair.

"Ok, so, what's one of your guilty pleasures? Like a stupid book or food you really shouldn't eat," he asked with a curious smile.

Isa quirked a brow at the words most of the time, and tried to pretend he hadn't been listening with rapt attention. At least the next question was relatively innocent.

"Mmm. . ." he mummed, deep in thought. "Well, I never have been one for such frivolous pleasures. . . " Most of the things Isa had done in his past to relax and feel some sort of pleasure were not things he should mention at such a polite dinner. They were also known to occasionally be considered . . . a bit scary.

"But . . . well, alright. Please refrain from pressing judgment, but. . . despite my refined palette I . . . have an odd love for pizza rolls. I ate them once because I was starving and it was the only thing that was in the freezer -- besides that, I was stealing them from someone who annoyed me -- but I digress. Yes."

He sighed and shook his head, wearily rubbing at his scar for a moment. "What is. . . the scariest thing you've ever done for fun?"

Terra snickered at Isa "confession". That wasn't too bad of a thing, but for someone that was used to fancy, rich food, something like pizza rolls would seem like a guilty pleasure. "What? Do I need to buy you pizza rolls?" he teased with a small shake of his head, "you even stole them from someone. Oh my word, Isa."

The scariest thing he'd done for fun? Well, he'd always been a bit reckless, so it wasn't hard to come up with stories. Though, he hadn't always been self aware to be scared. There was an easily remembered time though.

"I didn't realize how dangerous this was until really after the fact, but… a little while after Aqua had joined us at the castle, me and her wanted to go exploring. Off world. Eraqus had taken us to different worlds before, so we wanted to go to another world again. Eraqus hadn't been able to take us due to work. So the both of us had been pouting. I was ten. Aqua was eight."

"There had also been..." Terra didn't want to say his name, "a visitor at the castle that told us how to switch a Keyblade into a mode of interworld transportation. We'd seen it before, due to another reckless activity, so we figured it out quickly. Er, I did. I had a Keyblade by pure accident that I wasn't allowed to use. Aqua didn't. I made my Keyblade into a glider for both of us, and we… took off without even telling Eraqus."

"We actually managed to land on a nearby world safely and were having a great time playing and exploring. Until… well... Heartless found us. And though I had a Keyblade, I had no idea how to use it. Aqua had ended up getting hurt before Eraqus suddenly showed up out of nowhere."

"It was seconds before the Heartless were gone and then… we learned that Eraqus could be a lot scarier than a few Shadows. We… really go an earful for that. It had truly been good fun until we had wondered too far in the dark," he said before slowly forming a small smile,"Eraqus wasn't really mad at us, though. He had been scared for us. I hadn't even realized how reckless I had been in doing it."

Well, that was certainly scary, and Isa hesitated to think about what could have very easily happened to them in that situation had their master not shown up. Nevertheless, he listened with rapt attention.

"Well, I suppose he was right to be worried," he replied. "It was his job to take care of you, after all -- just as it was likely your job to stress him out in the first place." The last part was said with a wry tone.

"Still . . . incredibly dangerous. I can't say I think highly of your young selves' intelligence -- your bravery, however, is a different story. Despite the danger, it sounds like you had quite an adventure."

"We likely contributed to high blood pressure, yes," Terra sighed with a smile, "we really were stupid reckless kids. It was honestly a miracle that Eraqus didn't just lock us in the castle sometimes with how much trouble we got into."

"It was an adventure. Exploring a new world as a child makes everything exciting. Though, I think Aqua had shoved dirt up my nose," he said with a small chuckle.

"Alright, have you ever considered dying your hair?" he asked, going for a random question. Also he was curious if that was Isa's natural color. Yes, he'd seen natural blue hair before, but it was still a rare thing, right?

It wasn't quite a laugh, more an amused rush of air, but Isa certainly made some sort of noise at the thought of Aqua doing such a thing. Children. . . just being children. . . honestly, was there anything else like that in the world?

"What, does the shade affront you?" He asked with a smirk, tossing his ponytail a bit. "Yes, actually -- but against my will. It's a rather unusual color -- I got it from my mother, though hers is a bit lighter. She always dyed hers. . .platinum blonde. Always hated the way it made her stand out -- and on I, as well. I think . . .hearts, I don't even know how old I was when she first started insisting I dye it. That, and keep it short."

Another toss of his hair, and a wry smile. ". . . It's one of the reasons I now outright refuse. I digress -- tell me. You're a rather . . . fit fellow. Has your build come naturally to you, or have you had to work hard to maintain it?"

An entirely innocent question, of course.

The more Terra learned about Isa's parents, the more he was certain that he wouldn't have ever wanted to meet them. Depending at which point in his life he could have potentially met them, he might have found himself with several assault charges from decking them both in the face. What kind of parent tried to force a kid to change how they looked to match what they wanted? Eraqus had never cared about those sorts of things so long as it was kept clean and neat. Hearts, Terra couldn't even imagine someone being that kind of parent.

"Well, I think your hair suits you. 'Course, it's ultimately for you to decide what you like," he said with a small smile and a shrug. He scratched the back of his head at the question.

"I've always had a high metabolism, which combined with years of training and a loosely kept diet, kinda ended up with me like this? I have to work to maintain any muscle, but I'm pretty sure I'm stuck around this size," he answered.

And then, finally, food. Hearts, Terra was hungry. Manual labor does that usually. He thanked the waitress before digging in for a moment. Ah, wait, it was his turn, and....he was in a nice restaurant. He quickly cleaned his mouth with a napkin. He knew manners, just..sometimes forgot them. "Ever broken a bone or gotten a major injury? If yes, how?" he asked.

Terra's attempts to remain polite despite his obvious desire to inhale the food in front of him were frankly -- and this word was becoming all too familiar to Isa's mental vocabulary -- adorable. Isa wouldn't have honestly minded if he had thrown all sense of etiquette out the window. . . hearts, it might have actually been oddly refreshing.

The question posed a bit of a challenge, and Isa thought for a moment while unfolding his napkin and preparing to tuck into his dinner. He made an executive decision not to include any of the times he'd died.

"Mmmm. . . well, there was. . . a rib," He murmured, squinting in an effort to remember. "I never found out exactly when it broke -- it was either after being shoved into the kitchen counter particularly roughly or falling out of a window during an exploit with Lea. There were also a few deep cuts from when I first started cooking. . . a concussion at one point. . . but nothing particularly awful." He said everything rather-matter-of factly, not sounding particularly impressed or concerned.

"What . . sort of thing do you find the most beautiful?"

While Isa may not have been very concerned about what sounded like an near absurd amount of injuries, Terra was extremely concerned. He especially didn't like that "being shoved into the kitchen counter" bit. There were...only a few scenarios in which that would have taken place. He shouldn't jump to conclusions and make rash judgements on others. But with all the other evidence stacked up against those two people? Yeah, Terra would have to be physically restrained if he ever met them.

Externally, however, he let none of those angry, ugly emotions show. Instead, he gave a more concerned, worried look. "You gotta be more careful. All that sounds really painful," he said, having to briefly stop eating to get his emotions in check.

Use Isa's question as a distraction. To think of something else. Anything else. Which, in this case, was what he found beautiful? That was a question he didn't quite know how to answer. Did Isa mean like...landscaped he liked the best? Or...features in people he liked? Or did he mean more like features of the heart? Maybe he was overthinking this.

"Well… if you mean like.. overall, and this is going to sound really cheesy, I think the most beautiful thing is just the pure innocence of little kids. Just, their Lights are so bright and they see everything as bright and beautiful. It's something really special that you can't just appreciate when you're a kid but you wish you had when you were older," he said with a small chuckle while scratching the back of his head.

"B-but if you meant more in the physical sense, I love looking at mountains, especially at night. And people smiling. Like completely open and excited smiles. They're always so wonderful to see," he said a little more timidly.

Ah, it was very good that Isa hadn't mentioned the injuries he'd sustained that had killed him, then. Terra likely wouldn't have responded very well.

And hearts -- all of Terra's responses were beautiful. So . . . god, sappy and beautiful and almost innocent. Isa didn't expect any other response, if he was honest -- everything he'd said seemed to fit.

How he'd gotten so lucky as to have such a good person as a friend, Isa would never understand. But he was incredibly grateful. "That's. . . all so well-meaning," He replied, smiling despite himself. It was hard not to smile in the presence of such pure, authentic brightness. "I don't think it's cheesy at all. Well, maybe a bit, but not in a bad sort of way. I think . . . sometimes, we could stand to appreciate those sort of things more."

"Yeah, I think so too," Terra said, glancing away with a small blush forming on his cheeks. Hearts, why was Isa's smile so soft? Why did he want to see it more often? Plus, the words that Isa said didn't help the blush.

Ok. Now it was time for him to think of a question. His brain wasn't working well through the sudden shyness. It took a moment of eating to be able to think coherently. And then he remembered something. A question that Isa had avoided the first time... A question that really seemed like a concerning thing to avoid. Even though Isa skipped it the first time, this was technically a new game, or round, so maybe it'd be ok to try again?

"What… what is something you find good about yourself?" he asked carefully, looking at Isa curiously and open.

Hearts, it was ever so hard to resist when Terra looked at him like that. Isa would have given him anything. The world, if he'd asked for it. He hated to deny Terra what he'd asked for. . .

But he'd asked for that. Again. And it wasn't any easier to answer than last time. In addition to finding it difficult to think of anything he particularly liked about himself to begin with, there was also that matter of pride -- Isa wasn't going to tempt it. He wasn't going to become that sort of person.

So he sighed and closed his eyes, unable to bear the disappointment he was sure would cross Terra's face, and murmured "I pass."

Terra was disappointed, but not because Isa didn't answer the question. But because it was obvious that Isa didn't hold any value for himself. Or at least… that's how it seemed when Isa kept avoiding that question..

He didn't let it show, however. He smiled while looking at Isa, it was easy to do that anyways.

"How do you like your food so far? I didn't hear what you ordered honestly, or at least, I don't remember. Is it any good?" he asked as if he hadn't asked anything different in the first place. However, that question was carefully cataloged for later use.

Isa had been braced for Terra to say something else on the subject -- there was no way he'd manage to avoid that question twice with no repercussions. But he had. Terra had politely respected the rules of their game, and somehow that left Isa feeling more guilty than before.

At least he could distract himself by talking about food. "It is, actually -- though it's nothing particularly fancy. It's a sort of seafood paella. . . I don't typically have a taste for paella, considering I don't particularly like chorizo . . . so I thought I'd try the variation. It's quite good. It would pair nicely with a red wine. . . "

He nodded at Terra's own plate, deciding that food talk was safe territory. "How's yours? I suppose I was also a bit . . . distracted when you ordered. Is it sufficiently filled with carbs?" A faint, only slightly forced smile.

Terra had taken maybe a bit too large of a bite while Isa had been talking, and thus, couldn't respond immediately. After a moment, he swallowed and chuckled a bit embarrassed. "Oh, yeah, I really like it. Pasta is always the best. Maybe it's a bit simple, but pasta with just chicken, cheese, and maybe a few vegetables are always the best," he said with a small smile, "yours sounds good too. Maybe I'll try it next time."

He paused for a moment. Why did the thought of coming here again with Isa make his heart do this weird upwards feeling? He didn't think he'd felt quite like this before. Maybe he'd felt similair in the past, but not to this extent. But he had no idea exactly what he was feeling.

"Would you like to walk around town with me after this? Just...see if there's a park or something and walk around? I bet the town looks a lot different when the sun finally sets," he asked. Alright, it seemed like a...kind of odd question compared to the other's they had asked each other. But it was always good to ask for permission instead of assuming Isa wanted to do something.

"Pasta is a staple sort of dish . . . it's impossible to go wrong," Isa agreed. He took a bite of shrimp, momentarily mulling over Terra's last question. It wasn't exactly the type he'd expected, but it was probably the easiest to answer that he'd heard.

It was such an honor that Terra wanted to spend time with him. . . the other man could have invited him to watch paint dry for hours and Isa would have happily agreed. So, he smiled, faint and genuine, before nodding. "In fact, I'd love that," He answered softly. "First . . . what would you say to dessert?"

Perhaps he was appealing to Terra's sweet tooth to see if he could get him excited again. . . who could blame him?

Isa was going to have to stop smiling like that if Terra wanted anything close to a coherent thought to cross his mind. It was just too sweet. The small, slight upward curve of Isa's mouth while his gaze soften. Kingdom Hearts, what was happening to him? Especially when Isa's voice matched the gentleness of the smile. Isa had said yes. Why did that make that weird feeling in his chest get worse? Why...did he like it?

"Dessert sounds amazing," he said with a smile. He was excited, but it wasn't because of the prospect of sweets for once. Well, his desire for sweets did help, but that wasn't the primary reason. He was going to spend more time with Isa and explore the town. "Guess we gotta figure out what to get though," he said, looking around for a waitress to ask for a dessert menu of some kind.

"I'll let you choose," Isa replied almost instantly. He didn't have much of a preference, seeing as his own sweet tooth was woefully underdeveloped. He waved a hand to their waitress as she approached with a plate, only to blink in surprise when she set the plate down at their table.

Speak of the devils food. . . it was a small cake, with two small dessert spoons and a chocolate drizzle.

"Oh, we hadn't . . . " He started to say, but she quickly waved him off, turning the plate slightly to draw attention to a note on the side before departing quickly with their empty dishes. Blinking in surprise, he opened the note -- only to almost choke on air.

Make your move! You two are perfect. Consider this a sign of support.

"It-it's on the house," he stammered out, crushing the note into a little ball. "A sign of -- camaraderie between establishments." Hearts was he that obvious? Face feeling a bit hot, Isa glanced off to the side, only to see several waiters watching them and giving encouraging expressions.

He pointedly ignored them.

Terra was completely oblivious to the note and the small audience due to the most delicious cake he might have ever seen being placed before him. It had chocolate on it, and it was cake. Literally the best combination as far as desserts went. At least, that's how it seemed to him at the moment.

He glanced up when Isa spoke. "Wait, really? That's so nice!" he said, looking surprised before looking extremely happy, "they even gave us these cute little spoons." He picked one up, it was so tiny.

But the cake looked perfect. He was going to have to be careful not to eat it all immediately. He knew Isa wasn't big on sweets, but Terra couldn't hoard it all for himself. It was more for Isa after all, since Isa was the one that worked at the other restaurant. So he'd let Isa take at least the first bite.

Ah, yes -- the expression on Terra's face was well worth Isa's mild frustration. It was clear he wanted nothing more than to dive in and likely inhale the scrumptious looking chocolate delicacy. The restraint he was exhibiting was absolutely adorable. . .delectable. . . and ever so considerate.

Isa had to shake himself out of thinking how to best test that restraint.

"It really is. . . how kind," Isa murmured, picking up his own spoon rather delicately. It wasn't hard to see that Terra wanted him to take the first bite. . . so he did. Onto his spoon, at least.

But instead of raising it to his lips, he held the spoon across the table with a wry smile, almost daring Terra to take the bite off the end. He did not, of course, have any intention of letting go of the spoon. Perhaps it was impolite . . . crude. . . but Isa had reached a point in his emotional roller coaster where he cared very little, and was simply trying to see what he could get away with.

"If you're trying to be polite, don't bother -- take it. Please. I insist."

Terra had almost been grateful when Isa had gotten some first without any prodding. That meant he could dig in next. But then Isa was offering it out to him. Firstly, why did that make his face flush? Secondly, why was Isa even doing it?

"C-come on, Isa. It's meant for you, since you actually work at the other place and this is to show camaraderie," he was rambling and there might have been no stopping him. That was Isa's, and it was likely that Terra was going to eat most of it anyways. Isa should at least have the first bite.

But it was obvious that Isa would continue to insist no matter what excuse Terra threw at him. Plus… he really wanted to eat it. He couldn't deny that. And Isa was quite literally offering it to him on a silver spoon. How could he say no to that?

"F-fine," he muttered, a bit shyly. Maybe he should have thought it through a little more, but he leaned forward, just a bit, and took the small bite into his mouth. Why did he hear distant high-pitched squealing? He'd ignore it for now.

He expected Isa to let go of the spoon and that one be his. But Isa didn't. So he pulled away spoonless but with the absolute best taste in his mouth. It was so chocolatey and rich. He visibly relaxed and smiled contently.

If Isa watched a bit too closely as Terra ate the bite of cake, he wasn't thinking about it. He only smiled, enjoying the satisfied look on the other's face, as he pulled the spoon back.

Now, ordinarily, he might have wiped the utensil off. He should have, in all intelligence. But . . . there was something so very tempting about . . . just. . .

Not bothering to reflect on those urges anymore, but doing nothing to suppress them, Isa took another much smaller section out of the cake onto these same dessert spoon. "I take it you enjoyed it, then?" he asked, before he was taking the little bite into his own mouth.

Slowly, delicately, and allowing his eyes to close so he could properly taste. He sucked the metal in his mouth for a moment, savoring the small bit of sweetness, before pulling the spoon out rather slowly and licking a last bit of chocolate drizzle from the tip.

"Mm. . . I can see why. It's quite high quality."

Terra had snapped out of his sweet induced stupor to see...whatever that was. And.... Oh, Hearts.

There was a very new but equally confusing feeling that suddenly appeared in his gut...and maybe a bit lower. It caused his face to go bright and his eyes to go a bit wide. He near forced himself to look down at the table, at the cake. Just eat more of the cake and don't think about it. Whatever "it" was. Hearts, why did he suddenly want to get chocolate on his hand or something just to see if Isa wou-

Stop, stop, stop. They were in public for Kingdom Hearts' sake!

With the spoon in his own hand, he got another bite of cake and shoved it into his mouth near violently. It was a really good cake. It would be sweeter out of Isa's mo- Where were these thoughts coming from? That one was even mildly disgusting! What was going on with his head?!

"Y-yeah, it's really good. It was so nice for them to give us such a tasty dessert for free," he said, half-stuttering. He was supposed to be able to control his thoughts and emotions! Why was all of that flying out the window now!?

Isa blinked his eyes open, licking briefly over his lips to clear away any lingering crumbs. He wasn't quite sure what exactly was causing the odd stuttering sound in Terra's voice. . . but he did know he liked it. Very much.

He wondered how much it would take to render him entirely speechless. . . but no matter. That was of no consequence, considering it was a pipe dream at best.

He smiled, then took another little bite, just as (perhaps unintentionally) as sensual as the first. "It was nice of them, wasn't it?" He replied, choosing not to think about the note. And how much better the cake would taste if he was able to lick it off -- no matter. "Still. . . it's a bit rich for me. You may have the rest -- I insist."

Terra was about to slam his face into the table. Isa had just done it again. Why was Isa eating making him hot and flustered? It made no sense! At all! He hadn't been like this earlier! He decided to just not look at Isa while he was eating anymore. But he wanted to look at Isa. And -- ugh why was his brain being weird!?

"A-are you sure? It was for you after all. I wouldn't want to take it all," he said, looking a bit shy. It felt selfish even if Isa was offering it to him. He took another bite, though, a bit smaller. Without realizing fully what he was doing, he carefully licked off all the chocolate sauce off the spoon rather slowly.

"I've had plenty . . . and you've been nice enough to treat us. Please, I insist. . . " Isa replied, then he was trailing off as his thoughts suddenly trailed off further down that indecent path that should not have been laid out by something as simple as chocolate cake.

Mmm. . . but Terra's tongue. It was suddenly ever so hard to focus on anything out. Moving slow, but shy . . . a bit clumsy. . . hearts but Isa would love to show him how to properly use it. . .

Fuck -- damn it. No. None of that. It was almost criminal to think such things about his kind friend . . . but Isa could hardly help it. He found himself staring for another moment, eyes narrowed and a bit critical, with an odd heat behind them. . .

At least, until he snapped himself out of it and smiled as he was rather suddenly handed the check. "Oh, um -- thank you," he replied to the oddly red-faced waitress, politely. He wondered briefly why he'd been handed the check with such conviction. It honestly made him feel bad that he didn't yet have the money to pay.

"Alright," Terra said, giving in to Isa's insistence. He still felt a little bad about eating the rest of it himself, but Isa did have a point. He was paying for everything else, even if dessert had been free.

Plus, it was really good cake that he wanted to eat the rest of anyways. So, now that he had the ok, it was very quickly gone. Maybe a bit too quickly, as he found himself wishing that he'd savored it a bit more. Not to mention, a bit had gotten on his upper lip without him noticing.

It made sense that Isa had been given the check, someone here knew he worked at another local expensive restaurant. It was a safe assumption that Isa would have a fair amount of money, when he actually got paid that is. Terra would take it in a moment when he was finished.

He licked the last bits of chocolate off his spoon before putting it onto the empty plate. "That was really good. I'm glad you knew about this place," he said with a small smile, still oblivious to the food on his upper lip, "you ready to go?" He got to his feet and held a hand towards Isa, unclear if it was asking for the check or Isa's hand.

Though it pained him a bit to do it, Isa handed over the check. He wasn't used to being dependent on others, nor treated to such things, and he couldn't say that he cared for it. Still. . . there was something sweet about Terra buying dinner, as well. Something that showed he cared for Isa in a way that no one else really had -- even if it wasn't in the way that Isa wanted.

He let out a hum and rose to his feet, then, after making sure the dishes were neatly stacked and ready to be carried away by the wait staff, napkins folded and replaced on the table. "Yes, I'm glad as well. Thank you, very much. For the idea, and for paying. I'll have to take you out when I get my first paycheck."

It was then that he caught sight of the little bit of chocolate on Terra's upper lip, and had to fight an extremely strong urge to kiss it away. Still. . . " Oh, you've got . . . here." He then stepped closer, leaving no time for protest, and licked his thumb before swiping away the little bit of mess. . .

. . . And subsequently, returning his finger to his own mouth to finish cleaning it away. Then, he smirked, head tilted to the side, and tucked his thumbs into the pockets of his trousers. ". . . Shall we, then?"

"I look forward to tha-" Terra started until Isa's hand was suddenly on his face. Touching his lip. Soft finger touching his lip. He didn't think his face could get much hotter.

Until Isa proceeded to put his finger in his own mouth. Oh Hearts, oh fuck. And he had just managed to suppress some of those weird feelings and thoughts. Now, they were back in full force. One thought wished Isa had used something else (though he didn't know what) to remove the chocolate. Another wished he could have gotten the chocolate off Isa's hand. Anoth-

He fidgeted slightly and put one hand into the pocket of his pants, trying to angle them so his… thoughts… weren't particularly obvious. "Th-thanks," he said while licking his lip in the spot Isa had touched.

Quickly, he got to the front and paid the bill before leaving with Isa. The cooler night air helped clear his head slightly. "Where to first? Any idea where a park might be, or should we just explore?" he asked, trying to keep his head away from any more thoughts.

"Mmm. . . well, the night is young," Isa answered simply, smile softening as they stepped outside and were bathed in moonlight. Enjoying the feeling of the wind on his face, he turned his head towards the sky and looked to the stars. He fortunately didn't notice Terra's predicament.

For once, he found it thrilling that he had nowhere to be. Nothing to do. The feeling was invigorating -- full of possibility and, for once, not scary. Not when Terra was beside him like this. Terra made everything seem so much better . . . safer. . . like home.

". . . Let's just wander a bit, why don't we? It's not as if we've anything to lose. Let's . . . simply explore a little."

He hadn't noticed how much more relaxed than usual his posture had become. For that moment, at least, he'd shed years from his appearance, looking far younger and more carefree than he had as an actual child.

Even if Isa hadn't noticed his change in disposition, Terra certainly had. Isa's shoulders weren't as tense, back not quite as straight, arms loose, small strands of hair falling down around his face and moving in the evening breeze, jaw relaxed, eyes almost soft. Every detail of Isa seemed like he was almost an entirely different person. Someone that hadn't known as much hardship, or, perhaps, someone that had accepted what had happened and moved on.

While Isa was looking at the stars, Terra was staring at Isa.

He shook his head for a moment, snapping out of whatever daze he had been in. "I like that idea," he said with a soft smile. All other thoughts faded as he decided to be here with Isa, not in his head. All of him. Here with Isa.

"Shall we?" he said while moving to hold his arm out to Isa, offering it for him to hold onto. He wasn't sure why he had, or why the action felt so natural, but he didn't retract it. If Isa didn't want to, he didn't have to.

"Hmm? Oh, yes -- sorry," Isa murmured in response, shaking himself out of his thoughts. He didn't take Terra's arm, though he did chuckle a bit at the offer, gently nudging the other man's elbow with his own.

"My ankle's healed . . . you don't have to escort me 'round like a lady at a ball," He said, though his tone was gentle and teasing. Still, Terra craved contact. . . right? Well, it was dark. The streets weren't crowded. . . Isa could give it. At least for a moment -- though he absolutely refused to be carted around like a noblewoman.

Instead, he found Terra's hand, not lacing their fingers as he wanted to but keeping far much more contact than he normally would as he started walking, in the opposite direction of everything that was familiar. Just as he'd found himself doing in life.

He'd started to learn, maybe, that unfamiliar was better. "There, now . . . come on. Let's . . . see what we can find together."

Terra hadn't even thought about Isa's ankle when he had held out his arm. But that made a lot more sense than not having a reason. Maybe his subconscious had remembered and had wanted to help? Yeah, he was going to go with that for the reasoning.

"I just don't want you to fall," he said with a sheepish smile. He suppressed a passing thought about dancing with Isa at a party like the ones he knew from his youth. Holding each other close while spinning to live music. Okay, time to get out of his head. The touch to his hand helped with that.

He took Isa's hand in return, not entwining their fingers but partially wishing he did. He didn't want to make Isa uncomfortable, though. But just touching Isa's hand was making his chest do that weird thing again.

"Yeah, together," he said while letting Isa lead the way.


	24. New Light

The streets were calm. Quiet, and yet filled with an odd and incredible energy that Isa wasn't sure came from the streets or from the man beside of him.

Isa had long ago accepted that he couldn't have his dream, and he was fine with that. He truly was -- as long as Terra didn't hate him, he'd be fine with anything. But maybe. . . in moments like these. . . with hearts and bellies full, walking through the dimly lit streets with the stars above them. . . hands linked, palms close together and warm. . . feeling happy and content for the first time in gods knew how long, a stark rebellion against the suffering they'd both experienced. . . and caused.

In moments like this. . . maybe Isa could let himself pretend. And was that so awful? To pretend, for a moment, they were something more than friends. That Terra could ever love him. It was dangerous, he knew, to pretend. . . and yet it felt so wonderful he couldn't stop. He'd do whatever Terra wanted. . . stay out all night. So long as he was by his side.

"Hearts, it's beautiful around here at night. . . " Isa murmured, trying his hardest to pretend he wasn't far more invested in the man beside him than the scenery. Ultimately, he failed, and threw a smile over his shoulder. The very sight of Terra caused his heart to still. . . and the atmosphere wasn't helping.0

Eventually, they reached a large courtyard, surrounded by several closed-down shops, and with an elegant fountain in the center. Isa slowed for a moment as they moved closer to it, taking in the moonlight reflecting off the water.

It was very likely, almost certain, that Isa was right and the town around them was beautiful and serene at night. Terra, however, wasn't really paying their surroundings much attention. It was by sheer luck and maybe a miracle that he hadn't tripped or run into anything. Because he was barely looking where they were going. His eyes were more focused on Isa. That relaxed expression, the way he glanced around the area with those beautiful teal eyes, the warmth of their hands together.

When Isa actually smiled at him, he blushed and quickly glanced away as if he hadn't just been staring at Isa. "Y-yeah, it really is," he said, actually looking at the area around him. He didn't want to look away from that smile, but, at the same time, it was almost overwhelming to behold.

He was paying attention just at the right moment to see the gorgeous courtyard. This was the sort of place that would be full of people during the day, but, at night when all the shops were closed, it was empty yet still elegant. There were a few benches and various plants on the edges surrounding the fountain. But once they walked closer to the fountain, trees hid the view of many of the nearby shop windows. There were tall, old style lamp posts throughout the area, casting soft light all around. It was beautiful.

Unseen, a nearby shop, that doubled at the owner's home, opened a set of windows on the upper floor. A radio was set in the windowsill, playing a soft but warm melody. It could be heard, but the words being sung were hard to hear. It might have been a slow love song. But one couldn't be sure. Terra could hear it. He couldn't help closing his eyes and listening to the song on the breeze.

It took Isa a bit longer to notice the music, distracted as he was by the scenery and his own personal fantasy. He was living, for a moment, almost as if he was in a dream. Isa had been a monster . . . nowhere near worthy of this sort of perfection. A dream was the only explanation for how wonderful he felt.

And the music. . . when he heard it, it took him back to a different dream.  _ Spinning slowly, Terra in his arms, across a wide and gorgeous array of stained-glass flooring. . . nothing to fear. . . no judgment, or fighting, or anything to harm them. Nothing they could harm. _

Before he knew it, his eyes had drifted shut as well, steps faltering and slowing before almost starting to move to a rhythm. He thought he might have heard this song before. . . long ago. Perhaps in a dream. Perhaps in a forgotten reality. Either way, it only succeeded in helping that fantasy-like feeling completely close over his head. Isa was drowning in that feeling -- and he was happy for it.

He could pretend. He was pretending now, after all. This was his time to dream . . . to fantasize. And if he was going to dream, to take chances, push limits and drop his many reservations. . . . well, now was one of the only times he could actually do so.

Perhaps that's why he turned, still holding tightly to Terra's hand, to face him, and took hold of his other hand. "This night's too lovely to waste," he said softly, simply, before placing the hand he'd grabbed gently onto his own shoulder and transferring his own to Terra's waist in a single, quick motion. "Why don't we have a bit of fun -- alright?"

He then smiled, eyes alight and expression almost devilish, moving forward slowly until their bodies were close together, a hair's breadth from touching. He spoke into Terra's ear, the words breathy and ghosting across the other's skin.

_ "Just follow my lead." _

Terra's eyes had opened when he felt Isa move. Curiously, he allowed his arm to be moved as the slow realization of what Isa was doing set in. He'd danced many times before, that was just a staple for some of the fancier parties of Keyblade Masters and apprentices. All kinds of waltzes and respectable, traditional dances. But he'd never...well...followed someone else's lead before. He was always the one taking the lead, spinning someone around a room as they followed every step.

So when he felt Isa's hand on his waist, all cognitive thought stopped for a solid three seconds. Isa's smile and words really did not help Terra's lagging brain. Yet, when coherent thought returned, he didn't feel as oddly flustered and nervous as he had before. He felt relaxed and oddly warm... He was pretty sure he liked having Isa so close. He wasn't sure why.

"Yeah, you lead," he said softly, face leaning a little closer to Isa's, foreheads almost touching. He shifted the hand that was holding Isa's to intertwine their fingers together.

Had this been a different world, Isa would have turned his head to brush his lips across Terra's temple. He would have been holding him a great deal tighter around the waist, touches sensual and soft, yet somehow heated. Their faces would have been placed much closer together, with the intention of stealing kisses.

That was all a different world -- a deeper dream. But this one was certainly lovely, too, and in a way that Isa had never thought he'd have. Slowly, confidently, he started the steps to a waltz, unable to resist running a thumb over the skin of Terra's hand as he found their fingers twined together. It wasn't exactly proper form, but Isa didn't particularly care.

He got lost in the steps rather quickly, only mildly surprised that Terra was able to keep up with him as well as he was. "You're no stranger to this, are you?" He asked softly, unwilling to break the blessed atmosphere that had settled over them. The steps came easily, growing with speed as they each became more comfortable, and very soon they were turning in small circles. There were cobblestones beneath their feet but, because it was real, it was ever so much better than if they'd been walking on stained glass.

A waltz didn't really fit the music exactly. The cobblestone made the ground uneven. It was hard to spontaneously learn the dance in a new part. So many little imperfections in this moment. And Terra about none of them. All he cared about was the feeling of Isa so close, the gentle touch on his hand, the slow spinning of their waltz, the soft distant music, and Isa's relaxed and seemingly happy expression.

Gently, he closed his eyes and rested his head against Isa's. "I've danced before," he replied softly, "but never with such a fitting partner."

This was all so...perfect somehow. He didn't know how it was making him so happy and so at peace at the same time. But he didn't care. He loved this feeling, whatever it was. Without knowing why, he let out a small, joyous giggle that turned into a content smile and warm humming along with the music.

The sound of Terra's outright giggle had Isa's heart stuttering. Hearts, he was just. . . so entirely precious. Holding him close like this wasn't something that Isa could have in any real measure. . .not the way he wanted to.

But nothing was going to stop him from taking and enjoying whatever he could take in the meantime.

Rather than pulling away from the touch of Terra's head against his own, or stiffening as he once would have, he relaxed further, letting out a soft sigh. Eyes drifting shut, he nuzzled into the movement, inhaling the natural scent of the other man mixed deliciously with that of his own shampoo.

"Nor have I, for what it's worth . . . " he murmured. The moment was all the more beautiful for its perfection -- Isa had had quite enough of chasing perfection. Now, he wanted something  _ real. _

He wanted a perfectly imperfect home.

He wanted this moment -- others like it, and whatever the universe was willing to give him.

Terra had never thought, never once considered, that'd he'd ever feel this content. He'd always been working towards something. Being a Keyblade Master. Fighting his own darkness. Chasing ambition and dream alike. But right now? He was going to stay right here. It didn't feel like there was anything more to try for, because it felt...like he had everything he could ever want in his arms. He didn't know why he felt this way, but he wasn't going to risk losing it now. Nothing was going to take it away from him.

This felt safe. This felt comfortable. This felt  _ right. _ He didn't know why or how, but it was true. He simply wanted to stay here forever. With Isa. He'd think about where these feelings came from later. Right now, he was with Isa, dancing to a distant song and humming along with it.

He couldn't think of anything to say, and he felt like he didn't really need to say anything anyways. So he just hummed with the soft music, staying close to Isa's face. His eyes opened slightly, trying to look at Isa's soft expression. It was too precious not to see.

Isa lost track entirely of the time they spent like this, in their own little bubble, removed completely from time and responsibility. He could have stayed there forever. . . lost in the distant melody and their slightly clumsy movements.

He'd kept his eyes closed for a while and, when he finally opened them again, he found himself looking into Terra's eyes. He knew his own expression was softer than he'd ever been comfortable showing. . . but in that moment, it was alright. He looked back, unashamed, and wished he had the chance to claim those beautiful lips for his own again. He'd never forgotten the feeling. . . but how he longed to do it more gently.

Overcome for a moment with want, he needed a change in position -- if they remained like this any longer, he was going to lose all self control and kiss Terra against both his and his own consent. So, he murmured out a warning, flashing a brief but genuine grin, revealing the faintest hint of sharp teeth, and pulled back while letting go of Terra's waist to send him into a spin.

Did time even exist? It didn't feel like it. It was like the world had hit the pause button so the two of them could stay together like this forever. No fatigue to make them stop. No dawn to wake them from whatever daze they were in. Nothing else other than the two of them dancing around a softly lit fountain. It almost felt like a dream. Maybe it was a dream. If it was...Terra didn't think he wanted to wake up.

He barely heard Isa mutter something, having been too caught up in the faint music and Isa's eyes. Then he saw probably the most beautiful thing there: Isa's smile. Though, seeing sharp teeth briefly added to those...strange thoughts from earlier.

But he wasn't given time to dwell on it as he was suddenly spun. His eyes went wide in surprise and heat rose to his face. That fluttering feeling in his chest intensified in the best way.

However, without knowing what was happening, his feet tripped on themselves, and he fell into the fountain right beside them. Luckily, he had been able to partially catch himself, but he was still sitting in the fountain, one of the streams of water pouring on his head. Unharmed, but thoroughly soaked.

Oh, dear -- that was not what Isa had intended to happen. Nowhere near. Their little bubble was suddenly popped, and Isa panicked for a moment as he made a move to catch Terra and failed.

He'd really thought Terra had heard him -- and could handle a simple spin, hearts, he'd been doing so well at everything else. For a few moments, after moving frantically over to the side of the fountain, he'd worried that Terra had gotten hurt.

"Are you alright?" He asked, concerned, as he glanced the other's body over. It was then that he managed to realize that Terra was unharmed . . . and, unluckily for Isa, in quite the humorous position. Poor thing, his hair was soaking already . . .

Despite himself, Isa was holding back laughter, and ultimately failing. Slowly, the snickers started to escape, until he was forced to cover his mouth to try to contain them. "Hearts, I'm -- oh, I'm sorry -- are you alright? Here, here, I'll help you out," He offered a hand, still laughing between his words.

The cold water had definitely caused him to snap out of his odd daze, but it hadn't decreased his mood. His face still felt warm, and he found himself longing for the proximity they had had. Curse his clumsy feet. Yet, Isa...looked good from this angle.

He looked up at Isa with wide, soft eyes. Isa's laugh was so....sweet and precious somehow. Even with it being at his own expense. "Yeah, I'm ok," he said, still staring at Isa.

Then a small mischievous smile crossed his lips. He took Isa's hand but not with the intention to use it to stand. No. Instead, he pulled Isa towards him. He held out his other arm to catch Isa when he fell so that he wouldn't get hurt. That'd teach him to laugh at him.

That wasn't what Isa expected, either. He was caught so off guard that he never even stood a chance, not having enough time to think to hold his ground.

In fact, he let out a startled yelping noise as he fell without much grace over the edge of the fountain and into the water, face-planting into the water half on and half-off of Terra. One leg still caught on the edge of the basin, the other braced between Terra's legs, and head momentarily underwater. . .

Yes, he was the picture of poise and dignity. Spluttering, wet hair in his face, Isa tried to rise and slipped a bit on the slick tiled bottom of the fountain, only succeeding in falling a bit onto his side. The short part of his hair was now flattened and pushed forward over his forehead and partially in front of his eyes, longer front strands clinging to his neck, and as he tried to move again he accidentally moved himself momentarily into the stream. He was, of course, splashing quite a bit during all of this.

Eventually, he managed to get relatively settled and stared at Terra for a moment, wide-eyed and dumbfounded. No one would have ever dared to do such a thing to him before. . . he would have had their head.

But, now. . . he only stared, for a moment, then let out a choking noise that turned into a little snort. Then a larger snort, followed by a series of quiet chuckles that gradually escaped until he was laughing, unrestrained and completely shaken, every now and then interrupting himself with a snort. His eyes were soon forced closed as he smiled wide enough to make his unpracticed cheeks ache, and for once, Isa didn't particularly care about his dignity.

Terra laughed initially as Isa fell. He was careful to make sure Isa didn't actually get hurt in his playful mischief, but he was not going to restrain his laughter. Isa's momentary floundering only made his laughter worse. Hearts, Isa was so...cute. He continued to chuckle as Isa stared at him so doe-eyed and surprised.

Then Isa started to laugh.

Hearts, the most amazing and bright and wonderful laugh. His own laughter faded into a small continuous chuckle as he watched Isa. Isa...looked so happy and careful. It was so heartwarming. So special. He wanted to do whatever it took to see it again...and again...and again...forever...

In his warm excitement, Terra wrapped his arms around Isa and pulled him close. So many thoughts started rushing through his head. Ideas of what to do, what he wanted to do. But he didn't do any of them. Not yet.

"That's what you get for laughing at me," he teased, still laughing but with a little more restraint.

Another yelp escaped Isa's throat as Terra pullled him close, though it quickly turned into a snort once again. Terra's laughter may have been growing more restrained, but Isa's was doing the exact opposite. It was almost as if all the joy that had been pent up, that he'd been deprived of for years, was coming for him at once.

He pretended to struggle for a moment, sopping wet hair clinging to his face, and tried to catch his breath enough to speak. "It's not -- my fault --" He gasped. "That you're so -- incredibly clumsy and -- adorable."

The word had slipped out unbidden, and Isa momentarily cursed himself. Well -- there was nothing to do but create a distraction.

Hence, why he suddenly gathered up an armful of water to splash his roommate across the face.

Hearts, if either of them were the adorable one here, it was definitely Is-

That thought was quickly shut down by a large amount of cold water going directly into Terra's face. He coughed for a moment before giving Isa a mischievously challenged look. Maybe it was a bit childish, but he couldn't just let Isa get away with that.

"Oh, it's on," he said with a laugh. He quickly recovered and splashed Isa back. It wasn't near as much water as Isa had splashed him with, but it wasn't just a sprinkle.

The backlash of water was certainly expected, as was it deserved. For that matter, Isa couldn't exactly find it within him to complain, aside from another cry that near immediately turned into spluttering and laughter.

"Are you challenging me?" He asked, trying his best to toss wet hair from his face and blinking water from his eyes. "Because I can assure you you'll regret it."

Hearts, what was he doing? So undignified -- a complete mess. They could even be arrested or fined if they were caught. Isa never would have dreamed of doing anything like this, even so much as a week ago.

And yet, now he was planting his hands solidly on Terra's shoulders to push him back into the stream of water he'd initially been doused with, unfortunately falling over a bit with him and catching some of his own medicine.

"You started it!" Terra countered before laughing and coughing in the spray of water. It was hard not to fall into a more childlike joy and playfulness with Isa acting like this. It was so...charming.

He struggled against Isa's hold and managed to get out from under the water with a bit of effort. He coughed for a moment. Then he started laughing upon seeing that Isa had doused himself. It was too cute. Too perfect. Too sweet.

He gradually calmed a little, deciding to be merciful and not completely dunk Isa under the water. Then he started to notice a little more of the situation they were in. Isa's hair was plastered to his face, even falling over his eyes. Terra's hair probably wasn't fairing much better. Isa's white shirt soaked, see-through, and starting to droop from the weight of the water. But despite seeming the type that would act like a wet cat in this situation, Isa was laughing and playing and smiling.

Without thinking, Terra reached to push the wet hair away from Isa's eyes, staring into them intently. He leaned a bit closer. "You know...it's really nice when you smile," he said, the softness of his voice in stark contrast to the boisterous laughter there had been before. He didn't know where it had come from, but he knew he meant every word.

For a moment, just a moment, he moved in closer, acting on pure instinct. An instinct he didn't know he had. Getting close to Isa's face. Perhaps he would have gotten even closer had their noses not bumped against each other and snapped him out of whatever he was doing. He backed away slightly, blushing brightly. What had he been about to do?

"We should start heading back. Don't want to get a cold, after all," he said gently while running his thumb across Isa's cheek. He took Isa's hand and stood.

Terra moving closer was the only thing that finally calmed Isa's laughter. He was so stunned, breath held and eyes suddenly wide. . . was he . . . were they . . . ?

Unconsciously, he moved closer, feeling Terra's breath ghosting across his skin. . . lips parting. . .

Then, their noses were touching and Terra pulled away, and he suddenly found himself snapped out of the happy bubble he'd found himself in and back into harsh reality. What the hell had just happened?

Had he -- tried to -- again? Hearts, please, no -- he couldn't betray Terra in that way. He'd leaned too close, against his will, and the other man had pulled back -- fuck he was never going to trust him again --

Except that Terra was smiling, stroking a finger across his skin, and only making Isa's brain short-circuit more. Whatever that had been. . . it was left in that moment, tucked away and isolated, and they didn't have to think of it again.

Even as Isa's chest ached with a mixture of anguish and near euphoria.

He smiled, a much more reserved smile, and stood along with Terra before helping to haul both of their bodies out of the fountain. "Yes, that's . . . quite enough of that," He said quietly.

Terra kept his hand in Isa's. If fact, he kept very close to Isa, oblivious to Isa's momentary internal conflict. He felt shy for...whatever he had been about to do, but he didn't want it to cause that to drag them apart in any way.

He ran a hand the best he could through his tussled, wet hair, which wasn't very well. It only resulted in making his hair more tangled. I kind of wanted to try to fix Isa's hair too. But they should go to the apartment and dry off first. Maybe then he could brush Isa's soft...lavender smelling...hair....

He shook his head for a moment. "I had a great, no, the best, time with you tonight, Isa," he said with a warm smile, "This is the most fun I've had in a really long time, and I'm glad I got to spend it with you."

Then, without much cognitive thought (which was happening a lot lately), Terra gently pressed his lips into the hair just above Isa's ear. He really wasn't sure why. Was that what he had been trying to do in the fountain? Wasn't that something too forward? Hopefully just this action wouldn't make Isa uncomfortable.

"Now let's get home and dry off. You have work tomorrow, don't you?" he asked softly, looking into Isa's eyes with something almost like fondness.

There was no way Terra wasn't toying with him -- he was either incredibly dense, or incredibly cruel. Based on what he knew about Terra already, he was betting it was the former. He hadn't grown up in a house like Isa had, with physical affection -- hell, all affection -- forbidden and scorned. Terra was affectionate, and cuddly, and . . . certainly just trying to express his friendship.

Hearts, then why was he looking at him like that? Fuck, it wasn't fair. . . Terra simply was the best friend on the planet. It wasn't fair for Isa to be hoping like this. . . resolutely, he forced the feelings down, trying to get his heart to restart at the kiss to his temple.

"Yes, indeed. . . " he murmured quietly, returning the look for a moment with -- for once -- completely unguarded eyes, the depths of his own affection clearly visible before he sealed it off behind a brick wall.

He ran a hand through his sopping hair, then undid the tie and pulled the length to the side, trying to wring out as much liquid as he could onto the ground before tossing it over his shoulder in a sweeping motion, more than a few strands still clinging to his neck. Which was still dripping, of course; crystalized drops running down the pale, muscular line of his neck and towards his chest, which was dripping as well and not particularly modest considering Isa had been wearing a rather thin white button down.

In fact, there were two particular points that were quite visible and starting to chafe. Isa regretted briefly not having worn an undershirt. He glanced around for a moment, assuring himself they were alone. . . well, what the hell. He was already soaking wet and in a shirt that was nearly entirely sheer. . .not hiding much of anything. Besides, Isa was a confident man.

Why not. He proceeded to unbutton his shirt, letting it hang on his form and relieving just a bit of the discomfort of being wet and having the fabric cling like a second skin. He then turned his attention back to his own hair, combing it backwards and not seeming to notice the strands that continued to cling. 

That soft, open look felt like it snapped something in Terra's mind. Suddenly, it was like he was hyper aware of every detail of Isa in front of him. ....And that might physically end him considering....

Even ringing out his hair, Isa looked like the sort of person there would be legends, myths, about. Ivory statues chiseled in his image, capturing each sharp and defined angle. Like a hero (or perhaps some form of deity?) from Olympus. Built strong, hard, but somehow also soft. Or, at least, Terra found himself hoping he was.

A defined jaw...with a small streams of water flowing down it. Flowing down his pale neck to broad shoulders then a firm chest.... Hearts, they really had gotten soaked, hadn't they? Isa's hair and shirt were practically clinging to him, even with his shirt open it was sticking to him. Of course, the shirt being open allowed Terra to see the water complete its journey downwards across solid muscle and-

There were suddenly many, many unfamiliar feelings racing through Terra's head and his gut. The same feelings, and corresponding thoughts, that he had managed to suppress from earlier. When Isa had licked the spoon slowly. Why did his brain think that that could be done elsewhere? Then the memory of Isa's grin flashed in his mind. The grin with...unnaturally sharp teeth. Maybe he should have been more concerned with how Isa even had those, but that wasn't the most pressing thing on his mind.

In fact, that was nowhere near to the most pressing thing about Terra at the moment. Hearts, what was this feeling? It made him hot yet somehow cold at the same time, like he wanted to be pressed against something (someone?) warm. Then there was this weird desperate feeling to be closer to Isa. Somehow. For some reason. What was going on with his head?!

He put his hands in his pockets, shifting his pants slightly to make him more comfortable. His pants had suddenly started feeling more tight. It was probably just because his pants were wet. Also he was....checking that none of his munny had fallen out.

Obviously.

As much as Isa had that sadistic desire to torture and tease Terra until he was a flustered mess (dessert hadn't been entirely unintentional, after all), he was actually completely unaware of the effect his current actions were having.

Everything he'd done so far to get a precious reaction, he was certain it was simply because it was unfamiliar to the other man. Of course, it wasn't anything to do with Isa himself, so why on earth would Isa's suddenly exposed chest elicit any sort of reaction?

And it was -- very exposed. Even the parts that were still covered by his shirt, and that wasn't much. The entire line down his sternum to navel and Adonis line, accompanied by a dusting of wispy blue hair that disappeared into his pants, was visible. Ordinarily, this would have given him pause -- but he was wet, and uncomfortable, and he'd already done things tonight he thought he'd never do that were far worse than showing a bit of skin.

The wet shirt was still clinging rather tightly to the rest of his chest, plastered to the skin and doing nothing to hide the outline of his pecs or nipples beneath it. He was, of course, too preoccupied to care, trying to comb his hair into some semblance of order. Eventually, he resolved himself to the mess and shook it out again, sending water-darkened strands scattering across his shoulders.

It was only then he realized Terra hadn't spoken for a moment, which wasn't particularly usual. Though he wasn't as vulnerable as he'd been moments before, Isa was still extraordinarily relaxed, and hooked a thumb into the belt loop of his pants before turning to look at his friend.

"Not catching cold, are you?" He asked with a flash of an amused smirk. "We'll have to get you home and warm you up."

Oh, Hearts.

Terra was pretty sure he was doomed in some way. He had no idea what or how or why, but, somehow, this was going to kill him. Maybe by the feeling of blood rushing through his body and the sudden hot feeling despite having just been dosed in cold water.

Maybe he was getting sick. He didn't think that was the case though.

Kingdom Hearts. The longer he looked, the worse these weird, unfamiliar feeling got. Hair scattered but stuck along Isa's shoulders and neck. The expanse of exposed torso. He could help but notice that he could have fit his hand between the two unbuttoned halves of the shirt. A happy trail (that's what those were called right?) was, indeed, making some part of him happy in a way he'd never quite felt before.

Fuck, Isa was talking and smirking. Then what Isa had said. He had to resist the urge to ask exactly how Isa was going to do that. But part of him was acting like it knew.

"Huh? Oh, n-no, just thinking that um... I want to take a shower when we get back," he said, glancing away from Isa as if he hadn't been staring and having weird thoughts, "cause, you know, the water in the fountain, uh, may not have been that clean. So I just wanna rinse off."

Terra was behaving quite strangely and, in this case, Isa had no idea as to what could have possibly caused it. In fact, he was growing a bit worried. Had he done something wrong? Surely he hadn't made the poor man uncomfortable. . . Terra had never avoided looking at him quite like that before.

Still, his words had merit. . . Isa was thinking the same thing, himself. Fountain water wasn't exactly clean, after all. This was quite the change in disposition, however. . .

"Yes, certainly . . . you can have the shower first," Isa replied, brow creased in slight concern. He moved closer, noting that Terra hadn't exactly done much to dry himself off.

"Are you certain you're alright? I'd be surprised if you caught cold so quickly, but you look a bit flushed. . . " He stepped closer, movements halting for a moment as he pressed a hand to the side of Terra's face in genuine concern. "Mm. . .and you feel a bit warm. Well, you are soaked. . . " He then raised his hand to ruffle it through Terra's wild hair, trying to shake it out and dry it a bit. Something oddly protective had awakened within him, and he couldn't stand the thought of the other getting sick.

"Come on. . . " he eventually sighed, tucking a few wet strands into place. "Let's get you in that nice, hot shower. . . that sounds rather nice, actually. I very much wish we could do so at the same time."

He meant in separate showers, of course, but this wasn't specified.

"I'm fine, I promise. Just, uh, cold and my body is trying to fix that?" Terra said helplessly. Fuck, Isa being so close and touching his face was only making it worse. Much worse. Isa's hands were so gentle and- stop. He physically had to resist the urge to say that they  _ could _ , in fact, take a shower at the same time. That likely wouldn't have been received well.

He continued walking alongside Isa, trying not to look too closely at that wonderfully on display body. Ugh, what was wrong with him? Isa was just his roommate, his friend. If Isa knew what he was thinking, it'd make Isa uncomfortable and want to leave! Terra didn't even know where these thoughts were coming from!

The thoughts only kept getting worse though. Various different facts and thoughts blurring together in ways that they definitely shouldn't have which only made his pants more uncomfortable and his face more flush. It was even getting hard to really walk comfortably!

Until finally,  _ finally, _ they were back at the apartment. If it weren't for the fact that it'd probably concern Isa, Terra would have booked it to the shower. He desperately needed to cool off somehow.

"Uh, thanks for letting me go first. I'm gonna go ahead so that you don't have to wait too long. I-I had a lot of fun with you tonight, Isa," he said, stuttering slightly. He had to at least tell Isa before he made his way to the bathroom. Once there, he immediately locked the door and leaned back against it. Hearts, what was wrong with him?

Still a bit concerned, but respecting Terra's words, Isa only nodded and remained quiet for the rest of the journey home. It didn't make the most physical sense, but he supposed he had no choice but to trust what Terra was saying.

Still. . . if he wound up sick, after all, he was going to get quite the scolding. Though he supposed it was Isa's fault the poor man had wound up in the fountain in the first place.

He smiled reassuringly as they arrived back at the house, kicking off his soaked shoes. "Yes, I had fun with you as well. Thank you for inviting me out . . . " and, Terra was no longer listening. Odd. . . it hadn't been that cold of a night. Well, Isa could certainly understand the desire to get in the shower as soon as possible. Walking around wet hadn't been exactly pleasant.

It was for that reason that he found a towel and undressed himself in the kitchen, where the tile floor would be more forgiving of his dampness. After drying off his hair, he tied the towel around his waist and proceeded to wring his clothes out in the sink.

After a moment to breath and clear his head slightly, Terra realized something. He had immediately gone to the bathroom and locked the door. Meaning Isa may not have a towel and is dripping wet and cold. Suddenly, he felt kind of selfish. He should have given Isa a towel first. Good thing he hadn't undressed yet.

He grabbed a towel and stepped out to give it to Isa. Until he saw that Isa had seemed to have already found a towel, and, in fact, was only wearing said towel.

Immediately, he went back to the bathroom, any calming he had had was completely gone. Hearts, Terra was glad that he was quiet and hadn't announced his presence yet. That would have embarrassed Isa for sure. But now his problem had only gotten worse. How could Isa be so...sculpted..? He had only seen Isa's bare back! But now thoughts were mixing as he realized he'd almost seen Isa's full bare torso and-

Damn.

That shouldn't affect him! He'd walked around without his shirt on in front of Isa before, and Isa hadn't started acting like this. Hearts, what was going on with his head?!

He need to shower. Do something to get his mind off of whatever this was. So, he turned on music on his phone at maximum volume. He needed to drown out all traces of thought before it killed him. He turned on the water and tried to get these soppy clothes off of himself. It was near impossible to get his underwear off with it both sticking to him and there being more junk to stretch the elastic around than normal.

Hearts, he never got like this. Why were all these thoughts going through his head? He just needed to shower. It would help clear his mind.

Except, the shower wasn't helping clear his mind. Not in the slightest. The more time he spent alone with his thoughts, the worse they got. And it was making a certain part of Terra ache and feel woefully neglected. It didn't seem like he could control his thoughts or emotions enough to just will this away. No, he was going to have to take the more direct route.

This wasn't something he'd ever really done frequently. Even as a hormone filled teenager, he'd often been too tired from a day of training to even have the energy to do anything remotely close to this. Plus, it wasn't like there had been anything around him that would provoke these feelings. But he had done this enough to know how. And now his mind had ample fuel, so to speak.

His face flushed with embarrassment. Was he really about to do this? While thinking about his roommate? His friend? No, it was just...pent up frustration from the actions, not necessarily the person doing them. Right? Yeah, that made sense. At least, that was the logic he was going to use. And ignore the fact that when his eyes closed he saw Isa..

He leaned back against the wall, partially under the spray of the water. Closing his eyes, he timidly took hold of his dick. He tried to hold back a gasp. It'd been a really long time since he'd done this, and every little action reverberated in his head. But his timidness didn't last long. Somehow, he was too pent up for any kind of hesitation.

So, he slowly began to stroke himself, gasping softly as he did. All those thoughts started coming back in full force. Isa's tongue licking the tip of the spoon. Those sharp teeth bared in a grin,  _ hearts the possibilities with those. _ Hair sticking to that pale exposed neck. Water almost like sweat dripping down strong shoulders and a hard torso. Leading down to a  _ barely _ hidden area.

Gasping more sharply, he couldn't help but move his hand faster. Hearts, everything felt so hot. But now the thoughts were really starting to blur together in a way Terra didn't know whether or not he should allow. Unfortunately, he wasn't the one in control of his brain at the moment.

That forceful kiss returned to his mind, but it lasted. And Isa was in a very different state of dress. Isa's hands pressed on his face then shoulders then chest. Then those lips moving to breath against his ear. That tongue flicking out onto his neck, closely followed by the gentle brush of sharp teeth.

Oh,  _ fuck _ , but there was more than that. Now everything was being added to this weird haze Terra found himself in. Isa’s laugh. Isa’s soft gaze. Isa gently fixing his hair. Isa’s breath brushing his lips.

A flash of tenseness then suddenly Terra had the relief he had so desperately sought. With an almost loud groan (good thing he had his music so loud), he didn’t stop moving his hand until he was sure he’d gotten everything out of his system. At least he’d thought to do this in the shower so there was nothing to clean. That would have been embarrassing to explain.

Hearts, what was going on with his head? What had he even just done? Touching himself while thinking about a roommate, a friend. He didn’t even understand why he had been feeling so desperate to do so in the first place. But now it was over, and he could think a great deal more clearly.

He quickly finished his shower and got dressed. “I’m done,” he called out, not wanting to risk seeing Isa in only a towel again and starting his agony anew.

It was a blessed relief when Terra emerged from the shower and Isa was allowed to enter. himself. The fountain water really did not feel good in his hair, and Terra had been in for longer than Isa would have expected.

He let out a pleasant sigh and called out his thanks, heading into the bathroom himself, completely unaware of what Terra had experienced in that very place. Isa himself was far too focused on feeling warm and clean to go through anything of the kind himself for the moment, but nonetheless was feeling extremely pleasant.

It had been a lovely evening, and the most Isa had relaxed in years. The fountain should have been a dull spot, and yet. . . it wasn't. It was entirely wonderful. He found himself actually humming as he washed, then emerged and dressed comfortably in the pajamas he'd been smart enough to gather while Terra was bathing. Eventually, he emerged back into their bedroom, feeling content and calm, ruffling his hair with a towel.

"Mmm. . . " Isa let out a pleasured little hum, focused intently on the task at hand. "That's much better. . . you certainly had the right idea about showering quickly."

Terra was laying on his stomach on the bed, maybe preventatively. Just in case his mind decided to wander again. Luckily, it hadn't gone down the same road as earlier, but it was wandering. Back to the feeling of Isa and him dancing, the laughter they'd shared, the soft look on Isa's face, just the closeness, both physically and emotionally, that they had had all night. It had really been wonderful.

Isa speaking snapped Terra out of his thoughts. He looked up and blushed. Well....there had been an alternate reason for his shower, but he wasn't going to say that. "Yeah, figured it'd be best to be clean before going to bed," he said, forcing down the embarrassment and almost shame at his own actions in the shower. He shook his head. It was over now. Just try to enjoy being with Isa again. Like earlier.

"Quite correct," Isa replied with a nod, finishing with his hair before tossing the towel away and starting to brush it out, moving to sit on the edge of the bed. "This is a far more pleasant sort of wet -- and I'm definitely not convinced that fountain water was at all sanitary."

Though his expression was neutral again, typical of him and without the vulnerability of earlier, tone and demeanor all returned to baseline, there was still something different about Isa's visage. Perhaps it was the way his shoulders fell in a significantly softer line than usual. Perhaps it was the note of happiness that had never really left his voice as he spoke.

Whatever it was, he was now lighter as a result, and felt a sort of hope for the future he hadn't ever really had before. Hope for the future . . . but also satisfaction in his present. Even if he couldn't have his entire dream. . . it was enough just to be here, in their home, with Terra beside him. In whatever fashion he was allowed.

Terra shifted to sit on his knees as Isa sat on the edge of the bed, facing away from him. Isa looked...so relaxed. Why did that make his face a little warm? He scooted a little closer to Isa and caught the hand that was brushing Isa's hair.

"May I?" he asked gently. He wasn't sure why exactly he wanted to, but he knew he wanted to brush Isa's hair. Something to bring back that feeling of closeness? As long as it didn't stir the weird feelings again. Plus, Isa's hair was such a nice color and always smelled so good and felt soft to the touch and- Ok, time to reign in these thoughts before they got out of control.

Isa paused mid-stroke, tensing for half a second before his body managed to process that it was only Terra, who was not something Isa was scared of in the slightest. He blinked, a bit surprised, before shrugging and letting out a little chuckle as he surrendered the hairbrush.

"Yes, alright. . . thank you. There are some areas it's difficult to comb yourself, especially . . . " He paused, debating whether to finish his sentence. But, hell, he'd started it already . . . "When one isn't looking in the mirror. Please, feel free to do as you will."

Terra gently took the hair brush and started running it through Isa's hair. Even wet, Isa's hair was so nice to touch. He kept brushing as Isa spoke, managing not to hesitate at the...somewhat oddly worded statement. That was something he had been curious about. Isa never went into the bathroom to get ready in the mornings. He had never seen Isa even look at a mirror, or any reflective surface really.

"If you don't mind my asking," he started softly, "Why  _ don't _ you look in a mirror while brushing your hair? It seems easier. I can't even get my hair right  _ while _ looking in a mirror, much less without one."

The touches to his hair relaxed him from what would have typically been an incredibly tense conversation, as did his already pleasant mood, so Isa merely snorted a little and closed his eyes, relaxing into the soothing touches to his scalp. He wondered if Terra had brushed long hair before. . . or was simply a natural.

"You've no idea -- you should try it with putting in contacts," he answered wryly. "And it's no matter. Really, it's a bit idiotic . . . I just can't stand to look at my face. My scar. Doing so makes me overthink things. . . it makes me worry, and seethe, and . . . hate myself. Not to mention I'm . . . a bit afraid that I'm going to look in the mirror one day and find the wrong eye color looking back at me."

Terra noticed that the hairbrushing may have been keeping Isa relaxed. This sounded like...an incredibly sensitive topic now. He'd have to tread lightly and be careful. He didn't want to hurt Isa more, certainly not by reminding him of something unpleasant.

However, when Isa finished speaking, he paused his actions and put the brush on the bed. Carefully, he wrapped his arms around Isa's middle to hug him. "I can tell you what color your eyes are, if you need me to," he said gently, "it's not idiotic to not look at something with unpleasant memories."

He'd left home to avoid looking at the courtyard where Eraqus fell. It only made sense that Isa wouldn't look in a mirror since his scar was forced upon him.

The sudden hug around his middle surprised Isa more than the hair brushing had, but only for a moment. He froze, then immediately melted into the embrace and raised a hand to hold onto Terra's arm. It was his way of returning the embrace, given his position.

"It is a bit, though. . . " he murmured. "There's no point running from things in life simply because you're afraid . . . I'm starting to realize that. It's even more foolish to run from yourself . . . it's not as if I'll ever escape. Still, I . . . might very well take you up on that offer. Some nights. . .like . . . you know, that one, I wake up . . . in an unpleasant state. And then I need that reminder, but . . . I can't bear to look."

Terra's hug got a little tighter. Isa was right. He shouldn't be running from things just because he was afraid. Aqua and Ventus hadn't wanted him to leave, but he hadn't been able to face the consequences of his own actions and fled. It was cowardly...

"Then I will," he said quietly, resting his forehead on Isa's shoulder, "You're a lot stronger than I am. You carry this weight every day, yet you can still smile. A soft, relaxed, happy smile. You're brave enough to face it all and smile anyways. It's...really admirable."

Of all the things that people had said about him, even those that were good, Isa had never had someone praise his smile. Perhaps it was because he didn't really have one and, on the occasions he did, it was sadistic and cruel in nature.

So to hear Terra calling him relaxed. . . happy . . . admirable . . .

He flushed, hand tightening on Terra's arm as the other rose to his shoulder tocard gently through his roommate's still damp hair. ". . . I assure you I'm no stronger than you," he answered quietly. "I know very well you have weights of your own. . . though I do not claim to know their depths. And your smile is enough to light up a room. . . a world. . . "

_ My entire life. _

Terra nuzzled his head closer, enjoying the gentle fingers in his hair. He held a little tighter but not enough to hurt by any means. Isa didn't know the depths of Terra's problems, and he supposed he didn't know all of Isa's either. But he wanted to learn. He wanted to know all he could and help, if there was a way he could.

"Shh, let me just say something nice without you countering it," he said with a small chuckle. It had been a joke, but he did kind of wish Isa could just accept the statement. Maybe he could help in that too. Make it so Isa would one day stop passing that question of what he saw in himself that was good.

Isa actually _ did _ laugh, though it was actually somewhere between a huff and a snort. He didn't mind being held close like this at all . . . but god, Terra had no idea what he was doing to him. It wasn't fair, the way he made him feel so soft.

"Very well," he said before he could stop himself, and tilted his head a bit to the side to gently bonk Terra's. "Consider this a rare opportunity -- you may give me one compliment, and I will make no rebuttal."

One. Just one. One chance to actually say something on his mind and have Isa hopefully accept it. But what? So many ideas flashed through his head all at once. He had to find the right, the perfect, one. One that would open the door to more later. Ugh, it was hard to choose!

"Alright, just one," Terra said softly while shifting so he could partially see Isa's face, "you have such incredible eyes. Strong eyes that have seen hardship, yet can still be soft and gentle. Eyes that are bright and calculating. Plus...they are a really nice color." He, of course, locked eyes as he said these things.

Whether Terra knew it or not, he'd chosen one of the most mind-halting compliments he could have possibly given. The very eyes he'd been praising immediately widened a fraction and, while he didn't go slack-jawed as another person might have, Isa's lips did part a bit in shock.

He'd hated his eyes. Always -- golden and cruel. Even now, he couldn't bear to look at them, afraid that at any minute the color would warp as it did in his nightmares. His cruel eyes. . . that had looked at everything with hatred, Terra was calling  _ gentle. _

Hearts, he'd promised he wouldn't argue -- so he only bit his lip with a pointed incisor and flushed, the faintest dusting of red appearing on his cheeks and underneath that horrid scar.

"Well . . . " he breathed out, unable to think of anything else that wouldn't break his promise. " . . . Thank you. . . "

Terra hugged a bit tighter for a moment before finally releasing Isa. He couldn't help but notice the faint blush and found himself blushing a bit as well. Hearts, why was he acting like this?

"It's true, even if you think for a second that it isn't," he said while returning to brush Isa's hair a bit more, "I know I said it already, but I really enjoyed myself tonight. You're really good company. I'm glad to have your for a friend."

There it was, again -- that word.  _ Friend. _ Bringing with it both euphoria and pain. A brief smile flickered over his lips, half-sad, before Isa allowed his eyes to close again and tried to relax again into the hair brushing.

"You're not half bad company, yourself. . . " he replied. "I had more fun tonight than. . . than I have in ages. I'm not even certain when was the last time I'd actually laughed like that. . . "

Isa was more known for sinister chuckles than outright laughter, after all.

"That makes it even better ," Terra said with a bright smile, "We should have some more restrained fun again soon, then. What do you think?"

He kept back the odd flattered feeling at Isa's statement. Had he really been able to bring out a rare laugh from Isa? Sure, he hadn't heard Isa laugh the way he had tonight either, but he'd only known Isa for a short amount of time. It felt like an honor to have made Isa relax and laugh so openly. He wondered if...he'd get that honor again.

"I think . . . that sounds wonderful," Isa answered with a much more reserved smile, trying to ignore the way Terra's had his heart fluttering in his chest. "As I said, I get paid at the end of the week. I'll have to take you out then."

Oh, and he already knew  _ just _ the place.

It was important to note that Isa had never exactly gone on an actual date, despite his prior experiences. He didn't realize that the intensity which he was planning this was akin to someone planning an incredible one.

"Perfect," Terra said, smiling at Isa, even if he wasn't looking.

With that, he put the hair brush on the bedside table and scooted back a bit towards his side of the bed. Then he wrapped his arms around Isa again, pulling him quickly closel, before prompting flopping onto his side, taking Isa with him. "But now, it's time for bed. You have work tomorrow after all," he hummed. They weren't at all in good positions to sleep, and Terra knew it. But, somehow, it was oddly comfortable like this. He especially didn't want to let go.

Isa hadn't expected to be manhandled, and let out an undignified noise that was definitely not a squawk of any sort. He struggled for a moment, not in earnest, and pulled back enough to look at Terra with a huff and mock glare.

"I do -- though with the way you're clinging to me it seems I'll have to work with a bit of extra weight." He shifted a bit, not actually minding their position, and managed to at least get a blanket over their bodies.

Then -- incredibly, oddly, wonderfully playful -- he raised a hand to flick Terra on the nose. "At least let me take my glasses off, you barnacle."

Terra giggled at Isa's totally serious glare that definitely didn't look like a pout. "Hey, if you're strong enough to carry me, then I'll just be like some extra training weights. It'll be good exercise," he joked.

The flick only earned more giggling. He put his forehead against Isa's before using one hand to carefully take Isa's glasses off his face. "I'm not a barnacle, you meanie," he said before sticking his tongue out childishly. He barely managed to reach the bedside table to put Isa's glasses on it. He had to stretch a bit over Isa, but he had been as careful as possible.

"I could lift you," Isa almost sounded affronted. "I've done so before, if you recall -- and I'd appreciate the workout. I've got to build back the muscle I lost after recompletion sometime, after all."

Hearts, he could stay like this forever. . . though he did find himself squinting as he was suddenly blinded. "Alright, fine -- you're not a barnacle. You're. . . a rather friendly monkey. Or perhaps a sloth. Something cuddly."

"What? Gonna lift me like a set of weights or something?" Terra laughed, "you keep making sound like you had more muscle than I do back then. Are we gonna have to start arm wrestling or something?"

Maybe out of spite, he cuddled further. "Oh, is that so, well, you're kind of like a rabbit. Just as fluffy but a little timid too," he countered.

"Mmm. . . you're always a little bit bigger. . . but I'm stronger," Isa stated simply, as if it was a scientifically accepted fact. "And I will lift you as many times as needed. . . "

He then managed to process exactly what Terra had said at the end and visibly bristled. "What -- did you just call me a timid rabbit? And fluffy? I'll show you who's timid -- how on earth am I --"

He then went on an affronted, thirty second rant, genuinely surprised at being called such things. There was a time he would have sent someone through a window.

Terra laughed along as Isa went off at his statement. "I was just teasing, Isa. Come on," he said while laughter shifted to just chuckling, "but you are cute like a rabbit. You can't blame me for noticing the comparison."

Then he went flush upon realizing what he'd just said. He looked down slightly, just to suppress the feeling.

Isa was still too busy bristling about being called a rodent to notice much of Terra's reactions. Protesting his cuteness to no end, he continued grumbling, an expression on his face that was very nearly a pout and, honestly, rather adorable.

Eventually, however, he managed to process exactly what Terra had said. It was mildly insulting to be called cute, but to be called cute by  _ Terra . . . _

". . . Don't call me that," he grumbled, frowning and choosing to force those feelings to the side.

The definite pout only made Isa cuter. However, it seemed Isa didn't quite like that..

"Sorry," he said, still smiling, though more relaxed now, "it's just the first thing that came to mind. With your little pout and all." He was just joking obviously. But he couldn't help it. It really was  _ cute. _

"I won't say it again," he said gently, "we need to go to bed."

The smallest of growls escaped Isa's throat, even as he nuzzled closer. "I don't  _ pout, _ " he muttered with a pout, eyes fluttering closed.

He didn't have much more energy to complain, feeling far too relaxed and comfortable. He was drifting into darkness far quicker than he thought he would, and let out a yawn before shifting in Terra's grip and contentedly nuzzling closer.

It was almost obnoxious, and incredibly out of character how cuddly he was at the moment, but it was as if a wall had broken on something he'd held back his entire life. He hadn't had enough affection, or cuddles, ever in his life -- and was apparently determined to make up for it in these quiet nights.

"Uh huh, of course not," Terra said with a small chuckle. He welcomed the small bit of nuzzling from Isa. This was...oddly comfortable. And it seemed like a perfect ending to the night. Sure, there had been those weird feelings in the middle, but they had been quickly taken care of, then they were gone.

He quickly started to doze. For once, the silence didn't really bother him. It was content, soft, pleasant. He could be ok with this kind of quiet. Where he could hear Isa breathing and feel Isa in his arms. It didn't take long for him to actually sleep.

It was funny, really. Sleep had always come difficult for Isa. He'd lost track of nights he'd spent outside, on the roof of his house or meandering through the streets of town. Then, during his organization days, he'd existed almost entirely off of coffee. Sleep had been a rare, if ever, occasion and had occurred nearly entirely on his desk.

Sleep didn't come difficult anymore. For the past . . .what, week? Weeks? That he'd been here, with Terra, in their at first unfortunately shared bed, he'd found it coming easier and easier. The nightmares kept at bay, it seemed, by the warmth the other man provided, and Isa no longer feared falling asleep in the first place.

He wasn't even afraid that Terra would accidentally hurt him again. He wasn't sure why -- logically it made no sense. At any moment, Terra could have a nightmare and accidentally impale him. But something just had Isa convinced that would never happen.

So his sleep came easily. Soft, creeping, like the oncoming tide, and he was drug under before he had a chance to protest.

He dreamt of stained class, fountains and waltzes.


End file.
